Home invasions!

"Home Invasion" often refers to the act of breaking into a person's home and causing mayhem. But I want to suggest there are other types of home invasion. 

Unwanted Telephone Calls 

The other day I was just preparing to leave the house to go to my chaplaincies when the phone rang. This friendly mature woman's voice said, "Oh hello, I'm from ..... and I have an offer for you." It was an Electricity company, though she rattled off the name so quickly I could not pick it up. "I can offer you electricity a whole lot cheaper than what you are getting it now." (They all say that - how do they know how much I am paying for my Electricity anyway?) She waffled on in enthusiastic terms about her offer. I politely said "No we do not want to change power companies." (I did not have a clue what power company we had anyway - that is my wife's domain.) Undaunted the lady went on... "But why not? We are offering you a really good deal and there's a free winter discount thrown in. What are you paying per month now? We will be better than whatever it is." "Look" I said, "I don't have time for this. We are happy where we are. There are so many callers offering deals. Sorry." She was not put off, "But why not? Why not when we are offering it so cheap?" and she continued to try to push her deal, in a bright pseudo friendly way.   "Sorry" I said, "I have to go." "When can I call back? What day would suit?......." she was going on... "Ohhhh..." Click!

I felt invaded. I wanted to scream at her..."When I want to change power companies I'll come looking. Don't call me, we'll call you!" Somehow this person felt it OK to come into my house, interrupt what I was doing and keep up her prattle even when it was obvious I wasn't interested.  It is "Home Invasion".

Then of course there are the dirtbag computer callers... We have had three today. "We are from Microsoft Windows. (or whoever) We've noticed .....  activity from your computer...." or some such thing. Some times I just go "Click".  Sometimes I lead them on then tell them they are evil then go "click." I once had a loud piercing whistle by the phone which I blew down the line.  Once I felt really mischievous and kept the person talking. They were talking as if I had a "Windows" based PC and they "knew that at that time unscrupulous people were getting into my computer." I listened and made the appropriate responses.... they were talking as if they could see my screen..."But.." I said innocently, "I wonder how you can know all this stuff? Something must be wrong! Its amazing....You see ....  I've got a Mac...! .....and you are evil." ... ........silence ... then they went "Click!" I probably should not call them "evil" but I feel angry because I know of elderly people who have been badly ripped off by these scammers. 

Then there are people who mean well... Some years ago we went away for a trip and came back to find a group from a place I worked for had come out and painted our house. That was nice, but we did feel awkward about it. We were intending to paint it. Maybe we would have chosen a different colour? We did not leave the house and grounds in a condition that we would feel comfortable to have people visiting. While their gesture was very generous, there was a sense that our privacy had been invaded. Then the local community newspaper got onto it, and the reporter made a date to come with representatives of the group for photographs etc. My wife in particular felt uncomfortable and felt boundaries had been crossed. It felt like they were implying that there was something wrong with the way we lived and they were going to "fix us" in some way. It was, however, a generous gesture, and we expressed our appreciation. This feeling of "invasion" emerged for me the other day though, when I was visiting the place where this group came from. Sitting in a small group, one of the guys asked, "How many old cars have you got in your drive now Dave?" I'm used to people joking about my old cars, but where was this leading? "I have three, and they are all going and all registered and warranted." I replied. "Oh!" he grinned, "Is that a sensitive subject? It's just that I remember painting your house and your drive being full of elderly cars we had to work around." I felt judged and put down just because I choose to drive and own (perhaps - can only afford to own) older vehicles. I just accepted his humorous scoff, and moved on in the group conversation. But I felt like yelling, "If you are going to play the 'saviour' and paint my house, at least have the wisdom, grace and empathy to accept me for who I am!" I have been conscious for a long time that even our charitable acts can be invasive, hurtful and belittling sometimes. 

Celebrating 50 years of marriage - the weird journey.

During first 5 months of our dating days at a Church youth Leadership weekend.

At a youth Hangi we helped organise. (Hangi is traditional Maori cook up - food is cooked above heated rocks in a pit in the ground) We had so many there we had to go buy fish and chips to supplement the Hangi food.

