We got some photos from our son in Edinburgh. It was really nice to get them. We Syped the other day and he was down at a local park with his three children talking to us on his phone. The children were riding their bikes around the park and would say "hi" as they passed. Daniel is Maori/ Samoan and he is married to a Polish girl. The children are gorgeous, and also nice kids. Sadly we will not get to see them in person before I die. Scotland's infection rate with Covid 19 at the moment is the highest in Europe which worries us. We love them to bits.
We head away during the week to receive more immunotherapy treatment in Christchurch. There are challenges at the moment. Some of my glands are not functioning as they ought and it is impacting on how I feel. Yesterday our daughter and son-in-law were out. They brought us some furniture and took some away. Normally I am in boots and all lifting, moving and doing physical work. This time I did assist, but had the feeling I was more in the way than useful. I find that I run out of energy and will take a rest and fall asleep so quickly. I find too that when I have been "working" as in preparing the weekly newsletter I send out for the Church folk during lockdown, it is much harder to focus. I am not the normally energetic person I used to be, and it is frustrating.
When I heard I had cancer I thought of all the cancer patients I have known and found that at some stage most have had to battle pain levels. I have been reasonably fortunate but I am discovering that pain is increasing. Lying in bed I get pain in my side and shoulder. I can't get comfortable in bed. Today sitting in a beautiful lazy boy chair, the pain in my back made it hard going. I have been prescribed pain pills but they are not really doing the job. I am not getting a decent night's sleep so one of the topics of discussion when I see my oncologist later in the week will be "pain relief". It is really hard to describe "Pain". The pain you may hardly notice when you are out and about chopping firewood, can be excruciating when you are trying to get to sleep at night.
I have been online this afternoon checking out some great TED talks on grief, death and dying. It has been helpful, though sometimes a bit gut wrenching. Three phrases which I appreciated. "Realise that Shit happens" "What medical care will help you live the way you want to?" "Living is more than staying alive".
I am also rereading a book I have read so many times before. "Man's Search for Meaning: an introduction to logotherapy." by Viktor E. Frankl. He is at the moment speaking of "finding meaning in suffering". I am not sure they are the right words for the type of book it is, but I am enjoying it yet again. (He describes his horrendous experiences in death camp concentration camps during WWII.)