Thinking on Muslims while gardening.

My day off.

I sit here with a cold beer at hand and delightfully aching shoulders and back. I have had a good day off mostly digging in the garden. I went out to the vegetable garden where I had prepared some ground near a climbing frame. I planted snow peas, the ones you eat pod and all raw. I love them. I put in radish seeds as well, because they are a great encouragement to any gardener - I'll eat them in a few weeks. I was then instructed to fill the hen's hopper with mash. While doing this I noticed that the bolt on the hen house had self destructed. We have a hen house which I constructed out of old walls from a house 23 years ago. It isn't pretty but has housed hens all that time. I set about with carpentry tools to repair the door. We then concentrated on doing some serious work in the vegetable garden. My wife has her patch, which is more fruitful than mine. I have my patches which largely get neglected and any vegetables have to grow among weeds. It was a nice warm day and we worked steadily in our respective patches. We had Max our old dog watching us on one side and our two goats lying in the paddock also checking us out.  Max is very old for his breed and has some health concerns so I suspect he will not be around for much longer.  He seemed to enjoy his day in the vege garden with us. I dug and prepared a big patch of ground, working away in this idyllic setting. A duck and five ducklings wandered in the next door paddock. The birdsong in the surrounding trees was lovely background music. Wood pigeons flew from tree to tree. I saw one and I am sure he was just showing off his flying skills. He would fly upwards fast, stall, slide backwards then break off into a glide like a stunt pilot.  Late in the afternoon the place became more idyllic - for a while. I heard someone singing in the distance and looked on the hill in the farm paddock a distance away. It looked like a teenage boy sitting singing, the sheep munching in the paddock nearby. "How neat" I thought and remembered my son when he was much younger wandering through the long grass of a farmer's paddock singing at the top of his voice. I continued digging and the noise changed. I could not make out the sentences or words except one oft repeated word. It sounds like duck, but starts with an "F". I looked up, he was quite a  distance away, but I think he was talking on his cell phone and yelling, " F.... blah blah F blah blah blah F blah blah blah... F'ing... blah blah blah...F'ed blah blah.. etc." Whoever he was talking to had obviously annoyed him and he was yelling down the phone at them. This word, and no others, kept coming across the paddock at me as clear as a bell. In the end he let out a whole lot of "F's" in a row, put his phone in his pocket and stormed off toward his house. "Oh well" I thought, "Sometimes I have felt like that!" In the quietness and beauty of this scene, it was a funny change.

Muslims

During the day I had to send some emails and checked for responses regularly. Like a lot of people, I receive emails that are circulating around. Some are jokes which are a good laugh. Some have thoughtful and encouraging messages in them. Others I receive seem to be hate mail against Muslims. There seems to be a movement in America itching for an all out war with them, and some of the emails make me angry. Some are concerned about the increasing Muslim presence. Here is an extract from one such email...

There are now thousands of mosques throughout Europe . With larger congregations than there are in churches.  And in every European city there are plans to build super-mosques that will dwarf every church in the region.  Clearly, the signal is: we rule.

Many European cities are already one-quarter Muslim: just take Amsterdam , Marseille and Malmo in Sweden .  In many cities the majority of the under-18 population is Muslim.  Paris is now surrounded by a ring of Muslim neighborhoods.  Mohammed is the most popular name among boys in many cities.

In some elementary schools in Amsterdam the farm can no longer be mentioned, because that would also mean mentioning the pig, and that would be an insult to Muslims.

Many state schools in Belgium and Denmark only serve halal food to all pupils.  In once-tolerant Amsterdam gays are beaten up almost exclusively by Muslims.  Non-Muslim women routinely hear 'whore, whore'.  Satellite dishes are not pointed to local TV stations, but to stations in the country of origin. 

These emails worry me. We have a world which is under stress for all sorts of reasons. Economically the world is struggling. We face considerable environmental problems. There are tensions all around, and such winding up of tensions feels a little like a pile of dry straw around fireworks. People also point to very angry and warlike statements by various Muslims. How do we respond? What does a Jesus follower do? As I dug my garden my mind was stewing on these things. I have no easy answers, but I firmly believe two things.

We desperately need genuine followers of Jesus.

