I had a dream?

I have a fairly active dream life these days. (There was a time when I was a teenager I could not understand people having "dreams". They were not my experience though I had an active fantasy life.) I am, obviously not going to tell you about all of my dreams. I often have nightmares with a common theme. I am in a train that is racing down rails out of control, headed for disaster. I am driving a truck that I cannot slow and it is coming to a sharp corner beside a big cliff. I am being chased relentlessly by bad guys with guns, and it seems that whatever I do I cannot escape. Usually I wake up with my heart pounding. I think that these themes come from the feeling I have that I am in ministry in a church that could fail and go out of business and I feel an incredible responsibility for that. Someone else claims that my bad habit of raiding the fridge and chopping off a slice of cheese as I go to bed causes the dreams. Cheese at night, they say, causes one to have nightmares.

Every now and then I have a "profound" dream where I am forced to expound my thinking on various subjects. In one I was at a church conference and I feel compelled to stand and make an urgent plea for the church to be a servant church. In another dream there was a similar scene, but I simply must speak out on the subject of a simple lifestyle, even though it was unpopular. In each of these I have woken terrified, but being surprised at my "speech" and the insights that came. Often I forget the details in the morning but had the sense of having been challenged in that area. Well the other night I had one of my "profound" dreams and I'll share the details with you.

I have no clue how I came to end up in the scene. I am in a chair, there are two intimidating men glowering at me and shining a lamp in my eyes. (The scene is similar to the scene in a Kiwibank TV advert where a woman is tied to a chair and questioned by mean looking dudes... though I am not tied.) They are ridiculing me for being a christian minister. They are ridiculing the superstitious faith in the age of reason. They are claiming religion causes wars. They claim religion is life denying etc. etc. They question me relentlessly and keep shouting at me is "Why are you a minister?" "Why don't you give it up? It is stupidity!" ... or words to that effect.

(Now I can understand why I have this dream with this theme. It is a question I continually ask myself. When I lead a Sunday service.... "Why do it? What good does it do?" When I see the ridiculous priorities churches have or read of scandals in the church I ask myself this question. I am also aware that my faith and stance is hardly orthodox anymore, and that many would call me a heretic. I am constantly having to word things carefully so as not to offend. I read many christian books, articles and commentaries and think "this is crap!" I hate choosing hymns because the same applies. So I often ask myself, "Am I being honest to still be in ministry?" So it is not surprising that such a question should emerge in my dream life. Also in the circles I move in as a chaplain, the church and faith is often ridiculed, though I am generally accepted.) But let me continue with the dream.

The two men pepper me with questions, challenges and ridicule. They keep shouting, "Why do it?" In the dream sitting in this chair in front of this barrage of shouting, I break down sobbing, and shout back, "I don't know! I don't know! What a waste of a life!" and I sob uncontrollably, finally sitting there head in hands breathing heavily. The men just glower at me, pleased that they have broken me. Slowly I stop sobbing and say, "Wait! I have an answer. Just listen... I have three things to say." Here is the guts of what I say.

Hesitantly I say, "I am a minister because Jesus makes a difference!"

"First by following Jesus, I believe people are better people. Jesus taught a path of generosity, of peace, of forgiveness, of love. If in my every day life I put into practice those sorts of values I am simply a better person. I am a better husband, because I am more considerate. I am a better father, because I value my children. I am a better workmate, easier to get along with and conscientious. My life will be lived more peacefully, more serenely and more constructively because by following Jesus I simply am a better person".

With growing confidence I continue, "Secondly, if I follow Jesus' way, I am a much wider thinking person. My circle of concern will not be just me and my family, but I will be concerned for the welfare of people in the wider community; the whole variety of people no matter creed, race, status or gender; I will truly be a citizen of the world. I will not get hung up about selfish issues, but will have this wider perspective. The world simply needs wider thinking people, willing to make a difference and Jesus can make people that way inclined.

