Love actually...

My beautiful fast growing grand daughter. 

I often rant about the evils in the world but I have to tell you about the love I encountered today.

• I went into the office at around 9 a.m. and essentially spent the morning at the church. I had intended to go out but things prevented me. I had a visit from a Night Shelter friend and enjoyed talking night shelter business for a while. I enjoy his company whenever we get together. My wife came in and declared she was taking me to lunch. I bumped into St John people in the street and was warmly received and chatted freely. A representative from the Women Across Cultures Group who I let use our hall came with a donation from the women for the Church, and real words of appreciation. 
• I opened up my emails at one stage today and received a warm email of appreciation for my recent series of "If the Church were Christian..." sermons. The email expressed what they meant to this lady.
• I had a phone call from the Night Shelter friend again and he said I just had to meet somebody, it would be worth my while. I went and met this man who owned a farm a long way from Dunedin and he wanted to gift a regular supply of food for poor in Dunedin. We talked and prayed together.
• We had received furniture at the night shelter from a store but in moving one desk we had broken it. We went back to the store and he replaced the part for nothing, because it was the Night Shelter. Again we chatted warmly.
• I was warmly received at the fire station when I got there.
• We had a really warm and loving feel at the Drop-in centre tonight. We would have had fifty through but there just seemed to be a warmth and friendship that drew people together as a group. I looked at it and saw it was good. There were lots of life enhancing expressions of friendship being expressed.
• We came home from Drop-in and there were beautiful gifts of appreciation for help given left on our kitchen table.

It has been a day of warm fuzzy's, which is good for the soul.

I came home early

Don't tell my bosses but I came home early, and I am feeling a bit down. The thing that convinced me to come home was that the Korean congregation was going strong up in the Church above my almost underground office. They tend to yell at God. I get a bit worried not knowing the language. (They talk in tongues anyway) There is a part of their worship which sounds very like Hitler yelling at crowds and the crowd responding with "Sieg Heil!" It has the same sort of intonation.  I'd love to know the words. At least their worship is alive! But there are a number of reasons I feel down.

• A letter from my Doctor has the phrase in it, "in view of your high cardiovascular risk". It makes me feel fragile indeed. I perhaps should not get stressed? I should eat differently? I should exercise? But as I look at my life I find it hard to get off the merry go round of eating while working, exercise getting squeezed out, (my knee won't let me do the stuff I love anyway) many sleepless nights and feeling that I am stuck in this stressful job for another 18 months at least. My dad died of heart problems at a young age (49) so this Doctor's letter makes me feel fragile. 
• I have heard recently about changes in Habitat for Humanity. My wife who is a director locally does not talk to me about it because she knows I get upset. When I was part of starting Habitat locally it seemed such a simple formula. I think it worked but I have seen bureaucracy changing it and complicating it. I feel sad because I think they have drifted from the "economics of Jesus" to listening to worldly bean counters. I feel deeply disappointed, and in some ways sad that I was once so involved.
• I am trying to word a report about the Church's work for 2011. There are lots of things we have done. There is a tremendous amount of community contact and life enhancing influence. The report will be read by Church people who like such reports and they will not identify with a lot of what has gone on. It is not traditional "Church work". I feel sad that they have missed out and feel sad that I have not really brought them with me. I have a friend who analyses organisations. He says that if you take the leaders out and the organisation stops doing what it has been doing, it is dysfunctional as an organisation. I suspect that if you take my wife and I, my daughter and son-in-law out of this Church much of its community ministry would stop. It really is dysfunctional and I have failed as a leader.
• I am not keeping up with stuff. I feel like a boulder hurtling out of control down a hillside. I am coping but only just going from task to task, without feeling on top of things or in control. I am not sure why, maybe it is just a part of growing older? But people keep throwing extra stuff at me, little stuff, but it feels big at the moment.

Anyway I came home and am working in front of the fire, trying to get a bit more on top of things. Wish me luck.

Where did the time go?

At a Church christmas party, probably 1965 four of us from the youth group mimed the Beatles and joked about them. I'm Ringo Star. (on the drums)

On the drive home tonight I turned on the car radio, which I seldom do. The Beatle's song, "When I'm 64" was played. It came out in 1967 when I was about 18. I had begun dating my wife by then.  I remember enjoying the song and wondering if I would be with this girl when I'm 64? I remember walking home from a date one night feeling conflicted.  "This relationship is getting pretty serious, do I want it to be that serious?"  I remember too, that age 64 seemed a long way off... that is ancient when you are 17 going on 18!

The radio announcer tonight said that today was Sir Paul McCartney's 70th Birthday! This year too, I turn the age of 64! My question is, where did the time go? It feels like it was only yesterday that I was a teenager enjoying Beatles music? How come I am coming up to 64? How come my second favourite Beatle is 70? I don't feel that old? I feel like I am still exploring and learning? I still feel a certain amount of adolescent insecurity? Where did all those years go?

