On TV again..

Edinburgh Grandson. His dad says "with his two favourite things"

I was asked to be a part of a 3 minute interview on the local TV station so last night I went in and was asked questions about the Christmas Dinner.  It is a strange style they have. The questions are not made up by the news reader so she tends to be detached, just going through the motions. It is also very quick so you cannot say much at all. Anyway you can see it here .

It is now twelve days before I retire and I am riding a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes I am angry that we have not been able to do more. At other times happy and looking forward to my long holiday. Sometimes I am sad to leave behind particularly the contact we have with those on the fringe of the Church. I received a beautiful letter from an elderly man I dropped off at a bus stop yesterday. He was on his way to visit family for Christmas.  He has been a minister, a principal of a Theological College, a lecturer in Biblical studies and I have known him since I was a child. His initial comment was, "When I think of your ministry David, I think of the song 'I did it my way'" He went on to express appreciation and made some beautiful comments about my ministry.  I have had another letter and some other very flattering comments. 
I have decided that instead of calling it retirement I will call it "refocusing" - I intend to still do stuff to make a difference.   

Our last Drop-in centre

On Friday evening we had our final Friday evening drop-in centre. There were not crowds there but it was a good night. We had made some special food and another helper had made four Pavlovas which all got eaten during the night. We were given a card which people signed and wrote messages on and received lots of hugs and well wishes. One man estimated that we had been involved in something like 720 Drop-in centre nights. 
Today I just post a few photos from the evening. We would have averaged 40 - 45 through on Friday nights. We probably had regular contact with at least 120 of Dunedin's most mixed up and vulnerable people. I still don't know if it is going to continue, but I have to walk away and leave it to others. I'll tell some stories in the next few posts.

Not so bad after all...

Oh dear..
In my last post I sounded off about various things that happened to me the other day. I had a man in my office yesterday and I was telling him my tale of woe and he was listening. During a break in my moan session he said, "Well I had a bad day yesterday too." "What happened?" "I had an accident in my car and I think it will be a write off." He then went on to tell me what happened and he and his wife were lucky that they were not badly injured. It was a nice car, barely two years old, and I doubt he will get in insurance enough to replace it. .... My day of annoying events did not seem so bad afterall.
Christmas Day Community Dinner in Dunedin...
I did a radio interview yesterday morning explaining to listeners about the Christmas Day dinner we hold. Last Friday a newspaper reporter sat down with us and chatted about it. Here is the link that goes to the paper that came out yesterday. It is on page 11.
If you need company on Christmas Day and you are in Dunedin feel free to come.

Weird day!

Today I had to have a fasting blood test so I was not allowed to eat for twelve hours before. The test could be taken at around 10 a.m. so I had to go into the office without breakfast. I had a few things to catch up on and wanted to send out a number of emails. I set out early so that I could make a good start on the day. There were road works at a certain point on the journey in, so for about eight kilometres I had to creep along. The journey which normally takes ten to fifteen minutes took me about one hour ten minutes! I could have walked it faster I am sure! I was late to the office! 
I turned on my computer only to find my email was not receiving or sending. I checked two different computers - one gave me a "Sorry scheduled maintenance" message and the other told me I had entered the incorrect password. I fiddled and checked all possible reasons. About midday I rang the helpline and they told me they would text me when it was fixed..... they have not texted me yet and it is late at night! It has been down for more than 24 hours! I need emails!  What a waste of a morning!
Phone calls and people visiting the office successfully wasted extra time along with the visit to give my blood. I finally had breakfast about 11:30 a.m.  
I had misplaced some keys. I hunted in vain at home before I left. I searched the cab of the van. I searched my office but still no keys.... eventually I checked the pockets of an old jacket I had thrown in the back of the van yesterday. There they were!  More wasted time. 
At some stage I went to the toilet and discovered I peed blood. My guess is it is just injury from my self catheterising plumbing system, but it does not help my peace of mind. 
I settled to cleaning out four filing cabinet drawers, sorting stuff to keep and stuff to discard. I found papers related to early Dunedin Habitat for Humanity plans and projects. I found minutes of a Night Shelter Steering committee, before we had become a trust... the various logos we looked at before we chose our present one. There were Church planning notes from elder's team meetings from quite early in the ministry.  It was a gut wrenching exercise going through making decisions about what to keep . I kept some things thinking "I might use that in a service some time."  But I stopped and thought... I have three services to go then I retire... Will I be doing a church service again? Do I want to do a Church service again? I kept stuff anyhow. Now I have to find a place at home to keep it. 
The last two days have had hard moments. Yesterday we spent a few hours with a couple who are going to do an interim ministry here after I leave. They asked many questions and we told what we had experienced, the ups and downs of ministry.  In some ways it was like reliving some disappointing events. (although there were lots of good things to tell) Today had the road trip, the lack of emails, the lost keys, the blood test, the peeing blood and once again the ups and downs of memories of the last 27 years. I will be pleased when I can truly finish on December 29th! 
Tomorrow morning I will leave really early. I am a guest on a Radio breakfast show. If there are road works I do not want to be trapped. That will be another interesting experience in life.