More loudly now I almost shout, "Thirdly, it has been my experience, that when I follow the ways of Jesus, I sense a connection with 'the sacred'. I cannot define 'God' clearly, but when I follow Jesus' way in action, I sense a deep partnership with an unseen current of life, a friendship with that which is eternal. I feel a link to the past and the deep feeling that I am part of the future. I sense that my life is 'in' a movement, purposes and power that is bigger than me, and more important than the relatively superficial, shorter lived purposes of family, material possessions, career or nation "

I straighten up and eyeball the two men and say, "Yes, yes, that's it...It may not make sense to you two, but I am a church minister because by following Jesus people can live better lives; they are more likely to make a difference for good in their community and world; and they can experience a profound connection and partnership with God. The Church, with all its faults is still the place that presents 'Jesus', so that's why I am still a minister! It's NOT stupidity!" I shout at them.

At that point the dream stopped, I woke up and lay there surprised and pondering what it all meant. I like the argument and cannot figure out how in a dream my subconscious came up with it. I wondered if I was partially awake and stewing? I don't know, I simply share what I experienced. It speaks to me. It feels like a connection with "the sacred" stream of life we call "God".

I want it NOW! ... and other stuff.

So little patience

I have been chuckling at myself. How easily I get sucked into the "instant gratification" mind set of the world around me. I have a desk top PC at my work office. It is a few years old and probably in need of some spring cleaning, but compared to my new Macbook Pro, it tends to run so slow. I click on an instruction, and the computer begins to "think" about acting.... "Come on! come on!" I am saying. In a matter of seconds it begins to load up what I want. I recall a time when there was no Internet. We thought fax machines were marvelous! I recall a time when if you wanted to make an international telephone call, you had to phone an operator and you had to book it in. ... Now I can connect with people throughout the world in a few seconds and I grumble about the speed! We are so impatient! I have a friend who often helps me do stuff at the church who is always telling me to "Wait! Have some patience! Let it do it's thing!" I click on something and start re pushing buttons when I don't have instant satisfaction... I often only end up completely confusing the poor computer

We are planning a trip to Europe. We fly via Heathrow to Prague and by car onto Poland. We added up the hours it will take us to get there. Virtually two days of traveling! Two days out of my life... we are grumbling about it! The stop overs... the time between flights etc. We growl... but REALLY! We are traveling around the other side of world in just 2 days! ... not that long ago it took months to travel that sort of distance and it was often done in very uncomfortable circumstances. Anyway.... I guess I am saying I need to have more patience.

Mary and Martha...

Last year I started to play soccer with a group of people. I loved it and I think they enjoyed having me around. This year I have not been near soccer... too busy. A group connected to the soccer started using our drop-in centre area on Tuesdays. I usually remember to open it, and set it up for them. At the start I would stop and play a few games of pool... lately I have pleaded "too busy" and not been around for a game. On Tuesday I forgot to open till I got a text from one of the guys. I opened the door and we set up together. I apologised for forgetting, I said that I was busy. As he set up the pool balls he said, "I suppose you're too busy for a game with me?" then he went on... "Have you heard of Mary and Martha? One of them was too busy, made the wrong choice. Perhaps you are too busy?" I stopped and played three games with him. "It's alright for him!" I said to myself, "He's unemployed. Needs to fill his time up. ... I have deadlines!" .... but his comment hit home. Am I too busy for people!? Maybe he has a point? But I do spend lots of time with people.... I don't know the answer, it's just an issue.

What's the use? ... how come?

