Dinosaurs, God and peeing.

The mystery in the journey of life.

Growing confidence

For the last four or so years high PSA blood test readings resulted in the medical people taking an inordinate interest in my prostate. I had not really been overly annoyed by peeing problems, but over a time with tests and biopsies, I ended up with issues. I suspect biopsies contributed to the problems I ended up with, but I would still suggest not getting a biopsy could be more devastating than side effects. I ended up wearing a catheter and bag for seven months. Then following an operation last year I had a self-catheterising system for about a year. All that has left me rather cynical about the treatment the medical system offers, and not confident that my second TURP surgery three weeks ago, would help in any way. But I am pleased to report that I am beginning to think that I am wrong. I concocted the following poem for my facebook page;

I just had an enjoyable pee,

That may sound strange or weird to thee,

For two years now there's been complication

So now its a source of great jubilation.

It is almost three weeks after my surgery and I am feeling like I am back to peeing normally, the appropriate parts of my body are functioning as per normal. I cannot tell you how grateful I am about this. I had resigned myself to the reality of having to do "different" things to function for the rest of my life. I can see every day an improvement in function and for this I am very thankful. I can look forward to normality.  I share with you my joy and appreciation.

Dinosaurs

I watched TV tonight and was reminded of the mind boggling history of the world. Dinosaurs emerged - get this - 231.4 Million years ago! They survived for 135 million years! That is mind boggling. Human life emerged just a second ago compared to those sorts of times. Humans it is thought emerged a mere 200,000 years ago. One of the earliest sites is just 160,000 years old. We are a sandfly, just a blip of time in the whole scheme of things. We are so human centric though, and see ourselves as the cause and meaning of the whole of this creation and our religions, myths and outlooks reinforce this perspective. For me it is mind boggling.... there are a whole lot of other spatial, time type statistics that could make the human race seem like an inconsequential spec of dust in the big scheme of things.

"God"

Where does the whole concept of "God" fit in all this? Many discard God and find such realities do not support "his" existence.  I believe that most Christians, particularly conservative Christians discard these realities or ignore them, in order to cling to their understanding of God.... as sort of head in the sand approach. There is a movement now amongst Christians to think again about the traditional pictures of God and re-image "God" or "the sacred". I am grappling with this process in my journey. I have tended to rename God by using terms like "the sacred" or "the eternal". I struggle with pictures of God being the creator, creating this earth just for us.  I recall sitting with ambulance staff watching the TV airing of the memorial service for those killed in the Christchurch quake. It seemed ironic that the song they sang was "How great Thou art" extolling God's work in creation. I had seen the devastation and the search for bodies and people in Christchurch, and wanted to scream - "But it is this creation that killed these people!"  But along side of that I cannot discard the sacred or the experiences of the "beyond in our midst".  If there is no God, who or what pulls at my inner-being calling me to care, to show love or to give? There is a deep sense of justice in the midst of human life - where does it come from? In a book of contributions on the theme of "God at 2000" editor Marcus Borg sums up with three statements-

•               God, or the "sacred" is ineffable, beyond all words and concepts;

•               God is not "a being" but a non-material layer or level or dimension of reality that permeates everything, and at the same time, is more than everything:

•               God can be experienced.

"God" is...

I wonder if it is helpful not to see the word "God" as referring to a "being", but the word by which we name our experiences of the "deep" in life.

•               "God" is...the experience of altruistic love, compassion and creativity that seems to come from outside us and flow through us.

•               "God" is...the experience of solidarity with, appreciation of and joy in the natural order. The friendship of a dog. The joy of birdsong. The intricate beauty and variety of flowers. The exhilaration and buzz of running, or physical exertion. The mysterious joy and intimacy of sex play and making love. The grandure of plains, hills and mountains. The taste of fresh-from-the garden vegetables. That sense of being one with the natural world.

•               "God" is...the sense of solidarity, union and connection with other people in all their variety. We experience the other as somehow "sacred"- "divine". We also celebrate the current of life in the dynamic of friendship, family ties, love and comradeship.

•               "God" is...the "call" on my inner being to be better, to be more noble or to reach for my potential as a person.

•               "God" is...the disturbing feeling I experience when I know of poverty, injustice, abuse and suffering. God is that "fire in the belly" to want to make the world a better place.

•               "God" is...the current or flow and of creativity nudging humanity to be more tolerant, more caring and accepting. When I was brazing metals I used a flux to help the metals join. God is that unifying current that draws and joins people in compassion together. 

•               "God" is... those life principles that recognise the dignity in life, values of ultimate importance, (The Apostle Paul's "whatever is pure and holy") that call me and us on. Those attitudes of altrustic love, that deep down we recognise as the ideal.

•               "God" is...the sense of unity and link with those in the past, and indeed the future who have sought or will seek to give expression to and respond to the "call of the sacred". 

•               "God" is...the experience of companionship in the journey of life I found in the hospital ward. We patients sharing the same journey, encouraging each other. The nurses emptying our urine bags, concerned about our progress, serving us with friendship and professionalism - the sharing, the humour, the compassion - all "God", all sacred.

I sing congregational hymns in Church and find myself rejecting or being repulsed by the songs depicting small minded "big guy in the sky" concepts of God. But I cannot deny these and other very real and life-giving experiences of "the sacred". They are part of my reality. We find ourselves often having to resort to imagery and metaphor to communicate this deep mystery I name "God". Unfortunately "Religion" tends to replace the reality with dogma about the imagery and metaphor.

Starving people...

I am passionate about "God". No not the "big guy in the sky" nor the institutional God of religion who says who is in and who is out, but "the deep in our midst". I deeply suspect that many of the problems we face in our society stem from the fact that we have lost touch with the "deep". Drug addiction, alcohol abuse, the hunger for sensual superficial experiences, the fear of old age and death, relationship problems, greed/poverty - all stem, I believe, from the fact we are not deeply rooted and sustained in our journey through life. We struggle for deep meaning. I see us in western society like starving-emaciated-and malnourished people in this area of life, and it adversely impacts on our whole experience of life.  Still, for me, following Jesus' way (Not just worshipping him - did Jesus want worshipped?) puts me and keeps me in touch with that "deep".  This "God" is a driving, energising and life-enhancing force in who I am. One of the reasons I keep hanging in a Church, even though Church is a struggle, is that it at least points toward the "deep" in some way - and there is no other place.

I sense though that contemporary religion, whether that be traditional, mainstream, fundamentalist, happy clappy or liberal versions of it fail to lead us to link deeply. For us reformation needs to happen and new forms of spirituality need to evolve - the sooner the better.

What a weird blog post. I have gone from gratitude at being able to pee, through to waxing on about the great mystery we call "God".  Though I suspect they are linked.