Where there is a vacuum air rushes in to replace the emptiness. I think that in religious terms where the Churches are weak in true faithful following of Jesus, Muslim faith, or any other faith can fill the void. Where Churches have little real influence in western society, other faiths and lifestyles will fill the void. As I look at Church life these days I often see weak imitations of the real thing. Where Christian faith appears strong it is often a very self serving, "bless me Jesus", "spiritual masturbation" type of religion. It can be very fundamentalist in nature. In the face of the increasing presence and awareness of Islam, such a religion feels threatened, builds walls and sometimes even encourages a military response to resist that which is seen as evil. Often in other churches I see a nominalism and a weak "Churchianity", rather than genuine followers of Jesus. Such a faith goes to Church on Sunday but essentially lives by the same secular, materialistic values as the world around about them. I believe in these times it is important that we do our best to be full-on genuine followers of Jesus, truly open to his ways of love. The Apostle Paul pleads, "Let love be genuine" and encourages the early Christians, even in a situation where they were being persecuted to do their best to live in harmony and so commend the gospel.  Jesus presents a picture of a servant community, where his disciples are in the world as servants. Communities of true disciples of Jesus, display a wholesome, useful, life-enhancing lifestyle which is not a vacuum, but an attractive force for good and for love.  As a minister and workplace chaplain I spend a lot of time among non-christian people. One man at a fire-station said recently, "Since when did Churches bring good news? Its always bad news, judgement and death." Of course he is wrong, but because of the weakness of so much that is called Christianity, there seems to be little evidence to counter his statement. Communities of true loving, active servant disciples will not have to defend themselves, they will be living their truth in such a way that it would be hard to argue against.

In these times we need to believe in the power of love.

We call ourselves "christian" and say we are following Jesus, but often we do not believe in the essential truth he died expressing. Our Churches are filled with crosses. The cross reminds us of the power of evil - a good man was put to death by the religious and political leaders of his day. But the cross is seen as a symbol of triumph. We believe that somehow in the death, the love of God in Jesus had power over evil. Jesus went to the cross believing that the path of love, even though it meant death, is more powerful than evil. We as his disciples struggle to have the same faith. When something like Islam threatens us, sometimes in the name of our religion we see the answer lies in hatred, resistance and military force. We forget the heart of the gospel - love conquers evil. Martin Luther King says, "The only thing that has any power to turn enemies into friends is love." Studdart Kennedy writes, "I believe that evil dies, love lives on, loves on and conquers all". I believe that in these times the followers of Jesus must overcome any evil that is in our communities or a part of expressions of the Muslim faith by out-loving the opposition. Whatever our response to the increasing Muslim presence should be, it must remember, trust and rely upon the power of love.  

Sunday night stewing.

Stadium concert
The local newspaper, the Otago Daily Times turns 150 years tomorrow. They celebrated by putting on a free community concert at Dunedin's new stadium. You had to put a gold coin donation into a bucket for "can kids" which I think is a kids cancer appeal.- Well 50% of the money went to the kids.  The concept of the community concert was quite good. It was an OK concert. I struggled to hear the words of the songs and even of the announcers from where I was sitting. It was loud enough but somehow distorted. I haven't worked out whether it is me going deaf, the sound system or the presenters. I enjoyed the occasion, the music and the dancers. :-)  I even enjoyed seeing the stadium in action.

The thing that rankled about the concert is that it seemed also to be a celebration of the building of the stadium. At some stages during the concert it seemed like the "old boys network" of the city were saying, "See we won!" The stadium was built in spite of quite a lot of opposition. There were, in my view, some questionable communications and politicking and it has laid a substantial financial burden on the city. ( i.e. Rate payers like me.) I like the stadium, it is a good addition to an area where there are a number of sport facilities. But I was not a fan of the stadium. It seemed to me the city fathers had put a lot of money into the old rugby ground, building all sorts of additions. Then a relatively short time later they decided it was not good enough, and now have poured untold money into this new stadium. I think it is great pity somebody did not do some future planning a long time ago. It would have been a lot cheaper all around. I also question why one sector of the community, i.e. the rugby fraternity, gets so much assistance from public money. (This goes wider than just the stadium) The gloating about the stadium rankled, because I think those opposed had some legitimate concerns, some of which have been vindicated by financial hassles within the council. Now it is a reality, I hope it gets used well.

Fifty years ago when the paper turned 100 I was a paper boy getting up early every morning and delivering the Otago Daily Times. I became a skilled paper boy. I could fold papers better than others, carry more papers than others and deliver faster.  At one stage I was delivering papers in the morning and again with the evening paper. Sometimes during holiday times I would do three runs with the evening paper. I enjoyed my paper runs partly because as a loner in a fairly crowded family I could have time alone doing my own thinking. That year they gave us each a book of cartoons from the cartoonist, a very clever cartoonist, by the name of Sid Scales. I still have my copy.

