Sunday night stuff

Cars...

I have a Peugeot which I bought nearly a year ago. It was a mistake. I thought I had checked it out thoroughly but discovered that it had a smokey engine. Six months ago I got a warrant of fitness for it. (a six monthly chore if you own a car in NZ) A few months ago I had it serviced and things dealt to, so it stopped covering cars behind me in blue smoke. I took it for a warrant on Monday quite confident it would pass. To my surprise it was turned down on a few small things, but it was mainly rejected because of it's smokey engine. It was certainly blowing less smoke than it was at the last warrant? The receptionist said, "The mechanic reckoned it isn't worth fixing!"  I was so annoyed. I was annoyed at myself for buying a dud almost a year ago. I was annoyed because it really is a good car with a good body, tidy interior and drives nicely and probably has lots of life in it yet. Now "the system" (regulated by people who have a vested interest in getting older cars off the road!) consigns it to the scrap heap. Anyway my Monday turned out to be depressing because of this. We told my daughter about this and she informed me that at her work they were selling two cars and we might like to look at them. I suspected they were probably going to be too expensive, but thought we'd look anyway. The first we looked at was a good wee car. My daughter asked her superiors about a price which turned out to be very cheap. So we purchased a very tidy low milage 1996 Toyota Starlet that runs very nicely. (I think my daughter's work were feeling generous toward us.... I am grateful) I am pleased we now have a more familiar vehicle, more economical and more environmentally friendly. Sorry Peugeot.

"JC's helper" fire fighter retires... he is a theological "problem".

On Friday night I went to our drop-in centre as usual, stayed about a half hour then went to the fire station. Two guys were leaving and the social club were putting on a farewell "do" for them. I spent about an hour there, got given a beer, listened to the farewell speeches and went back to Drop-in. One of the guys leaving was the guy who gave me the name for this blog. He is an ex- seaman and is nicknamed "Bosun". He is the firefighter who called me "JC's helper".  He is a theological problem. You see when I was a boy or teenager he is the typical guy that I as a "good little christian" was warned about. He can tell the dirtiest stories you imagine. His language was not the most genteel, but I like him. He is simply a nice guy. He gave us a computer for a children's program we were running. He has helped at our Christmas dinner. He has always been hospitable toward this minister at the fire station. He has caught fish to give us and his wife baked a cake for us.  As they gave their farewell speeches they talked of his conscientious work. They spoke of his enthusiasm for the job that had lasted 41 years. They told of his honesty and his positive nature, his readiness to go the second mile and his morale boosting sense of humour.  The theological problem I have is that I was told that people like him are heathens, unsaved and not nice people to hang around with. Yet I find Christian graces being expressed in him. I find him expressing more warmth, more friendship and love of life than some of the righteous saints who would condemn him.  Often the various religions are too worried about defining who is "in" or "out".  I don't think God is confined to only those who congregate.

Fuse Problems...

At our drop-in centre Friday week ago we blew a fuse. We were playing pool, table tennis, drinking hot drinks and talking when suddenly some lights went out and heaters went off. It was near the end of the night and difficult to diagnose with others using the building, so we left it to the next morning to fix. I was working at the night shelter yesterday and once again discovered a blown fuse. I found some thin wire and put it in so that we could operate. Today after Church I went back with some real fuse wire and  fixed it properly. I got to thinking about these fuses. When the electrical load gets too great the fuse blows and you know that there is an overload problem some where. The fuse blows and you go look for the problem. Wouldn't it be handy to have a fuse in our systems that blows when we get overloaded? If I take on too much, and life is on overload it would be quite good if there was a fuse wire that would signal "overload". Of course there are "fuse wires". Health goes down hill. Blood pressure goes up. Sleep goes out the window. These can be life threatening things and can be discovered too late. It would be good if there was a little light fuse wire that just let you know before things got bad.  When do you know that you are trying to do too much? Sometimes I think I have taken on too much, but then I think maybe I am just being lazy? I know people who can get through heaps of stuff. A fuse giving a definitive answer would be nice!  When/if I get to heaven I will have to talk to the creator about this deficiency.

That's me for this Sunday.
Photos: A seat on my walk this afternoon and the new addition to the stable.

I love my job!

