Prepare to die right through life.

She wants to talk with you.
Yesterday morning we had a phone call from the sister of a woman who was in our old Church many years ago. She was a regular attender, then she moved out to a township on the edge of our city. She informed me that she would not be coming into our services and began attending another church nearer her home. Once when she visited my office she told me that this new Church was "more spiritual" than our Church, whatever that meant. That was thirty years ago.  Now the sister who was talking to me on the phone told me that she had terminal cancer and her time was getting close. She had asked to see me. She had attended other Churches, but she wanted someone she could talk freely to, and so she chose me. "Do you make pastoral calls out here?" she asked. "I'm retired" I said, with the unspoken implication that "these days I am not making pastoral calls". "I know." She responded, "but she is unsettled and you're the one she wants to talk with." I said yes, and made arrangements to visit her today. This sort of call always stresses me out, but more so these days. "Am I up to such a visit? Will I say the right things? Why me?" My wife and I got talking about when, if ever we will be allowed to retire? Will we have to move out of town?
I visited and it went OK
So today I went out to visit her and found her jaundiced, sitting in a chair with a morphine pump keeping her free of pain. She looked very much older than her years, but there was still a warmth, and "pleased to see you" look in her eyes. She smiled and we fell into the warm familiarity we used to have thirty years ago. We talked about life, about death and about the issues she was concerned about. I held her hands and we prayed.  I had been stressed about it, but as I shared with her I felt a relaxed confidence and freedom. Such visits are often a lovely experience. There is no play acting, no BS, just basic honesty. I came away wondering why I got so stressed in the first place.
Prepare to die...
I was working on creating a wheelbarrow out of broken bits yesterday afternoon and stewing on the visit ahead. I wondered about what she could be unsettled about. That got me thinking about death and my experiences in hospital earlier this year when a number of doctors, one after another, warned me of possible terminal outcomes, if they found cancer. I thought about my reaction then. I found I could look back on life with a good deal of gratitude, a sense of fulfilment, and while I would not want to die, I felt I had enjoyed a good life, and could not feel that I had been short changed.  But that feeling of being at ease with my possible demise grew out of purposeful living. I was grateful that I had received great examples of good healthy values and purposes in life. These had led me into constructive living and relationships. I got to thinking that in a sense we cant wait for impending death to prepare for death. We prepare for death by the very quality of our day to day living. When we live well, I suspect it is easier to die well. (I hasten to add that this, for me, has nothing to do with any eternal reward or punishment. - Whatever happens or does not happen, its really about how we feel about our living as we prepare to "let go".)
Steve Covey in his book "The seven habits of successful people." suggested that we can sort out our basic principles by imagining our funeral and thinking about what we would like various people to be able to say about us - our family, our workmates, people in our community and our friends. When we decide that, then we can more clearly see our values. Once they are decided, we be sure to build them into our living. I've never done that exercise, but it does make the point that we prepare for death best, by truly living by the deep values we hold. When death comes, as it inevitably will, we can then look back with few regrets. 

A couple of days ago we drove north for two hours to spend time with my brother and his wife. Throughout the drive I was struck by the impressive scenery - this was one view I often would have missed.

On the way home we stopped on the foreshore to eat fish and chips. I love the light hitting the clouds in the late evening sun. 

We are one with nature.

Genesis has us as a part of the natural world.
In the second creation story in Genesis in the Bible, the myth has God forming "man out of the dust of the ground." In this way the story tells us we are part of the nature we live in, made from the mud!

St Francis of Assisi 
St Francis of Assisi is well known for three things. He took a vow of poverty and cared for the poor and the needy. He had a love of animals. Tradition had it that he talked with the animals. Churches sometimes have a "bring your pet to Church" day when they celebrate St Francis. But thirdly, he identified with the natural world. He wrote as if the natural world was part of his family. One man commenting on the words of the hymn he wrote below said, "For a man who never married, Francis had a big family." - Sister moon - Brothers wind and air - Sister water - etc.

O Most High, all-powerful, good Lord God,
to you belong praise, glory, honour and all blessing.
Be praised, my Lord, for all your creation and especially for our Brother Sun,
who brings us the day and the light; he is strong and shines magnificently.
O Lord, we think of you when we look at him.

Be praised, my Lord, for Sister Moon, and for the stars
which you have set shining and lovely in the heavens.
Be praised, my Lord, for our Brothers Wind and Air
and every kind of weather by which you, Lord, uphold life in all your creatures.
Be praised, my Lord, for Sister Water, who is very useful to us,
and humble and precious and pure.
Be praised, my Lord, for Brother Fire,
through whom you give us light in the darkness:
he is bright and lively and strong.
Be praised, my Lord,
for Sister Earth, our Mother, who nourishes us and sustains us,
bringing forth fruits and vegetables of many kinds and flowers of many colours.
Be praised, my Lord, for those who forgive for love of you; and for those
who bear sickness and weakness in peace and patience
- you will grant them a crown.
Be praised, my Lord, for our Sister Death, whom we must all face.
I praise and bless you, Lord, and I give thanks to you,
and I will serve you in all humility.

-- St. Francis of Assisi

Richard Rohr

I have just finished reading Richard Rohr's book, "The Universal Christ". I find Richard Rohr easier to listen to than to read. His active mind seems to dart from one thing to the other. But Richard Rohr sees creation as the original "incarnation". Creation, a blade of grass even, is an expression of God and a part of God's life. 

Tane Mahuta Guide.

Our passionate Kauri tree guide among her "family" - the NZ bush.

Plum blossom waiting for our return from holiday.