A photo taken about 20 minutes before the main concert.

The book that they gave me as a paper boy 50 years ago.

"Gee you take on some tricky subjects!"

This is what a man told me about the subject of our service this morning. I told them last week I was going to tell them how to vote. I think some people turned up just to check out what I was going to say. I remained "neutral", I did not push one party above the other. What I did was to raise the sorts of things I believe followers of Jesus need to consider as they cast a vote on election day. In NZ election day is on November 26th. I suspect the National Party that is currently government will be returned. Here is the outline of my sermon.

As a political party works out how it handles the economy, it must include caring for the poor.

I pointed to biblical passages in the Old Testament where the understanding of God is that he had a concern for the poor. Consistently the biblical writers highlight that the nation if it is living God's ways, will not neglect the needs of the poor. The prophets of old in a sense warn "Neglect the poor at your peril!" They talked in terms of the judgement of God, but the language rightly understood is that they are saying the consequences of neglecting the poor is bad for any nation. (We could widen that to include the world economy) Every party thinks that its way of handling the economy is better than the other. We must check to see that they support the needy. The National Party has billboards up saying "Vote National for a brighter future!" or some such wording. The sceptic in me wants to get a paint can and add the question, "For whom?" That's the question I believe we need to ask of any party's economic plans.

There are wider important issues to consider than just the economy.

As the parties campaign you get the feeling that the economy is the only issue at steak. But there are other issues. We need to be asking "What sort of ethos do this party's policies encourage in our country?" Are we accepting of other cultures? How do we value our people who are "different"? We can think of people with mental health or intellectual difficulties. Is our education system just geared toward fitting people to participate in the economic world, or do we try to build more rounded, whole people, able to appreciate wider and deeper aspects of life? Are any particular groups made to be scapegoats for some of the ills of society? Do the policies feed on stereotype ideas of various groups? We need to be asking as we select the party to vote for, "What sort of society do we want New Zealand to be?" 

We need to have leadership in Government who are willing to look after the world we live in.

Our world is struggling to cope with the western life style. We are running out of oil. The oil we get these days is a lot harder to extract and will not last for ever. This predicament will put pressure on the economies, increase tensions between countries and ultimately really impact on the poor and powerless. We are contributing to global warming and ultimate significant and damaging climate change. These are just a couple of indicators that the planet is under stress from our lifestyle. As followers of Jesus we are called to care for this earth that we have been gifted. It is also a justice issue. What sort of earth are we going to leave for future generations? Whoever is in government needs to be tackling these big questions. The times we live in require leaders who encourage exploration of these issues. We need to be finding ways we can adapt to these realities and still have a good lifestyle. As a society we will have to modify our behaviour, find solutions and make changes. The party we choose to vote for must have the insight to at least be facing up to these circumstances, now before it is too late. 

Anyway that's my thinking. I think I'll be voting for the Labour party, even though they seem a bit at a loss at the moment. We are also having a referendum about our voting system.  I like our current "Mixed Member Proportional" electoral system. I think it is fair, more truly representative of the will of the people, and allows the voice of the smaller parties to be heard. These often bring a more careful consideration of issues and some modifying of more rigid perspectives. 

That's my thoughts tonight. Tomorrow is my day off!

Busyness and "missionaries"