I am stressed in my job. I am often frustrated in my job. If you have read this blog often you would have seen my cathartic outbursts. Before I go to bed tonight I just want to report, "I love my job." Today was an "ordinary" day, I worked my way through it. I had a Night Shelter meeting to attend at 5:30 p.m. I had been to St John Ambulance and sat talking to people. I talked with some of the guys who call into Space2B at the Church during lunch time. At 3 p.m. I went to the fire stations. It was there that I was reminded why I love this job. I had three in depth conversations. They were deepish conversations that you would have with a close friend. They were the icing on the cake, because they reminded me that I was welcomed by the different people I had talked with during the whole day. When I arrived at the fire station as I walked down the yard various guys yelled out, "Hi Father Ted!" in the warmest way. I was late to the Night Shelter meeting because I was reluctant to end my last conversation. It was warm with a deep sense of two friends journeying through life. Even at the night shelter meeting here was not just another committee, but a group of like minded friends who work toward a common purpose.  Tonight, at least, I love my job. It feels like a privileged position.

Yeah - I'm "different".

A good friend who is Catholic texted me saying, "Nice photo of u @ pentecost svs!" I didn't have a clue what he was talking about until another good Catholic friend from Central Otago emailed me a page from the "Tablet", the local Catholic paper. The subject line of his email read, "Cross dressers" and he began his email saying, "At least one guy looked dressed!" At ecumenical ceremonies I feel quite out of it, like a pimple on a face, but I am happy.... A robe is not "me".

Values.... sex and money and "building houses".

After the horse has bolted...
One of the things that breaks my heart is that I often talk with people who have got themselves in a bit of a mess. They tell me the story and I listen lovingly, but I find myself saying in my mind, "How bloody stupid! Why did you make that choice or those choices? Anyone can see that would lead to trouble!" I often think of the values that lead to people making disastrous choices and think, "They ought to know better?" The impatient side of me says, "Why the hell should I feel sorry for you?" In some cases even I am deeply disappointed. They have been around me for years, I have been their minister but none of what I live for and preach seems to have rubbed off.  I often wish I could have intervened earlier, before things got messy. Often when people get around to talking with someone in my position the horse has bolted long ago. There are often distortions in values that lead to problems. I want to share a couple.
Sex and money.
I have not done it, but if I were to go through all the troubles I have heard people get into a pickle over, I think a high proportion of contributing factors to the problems would be distorted values over sex and money.
First let me think about sex. I am probably going to sound like an old fashion Bible bashing wowser, but again and again as I have listened to people's predicament I have thought of saying, "You shouldn't have 'dipped your wick' so easily!" I recall a very earthy farmer coming to me in a small farming village where we lived, asking me about problems various people in the area had, and if I could recommend counsellors or others who could help? As he left he turned and said to me, "My old father had a bit of advice which these people we've been talking about should have listened to." He went on, "When I left home to work elsewhere, and again when I got married my old dad took me aside and said, 'Son remember this, keep it in your pants!' "  Then he went on, "If these people we have been talking about had heard and heeded such advice they would not be in the shit now!" He was right! Now let me tell you I love sex. (even at my age!) While I did not have sex before marriage, I am not one to scream and yell and thump the pulpit about "no sex before marriage", and say that if you do "you are evil". But I do think it is wise to recognise that for the sake of happiness, sex must go together with some level of relational intimacy and depth. In this day and age we think we are all grown up and we can have casual sex or imbibe easily and early in a relationship without it hurting us. But in my listening to hurt people and stuffed up lives, again and again I find myself thinking, "If only you had 'kept it in your pants' " or "If only you had waited a while longer it wouldn't hurt this much now!" While I might not want us to go back to stifling Victorian perspectives, there was some truth in them.  I have the book "The Joy of sex" by Alex Comfort. In it he is talking about contraception, and how irresponsible it is to bring unwanted children into the world. Its a long time since I read it but I recall he said, "If you can't discuss contraception freely, perhaps you should ask yourself, should we be having sex in the first place?" Even this very liberal book on sexual matters recognises that some level of intimacy of relationship should go along with having sex. (I think to have mutually great sex, it helps if the couple have a deep level and a freedom of relational intimacy.) The apostle Paul wrote, "... the man who joins himself to a prostitute becomes physically one with her. The scripture says quite plainly, 'The two will become one body' " Now I don't think I would thump the table on this as much as Paul, but in my experience I think that having sex with another adds a different dimension to the relationship, which without a deeper relational intimacy can make things more complicated. In spite of the modern messages that say casual sex is OK, I encounter so many hurting and stuffed up lives because of it.
Money or material wealth... or "Looking wealthy."
Now even  more  insidious and dangerous than casual sex is people's love of money and their need to look materially wealthy. I see this again and again. I have seen families divided over money and inheritances. I have seen married couples ruining their relationship together by claiming individual money and competing over money. There are beneficiaries and families spending money they can ill afford on cars and phones just so that they look wealthy. There are people living under all sorts of stress because they buy houses for status and not necessarily within their price range. One man said to me recently that he felt imprisoned in a job he hated because he was so much in debt. There are people enslaved by big loans that cover things they could happily live without. One New Testament writer said; For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. He was right. We fall for the big assumption that money is the be-all and end of life. It is preached to us every time we open up our computers, turn on TV or read our news paper. But money/wealth does not make the person. It does not bring happiness. It is often that illusive happiness that disappears when we try to grasp it. Money does not bring fulfillment. Some one has written that our society is a bit like a shop where some vandal has got in and changed the price tags. The things that are truly valuable, are marked down as cheap; the things that ultimately are not worth much are tagged as valuable. We constantly pierce ourselves with griefs" and this malady is of epidemic proportions in our society.  
Building Houses?
I was thinking about these things and in particular some people I had listened to this week. In frustration and sadness I asked my wife out loud, "What would Jesus say? What would Jesus do?"  As I pondered that it struck me. I think he would tell a story. Here is the one I think he might just tell, with deep sadness in his voice;