Today I led our Church service. Yesterday I was saying to my wife... "What the hell's the use?" I put hours of reading, thought and creativity into it... I generally lose sleep on Saturday night. I am not much company all day Saturday. I am nervous after years of doing it. I ask myself... why do it? What do I accomplish? Today for me was not all that it should have been. I did a lot of research. I knew the reading inside out. I had a good take on it. I wrestled with it. I did all the power points on Saturday night.... got up on Sunday and changed them around. I usually scribble out a "sermon" several times... but do not take any notes into the service. Today things didn't go right in the office prior to the service... some technical hitches with the power points had us nervous. I took time out to go over in my mind what I wanted to say and two "illustrations" I had thought of and written into my notes just would not come to mind... my scribbles were still at home. During the service a sound item did not go right. ... I did not feel I communicated as clearly as I wanted to. .. I remembered one illustration and another came to mind to fill the gap. .. but I felt I had mucked up and was quietly relieved when we sang the "amen" at the end of the service. But... after the service I had so many positive comments. Some of them were "thoughtful" ones, not just slick throw away phrases. People were helped and I think others were challenged. What a weird job? What a mysterious process? I guess I will do it all again next week.

Powerful people.

I am currently Workplace Support chaplain to Allied Press in Dunedin. They produce the Otago Daily Times, the Star Community paper, various other community papers and have a TV Station linked to them. I met the "top man" in the corner office today. As I talked to him briefly I thought that this man is POWERFUL!

I was talking to another man from another country where there is unrest recently. We were talking about elections, democracy and such things. He is a very clever University graduate and he talked about the wide range in the population of his country. There were rich people, successful corporations and universities. But then there was a large part of the population who were subsistence farmers, fishermen, or very poor people living in very basic conditions. He pointed out that for democracy to work properly, these people, often relatively poorly educated, had to some how become aware of the issues. He said it depended very much on who was informing them.

As I talked to this Media big wig today and as I see the reporters, sub-editors and others doing their job, I recognise that they have a very important part to play in our society. They inform us. Their slant on things can have an incredible impact. The things they report about and the things they leave out can set the tone of our society. They can make or break elections. Professor Andrew Bradstock in his inaugural lecture on Public Theology commented how in New Zealand there is not much very serious public debate about the big issues that face our society. TV tends more to entertain in short sound bites rather than delve deeply into issues. There are few magazines or newspapers (though he thought the local paper was an exception) that really explore deeply the topics they discuss. He felt this was a serious limitation in our national life. Some reporters have told me of the word limits for articles. I realise how difficult and frustrating it must be for them to give full and serious treatment to the issues they write about with relatively small word allowances. I guess too, those limitations are governed by what we, the public are prepared to read and pay for. It is a vicious circle.

Anyway, if you believe in prayer, pray for our media people. They have a big responsibility and are in very powerful positions in our society. I hope they realise their importance and their awesome responsibility.

People talking with people.

There are a few books written by John V Taylor that I enjoy. One of them with quite a lot of insight is "The Go-between God". The subject of the book is what we traditionally call "The Holy Spirit". I want to share with you the story he finishes his book with.

"A colleague has recently described to me an occasion when a West Indian woman in a London flat was told of her husband's death in a street accident. The shock of grief stunned her like a blow, she sank into a corner of the sofa and sat there rigid and unhearing. For a long time her terrible tranced look continued to embarrass the family, friends and officials who came and went. Then the schoolteacher of one of her children, an Englishwoman, called and, seeing how things were, went and sat beside her. Without a word she threw an arm around the tight shoulders, clasping them with her full strength. The white cheek was thrust hard against the brown. Then as the unrelenting pain seeped through to her the newcomer's tears began to flow, falling on their two hands linked in the woman's lap. For a long time that is all that was happening. And then at last the West Indian woman started to sob. Still not a word was spoken and after a little while the visitor got up and went, leaving her contribution to help the family meet its immediate needs."

John V Taylor then comments;

"That is the embrace of God, his kiss of life. That is the embrace of his mission, and of our intercession. And the Holy Spirit is the force in the straining muscles of an arm, the film of sweat between pressed cheeks, the mingled wetness on the backs of clasped hands. He is as close and as unobtrusive as that, and as irresistibly strong."

Imagine that? "God" is in the muscles! "God" is in the salty wet tears and the sweat! I like this picture of God. The compassion and the "realness" of it rings bells with me.