Blood bank appointment.
On Thursday morning I had an 8:10 a.m. appointment with the blood bank. (My 20th donation they informed me) I arrived and went through the normal checks. As I settled into the couch/bed thingy (they would be great to have at home) the nurse proceeded to stick the needle in and get my blood flowing to a plastic bag that rocks away beside the bed. Making small talk the nurse asked if I had a big day ahead of me. I hesitated, then said "Yes, till about 9 tonight."  Then came the inevitable question I often hate, "What do you do?"  'Here comes the end to the conversation' I thought. As soon as you say, "I am a church minister" people often stop talking. I said that then went on to explain that I do workplace chaplaincy as well. This conversation did continue for a while and was quite pleasant. As I sat there with my blood flowing out of me thinking about my day ahead it dawned on me that I do work long hours. That day I had two chaplaincies to visit, a New Immigrants' tour to help host, preparation to do and a meeting to attend. As it turned out my carefully planned timetable was interrupted by a visit to a man and his sister whose 101 year old mum is nearing the end of her life.
Busy but OK about it
I decided as I sat there doing some mental arithmetic that I "work" around 60 hours a week. I do find these days that I tend to have "flat" days every now and then when my work is slow because I am a bit burned out.  The next day, however, I hit my straps again so I accept this cycle. My "work" is interesting in that I go from being a minister in Church to a chaplain "out there." I pass from being a thoughtful reader and contemplative to an active conversationalist. My job can involve doing administration to practical furniture moving, venue preparing activity. I tend to have each day loaded with things to do so I am moving from one to the other with a sense of adventure. Lunch times are also work. Often because it involves conversation it does not feel like work. I will say sometimes, "I better go do some work." and the people I am talking to in Space2B or chaplaincy will remind me, "You are working! This is your work!" I still look forward to retirement though, I guess long to be free of constantly having stuff to do over my head.
Youth with a Mission
I arrived at the drop-in centre after a busy Friday. My wife informed me that three of the guests at the Drop-in that night were to be young people from Youth with a Mission. A part of their training, apparently is to hit the road with little in their pocket and visit places. These three, two young women and a guy, had hitched rides from Ashburton and arrived in town and had found out that we ran a Friday night drop-in centre.  "Everybody knows this church" they said about their detective work around town. They had no accommodation planned, it is all part of "having faith". They were all from overseas and I found out, in the little conversation we managed, they were attractive nice people to talk with.  We fed them alongside the others at the drop-in, (telling them that we do not preach at people) they mixed constructively with people and even did some dishes.(A big plus in my book) I lined up some accommodation at the night shelter and dropped them there. Perhaps I should have been more christian and had them at our home?  I am just not sure about the process? We could have used them better if we knew they were coming? Does God want us to bludge off others in the way they are doing?   Perhaps I am bludging off others? After-all people donate to pay me. Anyway I got them two nights' accommodation. It does make you think though. Here were keen Christian young people, I wonder, how did they perceive what we were doing at the drop-in centre?  Maybe I'll ask them if I see them again.  As we showed them to their room at the Night Shelter, the naughty side of me felt jealous. What a great life this young guy from Finland had - swanning around the country with two gorgeous young women!  I think I'll join Youth With A Mission!  :-)

Me at a summit?

I went to this resilience summit the other day. This was the one where the invitation involved flattery. You may well ask what on earth do you mean by "resilience"?
The situation
There was quite a lot of reading in preparation for this summit and it all seemed bad news. There seemed to be a whole lot of things happening which meant that our lifestyle is under threat. The rise in the world population and the need for this greater population to be drawing on the resources of the world. There is also the reality that oil is fast running out. It is becoming more and more difficult to get. Once it would cost the equivalent of one barrel of oil to get fifty barrels of oil. These days the average is something like 1:17 and in the sands of Canada 1:4.  Some suggest that "peak oil" has been reached and oil production is all down hill from here. The best estimates are that there is about thirty years left of oil resources. Whatever happens, oil prices will keep rising dramatically, this  will cause economic recession, tensions and difficulties in all sorts of areas. To give an example. Much of the food we in NZ buy in the supermarkets is imported. (This is silly and more a matter of taste because NZ surely can grow enough to feed itself?) But when oil gets expensive this food becomes even more expensive or more difficult to get. When the February Christchurch earthquake happened Dunedin ran out of bread! This was because bread production had largely been centralised in Christchurch.  Oil prices would make such a plan costly and unsustainable.  The third lot of bad news surrounds climate change. It is, to my mind, unquestionably true that we humans are contributing to the factors that lead to global warming and climate change. The news is all bad with dire predictions for the years ahead.  The papers presented gave indications about what parts of Dunedin would be severely affected by sea level rise. It gave good and bad news about the implications of climate change with an increased risk of flooding. These are just the main indicators that our current lifestyle is overloading our planet and its systems.  There are changes that need to happen.
Resilience
"Resilience" in this context means the ability to adapt to the new situation and respond creatively, enabling a good lifestyle to continue. This summit drew together a bunch of people in our city so that we can make some sort of report to the local city council with ideas about how our city can best respond and adapt to the circumstances facing us. We heard three speakers and then split up into groups where we discussed such topics as energy, food supply, rising sea level impacts, climate change challenges and transport. They invited a total of one hundred citizens they thought worth inviting and I was, for some reason, one of them. I was told that I would be the only clergy type person there, which was a sad reflection on where people felt the religious community was at.
Admiration and jealousy
As I listened to speakers, I was particularly impressed with two of them. One lady in fifteen minutes gave a great summary of the situations we face. I wished I had a copy of her slides and speech. It was concise but full of hard hitting facts.  The other impressive speech was given by a third year law student who talked from a young persons point of view. He spoke passionately about how the older generation (me and younger) were really loading problems, debt and issues on generations yet to come. An example he gave was actions that led to the extinction of species, which future generations may not get to see. The price of our inaction on climate change will be carried by younger and future generations. He spoke well and made sense. When we broke up into groups I was impressed by the articulate thinkers in my group. I enjoyed the way they discussed things and the speed with which they heard and responded to one another. I just listened for a long time then began to raise questions. I always admire quick and articulate minds, but at the same time there is a little jealousy. I think of things but only as I am walking back to the office or lying in bed stewing on my day.
World view/values issues
This whole subject raises questions about our whole world view and understanding about life. We see progress as "growth". The political parties are campaigning in NZ and the main issues are the economy and growth. People are "successful" if they make money, have a big house and car and consume more. But the issues facing our world tell us the world cannot sustain such a world view and these values any longer. To change our impact we have to begin to rethink our values. We need to re-evaluate our values and what we see as what makes life "good".  Many of the suggestions we threw around were good but were in essence just band-aids. Some how a new way of understanding life needs to be explored.
Where do I fit in?
On this whole area of resilience and sustainability I have been a quiet supporter. Ever since I read the book "Enough is enough" by John V Taylor away back in the 70's I have dabbled in a more sustainable, simpler lifestyle. More recently I have used the resources of the church building to support sustainability courses and efforts in Dunedin. I have not been involved myself, so much as helping support other's work. This Summit experience is making me think that maybe this is a cause I should get off my bum about and put some action into. Maybe I should join Sustainability Dunedin and help them along with my time and talents. Anyway I enjoyed talking with the people and found an affinity with them. I was energised and inspired. "The sacred" is in this movement, even though religious people have not caught up on where he is. Watch this space!