A Christmas Camp in the North Island 1968? We are in the front row 2nd and 3rd from the left.

My wife, Jean, and I celebrated our fiftieth wedding anniversary last weekend.

It all began in 1965/66

There was an Ecumenical youth gathering in Hamilton, in the North Island over the summer holidays that year. Jean and I were part of a group from our town that travelled up. We attended different Churches but I knew her from shared youth group events we attended from time to time. Fifteen hundred young people gathered in Hamilton, and we had a couple of conversations on the train going up. But at the conference there was a table tennis area where during breaks in the program people could play. I was among the youngest attending (I was a year short of the age group allowed to attend, but my minister assured them I was mature enough) so I rarely got to play. I enjoyed watching the games some very skilled players participated in, and it turned out that Jean and her friend also enjoyed these. So sitting watching table tennis we talked, enjoying each other's company. I went on to holiday nearby and eventually went back to Dunedin. I had actually started a humorous correspondence with a girl I met on that second part of my holiday, who lived in the North Island, but I decided I needed to catch up with Jean again. I nervously rang her one Saturday inviting her to come to the films with me and our friendship began in earnest. You have to understand that I was very shy, especially around girls so this was a big step for me. We dated on Saturday evenings and sometimes phoned during the week. In time Friday night meet ups and Sunday afternoon walks or bike rides happened. I was beginning a plumbing apprenticeship and she was training to be a teacher and almost a year older than I was. I did not have a car so we walked miles together. While we walked we talked. For two years we dated. I recall one time I had walked her home to her place having had coffee after a film and stopped to talk in a bus shelter. Then I walked the two and a half miles home to my house. It hit me that this relationship was really serious, and did I really want that? I walked and stewed and even kept walking past my house, because I hadn't stopped thinking. I decided I wanted to continue in this relationship and pretty soon after that we were engaged. I think all the talking we did was a great and important investment in our future. Secondly we had similar values and beliefs and got involved in church youth work and activities. We had similar beliefs, similar questions and basic directions.

We were married at St Andrew St. Church of Christ on 10th May, 1969. 

I've always thought that this photo begs the question, "What's ahead for us?"

We bought a house on Baldwin Street, which is now classified as "The steepest street in the world."  I was plumbing and she was teaching and we thought that was what it would always be.

Not long after I had decided to go to University (1971) and study to become a minister, our first baby arrived.

A big change of direction

I finished my plumbing apprenticeship and was studying for Advanced Trade Certificate when I decided to attempt to change careers. I was deeply troubled. I attended Church on Sundays and was still very active, but then worked on big building sites with tradesmen during the week. It seemed to me that there was a big gap between my two worlds. What happened in Church would not ring bells with the guys I worked with. They accepted me. I recall a foreman introducing me to a new workmate, saying, "This is Dave, he's religious but he's OK." Later that new workmate ended up in deep trouble. He was an alcoholic and tended to get violent, so his marriage blew apart and he had no where to go. He came and stayed with Jean and I and we and our friends supported him. We eventually found him accommodation elsewhere, but shortly after he committed suicide. Our experience with him had me asking questions of the faith and of the Church. I decided to study toward ministry, at the very least the study would help me sort out my faith. Family thought I was too shy to be a minister, but in spite of the fact that Jean's dad had been a minister, Jean felt we ought to begin study for Church ministry. We began in NZ and then moved to an Australian Theological College for four years. We established deep friendships with some fellow student families that have lasted for years. When we came out of college we moved back to NZ and had a six year ministry in Palmerston North in the North Island. We learned a lot during a busy ministry. The Church had Youth groups, Boys and Girls Brigades and lots of contacts. We were very busy each week.  While we were there they decided to build a new chapel. 

After some University work in NZ we moved to an Australian Theological College in Melbourne. We had a flat at the College for three of four years of study, and our second child was born.

During college we assisted ministry in Churches. In our last year of College we worked at Boronia Church of Christ where a new Church was being built.