The woman in this photo was an inspiration. We have in Northland of New Zealand many forests with Kauri Trees. We visited recently and discovered a shop selling Kauri wood souvenirs made from Kauri wood that has been buried in swamp land, for 45,000 years and then dug up and used. It is mind boggling to think of. We also visited a famous big Kauri Tree named Tane Mahuta - "lord of the forrest". There has been a disease harming Kauri Trees so we had to wash our boots and stay on the track when we went to visit this mighty tree. There we met a guide who gave a talk about the tree and other trees around it. She was passionate about Tane Mahuta. This big tree was growing in the life time of Jesus. It has a big girth and in its foliage at the top of the tree, there are at least 150 other plants, some of them trees in their own right. She talked as if this mighty tree was her relative. She was delighted to tell us this tree was healthy, and passionate about the Kauri in New Zealand. She pointed out a tree behind her which was a her "baby", only 1500 years old and already taller than Tane Mahuta. (I was trying to photograph this tree when I had her in the picture, still passionately talking about her beloved trees.) They were, for her, part of her family, such was her spiritual connection with nature. 

Spiritual connection with nature.

I have experienced this connection. When tramping feeling at one with the bush, birds and brooks. I sometimes find myself talking to the plants beside the path, or a mountain daisy still blooming in the cold air of a mountain top, or even the hill I'm climbing. I have "my mountain" (Mount Cargill) I love to climb and enjoy its various moods. When I have chopped a tree down, I feel sad for taking its life and apologise. I love it when little fantail birds seem to follow you through the bush and I talk to them. When, in the past, I have killed animals for meat, I have done it with a deep reverence, and thanksgiving for a life given up for me. 

These days when our natural world seems under threat, I have enjoyed lately being reminded of our essential connection. It's a great experience to hold on to, it deepens our experience of life, and is important if we are going to be able to stop the destruction that's happening.  

Appreciation important....

"Please can you...." x 3
We returned home from our holiday on a Saturday evening. We did not go to our local Presbyterian Church that first Sunday. On the Monday we heard that a lady from our old Church had died on the Sunday evening. When I first heard, I thought, "I might be asked to conduct that funeral." It was not that I wanted to do it, but that our old church currently is without a minister, and her husband had expressed a wish that I take his funeral. All day Monday I half expected a call, and by the evening I relaxed, thinking that I had escaped the responsibility. First thing on Tuesday morning the Funeral Director rang, and asked if I could lead the funeral on Friday. I accepted the job and began making preparations. 
On the Wednesday evening I had a call from the Session Clerk of the local Church. There had been mix up in the preaching roster. The minister scheduled to lead the service was expecting her date was the next Sunday, so there was nobody able to lead the coming Sunday's church service. Would I step up to take it please? I thought of all the work involved in the funeral, the short amount of time for preparation and the fact that we were scheduled to pick up our daughter and husband at the airport during Church time and initially said, "No".  I explained why. She graciously said, "Don't give it another thought." but I picked up a hint of desperation in her voice. She was going to try the Interim Moderator, and technically speaking it was his problem. I hung up and then felt guilty. I thought, "No other minister is likely to be willing to lead the service on such short notice." I did not think our Interim Moderator would.  So I rang her back. I was right, he had not agreed to take it, so I agreed to lead it. 
While we were away we had received an email that told us of a congregational meeting that was to be held on the following Monday night, to think about the future of the Church. A representative of the Presbytery was going to facilitate it. Well a few minutes after I had agreed to lead the Sunday service I received a call from the Interim Moderator to say the facilitator had chosen not to do it (for reasons to do with Presbyterian hierarchy that I did not understand) would I please facilitate the night? I know that I am good at facilitating groups, so I agreed. Here I was a retired minister, back from holidays and within a few days I had ended up with responsibility for three substantial events! Also in the midst of all this I had a phone call asking me if I would accept "team leader" responsibilities in the chaplaincy organisation - they said "there was nobody else they thought suitable". 
I do not take leadership of such events lightly. Each funeral I put a lot of preparation into, with at least two sessions with the family involved, extra visitation and careful thought.  Every church service I lead I put a lot of preparation into. I do not use notes on the day, but I have written out and planned the service several times in preparation. I like to use songs, power points, video music and other readings to prompt thought on the topic. I have learned also that facilitation requires careful thought about the process for the session, and how to get everybody talking freely together. So, apart from my normal chaplaincy work, from Wednesday night until Monday night I worked full time, probably doing more hours than most people would do in a week. I was prepared to do that. It was all voluntary work with no payment involved. But I hated having to do stuff on short notice. I hate standing in front of people, with the feeling that you might not have prepared fully.  It was a period of intense stress for me. I did all three well but come the Tuesday morning after the congregational meeting, I was exhausted, and another busy week was starting.
Somehow disappointed...
All three events were not my responsibility, yet I had accepted them to help people out in a desperate situation.  I did all under intense pressure at short notice. The thing that disappointed me was that I received no real thanks for stepping up! It was just assumed that I would! I felt used! We have since been quite busy doing other things for the church, and today included the Annual General meeting for the Church. (e.g. at 9p.m. last night we finished the process of preparing, painting and installing a new door in the church hall.) Tonight it all seemed to catch up on me, and I felt used, taken for granted and depressed. 

I do not do things to receive "thanks".  Till my dying day I will probably still say "yes" to requests for help.  But a bit of gratitude expressed helps you to feel better about the stress involved. When somebody expresses thanks for going the extra mile, it just helps your demeanour. It means that somebody noticed the extra effort involved. When those who knew it was short notice and extra service above and beyond the normal, did not recognise it with appropriate gratitude, I felt just used and abused. You're already tired, so it can easily dishearten you and bring a level of depression. 

I hope I remember to say thanks to those who go the extra mile for me.  A lesson learned.