A "normal" week.

This is the first time in three weeks that I have not had to slot a funeral into my week. In that way it has been a normal week.
Loss of focus...
I think because of the pace of my lifestyle lately this week I have found I have been slack... not as motivated. I guess there are always times you take the foot off the accelerator. It is also evident that I am really looking forward to retirement. I suspect a trigger to this feeling is that the leadership here met the other night to look into future ministry and I guess that has made the finishing of my career seem closer. (though it is still seven long months away)

The Good and bad of my week.

• I actually had a day off on Monday. After saying goodbye to our son and family, we went "window shopping" looking at the prices of vehicles. I chopped fire wood and then had an enjoyable run (jog) in the evening.
• On Tuesday one of my duties was to visit fire stations. A fire fighter is very ill in hospital. One fire crew had been involved in assisting at an attempted suicide. I so often come away from my fire station visits with a feeling of warmth, having been among friends. After finishing I went to the Night Shelter to install a new toilet seat. While there I encountered a couple I knew who had been sleeping in their car! I get cold in a warmish house in a warm bed. I cannot imagine sleeping in a car in Dunedin in the winter! In returning to the office I had short warm conversations with people using the church halls. I came home to learn that a Habitat for Humanity affiliate was hassling a house owner for oil drips on the asphalt on the drive! - I wanted to scream... "Get a life! Find something truly important to worry about!" 
• On Wednesday I went to my doctors. We are good mates and our conversations are often warm, friendly and affirming. He gave me good reports on blood pressure issues, and genuine concern and support about my "plumbing issues". At lunch time I enjoyed more conversation with people attending Space2B... I enjoy this part of our church life. Friendships are part of the guts of life and it is a privilege to sit and eat my sandwiches with a group of friends.While there I received a visit from a St John team leader who delivered a generous gift of money. They knew that I had taken their colleagues funeral in Gore for nothing. They had taken "the hat around" to help with funeral expenses and had decided that I should receive this gift. "You helped a mate of ours. We appreciate that and we want to help you." he explained. Worth more than the gift of money, (though I think the gift was an expression of it) was the affirmation that I had done a good job, "as you always do." "It was well done and we appreciate it." In my years I have learned that if you give freely and generously of your time, resources and talent, often you will get ripped off, but also the "God of love who is the creative energy everywhere and in everything" is at work, and there are people through whom he responds in love and generosity. I wish Christians, churches, Habitat for Humanity, people and myself would truly trust that love that goes around, and live more generously and freely, instead of always wanting their "pound of flesh" and counting "who owes who what" and "who is deserving and who isn't." St Francis in his prayer was right, "It is in giving that we receive." Selfishness brings its superficial rewards, but the rewards of giving are deep, profound and life-giving.
• On Thursday I walked the few blocks to the brewery and encountered some of the vulnerable people of our city who greeted me as I went by. I saw again this homeless couple and we talked about their situation. In the afternoon I talked with a reporter who is doing an article on homelessness in Dunedin. The issues are big. Homelessness is a symptom of other problems that run deep in our societies values. I felt frustrated that he will be limited in his discussion of it by "word counts" and the newspaper's political sensitivities. I picked up my wife from her "Friends of the Emergency Department" volunteer work. She told me that one of her jobs that afternoon was to sit with an elderly lady who was dying and who eventually died. She talked about how she handled that. "I will have to brush up on the words of the 23rd Psalm!" she commented. She offered the comfort of familiar words of faith, loving physical touch and human presence as this lady completed her time among us. I was full of admiration for her work, she is a rock to so many people.
• Today I am looking to do more work on Sunday's service. What can I say that is different that I have not already said in the last 25+ years? What will make a difference? 

Bombed out with family on a Sunday afternoon.

With Theo at breakfast on Sunday morning.

This afternoon we had our daughter and son-in-law visit, our foster daughter (who has handicaps) and of course my son, daughter-in-law and grandson were visiting. I tended to just blob out and let the conversation go on around me.  It feels like I have had something going on or hanging over me for ever. I have not really had a clear day off in weeks, so with nothing planned for tomorrow and nothing I need to do until I start work on Tuesday, I relaxed (or Chillaxed" as my son calls it - a mixture of chilling out and relaxing) It is strange that when you stop after a busy time you suddenly feel really tired. It is like you have been running on adrenaline. I rested on my bed briefly once while waiting to use the bathroom.  A few seconds later my wife came in to tell me it was free and found me dead to the world - sound asleep. I woke and felt guilty - family was visiting and I was not being sociable! It is raining outside so we have a warm fire going inside and it has been one of those lazy afternoons. We ate well at lunch and had more treats mid-afternoon, so just now I am not a bundle of energy as I wait for our evening meal. We have since skyped with our family in Auckland and talked with the Edinburgh family by phone.  It has been a nice gentle family afternoon. 