Some years ago my wife and I one Sunday afternoon went on a mission. We went around the shut in elderly folk of the congregation offering to have communion with them in their homes. We had a couple of visits with little communion services at each then we went to a third lady. We offered communion and she said, "Nah.... that doesn't trouble me... but will you have a cup of tea and, Oh yes, I got given some cake the other day," she said with a glint in her eye, "we'll have a bit of that as a celebration." Together we prepared our afternoon tea and then we sat and talked of family and friends, and frustrations and feelings. Then we left. As I sat in the car I asked my wife, "Which was real communion? The little 'religious' services we had with the others or the "cuppa", cake and conversation we had with Betty? Which was truly sacred?" I had to admit that the cup of tea and cake was truly "communion" and felt more real and sacred.

Today in the back of the Church at what we call Space2B we had 20 people call. It was full-on! An eighty something year old brought his lunch and ate it while telling us about composting sea weed and vegetable gardening. Another couple talked to me of having to put their cats, pets for over 17 years, "to sleep", and the grief of that decision. People shared resources. New settlers talked about language, employment and visa difficulties. We talked about sustainability things, about exercise and about jobs. Another older bloke donated some wire puzzles he had bought. Someone brought sushi to share, and another had brought pop-corn that we cooked in the micro-wave.... and so it went on. It was a busy few hours as people came, talked and had food and drank coffee. But it felt "important", sacred and life enhancing. The only thing "religious" was that it was in a church. There was secular background music. None of the conversation was about 'religious' things, but about real "life" issues. I went back to my office after washing the mugs feeling like I had just participated in something truly sacred. "God" was in the listening ears. "God" was in the empathy shared! God was in the laughter and God was in the "See you next week, have a good week." Washing the mugs felt like washing the communion cups.

True words spoken by a lady I admire.

Many years ago our severely handicapped foster daughter needed to find a secondary school to attend. We took her to the various options and our final visit was to Queens High School in Dunedin. We waited in the foyer and watched girls going to and fro. In due course a friendly lady (the school principal) came down the hall and ushered us into her office. Two little dogs were sniffing at our feet as we settled into our seats. Pania our daughter was quite delighted and beamed all over as the principal introduced her to the dogs. We sat and talked. This lady talked directly to Pania, not just about her. She told us about a "pastoral care plan" and showed us the details. She spoke of the possibilities and was keen for Pania to relate in normal classes. The whole atmosphere, values and enthusiasm this lady created made the choice of schools a "no-brainer". Queens High School was Pania's secondary school and she loved it. This lady's name was Pat Harrison, she is now Dame Pat Harrison. She is well retired from teaching now but the local paper had a piece of her writing in Saturday's paper. I share with you a paragraph which I find puts into words what I often find annoying and disturbing about perspectives and directions in today's world. Dame Pat writes: -

"I've got to wondering if we have ideals now. If we do they have to be polished up into cost effectiveness and measured if they are to have any value. I think that something called outputs determines the worth of an ideal now, and because you can count outputs, ideals get in the way. Anyhow, how can we measure improving a human condition? Or making a kid feel good about achieving, when for some a big achievement looks positively minute in the scheme of things? With this fetish for measurement, a new language is abroad now. I have not mastered it; nor will I. That language is raw and passionless and without humanity. It seems to be bred from imposition, control and restriction, three pretty damning elements."

In my experience, in Churches, Government departments, local politics, Social work agencies, industries, and even in groups like Habitat for Humanity, "outputs" distort our human journey, our priorities and our perspectives on life. These comments have a ring of truth about them. I say "Amen! Dame Pat! You tell them!"

Another week has gone...

Thought I would share some things from my past week.

Computers, Internet and stuff....