Back in New Zealand our first full time ministry was a six year ministry at the Takaro Combined Church.

My first wedding where I was the officiating ministry with full authority "vested in me".

A mobile ministry

While at Palmerston North we added two more children to the family. We had decided to adopt a "special needs" baby and ended up doing that twice. Apparently the Social Welfare department found it hard to find homes for mixed race babies, so we adopted first one, and a year or so later a second little baby boy. We were then appointed to a travelling ministry doing "fieldwork" in Churches throughout New Zealand and living in a 25ft Caravan towed by an old ambulance. We enjoyed that, doing the North Island one year and the South Island the next. Our tasks depended on what the local Church needed or wanted. We did a lot of group work and encouragement. After that we were unsure about continuing in Church ministry. We had purchased an old house on an acre of ground in the little country village of Apiti to store our furniture and as a place to come back to.  We moved into it, did some repairs and enrolled the children in the local schools.  We milked goats, bought chickens and planted a vegetable garden. I had a part time ministry at a Church some distance away, and earned some extra income working on farms. It was a delightful place to live, but I always felt conflicted. When I was working at the Church, I often wished I was doing stuff on our acre, and when I was doing stuff in Apiti, I felt like I ought to be at the Church. One of my dear friends from the Palmerston North Church visited and was quite blunt. "Stop hiding away out here. You're burying your gifts!" Another elder visited who used to be a farmer and was intrigued with me working on farms, but was also quite blunt. "But you've got what it takes to be a good minister! That's where you should be!"

On top of the "Desert Road" in the North Island of NZ

The family - the children did Correspondence schooling for two years.

After two years of travelling we moved into an old house in the little village of Apiti. We did "self-sufficiency" things, like milking goats, keeping hens and growing vegetables.

We bought this old house on an acre of ground in Apiti that needed lots of repairs.

A failed project

After a year we were persuaded to go into a venture with some friends. We had enjoyed living at Apiti and had been surprised at how when we gave hospitality to troubled people they often relaxed and found new strength and priorities. We saw people grow, just by enjoying country hospitality and relaxed conversation. A couple we were friends with had this concept of starting a retreat centre at a place just North of Dunedin and wanted us to join them. We could rent it, and work toward setting up a place of hospitality and renewal. So we bundled up our possessions, our hens, goats and pets and moved to this big villa that had been part of a psychiatric hospital. I eventually got work in a hardware store and then we worked for our landlord who owned the whole complex. After two years relationships were strained and I felt we were being drawn into the landlord's projects and the retreat centre was being put on the back burner. I was asked if I would be part of a team ministry at the St Andrew Street Church of Christ in Dunedin. So we accepted. I had to laugh at the divine humour. Years before at my first conference as a minister in New Zealand, one of the St Andrew Street elders had met me, shook my hand and said, "Maybe you'll be our minister one day." We greeted each other briefly and he moved away. I turned to my wife and said, "Like hell!" There was no way I could see myself ministering there! ...  But we did and we ended up ministering at St Andrew Street Church of Christ in Dunedin for 27 years, until we retired. 

We moved to Sawyers Bay, an outer suburb of Dunedin. Pania joined our family as our foster daughter. She copes with severe disabilities, and continues to be an important part of our family. She joined us when she was 9 years old. 

"New Technology" for St Andrew St. an Overhead Projector. When we finished there, power points through computer and big TV screen were the current systems. 

We ran 25 Community Christmas Day dinners at St Andrew Street. 

I have spent 25 years as chaplain to the Fire Service in Dunedin. I am contracted for four hours a week. 

This is a wedding I conducted in the yard at Speights Brewery where I have been Workplace Chaplain for 25 years. Both Jean and I have been involved in Industrial Chaplaincy. I am currently chaplain to fire fighters, ambulance staff and Speights Brewery

For 19 years we ran a Friday Night Drop-in Centre at St Andrew St Church. 

The first of 13 Habitat for Humanity houses we built in Dunedin. Both Jean & I have been directors of Habitat for Humanity in Dunedin. We both put many hours in on the house sites - I was working most Saturdays. We are not involved now.