Morning and night, two extremes.

Funeral
This morning I left relatively early to drive to Gore (1hr 40 minutes) where I led the funeral for a 61 year old man who had battled cancer for a year. He had been a St John Ambulance officer and his wife still works for St John. I had married them 10 years ago. It was a big funeral service with quite a few speakers. After the service at the hall we went out to the cemetery for the final bit. I did not hang around too long at the "after match function", but hit the road again to come home. I called at the office to do a few things then came on home.  By the feedback I got I think I did an OK job. I do hope I have a break from funerals for a while.
Grandson visiting.
When I got home my son, his wife and our three month old grandson had arrived. They are staying until Monday. I got handed the baby when I walked in, I watched him having a bath and then going to sleep. 
It was like a day of two extremes. I watched a coffin being lowered into the ground at the end of life. I watched a baby curiously looking around the room and enjoying the experience of a bath, during its first few months of life. It was a nice balance. 
Common denominator
At the funeral a whole lot of people got together and expressed friendship in the journey of life. I loved catching up on St John people I had not seen. I enjoyed even having two firefighters in the congregation. I looked around the room and counted up four couples I had married! I saw these colleagues expressing friendship and love as they farewelled a friend. Tonight it was nice too. In a relaxed way we talked with our son and wife. Then our daughter and son-in-law joined us. The same friendship, kinship in the journey of life was expressed. Somehow the guts of life is found in these sorts of relationships in the journey of life. "No man is an island, no man stands alone..."

I lied.. Oh no! ...Deeply privileged

"I have authority to go deep into the well of love at the centre of the universe... and bring that love to bear in a sad situation."

I lied...
In my Monday post I told you that I had a normal week ahead.  I am sorry I lied. I was looking forward to a normal week but it has not turned out to be so. This year has been "busy". Here's a list of some of the things...

• Son's wedding in January and brief trip with other son.
• Holiday time doing some renovation work around home.
• Mid-February visit Christchurch after the birth of my grandson.
• Visit by Australian friends.
• All this while wearing a catheter "plumbing arrangement".
• Mid-March an unsuccessful Trans Urethral Resection (rebore) and recovery.
• Easter time visit by my son, daughter in law and grand daughter - baby sitting duties.
• A car accident with the car eventually written off by the insurance company.
• My last Annual General Meeting of the Church and the reports to prepare.
• Two separate days in hospital to try to get things right... and a new "plumbing system" to get used to.
• In the last five weeks I have conducted three funerals - A man who was hit by a car - My childhood minister's funeral - and a funeral for a twenty one year old.

All this stuff has happened along with the normal ministry, chaplaincy and Night Shelter Trust challenges. On Monday night I felt like I needed a "normal" week... but it is not going to happen.
Last week on the night after last week's funeral I received a call from a St John Ambulance officer in another centre. A friend of his in Christchurch, a St John officer was dying of cancer. I had conducted the wedding for this man a number of years ago when the couple lived in Dunedin. Now he had asked his friend to ask me if I could conduct his funeral when the end came. The funeral is to be in Gore, 161 Kilometres away from here.  I agreed to do it, I am a St John Chaplain after all. 
Oh no!  ... Last night I received the call from his widow. He has died and the funeral is to be on Friday at 11 a.m.  My heart sank. I have all sorts of Night Shelter and other things to complete before the weekend. How will I cope with another funeral amidst all this? But in the couple of minutes that I was talking to her, I knew that I had to do it and that somehow deep resources would enable me to cope. 
Privileged to be there...
When I received the call I was on line reading commentaries and thoughts on this coming Sunday's Gospel reading. It is the story of Jesus healing the centurion's son. One commentator told a story of receiving an early morning call to go to the hospital to be with the family of a baby who had died. She served as a hospital chaplain.  She told of the fear of going. The nervousness and yet the desire to be there. She told of that sense of privilege that she felt as she brought help into this dark situation. That rang bells with me. It will be a stressful few days. I meet with the widow tomorrow. I will have to squeeze preparation in somehow. But I sense three things...