My wife was going to throw out a whole heap of old National Geographic magazines that were hanging around the Church. Being the hoarder that I am I declared that they would make great bed time reading so they are now in a pile by my bed. I was reading the October 1982 issue. There is an article there entitled "The Chip - electronic mini-marvel that is changing your life." It is so interesting reading the article from the 2010 perspective. Here are some gems from it.

"... a silicon flake a quarter of an inch on a side can hold a million electronic components, ten times more than 30-ton ENIAC, the world's first electronic digital computer. ENIAC was dedicated in 1946, the ancestor of today's computers that calculate and store information, using memory and logic chips. But ENIAC's most spectacular successor is the microprocessor - a 'computer on a chip.' This prodigy is 30,000 times as cheap as ENIAC, draws the power of a night-light instead of a hundred lighthouses, and in some versions performs a million calculations a second, 200 times as many as ENIAC ever could."

"The chip's condensed brainpower nourishes another phenomenon - personal computers. Last year more than 800,000 were sold, ..... the chip makes them increasingly easy to use."

"Piggybacking on personal computers are dozens of new services. Exotic now, computer conveniences such as electronic mail and newspapers and home banking and shopping could in time become as universal as telephone service."

"...a great computer, ILLIAC IV, which cost NASA 30 million dollars in 1972, .... ILLIAC could perform millions of aerospace calculations per second - and simultaneously. But it consumed enough power to light a small city and needed a maintenance crew of 20"

Compare these 1982 statements with today's world. I am not sure of all the amazing electronic advances since then, but the world has changed profoundly.

I am sitting here in my home office typing on my new "Macbook pro" laptop. I have two old PC's sitting here yet to be sorted out. I am listening to a sixties music CD I purchased today being played on an old laptop set up with good speakers as an office sound system. I had a brief chat via skype with a friend who lives about 15 k away. I read as I turned on my Mac that Apple had sold 2 million ipads in less than 60 days........ compare that with 800,000 personal computers in 1982! I am a relatively old man not very much tuned into the world of the Internet and technology, but look at the incredible advances and changes since 1946! Then look at the mind blowing changes in this whole area since 1982! In one of my chaplaincy sites the IT people tell me there are 350 computers in the building! (About one for every employee) I was blown away by an incident that happened to me last year. Out of the blue a stranger, a young man from the United Arab Emerites Skyped me. He was a Muslim, and we had several sessions talking about our respective countries and cultures. Then he encountered a problem in his life with the death of his grandmother who he was looking after. He came on line and told me about it and asked my advice about some stuff. How weird is that? Here I am a NZ christian minister and I am listening to, supporting and guiding a grieving Muslim young man living around the other side of the world?? But that is the nature of today's technology. I just find the rate of change to be amazing.

A beautiful event...

If you are a regular reader you would know that my friend Terry, who came to our drop-in centre, committed suicide a few weeks ago. On Friday evening Terry's brother with his wife and young son came to our drop-in with extra funeral service sheets for those who wanted them, a plate full of delicious food and a large cake. It was a privilege to show them where Terry had shared so many Friday evenings with friends and so nice to see drop-in centre people going up to him, expressing sympathy and chatting about their memories. Some of the drop-in folks taught Terry's young nephew how to play pool. It was a special gesture which made for a memorable night of friendship. Even in the dark times, good emerges.

Brother's birthday dinner...

One of my brothers turned 60 in May. His daughter and wife organised a surprise birthday dinner for him yesterday, Queens Birthday weekend in NZ. Murray lives 235 kilometres of fairly windy road from where we live. The dinner was at 6 p.m. yesterday. I had to be back in Dunedin to lead a church service this morning, so we drove up yesterday afternoon, shared in the dinner with family and friends, then drove home again. I caught up on Murray and his wider family, another brother Stephen and my sister Katherine. It was a great evening and worth the late night driving. I used to annoy my mum because she thought I was not family orientated enough. I choose to see "family" as having very wide application, (All are my brothers and sisters) but I must admit there is something about shared memories, life time connections and shared journeys in a family that make spending time together special.