My wife was wrong...

Just a few photos from my evening bike ride.

I rode down the boat harbour wall to watch Kayakers. Dunedin's new stadium is in the background.

Some guys working late doing a new sign on the exterior of the stadium.  Rather them than me in that cage up so high. I saw them there early in the day too.

This road has been blocked for a while but I think people were moving the barriers to suit. The lumps of concrete have been added. I REALLY don't think they want the road used.

I often write about "my" Mount Cargill. Here it is from down at the CBD level. It is  on the northern outskirts of Dunedin. It is the lump with the radio tower on it. The second lump to the right is Butters Peak.

I had a good day off today. We went up town for morning tea and did some shopping. I bought a hard drive and a fancy new multifunction power tool. In the afternoon I did some gardening and in the evening went for a bike ride. This is where my wife was wrong. (It happens from time to time ... I don't always tell her when she is wrong.) She said that there was no wind. It is often very calm where we are. Because of this when I was contemplating what I would do for exercise she suggested that I go for a bike ride. I got on my bike but when I got out onto the harbour road I discovered I had a stiff tail wind which meant a head wind on the way home. I usually don't enjoy pushing into a wind on the return journey when you are already tired, but tonight I did enjoy getting out on my bike. Because I filled my day up with shopping, digging and biking I have not thought much about work, it has been a good switched off day. I had a phone call around lunch hour which I had to respond to and as part of that the lady wanted me to name a time when she and I could get together this week. I said I would email her my diary. I got to thinking about the week ahead. I am going to struggle to find time to fit her in! I thought my week was easier this week? I'll have to rob Peter to pay Paul again. I looked for an evening when I could do some more digging or climb my mountain. I discovered I am out for four of the next five nights. It is a full on life I lead. We have had three phone calls today from people booking in for our Christmas day community dinner. We also had one from a person wanting to volunteer. The silly season has started for us, but I will enjoy it. It will be our 23rd Community Christmas Day Dinner.

Sunday night again.