"All those who listen to my words and do something about them are like a wise man who builds his house on a rock. The man laid a strong foundation by digging deep into the earth. Then he worked carefully and slowly making sure the building was strong and secure on the rock. And then the rains and floods came and the wind blew hard and beat against the house. But the house did not fall because it was built on a strong foundation.
But the person who hears my words and does nothing with them is like a stupid or foolish man who built his house on the sand. This man did not build a strong deep foundation and built his house very quickly. His tall house was built fast and he moved in feeling safe. Soon the rains and floods came and the wind blew beating against the house. The tall house without a strong foundation just couldn't stand up to the flooding and winds and it cracked and the whole house collapsed."
The crowds were surprised at Jesus' story. Jesus warned them that if the people did not build their life on a deep foundation and follow his teachings then they too would find that their house had fallen down.

Now I am not one to shout, "You can only be saved in Jesus Christ!" but he does teach and show basic eternal values that we ignore at our peril. If our lives, if our society and our world ignore these values, we ultimately increase our own misery.

Love and stuff.

The Apostle Paul wrote these words in Romans 12.

⁹Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; ¹⁰love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. ¹¹Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. ¹²Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. ¹³Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers. ¹⁴Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. ¹⁵Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. ¹⁶Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. ¹⁷Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. ¹⁸If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. .............. ²¹Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. 

What is genuine love? I am basically a shy person who does not find it easy to meet new people. I do that in my job, but I am super sensitive to how people react to me. When I decided to train for ministry people were quite sure I was not really cut out for the job, but here I am forty years later still in the job.  Theologians are quick to point out that the love that Jesus commanded was not the "feeling" sort of love, but a love that is first and foremost "willed". But Paul says, "Let love be genuine".  One of the surprising things I find is that I actually love people! I am not always good at expressing that love, but I do deeply feel for and with people. "Fred" was the tipsy guy in Drop-in centre last week. He was in a way a nuisance disturbing the peace, but I really really ached for him. The town drunk we'll call here "Jill", wants a hug from me and I hug her. My hugs, to my surprise, are a genuine expression of affection. I was talking to a very attractive lady who had difficult decisions to make. I could sense she was aching inside, and all I wanted to do was to give her a hug! (Which I dare not do because it would be interpreted in the wrong way) I ached with her about her predicament. I see people saying stupid things, making silly decisions and under the power of addictions or others expectations and I genuinely feel sorry for them. I see people whose actions I loathe, but I still feel for them as a person, and I grieve that they distort their lives in the way they do. I am genuinely sad for them, even though I loathe their behaviour. You see as this shy guy shares with people, I actually do "weep with those who weep, and rejoice with those who rejoice." And I am sorry theologians, but it is not so much a "willed" love, but a deep current of feeling that makes me want to do things to help these people.

This surprises me, because as a sort of insecure young person, I naturally tended to be selfish and not expose myself to others. I would say that as a young man I was not a person that could be described as "loving". Maybe even now, I am not good at expressing the love I feel. But somewhere along the way there has been some sort of inner spiritual transplant that causes me to feel deeply about the people I encounter. This feeling helps me to overcome some of my timidness. It also gives me a weird sense of connection to the "sacred", I sense that I join "him" in the loving journey. It comes from deep within, but somehow is not "me", but something - some one - bigger than me that possesses me.

