Celebrating 50 years of marriage - the weird journey.

During first 5 months of our dating days at a Church youth Leadership weekend.

At a youth Hangi we helped organise. (Hangi is traditional Maori cook up - food is cooked above heated rocks in a pit in the ground) We had so many there we had to go buy fish and chips to supplement the Hangi food.

A Christmas Camp in the North Island 1968? We are in the front row 2nd and 3rd from the left.

My wife, Jean, and I celebrated our fiftieth wedding anniversary last weekend.

It all began in 1965/66

There was an Ecumenical youth gathering in Hamilton, in the North Island over the summer holidays that year. Jean and I were part of a group from our town that travelled up. We attended different Churches but I knew her from shared youth group events we attended from time to time. Fifteen hundred young people gathered in Hamilton, and we had a couple of conversations on the train going up. But at the conference there was a table tennis area where during breaks in the program people could play. I was among the youngest attending (I was a year short of the age group allowed to attend, but my minister assured them I was mature enough) so I rarely got to play. I enjoyed watching the games some very skilled players participated in, and it turned out that Jean and her friend also enjoyed these. So sitting watching table tennis we talked, enjoying each other's company. I went on to holiday nearby and eventually went back to Dunedin. I had actually started a humorous correspondence with a girl I met on that second part of my holiday, who lived in the North Island, but I decided I needed to catch up with Jean again. I nervously rang her one Saturday inviting her to come to the films with me and our friendship began in earnest. You have to understand that I was very shy, especially around girls so this was a big step for me. We dated on Saturday evenings and sometimes phoned during the week. In time Friday night meet ups and Sunday afternoon walks or bike rides happened. I was beginning a plumbing apprenticeship and she was training to be a teacher and almost a year older than I was. I did not have a car so we walked miles together. While we walked we talked. For two years we dated. I recall one time I had walked her home to her place having had coffee after a film and stopped to talk in a bus shelter. Then I walked the two and a half miles home to my house. It hit me that this relationship was really serious, and did I really want that? I walked and stewed and even kept walking past my house, because I hadn't stopped thinking. I decided I wanted to continue in this relationship and pretty soon after that we were engaged. I think all the talking we did was a great and important investment in our future. Secondly we had similar values and beliefs and got involved in church youth work and activities. We had similar beliefs, similar questions and basic directions.

We were married at St Andrew St. Church of Christ on 10th May, 1969. 

I've always thought that this photo begs the question, "What's ahead for us?"

We bought a house on Baldwin Street, which is now classified as "The steepest street in the world."  I was plumbing and she was teaching and we thought that was what it would always be.

Not long after I had decided to go to University (1971) and study to become a minister, our first baby arrived.

A big change of direction

I finished my plumbing apprenticeship and was studying for Advanced Trade Certificate when I decided to attempt to change careers. I was deeply troubled. I attended Church on Sundays and was still very active, but then worked on big building sites with tradesmen during the week. It seemed to me that there was a big gap between my two worlds. What happened in Church would not ring bells with the guys I worked with. They accepted me. I recall a foreman introducing me to a new workmate, saying, "This is Dave, he's religious but he's OK." Later that new workmate ended up in deep trouble. He was an alcoholic and tended to get violent, so his marriage blew apart and he had no where to go. He came and stayed with Jean and I and we and our friends supported him. We eventually found him accommodation elsewhere, but shortly after he committed suicide. Our experience with him had me asking questions of the faith and of the Church. I decided to study toward ministry, at the very least the study would help me sort out my faith. Family thought I was too shy to be a minister, but in spite of the fact that Jean's dad had been a minister, Jean felt we ought to begin study for Church ministry. We began in NZ and then moved to an Australian Theological College for four years. We established deep friendships with some fellow student families that have lasted for years. When we came out of college we moved back to NZ and had a six year ministry in Palmerston North in the North Island. We learned a lot during a busy ministry. The Church had Youth groups, Boys and Girls Brigades and lots of contacts. We were very busy each week.  While we were there they decided to build a new chapel. 

After some University work in NZ we moved to an Australian Theological College in Melbourne. We had a flat at the College for three of four years of study, and our second child was born.

During college we assisted ministry in Churches. In our last year of College we worked at Boronia Church of Christ where a new Church was being built.

Back in New Zealand our first full time ministry was a six year ministry at the Takaro Combined Church.

My first wedding where I was the officiating ministry with full authority "vested in me".