Running...

I am not getting as much running in as I want to but generally run Saturday, Sunday and Monday each week. It is nice now to run without a hurting hamstring and a painful knee. I enjoyed a run in the rain tonight.

Photo: My new toy... on my messy desk.

Happy talking....

I went to a lecture last night. It was entitled "Public Theology? No thanks I'll stick with the normal kind." I was disappointed. I was hoping to be stimulated by new thinking or different ideas. The lecturer when he was opening the lecture said he was going to do some controversial stirring. I waited for it but never sensed it. It was not different or new thinking for me. He was in an awkward setting to lecture and did not seem to connect with the audience. So I was disappointed.

I mentioned it to my daughter who agreed with me about it, but then went on to say, "You have to realise that not everybody is where you are at. Unfortunately that may have been new thinking for many people there".

He mentioned the "Liberation Theology concept that God has a preference for the poor". That according to the prophets of the Old Testament the measure of any society is how it treats its most vulnerable members. That was one point where there were nods of approval from the audience. (May be they were asleep?)

Let me let off steam a little bit. Down through the years I have been involved in different groups studying the Church's social responsibility. Liberal thinking people have reiterated the prophets' call for justice, a fair deal for the poor and looking after the needy. I have heard liberal after liberal waxing eloquently about the Church needing to be involved in society, about Christian responsibility toward the vulnerable etc. etc. Now I may be being very judgemental, but it seems to me that we in the Churches love to talk. We will hold discussion groups, retreats, and seminars on such subjects. We may even preach sermons on it. But I really see little action.

Take last night. I looked around and knew many of the people. There was a fair representation from the leadership of main line, establishment churches in our city. I recognised people there also who I had seen attending ecumenical services in our city, and while I did not know their names, knew that they were church members of various mainline city churches. My concern is that they will go to such a meeting as last night and nod approvingly. They will wax eloquently about social responsibility and such things. But... when we want to build houses for low income people in the city (as in Habitat for Humanity) where are these lovely church people? I have over the years as a promoter for Habitat for Humanity tried to encourage Church involvement at various levels. I suggested Church ladies providing morning teas or helping with lunches. I have encouraged people of both genders to be involved in building. I suggested once a ministers' building day as a fun time of fellowship for the city ministers. (The ministers agreed, but one minister apart from me turned up) I have been deeply disappointed by the response from the established churches. It is great to talk about such things, but involvement is another matter. In 2003 a group of us involved with needy people recognised a need for emergency housing in the city. We called a public meeting. Where were the good Church people? (I have to admit a very good group of catholics have been involved.) We need Trust Board members for the Night shelter Trust Board. We need volunteer supervisors. But where are these liberal minded Christians? They are few and far between. I think we often think that because we have talked about such issues we have done something about them. There must be talk and discussion and "consciousness raising", but it must be followed by or even preceded by action. Now I have to admit that many denominations have "Social Service agencies" run by professional social workers etc. But few actual congregations or congregants seriously engage with the vulnerable and poor in their communities.

How can Christianity gain a hearing?

One of the questions the lecturer raised last night about "Public Theology" is if we agree Christianity has something to offer in the public domain, if Christianity is to contribute to public debate on current issues, "How can it get a hearing in a secular world?" He went on to talk about the nature of the dialogue and the language we use in such a dialogue. Let me say that what is needed is for the Churches to gain credibility in these areas, then its voice may be listened to. When Churches are seen to be compassionately involved in community needs then "the public" will sit up and listen to what they have to say. They have earned their credibility. I don't think the issue is one of just the language used to communicate.

Two more quotes from my graffiti board poster... (They relate to the topic of this post)

"Preach the gospel in season and out of season,

at any opportunity that you are able....

... if necessary use words." ..... Francis of Assissi

"If you preach the gospel in all aspects

with the exception of the issues

which deal specifically with your time

you are not preaching the gospel at all." ...... Martin Luther