I am sure that some people think that I am stupidly naive - that I have rose tinted glasses and just see the good in people. Some think that I do not know when people are ripping me off or pulling the wool over my eyes. People also think that I am too soft on people, that their predicament is their fault and that they should be left to sort themselves out. (People have implied such things in comments made to me.) I have been around people long enough to know that we all are a mixture of bad and good. I am not naive or soft, I know perhaps more than most the ugly side of people. I certainly see the destruction that evil causes. When I was a little boy I remember reading a book entitled "Give a dog a bad name." It was a book about a little boy who befriended a wild dog. The villagers all said this dog was bad and chased it if they saw it. This boy believed that the dog was not as bad as the villagers made out, his theory was that because they chased the dog and saw it as bad, it sometimes snarled at them - treat it right, see it as good and it will be good. So I believe that focusing on the bad in people only makes them bad. They live up to or down to people's expectations.  If I can love them in spite of the bad, maybe they will become more loving. I am not stupidly blind to the bad, (And I have met some real bastards) but choose not to let it determine my feelings toward my brother or sister. To my surprise I find I really love some bad buggers. 


It is a strange, mystifying yet deeply gratifying experience. Me, Dave Brown, a mixed up twit, with all sorts of dysfunctional parts to me, actually genuinely loves people! Amazing! Miracles happen! I am pleased because it enriches my life so much!


I waffle and burble, but its me trying to express that which cannot be expressed. Amazing Grace!

Catching up.