• Somehow I am not alone in this ministry. A recent creed I quote says, "God is love. That cosmic creativity present everywhere and in everything, gently urging all toward the good." I cannot explain it, but when I reach out in love, especially when I need extra strength, I sense a partnership with this mysterious reality. "He" will provide insight, discernment and strength to allow me to do what I have to. "He" will also be in this guy's mates as I share with them and they too will be with me, in support.
• I have a calling to do this... When I was a teenage plumbing apprentice I was quite strong. Often heavy ducts had to be held in place while sheet metal workers attached bolts, brackets and rivets. The plumbing foreman would call for me. "Where's our human crane? Come on Dave, get under here!"  I would climb under the duct, balance it on my back and heave it into place while others guided it home. It had become my "special job" - I had the strength and had developed the right technique.  It is like this with these funerals. I am the best one with the connections, the relationships and the skills to do it. This is a couple I married. I also supported them through some ups and downs.  I have a continuing task now in this sad part of their life to gather with their friends, many of whom I know, and guide them through the final "Good byes" - It is like the sacred "foreman" saying, "Come on Dave, get over here - you have a job to do - a task to complete! You fit here."
• The privileges of bringing the deep resources of love... As I read this chaplain's comments, a picture gelled in my mind. I have the authority to go deep into the well of love at the centre of the universe and the community (that cosmic creativity) and bring that love to bear on this sad life situation. I have the authority to carry, represent and express the love at the heart of life. Wow! What a responsibility, but also what a privilege? In some ways what more could I ask of life? "What did you do at work today?" "Oh nothing...I just was a pipeline for the loving cosmic creativity to soak into the lives of a family in need of a lot of love at this time."   Like WOW!

I don't have a normal week this week - I was wrong. I have another stressful and packed few days ahead, but deep down I know I can do it and do something special and awesome. 

Religious snobbery....

I often detect religious snobbery around. I confess that I imbibe in it some times. I recall when I began my brewery chaplaincy I met an older guy there who did the newsletter for the firm - a retired chemist. (We have since become good friends) He of course was asking me questions about what I did and where I come from. He had told me he did not attend church but that his parents did. When I told him that I was a "Church of Christ minister" he replied, "My mother always said that you are an uneducated lot." Now I know that is true of a number of Church of Christ ministers, but certainly not all of us. I think that is the attitude that other clergy have of us often. We are, to them some sort of inferior country hick type of minister. This normally does not worry me because I am "me" and I would not want to be them.

I mention this because of the attitude displayed at the service on Sunday. When I was first asked to be preacher I asked about a lapel microphone. I was told that would be fine and that the Church folk were familiar with people leading the service from the front step. At the service, however, this microphone was not available and I was told in no uncertain terms, that I would be preaching from the high pulpit. I wondered if I was an Anglican, another Presbyterian or the local Catholic bishop if I would have been talked to in that sort of "teacher to pupil" tone of voice? I get these vibes from local Presbyterians who tend to see themselves as "the establishment Church" in Dunedin. But I get these vibes also from other mainline clergy, it feels like "We'll say hello, graciously include you in our meetings, but we don't really need to know your opinion."  Even as some of the clergy thanked me for my sermon I sensed a patronising approach.  My wife standing next to me suggested I should have been asking, "What in particular did you like about it?"  I suspect the same perspectives come into play when it is my turn to host the ministers' meeting - in my experience it has always been the smallest meeting of the year - not that the host has any great sway in what happens. Our Church building is not seen as acceptable as a venue as the likes of the Anglican or Catholic Cathedral, First Church or the like. Now I have learned to live with it. I see them all dressed up in their robes and clerical collars and hear in their conversations the type of things they think are important, and I guess I express my own snobbery, by saying to myself things like, "Oh good grief! Get real!" I would not fit in their circles anyway. (Having said that - some are genuinely good guys whose company I enjoy) I have listened to their sermons. They are often detached sounding dissertations, with little passion, which use theological jargon that rolls off the average listener. They would often be OK theological articles to read, but not good as oral presentations. So many do not hit earth anywhere! Often preachers these days have lost the art of really connecting with people with decent illustrations, if they ever had it!  

I happen to think my theological training is as robust as theirs. I trained for five years and I have since done training in social work.  There was a breadth of perspective about the training I received and we had to think through the issues.  Apart from the academic side of things we also had training and "apprenticeships" in the practice of ministry. (My years of training were extremely busy)  I have also kept up with reading in the whole field of interpretation of scripture, current affairs and the latest theological thinking. So I am confident that I need not be embarrassed about my thinking, perspectives and skill levels. I have also earned my credibility by the impact I have had in the community. This deep down confidence (is it snobbery on my part?) enables me to withstand what feels like patronising attitudes by some clergy.

We really cannot afford the luxury of religious snobbery! On the news today there is discussion about the Catholic Church, child abuse, the various cover ups and lack of caring response in Australia. Among the people I mix with in my chaplaincies the Church (all denominations) is a joke, it has little credibility among the average New Zealand public. We, "the church" ought to be asking questions about how we can change that.  We carry on in our denominations and congregations with "business as usual" and the public is increasingly ignoring us. In my view we need models of Church where the Church is in the world as servant, making a difference unable to be ignored. Otherwise we increasingly look like quaint old people going to quaint old buildings, doing quaint old things that don't really matter.  A reformation is desperately needed and all followers of Jesus need to be included in the search for new ways of being Church. I bet there was very little snobbery among the officers of the Titanic as it sank!