Sunday afternoon walk.
I went up "my" Mount Cargill from Bethunes Gully, the longest track. As I was headed up I encountered a lot of women trampers of all ages coming down. One I did not recognise at first said a warm "Hello". She was a woman from one of my chaplaincies and stopped to talk awhile. I asked why all these women and she told me it was a tramping group. They had started at 8 a.m. and done three peaks.... Flagstaff, across to Swampy summit and then over to Mount Cargill. I said I was so jealous, what a great way to spend the day. I told her I loved to walk up Mount Cargill. She enthusiastically replied, "You should join a tramping club!" I said ruefully, "Maybe when I retire." I know that with my schedule I could not be part of a club just now. I have explored running clubs, cycling clubs and tramping clubs but as a minister I cannot really participate in any of these. Sundays are often their main day for activity and I am too busy during the week to be involved. I wonder if I will regret the job I am in later in life?
  I took the video because I wanted to communicate the sounds I enjoy on the walk. I like the sound of the little waterfalls. I also love the evening birdsong though its not in the video.
Wedding
I conducted a wedding ceremony on Saturday. The bride was a lady in her forties who I had met on Habitat for Humanity sites and who had been part of committees I was on. She is a very nice lady and we were thrilled when she developed this friendship with a nice guy, that evolved into them getting engaged. They asked if I would take the wedding and if they could have it in our Church, with refreshments to follow. There were to be only a few people there. I woke on Saturday morning with a dusting of snow on our cars and went in to town to meet the couple at the church. Together with her mum we set up tables and coffee machines and food. I went off to the office to finish the preparations for the wedding and the bride and groom went to different rooms to change out of their jeans. We all appeared all polished up and we had a brief but meaningful wedding ceremony. They had asked me if I would be happy for an elderly (86yrs) woman who is in their church cell group to pray for them. They asked her just before the ceremony and on cue she rose in beautiful fashion, held each of the couples hands and led in a beautiful heartfelt prayer of support for the couple. We then shared in sandwiches, dessert and cake together in the Church Friendship room. It was a sensible, meaningful and warm intimate wedding. A privilege to be a part of it.
People
I have said this before... I am lucky to be involved with people. I went to one chaplaincy on Wednesday and for a short time on Thursday. I was warmly greeted and chatted with people there. With one young man I worked out that I had taken the wedding of his girlfriends parents. He was quite intrigued as we talked about the family. I called at the brewery on Thursday also. In some ways it was not an official visit, because it was not my week, but I talked with about four people and we talked like old friends easily dropping into significant conversation. It was as I was walking back from the brewery that I felt privileged to have the job I have.  On Friday I visited fire stations. Of course I gave cheek and received good natured abuse but again I was warmly received. One man followed me out to the car and expressed appreciation sincerely and warmly for how I had led his dad's funeral. During the week I rang another man from a chaplaincy whose wife was in hospital. We talked briefly about her condition then he thanked me for touching base and said he would be in touch if he needed me, but mean time he will "abuse me as usual". We laughed and said our goodbyes. I get to be friends with a lot of people, it is special and I should appreciate it more.

Snow at low levels on Saturday morning in November!

Jason and Raewyn after their wedding with their friend Barbara who led the prayer of support.

A bridge on my Mt Cargill walk.

The path when you return to Bethunes Gully. 

Welcome back sleepless nights.

I have been on holiday for a week. We arrived home yesterday morning, I dropped off my luggage and raced into the office. I went home from work sometime after 8 p.m. after an Elders' Board meeting and then did some reading for Sunday's service. I went to bed with my traditional cup of Horlicks and dropped off to sleep easily. At around 1:30  I was wide awake for a toilet visit, then lay there stewing on my week ahead. "How do I fit all the stuff in? "  - "How am I going to handle that sleazy man I have to confront?" - "What will I preach on this week - follow the epistle lectionary and preach on 'death' or do a service thinking about questions to ask when voting?" - "What am I going to say at the wedding on Sunday? When am I going to prepare for the wedding? Stink! I said I would attend a professional development day on Friday? I'll have to remember to cancel my usual Friday morning coffee with a friend!" - "Will I keep on at the chaplaincy I want to drop till Christmas? How is the Church going to afford me when I drop it? How am I going to fit the hours in this week?" - "When can I fit in going back to see my brother-in-law? When will I get back into the garden?"  "I need to get into Christmas day dinner plans!" - "What is going to happen at the church in two years when I retire? Perhaps I'll hang around and support them? No I don't want to continue this stress, distortion and compromise!  But then I'll be seen as a quitter and not practicing what I preach?...." ... so it went on... I was still awake at 5 a.m. ... During my week off I had slept soundly  (except in strange beds there were times I missed the comfort of "my" pillows and "my" water bed.) ... Welcome back to the real world. Landed with a thud! Now I can't settle, our old dog Max is at the vet for xray and blood tests. Apparently the vet said, "He is old for a dog of his type?" I will miss him if this is the end. ... not going to have any more pets! Settle Dave... you have work to do! Roll on retirement!