St Andrew St Church of Christ in Dunedin.  Below the new generation comes... we have 7.5 grandchildren.

We were driven to our 50th Anniversary night out by one of my fire fighters in his fancy Mercedes.

We made it - at our dinner on our Golden Anniversary - fifty years seems to have gone fast. Heaps of experiences along the way. We are now "retired" but helping out in the local Presbyterian Church.

So thankful for the journey.

That is a very quick race through our fifty years. There has been many other things at each place we've been. Everything we have done has been as a team. Jean makes up for my many weaknesses. Jean has done things in her own right. She has done relieving teaching at times, then worked as a Teacher's Aid with troubled children. She has often pushed for changes in the Church that I would be fearful to initiate. Jean was awarded the "Star Community Award" for her community work in 2006. It was promoted by a local newspaper. She works as a volunteer for St John Ambulance in the Emergency Department of the local hospital, and has received a twelve year medal for that. I was awarded a "Member of the New Zealand Order of Merit" medal in 2003. Our children have each married, have established families and are each working in chosen careers. 

Five years ago we retired. We live in an old house on an acre of ground. We grow vegetables, have fruit trees and keep hens. We assist the local little Presbyterian Church. The journey has had lots of ups and downs but I have been pleased with our ability to talk things through. So many people have helped us along the way, many are no longer with us. 

Life is good, we have been fortunate and though poor, we are rich in memories, fulfilment and love.

Left to right - My youngest brother Stephen, stood in for my father who had died in 1964. Jean's mother, the happy couple (I was just 20 years old) Jean's father and my mum. It does not seem 50 years ago.

2019 what a year.

Health report

Since my last post I have had surgery. They cut two holes in my side to go into my chest to have a look and take some samples for a biopsy. I went in on a Tuesday and came out on the following Sunday. I know it sounds silly, but I enjoy hospital stays. One thing is that you have no responsibilities. Every thing is taken out of your hands, you just do what you are told. Secondly I enjoy the relationships and people I meet. The nurses were amazing. We could have fun and yet they were professional and did their tasks on me diligently and in a friendly way. I also enjoyed relating to the other patients in the room with me. I was to have my operation then once I had recovered sufficiently, I would go home and a week later they would tell me my results. I am always amazed at the anaesthetic process. You are there one minute and the next you are woken up in the recovery room. They moved me back to the room, with me still quite groggy and struggling to stay awake. One of the patients opposite left a day earlier than I did. As he left he took my phone number and said he would check in a week to see if I had results and he would share his. Doctors visited frequently and the interesting thing was that each Doctor who came past my bed seemed to say something like, "You know if we find cancer the prognosis would not be good." I thought, "Gee they seem to be preparing me for the worst?" I was not that concerned, I had come to terms with that possibility in my thinking. A week later, March 15th, the night of the terrible terror attack in the mosque in Christchurch, I had a phone call saying I was clear of cancer. I still do not know what caused the build up of fluid, but it has not happened again yet. I am feeling quite well now. The next day I received a text from my fellow patient asking about my results. I texted back the good result and asked about his. He too was clear, and texted back that "it was bloody good to spend time in hospital with somebody with a sense of humour." That's what I enjoy about hospital, you can cut through the crap of life and help each other through what can be challenging times. 

Tragedy in Christchurch

Christchurch is a city about five hour's drive north of Dunedin where I live. On Friday March 15th I had returned to visiting fire stations in the afternoon. I went into one suburban station and the guys were watching the terrible developments in Christchurch on TV.  I was extremely sad... fifty people shot dead at worship in two mosques in Christchurch, it seemed unbelievable. In the following weeks I became proud of New Zealand's response to the tragedy. Our Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern did a fantastic job in showing an example to all how we ought to care. I was to lead worship on the Sunday in our wee Church here, and we began with a quiet time, prayer, and following the service everybody attending signed a letter to the local Dunedin Mosque. The perpetrator lived in my home town, Dunedin, then travelled to Christchurch to carry out his terrible deed. I am concerned that his act seems to have encouraged some white supremicists to be more vocal. I think we ought to be doing more thinking about when does free speech turn to hate speech? I am concerned that extreme right wing thinking is emerging in places throughout the world. I hope higher ideals win the day. It is certainly a weird, troubled world we live in. 