The results of my efforts

Knox Church

Knox Church...
I was to preach at an inner-city ministers' Trinity Sunday Ecumenical service at the historical Knox Church in Dunedin last night. This sermon had been running through my mind for a few weeks.  I asked the people planning the service if I could have a mobile lapel microphone and just stand at the front of the Church. I was assured that would be OK. That is my style, I do not usually use notes though the sermon has often been scribbled out at least a couple of times. I did ask if I could use a power point, but that seemed too much trouble. When I arrived for the service and met the minister in charge of the service I asked about the lapel microphone. I was told in no uncertain terms that I was preaching from the high pulpit, there was no option available, and it was repeated several times. The service was packed with several choir numbers and other aspects and not much time was left for the sermon. I climbed the steps into this pulpit, feeling inhibited by the fence around me and the gap between me and the congregation. I checked my watch before the sermon and realised that I had to edit my carefully prepared sermon in my mind as I spoke. The feedback I got was generally positive though I probably made some people feel uncomfortable. 
This Church building and the style of service made me feel uptight and somehow less of a person. The service was led through in a very formal, impersonal and passionless style. The readings, prayers and choir pieces followed the order of service with no announcement or personal connection with the people in the pews. I suppose it may be a matter of taste, but it seems to me to be a denial of the immanence of God, presenting a God who is distant and a faith that is impersonal and somehow held at arms length. Doesn't do much for me. I had thought Knox may have been a congregation we could have attended when we retire. If that is the usual "feel" I don't think so. I had looked forward to preaching this sermon as my sort of "ecumenical swan song". It seems my effort was OK, but from my point of view, I felt I could not "be myself" in that setting, behind a fenced in and high pulpit.
A plug for $50000
This morning I was to front up with another friend, to a charitable Trust to present a case for receiving a $50000 grant to help the Night Shelter Trust purchase its premises. I put a lot of effort into preparing a power point and we had thought carefully about how and what to present. We had 15 minutes to make our plug. We walked into this room and sorted out our powerpoint and did our thing. They asked a couple of questions. I must admit I tended to bounce back a little too hastily at one, responding emphatically. They were sitting at a board table and nothing they said nor the expressions on their faces gave anything away. There were three organisations after a single grant of $50000.  We had been shortlisted out of fifteen organisations. We heard later that they had decided to give each of the three organisations $10000. It was an interesting experience and we are grateful for the grant.
Half-marathon dream...
I saw an article about training for a half-marathon that is to be run in Dunedin in fifteen weeks time. I still have some measure of fitness with my regular walks up the mountain.  As I looked at the suggested training schedule I thought "I could do that!"  The half is just two days after my 65 birthday, it would be a great way to celebrate and the training involved will help me lose weight. I will have to do some cross training to nurse my fragile knee a bit, but I think I could do it. I walked up the mountain on Saturday and today spent an hour in my "garage gym" doing rowing, cycling, punch bag and some weights. (It was bitterly cold and wet outside) It is a start. It would be great to be able to say "I did a half marathon just after I turned 65". 

I think I have a "normal" week ahead, and a lighter weekend at the end of it. 

Weekend work

A little time out at last...
This morning I realised that I had left some important stuff in the office. So my wife and I went into town (11k) to pick it up. We stopped at the local sports stadium cafe for morning coffee.  As we waited for our coffee and then drank it we talked.  It felt like we had not had time to talk for ages. Of course we had been talking, but our conversation had been just the necessary to get to work, get meals, do the stuff we had to at church and get to bed. We had both been racing around doing things, going to meetings and never had time to really catch up. We both "unloaded" and debriefed about the various things that we had been involved in. For me it was Night Shelter Trust issues, chaplaincy experiences and concerns about my work load. For my wife it was meetings she had arranged for Habitat for Humanity and a meeting she had attended about our foster daughter who has significant handicaps. Our coffee break took a lot longer than usual. After coming home, eating lunch and doing some work I got to head up my Mount Cargill for a walk. It was great sunny weather and a real treat to be walking in the bush and seeing the familiar but still amazing scenery glistening in the sunshine. It seemed an age since I had been there. I met a friend on top and we talked before I headed back down to work. 
Preparation....
I have three things to prepare for in the next couple of days. I have to lead the normal morning service tomorrow morning and I am a bit behind in my preparation. I also have to prepare power points and wording for a presentation to a charitable trust on Monday morning where I make a plug to receive a big grant for the Night Shelter. With so much money resting on it I am a bit worried about my approach. Distracting me from both of these is the fact that I am to be the preacher at an inner-city ecumenical service at seven tomorrow evening. It is to be held at the "distinguished" Knox Church and will involve choirs, a dance group and a Tongan singing group. I am a bit nervous because my conversational style does not really fit the usual "intellectual" worship in Knox, the building arrangement nor the style of worship that has been planned. So my mind keeps straying to this sermon. 

Oh I do look forward to retirement when I will not have such things hanging over my head all of the time!