Anyway she's still with me and I'm nearly 64.

Mountain reflections...

I love "my" mountain and will become one with it one day.

Hard slippery snow-ice or running water?

Becoming one with the mountain.
Yesterday's church service I focused on "If the Church were Christian this life would be more important than the afterlife." In that sermon I stated that in spite of "Christian tradition" Jesus' focus was not the afterlife or life after death. It is true for me that if somebody could prove beyond doubt that there was no life after death, I would still follow Jesus. I follow him because of his inner-authenticity, he just makes sense with his teachings and approach to life. I walked up "my" Mount Cargill today. It has been some weeks since I have done that. As I stood on the top I got to thinking on my sermon, as you do on the day after such a traumatic experience. I have said to my wife that when I die I want to be cremated and, if I am still living in Dunedin, my ashes scattered on Mount Cargill. In a few years then when I pass on from this human existence, my remains will be scattered on this mountain I love. (I hope they judge the wind direction properly!) My physical remains will become one with this beloved mountain. I will become part of the soil and maybe bush. As I stood there eating my apple this afternoon I thought that I suspect a similar thing happens to my "spiritual self" whatever that is. It will become one with the love that sustains the universe. That is my concept of life after death. My loving deeds, at least will become part of the ongoing ripple of love. I think "I" lose myself in the love of God, that flow of love which is a part of this existence.
Hard snow/ice or running water from melted snow?
It snowed in around Dunedin hills last week, and in spite of some sunny weather and some rain, the snow is still lying in parts of the hills. As I neared the top of the mountain it became quite risky. Where people on the weekend had walked on the snow it had become hard ice, and with that extremely slippery.  It was difficult going up the track, steps and boardwalks, but extra dangerous coming down. Sometimes I had to just inch along carefully. Beside the track there was often a flow of water, melted snow draining off the hill. I found it easier to walk in this stream than risk the compounded ice. I got to thinking that we are a bit like that. Some of us when the sufferings, disappointments and hurts of life strike us become hard hearted. We are reluctant to trust ourselves with others, we don't let people "in" and we look after ourselves. Life is a battle ground for us and we have our armour on. We are like this snow squeezed into becoming hard, slippery ice. There are others who when life's difficulties hit become all to aware of the hurts, disappointments and heartaches  of life, but they melt and somehow use their adversity to help others stay upright in life. They are like the running water, clearing a path for secure footholds. I met such people last week. I met with three people who work with prisoners being released from prison. I think each had stories of difficulty. They had to some extent become aware. They were no longer naive. They had been lied to, disappointed, frustrated, had needed to change their view of "success". They were "hardened" to some extent, by the very nature of the work they were doing and the people they were dealing with. But they had also allowed themselves to be melted. They cared for these ex-prisoners as if they were their own sons and daughters. One of them was a tough woman, been there and seen that, but still a loving mother/grandmother type person. She lovingly called her clients, "My babies" and you just knew she was doing all she could to help them.
I have known lots of people who having been through hard times themselves became like refreshing water, reaching out to others in love. Others I know after hard times became like hardened snow/ice. I tend to do that sometimes.

Reflecting on a week of people...

This weekend at my daughter's house we installed a new ceiling. Yet to be stopped and painted.

Those that don't - criticise.
Last Sunday and today my running friend and I went for a walk. Each time we actually ran some distance because we have started our return to running. She has had a knee operation and I have had a sore knee so we have not been running for sometime! Where we walk/run lots of people go running, looking very fit, gliding up and down the hill easily. (Today we power-walked up the hill arriving at the top totally breathless) We are a strange pair.  She is twenty years younger than I so we look like father and daughter.  But these last two Sundays we have looked with envy at the lithe runners about us and indulged in criticism!  "Look at the funny way he's running!" "What a strange get up she's wearing!" "Bet he hasn't been running long!" "He's such a show off!" etc. etc. We are simply jealous because we used to be able to run freely and now we don't. As I reflected on this tendency and conversations I frequently have with people, it is often true that those that don't get off their butt and help the world along criticise those who do. It is easy to do nothing, make no mistakes, have no challenges and criticise those who are doing things.

Night Shelter decisions

Lots of my emotional energy this past week has been given to the Night Shelter cause. I have had meetings, conversations and heaps of times stewing. We had a nearly three hour meeting on Thursday evening that I facilitated to make important decisions about an ongoing accommodation project. At times the meeting was tense and intense, but I managed to keep a sense of fun and humour within the group. Since then I have been discussing, thinking and planning for the way ahead. It is funny. I am scared stiff about the project, wondering if we can do it, but strangely intensely "alive" by the opportunity to facilitate this group of people on this adventure.