Gavin died

Since retiring I have continued to visit an elderly man from my old congregation. I would call at the rest home and have a good conversation with him. He was Gavin Munro, who had been a Principal of the Churches of Christ, Glen Leith Bible College.  They had a partnership with a Presbyterian College, so he lectured there also. I had known Gavin since I was a child. In 1971 when I decided to study, perhaps with the goal of Church ministry, it was Gavin I turned to for advice. He enrolled me in the college and took me for a couple of subjects while I did University study. We lived in a cottage at the college. The college closed at the end of that year, and I deeply disappointed Gavin by moving to Australia to study. But he has continued to be supportive of me throughout my career. A year or so before I retired he gave me a fright. It was at the Church Annual General meeting, where any gripes about the minister are aired. Gavin rose to his feet and addressed the meeting. I was sitting at the back of the Church. He began with his deep voice and said; "David Brown is our minister." ... big pause.  I froze, what is he going to say?  He continued. "He does not run this church like I would run this Church." - Oh dear, what on earth is coming? I thought Gavin would talk directly to me if he had a criticism? After another big pause as the assembled meeting all were wondering what was coming, he continued... "He runs it better than I could ever do it!" ... sheer relief, but I am sure he knew that he had my heart thumping in the process. Gavin was now 93 years old and I had visited him last year not long before Christmas and found that his well being had slipped. I had struggled to have a conversation with him. Because of my busyness and health issues I had not been for a while. I finally went to see him again, wondering how he would be. We sat and chatted. He struggled a little with memory but we had a warm conversation. He shook my hand firmly as I left and said, "Go well, that was a good visit." Five days later I got the message that he had died. He had left instructions that I was to take his funeral, so I found myself in my old Church looking out on a full church, leading his funeral. Several people took part.  As I shared a final tribute, I surprised myself by becoming emotional on two occasions.  We had travelled a long road and now the last of my "spiritual fathers" had gone.  It was grief at Gavin's passing, but also grief that the Denomination that he and I had spent our life times working within, is now so far away from the ideals we shared.  Goodbye old friend. 

Peter Died

When I began visiting St John Ambulance, I met a man who helped the mechanics in the garage. In 2002 he had asked me to lead his estranged wife's funeral, so I got to know the family a little. He had been an Ambulance officer, beginning in 1976, but had retired from that, then taken on the job in the garage. He had led a varied life, living in an orphanage as a child, working on farms, and had run a country store before becoming an Ambulance officer. He had battled a few illnesses since I have known him and joked with me that I would take his funeral. I was visiting my son in Christchurch over Easter when I had a phone call from his daughter. "Dad has died, and he left instructions that you were to take his funeral." I had not seen him for a few years, he was now 84 years old, and in a way had been fortunate to last as long as he had.  I met with his daughters and it was then they said that he had left instructions that at his funeral there should be "no religion." So again, though technically, retired, I was to lead a funeral. It was in a town about one and a half hours away from Dunedin, and I had to drive through terrible rain and wind to get there. As I gathered in the after-funeral-function I had positive feedback about the funeral, but also enjoyed friendship from St John people. I felt really privileged to be accepted by this group of people as "one of them" with hugs, warm handshakes and stories shared. Driving home I parked by a lake to drink some coffee, and I found myself reflecting with deep gratitude on the connections I am so privileged to have through my chaplaincy activities. 

I am getting older, I have to be careful with my back, it is more difficult to do stuff I used to do easily, but I am rich in the friendships and experiences I have and life is basically good.

Fifty Years 

I have a big problem. This coming Friday is the 10th of May. Fifty years ago a young couple, who had dated for about three years, stood on the platform of my old Church, and we were married. How do you celebrate a fifty year anniversary? What do you buy as a present? That is my problem.... Next post I'll let you know how we get on.