Another working week done, just three to go.

My latest grandchild - one week old today.

My son and his child. A great picture of a gentle giant of a man.

A community ministry
As I look back on my week I realise how much community orientated time I spend. A meeting at the Police station, a meeting with the Night Shelter manager and emails and phone calls out of it, a session at the local civic centre helping present a new immigrants' orientation program, an interview with a newspaper reporter, a short christmas article for the local paper, four hours involved in chaplaincy at the fire stations and involvement in Space2B and our drop-in are just some examples of time spent with a community outreach focus. I am glad about this.
Strife at Space2B
We have people coming into Space2B at lunch times who are really drop-in centre type people, using it as a drop-in. I am disappointed about this because this was not the purpose of Space2B and I would love to have catered for their needs in our drop-in area but was prevented from doing so. The idea of Space2B was that it could be a quiet place in town where people could come, have a hot drink and chat. But these folk have taken it over and do not "chat" quietly. My dream for Space2B has been ruined, I know people who stay away because these people are there. On Friday from my office for about an hour and a half I could hear loud conversation, gossip and arguing. Then there was a loud disagreement. We went up and encouraged quietness, but when we left it started again. Three guys were sitting there, feet on the coffee table passing snide comments riling up a woman who has mental health issues. We decided and told them that since it was a nice day out and the ruckus was continuing, we would close half an hour early, so please would they leave. These men simply said, "No we are not going!" "Yes you are!" we said, "you would then be trespassing!" We pointed out that this was meant to be a quiet peaceful place. That in any cafe in town if they behaved as they were behaving they would be asked to leave. We had a right to ask them to leave. One man started yelling at us, - he would report us to the police, - the church was meant to accept people as they are, - he would shut us down, - he would write a letter and I would be finished at the Church. (Which made me laugh.) We still firmly insisted they leave... and they did - this one man walking down the street still breathing threats against us. I was relatively controlled on the outside but inside I was shaking with rage. I would love to have given them "a clip under the ear" (as my dad used to say- and sometimes do.)  I would love to have even ridiculed them verbally. They are arrogant, obnoxious and abuse the space and the kindness offered! These words rang in my head; "Give the world the best that you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth... Give the world the best you've got anyway!"  In anger, to work off my rage I picked up a heavy gas heater I have been meaning to move, and dragged it upstairs. People offered to help me, but I refused their offer. It was a more constructive way of letting off steam and at that point in time, I needed to do something physical. Life is fun.
Untying the ties that bind
Some of my time this week has been taken in tidying the office and taking stuff home. I also began to clean hundreds of emails off my office computer. Having been at the Church 27 years there are heaps of my things being used or stored at the Church. In three weeks time I want to be able to hand my key back and walk away. Somehow I get the feeling taking "me" out of the building is going to involve a lot of hard work. It is like cleaning out a house after a death of a loved one. Each item, email or document has a story to it and is related to some event or activity, mostly long forgotten. I will have a whole mixture of feelings over the next three weeks as I go through this clean up process. 
Drop-in centre to close after eighteen years
We have run a Friday night drop-in centre for eighteen years. It is only now that it is likely to close that we begin to hear how important it is to the people coming. One carer of a guy who comes told me it was important therapy for his client. A married couple said it was precious outing that was important - they could not afford more conventional outings. I begin to feel guilty, but then I tell myself we cannot go on forever. We have carried it for so long. This Friday will be our last Friday and I will be quite sad. I could write a book about the incidents that have happened and the people who have passed through. It has been worthwhile.
A gift for the Christmas day dinner.
A fire fighter came into the drop-in on Friday night and handed me a letter and cheque. It was to be used for the Christmas day dinner and was a gift from a friendly society which was closing down. It was $2,500! In 25 years of running Christmas day dinners we have never run short of money or volunteers. People are generous.

My grandson is home.

Hey here is a picture of my new grandson, born in Edinburgh.  My grandkids are sooo cute, but then I maybe biased.

He looks like he's the boss already.

Leon is in Edinburgh. I met him this morning via Skype.  He is a lucky boy.

Catchup

Seen on my Sunday walk. The Koru (beginnings of a fern leaf unfolding) It is a symbol of new life and potential.