My mate Jeff...
I have a friend who used to come to our drop-in centre who is an interesting character. He has been banned from drop-in centres and other places around town because he tends to be rough and uncouth in the way he relates. But I can't help liking him. He has physical and mental health issues so is unemployed, but reads on the internet voraciously. He will come out with facts and figures that will astound you. I was in Space2B (lunch time coffee area at our Church) when in he came with a little Jack Russell dog's lead tied to his waist. "Daaave Brown!" he yelled in a big gruff loud voice. He came in, sat down and chatted a while.  I had not seen him for some time. "Gotta go get a magazine!" he said abruptly and picking up his dog deposited him on my lap to look after, while he went off to the shop. He bought a magazine and threw it on the table. He later said, "Thats for you! Thought you might like some intelligent reading." He asked if I could give him a lift, it was cold and raining heavily outside. I did so, and as we drove toward his place he dropped $5 on my knee. When I protested he said,"Don't expect you to give me a lift for nothin'!" He really is a nice guy, but hides it well under this rough gruff exterior. I need to spend more time with him. I think he has softened over the years, but don't tell him I said that.
Nostalgia...
As I drove toward Jeff's house the rain stopped. When we were approaching an intersection he blurted out, "Turn left, turn left!" "Why?" I asked. "I want to walk the mutt through the park (Chingford Park) he loves it!" So I turned, went down to the back entrance of the park and dropped him off. I was actually overcome with nostalgia. As adolescents and teenagers we lived on the corner he demanded that I turn left on. The house is still there, actually for sale. I could remember the people who use to live  in the houses as I drove to the back entrance. The last house right by the park was the house of a girl I used to go to art classes with, "Moira".  Her dad used to drive us there every Saturday morning and she and I would meander back through town after class, sometimes buying chips along the way. (You could buy threepence worth of chips in those days) Where he started walking we used to play neighbourhood cricket. The Brown boys gathered with mates and anybody else who wanted to play, and often we would play till dark. I used to spend lazy hours riding my bike around the field on my own, doing all sorts of tricks. I could stand on the seat. I could bend down at speed and pick a ball up off the ground. I tried leaping off my bike to grasp an overhanging branch and climb into a tree. Here we wandered, played and later walked as a gang of friends on Sunday afternoons, flirting shyly and working out what it meant to be girls and boys together. It all came flooding back to me and I thought how nice it would be to wind back the clock. I was tempted to hop out of the car and wander the park once more, this time  with Jeff and his dog. I had places to go and people to see so I turned around, sounded the horn in farewell to Jeff and went back to the office.
Food speaks...
We have a social work student on field placement with us. She, I think reluctantly, participates in some of the food preparation for the drop-in centre. My wife says that the food preparation is part of social work, even though it may be looked down upon. By serving food, by doing dishes, by breaking the ice with people as we share food with them, we are saying that they are important, they are loved. I have to agree. Some of our guests only come for the food. I have found, however, that when you take a plate around and offer food as if they were an important guest in your house, you can often sense an openness, a breaking down of barriers that nothing else could do. The gift of food and its preparation speaks to people about acceptance, welcome and affirmation. It is "social work"!

The attic ladder installed

Closing the ladder at the end of the nights work.

Bolting it into place.

Son in law Dave coming down the newly installed ladder.

Tonight after tea we continued to work on the room at my daughter's place. The attic ladder was officially installed. Again a thought out plan all came to fruition without any hitches. We did well. Next we put a new ceiling up. Saturday is the next working bee.

Tuesday toil...

It looks like I am posing but I was just trying to get out of the way.

Tomorrow night the lowering stairway gets installed.

The last wall to be ready for gib board.

Today has been quite an interesting day. I spent most of the morning working with a social work student on Night Shelter stuff... progressing toward a positive project we put before the board on Thursday night. I did ambulance and fire service chaplaincies and spent time discussing things with a night shelter friend. It is exciting times that seem to be all coming together with a great team of people.
Work finished about 6 p.m. and I went and worked on my daughter's renovations. We dwanged out the last wall of the room ready for gib board. We then cut a hole in the ceiling and fixed up the frame work, ready for the installation of an attic ladder which lowers out of the ceiling. It was great. We thought out what we wanted to do, we worked methodically through all the steps and it all came together beautifully. You feel good about such things and you gain confidence in your own abilities and skill level. A late but enjoyable night.
When we got home we collected the mail and we got a lovely letter of congratulation for becoming a grandparents from a friend in Palmerston North. We had been talking with her on the phone over the weekend. She is a widow, her husband died while we were in Europe nearly two years ago. They were good to us when we were in Palmerston North. Here's what she wrote; "I read a saying - 'I like me when I am with you.' I can honestly say Laurie (her husband) and I always felt that with you two." That warmed the cockles of my heart on this cold night. :-)