A mobile ministry

While at Palmerston North we added two more children to the family. We had decided to adopt a "special needs" baby and ended up doing that twice. Apparently the Social Welfare department found it hard to find homes for mixed race babies, so we adopted first one, and a year or so later a second little baby boy. We were then appointed to a travelling ministry doing "fieldwork" in Churches throughout New Zealand and living in a 25ft Caravan towed by an old ambulance. We enjoyed that, doing the North Island one year and the South Island the next. Our tasks depended on what the local Church needed or wanted. We did a lot of group work and encouragement. After that we were unsure about continuing in Church ministry. We had purchased an old house on an acre of ground in the little country village of Apiti to store our furniture and as a place to come back to.  We moved into it, did some repairs and enrolled the children in the local schools.  We milked goats, bought chickens and planted a vegetable garden. I had a part time ministry at a Church some distance away, and earned some extra income working on farms. It was a delightful place to live, but I always felt conflicted. When I was working at the Church, I often wished I was doing stuff on our acre, and when I was doing stuff in Apiti, I felt like I ought to be at the Church. One of my dear friends from the Palmerston North Church visited and was quite blunt. "Stop hiding away out here. You're burying your gifts!" Another elder visited who used to be a farmer and was intrigued with me working on farms, but was also quite blunt. "But you've got what it takes to be a good minister! That's where you should be!"

On top of the "Desert Road" in the North Island of NZ

The family - the children did Correspondence schooling for two years.

After two years of travelling we moved into an old house in the little village of Apiti. We did "self-sufficiency" things, like milking goats, keeping hens and growing vegetables.

We bought this old house on an acre of ground in Apiti that needed lots of repairs.

A failed project

After a year we were persuaded to go into a venture with some friends. We had enjoyed living at Apiti and had been surprised at how when we gave hospitality to troubled people they often relaxed and found new strength and priorities. We saw people grow, just by enjoying country hospitality and relaxed conversation. A couple we were friends with had this concept of starting a retreat centre at a place just North of Dunedin and wanted us to join them. We could rent it, and work toward setting up a place of hospitality and renewal. So we bundled up our possessions, our hens, goats and pets and moved to this big villa that had been part of a psychiatric hospital. I eventually got work in a hardware store and then we worked for our landlord who owned the whole complex. After two years relationships were strained and I felt we were being drawn into the landlord's projects and the retreat centre was being put on the back burner. I was asked if I would be part of a team ministry at the St Andrew Street Church of Christ in Dunedin. So we accepted. I had to laugh at the divine humour. Years before at my first conference as a minister in New Zealand, one of the St Andrew Street elders had met me, shook my hand and said, "Maybe you'll be our minister one day." We greeted each other briefly and he moved away. I turned to my wife and said, "Like hell!" There was no way I could see myself ministering there! ...  But we did and we ended up ministering at St Andrew Street Church of Christ in Dunedin for 27 years, until we retired. 

We moved to Sawyers Bay, an outer suburb of Dunedin. Pania joined our family as our foster daughter. She copes with severe disabilities, and continues to be an important part of our family. She joined us when she was 9 years old. 

"New Technology" for St Andrew St. an Overhead Projector. When we finished there, power points through computer and big TV screen were the current systems. 

We ran 25 Community Christmas Day dinners at St Andrew Street. 

I have spent 25 years as chaplain to the Fire Service in Dunedin. I am contracted for four hours a week. 

This is a wedding I conducted in the yard at Speights Brewery where I have been Workplace Chaplain for 25 years. Both Jean and I have been involved in Industrial Chaplaincy. I am currently chaplain to fire fighters, ambulance staff and Speights Brewery

For 19 years we ran a Friday Night Drop-in Centre at St Andrew St Church. 

The first of 13 Habitat for Humanity houses we built in Dunedin. Both Jean & I have been directors of Habitat for Humanity in Dunedin. We both put many hours in on the house sites - I was working most Saturdays. We are not involved now.

St Andrew St Church of Christ in Dunedin.  Below the new generation comes... we have 7.5 grandchildren.

We were driven to our 50th Anniversary night out by one of my fire fighters in his fancy Mercedes.

We made it - at our dinner on our Golden Anniversary - fifty years seems to have gone fast. Heaps of experiences along the way. We are now "retired" but helping out in the local Presbyterian Church.

So thankful for the journey.

That is a very quick race through our fifty years. There has been many other things at each place we've been. Everything we have done has been as a team. Jean makes up for my many weaknesses. Jean has done things in her own right. She has done relieving teaching at times, then worked as a Teacher's Aid with troubled children. She has often pushed for changes in the Church that I would be fearful to initiate. Jean was awarded the "Star Community Award" for her community work in 2006. It was promoted by a local newspaper. She works as a volunteer for St John Ambulance in the Emergency Department of the local hospital, and has received a twelve year medal for that. I was awarded a "Member of the New Zealand Order of Merit" medal in 2003. Our children have each married, have established families and are each working in chosen careers. 

Five years ago we retired. We live in an old house on an acre of ground. We grow vegetables, have fruit trees and keep hens. We assist the local little Presbyterian Church. The journey has had lots of ups and downs but I have been pleased with our ability to talk things through. So many people have helped us along the way, many are no longer with us. 

Life is good, we have been fortunate and though poor, we are rich in memories, fulfilment and love.

Left to right - My youngest brother Stephen, stood in for my father who had died in 1964. Jean's mother, the happy couple (I was just 20 years old) Jean's father and my mum. It does not seem 50 years ago.