Busier & busier.
With telling strange stories from my past it is some time since I really shared. Life seems to be getting busier and busier. Without my going looking for it, every part of my life (Church, chaplaincies, Night Shelter etc.) seems to have additional extras hitting me. Each day never seems to have enough hours in it, I often work late at night, and am often lying awake stewing on tasks unfinished. While I am coping, there are times when I feel a bit stretched.
Night Shelter
I am on the Dunedin Night Shelter Trust. Because of funding constraints we have been going through a series of restructuring meetings. This has involved extra meetings and also some different experiences. As deputy chair I went along as support for the chairman when we met with staff essentially making them redundant. I was also involved in the interview process for the new appointment. It has been quite a learning curve and been a little bit sad and stressful. Normally as a Workplace chaplain I am wrist rubbing people who face redundancy, not making people redundant.
Chaplaincy
I visit four work places every week, and three of the four have "stuff" happening. The Brewery has changes because of Christchurch earthquakes. Again I have had to take on board some of the pain of people having to change and having to make decisions. There are so many new people down from Christchurch that at times it feels like a new chaplaincy. I am pleased that people talk, even though it involves extra time and stress.
National leaders visit
Two representatives of our denomination's national leadership group came for a visit to see where we are at and to try to encourage us to go to a convention. They are on a different wavelength than where I am at, so I was a little stressed about their visit. As it turned out things were kept at a fairly light level and it was a reasonable meeting. I appreciated their determination to visit, since the ash cloud prevented their first arranged visit. But I am (and can't help but being) "different" than where they are at.
A good book
I have read a book by Marcus Borg and John Dominic Crossan on the Apostle Paul. (The First Paul) It is a good book, helping me to put Paul's writings in context and understand them better. I will be referring to it again and again in my sermon preparation I am sure. One thing they point out is the movement within the New Testament that "domesticates" the Way of Jesus and of the radical Paul. There are genuine letters of Paul. There are letters, attributed to Paul, which most scholars agree are not from his hand. And there are letters whose authorship are disputed and questioned. The Borg & Crossan go through such subjects as slavery, equality of the sexes, and relationship to governing authorities and they show how in genuine Paul letters there is radical teaching which slowly gets more conformed to cultural norms as you go from genuine letters, to disputed letters to those later ones which are definitely not Paul's. I think this process always goes on within the church. Jesus is modified so that we can handle him. Anyway, I commend the book.
Drop-in story... "I just wanna be loved"
We run a drop-in centre on Friday nights. Lately we have been getting about 50 through. Mental health patients, unemployed, people with addictions and others. We have run it since 1995, and it is still worth having in my view. One of our regulars in his 40's came in on Friday night with a few beers in. He has been deaf most of his life, so is hard to understand. Early in the night my wife went up to him and offered him food, encouraging him to quieten down a bit. He grinned, said, "Yes" then putting his arms around her shoulders and gave her a tender kiss on her forehead. It was quite cute. A little later on he was upset and he ushered me behind a curtain to talk in private. He pulled out a plate out of his mouth and showed me how the two front teeth it was holding had broken off. He was sure it had happened in the drop-in.  Almost sobbing he said, "They cost a lot! - 800 bucks!" rubbing his fingers together like he had notes in his hand. Then he said something very sad. "Look at me?" pointing to his mouth with gaps where teeth should be, "I look funny! - All I want is someone to love me! - they won't now!"  A little later as he was leaving he thought someone said something insulting to him, he spun around and with fist clenched strode toward them yelling. My wife calmly stepped in front of him and like a mother calmed him down. He will be back this week apologising. It reminded me of another drop in guy who said to me once, "I just want a girlfriend. Why can't I get a girlfriend?" We have a notorious lady who comes who is often drunk and sometimes smelling. Lately whenever she comes, she will stand in front of me, and insist on a hug sometime during the night! I do like her. I find, though they are very different from me, I feel deeply about my Friday night friends.
Why am I different?
The National leaders talk statistics and want me to go to a convention where I'll learn about "reaching people", "adding to your church". I get copious leaflets, letters and posters inviting me to attend such seminars. (The cynic in me wonders if some people are not making big money out of running conventions for insecure pastors .... they often cost a lot to attend!) I have other ministers, both liberal and conservative, who I talk with who are wrapped up in "growing the Church" and the church "establishment."  I ask myself, why do I feel out of step and not in tune with these guys and this emphasis? Is it that I am trying to rationalise the fact that my church is not bursting at the seams? Am I theologising my failure? I don't think so. I just think differently. I worked it out that I ask different questions. They ask, "How can we grow the church?" My prior question is, "What does it mean to be a community of followers of Jesus today? How do we give a true expression of the faith?" They see God's Kingdom as fairly closely allied with the church. I see the movement of God, the kingdom of God, the forcefield of God in the world, in people, groups and society and even in other spiritualities. They feel called to the Church. I feel called to Dunedin, with the Church as a base for ministry in the city. They see Jesus as the Son of God who came to start a new and true religion. I see Jesus as a God-person, a God filled Jewish person who had a sense of call to make the faith real for people, and connect them to the love at the heart of the universe, and therefore with each other. ... I am just different, bouncing from different starting points. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I should not be a minister within the church, I push the boundaries of orthodoxy? I cannot be anywhere else though.
Health
I have not been running or biking regularly. My knee is playing up and does not want to come right. (Though I notice improvements - it is not "grating" as it used to do.) My running friend, for different reasons also has an injured knee. Our once a week runs are now a walk up to and around a city reservoir and back down the hill. (see the panorama photos she took and made up) I also went to the specialist at the hospital about my prostate. I will spare you the details of the tests (not a fun pastime) but to my surprise the doctor turned out to be a delightful young asian lady doing these very un-delightful things to me! She was comfortable with my condition but booked a biopsy for sometime in the future.
Space2B
I have this dream of my down town church building being a centre for a lot of life-enhancing things happening in it and around it. That is a part of what I call "Space2B"... my dream for the church. We had a political hopeful call on Saturday night. (We had a multi-cultural mid-winter potluck tea and short concert) He is a candidate in a fairly safe seat in the next parliamentary elections to be held later in the year. He introduced himself and said, "I hear this place is a hub for a lot of things happening around it. Is that right?" I grinned - he had described my dream.  I replied, "Yes, that's where we are headed, we have a way to go, but that's what we want to happen." I was pleased with that feedback. If he's hearing that, maybe we're headed in the right direction.

Life's an interesting journey and that has been my path lately. Journey well whoever and where ever you are.  - God is in you and among you.

Photos: Taken by Jane

Keeping junk pays off!

We were browsing in a secondhand store this morning. There we found a door and window set for nearly $300 that could replace a non-sliding door in our house. We took measurements and found it was about 20ml too big all around - it could be made to fit? Should we buy it? It would be quite a bit of work? We looked at the current sliding (non-sliding) door more closely. How does it work? Why does it not work? We found plastic rollers worn out. The screws to get at the rollers also would not work. Thinking!.... thinking! .... thinking! "I reckon old skateboard wheel bearings might fit in that groove! Where can we find some?" Dig around in son's old box of junk... "Darn! I know I threw a box of old skateboard stuff out in the last tidy up! - Here's one! ... it fits!"

I showed it to my wife who then disappeared. She reappeared with four more wheel bearings. With CRC to loosen them up, a lot of grunting to fit them in place, we now have a sliding door which actually slides freely! Like wow! Being a hoarder is not all bad. Saved $300 and a lot of work!