It is over a week since I posted and I need to let off steam.... While I have my lunch time coffee I will post... 
Saying "Yes" or "No"
While I was doing my chaplaincy at the brewery last week my phone rang.  It was somebody from the St John organisation where I do a voluntary chaplaincy wanting to extend my responsibilities further.  I gave a vague "I'll have to think about it" answer. I am not sure what lies ahead in retirement therefore am hesitant to commit the time involved.  When I told others about this phone call they responded with, "I hope you said 'no'!"  On Friday I bumped into one of my firefighters and he asked, "What are you going to do in retirement?" as so many people do. He then went on to say, "You will have to learn to say 'no' to everything! Just look after yourself from now on." I hesitated and said, "Nah - I won't be saying 'no'. Where would my life be if I said 'no' to everything? Imagine all the experiences I would have missed out on if I had said 'no' all the time?" I am convinced that Jesus was right. A life lived for itself is lost.  It is when you lose yourself that you find life. Life is enriched by unselfish living. If when I retire I revert to selfish living I will be miserable!
Dunedin Night Shelter Trust AGM
Last Thursday I chaired the Annual General Meeting of the Dunedin Night Shelter Trust.  I spent well over a day in hours preparing and printing reports. I hate this sort of administrative stuff, but I did it and I survived. When it came to the election of officers I was re-elected as chairman again. I wished there was an alternative, I think I am better at background helping and supporting.  Maybe next year I will convince some one else to stand. The work for the Trust is voluntary, but it consumes a lot of my thought and energy lately. I was met by our manager this morning, he wanted a thorny HR question sorted out. It is exciting and worthwhile, often out of my comfort zone, but it also is very time consuming. 
Why I am still a follower..
This was my theme for Sunday's service. My answer in brief was;

1. Jesus' principles for life make sense still.
2. Following him empowers and enables me to be a more noble person.
3. Following him enables me to prioritise in life, see what is ultimately important and sense the sacred in my living.

Confidence.... yeah right.

I know and admire a woman who is well educated (PhD) a militant alternative life styler, attractive and just about always in good spirits, with a keen sense of humour. I enjoy her company and we have a warm friendship. She confidently runs programs and courses and looks every bit the "together-self confident-spirited" woman. I bumped into her a few weeks ago, just after her birthday, and I joked with her as I often do. This time I noticed she did not laugh as much as normal, and after my joking headed off abruptly. I received a text later apologising for her departure and looking back on our brief conversation I realised that as she left she was barely holding it together. She was, in essence, like an insecure little girl, feeling alone and easily threatened. I wonder how many of us are like that and do not want others to know? We hide behind humour, a mock confidence, or dogmatism, activity or anything to avoid just letting others know that we are scared, isolated or whatever. 

I thought of this yesterday when the same lady phoned me to ask me to dispatch a sick hen she had, and could I teach her how to do it?  I went up to do it, but I suddenly felt unsure myself. I have killed countless hens, but never with an attentive audience! What if it went wrong? What if I have forgotten how?  What if I made a fool of myself?  We all have our insecurities we try to hide, it would be much better if we shared our uncertainties and admitted that we are all on a unrehearsed journey together. 

Taking a life...

I killed this hen. She was sick and never likely to get over it. It really was a kindness. I held her legs, gently but firmly, cradled her head in the palm of my other hand (she was as placid as) and I reluctantly stretched her neck, with a controlled gentle but definite jerk of my arm. I held her gently as her life drained out of her then reverently laid her in the hole dug for the purpose. She had lived. She had given food, company and added colour to life, now she was dead. She was once a colleague on the journey of life, and I decided it was over for her.  It is a "spiritual" experience raising all sorts of questions and thoughts. All meat eaters should at some stage have to kill the meat they eat. We would say grace with much more meaning! 

I thought it funny that when you want your chook put down, you think of the minister you know to do the job. "Dispatching a hen 101" maybe an essential course in theological colleges. She had phoned me saying, "I thought you would be the type of guy who would know how to do that." What a weird reputation I have!

A grandfather again...

On Sunday my son in Edinburgh and his Polish wife had their first child. My son is Maori/Samoan, he is adopted, but every bit as much "my son".  It is times like this that this is unmistakably reinforced for me.  I was walking my mountain when my wife texted me the news. I put my walking stick down to respond, then, quite distracted by the news, walked off leaving it behind. I was quite away down the track when I noticed it missing, and had to retrace my steps to retrieve it. I really, really would love to be in Edinburgh NOW! I love my kids, and their kids.  Welcome to the world Leon Tamati Brown, God bless little fella.