"Regrets... I've had a few..."

We have been fortunate to be in Edinburgh this year over summer. The UK has had one of its warmest summers on record. The last three days, however, have been grey, drizzly, often with a cool wind blowing. One local said, "Summer is over". Because of this we have not ventured too far from home. Today we just wanted to go "somewhere" so we put on our coats and caught the bus to a local mall. With time to kill I browsed in the book shop. I discovered a book that looked interesting but resisted the temptation to purchase it. (If I bought any more books I will have to pay extra for our luggage home!) The book was The top five regrets of the dying. 
The author had spent time with dying patients and this book is the result of her reflections on conversations she has had in palliative care work. I share the five regrets to prompt your reflection. 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish I had let myself be happier.

Reading theology... 
I have been enjoying reading theological books. I am currently engrossed in a book "The Last Week". Jesus scholars, Marcus Borg and John Dominic Crossan share insights into the last week of Jesus' life reflecting on the gospel of Mark.  As I read I am often exclaiming.. "That is so true!" or "Yeees, great stuff!" and I have to explain to my wife what I am reading. Excited, with possible sermon series and topics running through my mind, I said to her today, "Why am I reading this stuff? My days of teaching and preaching are over? " She just nodded wisely and said, "That's not the only reason for reading it... and anyway, you do not know what you might be doing in the future." 
Good bye Robin Williams... thanks for sharing your life, your humour and talent with us. I appreciated so many roles you played in many thought provoking films. 

Time to cut back maybe?

I point and my son works these days. :-)

Who is that old hunchback?

Nearly finished.. I enjoy projects.

An "old bloke" showed us around the mine workings.

These steam engines are way older than me!

The mining museum.

How long have we had that goat?

We got a text from our daughter the other day asking how old one of our goats was?  It was sick and, because we are overseas, she had called the vet who wanted to know.  My daughter had thought just three years. We thought a little older, but then began to remember landmarks, and realised it was a lot older, at least ten years old, if not older than that. Where did those years go?  Time flies doesn’t it? We often miscalculate time passed. What seems like "only yesterday" can be many years ago. 

“Who is that old guy?”

In Edinburgh my son had a rather small and flimsy garden shed in the little backyard of his house.  He wanted to extend it while we were still visiting so using mainly old timber with some purchased roofing and plywood, we redesigned and remade this shed. We spent yesterday afternoon nearly finishing it. My wife took some photos of us working and as I loaded them on to the computer I thought, “Who is that old guy?”  When you are posing for a photo you can look your best, but when you are busy working, unaware that you are being photographed you really see what others see. As I looked at these photos I saw what others see - an old man. I noted the other day that a nephew was having his 48^th birthday! I would have picked him to be still in his thirties.  I class myself as a contemporary of a 48 year old! As far as I am concerned they are “my generation” not “the younger generation”?  - wrong! Last Sunday in the rain, while rushing for a bus I slipped on a gutter and fell. People rushed up to me asking if I was OK (“OKeee” – like only a Scot can say.) I was impressed with the concern. Then I realised from their point of view they were helping “an elderly man”!  

I have to admit to getting old. We toured the Scottish Mining Museum the other day and an "old guy" was our tour guide. I estimated he was in his seventies and doing this as a hobby/part time job as a retired miner. Then he told us how old he was in 1951 and I realised I was at least three years older than him! - "But I'm not that old?" I said to myself! I had a cold/flu recently and discovered after I was getting better that I had very little energy and, given a chance to lie down, would fall asleep by mid afternoon. I have troubles with my knees. If one comes right, the other chooses to play up.  I notice my son can lift heavy things with ease, where as I need a lot more exertion. I notice too that when I go to do something heavy, he will step in and say, “No I will lift it!” - he thinks that I am “an old man”!  While I am stubborn and want to still do all I used to do, I have to admit that my body is not what it used to be.

The “Desiderata” suggests: “Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.”  I am looking forward to going back home soon and picking up my responsibilities. While retired from ministry, I will have three chaplaincies, and the voluntary work I do on the Dunedin Night Shelter Trust. I hope to get into the garden around our acre of ground and I want to do some DIY stuff around our house. As well as this I look forward to doing some walking or tramping. But am I too old? Should I be “gracefully surrendering”?  I have been reflecting on this. Maybe it is time to give up some things? In my younger days I have often been annoyed with “old geasers” who hang in with their old ways of thinking and old ways of doing things a long way past their “used by” date. Maybe I am one of those “old geasers” now?  Having stopped for four months, do I really want to take up where I left off again? Is it time for change?

But...

A big part of the enjoyment of life for me is having goals, challenges and projects to look forward to. I am not sure I would cope with doing little. I saw an old bloke get on the bus the other day, walking stick and looking fragile. He was greeting people in a friendly way and seemed contented with his lot. I wondered then how I will cope with life as I lose abilities to do things? M Scott Peck reckoned one of the big spiritual lessons in life is learning to "let go" - right through to the ultimate "letting go." I have a lot of learning to do. 

Three books... Retired, but still on a journey.

I am in Edinburgh in Scotland, on holiday visiting family and doing touristy things.  But in the last week or so I have read three “theological” books.  One of my facebook friends said, “Work, work, work! You have to relax young fella!”  I have had a cold/flu thingy so have backed off too much physical exercise.  Two of these volumes I purchased in Edinburgh at a bookshop under St John’s church on Princes Street.  They were “Eternal Life: A new vision” by John Shelby Spong and “Speaking Christian: Recovering the lost meaning of Christian Words.” by Marcus Borg.  It may seem strange buying books overseas, but it is hard to find a Christian bookshop anywhere that stock these progressive thinkers, and books in NZ are expensive.  The third book is another by Spong “A new Christianity for a new World.” I bought this for $2 at a market on Waiheke Island with the intention of reading it on the plane over here. I have read it before.

The “Eternal Life” one has also got “Beyond Religion, beyond Theism, beyond Heaven and Hell.” in its title.  Spong delves back into the beginning of time and life on earth. Gradually, he says, animals emerged and then the beginnings of human life. We, humans, became self-conscious beings, aware of past, present and future. Other animals live in the present blissfully unaware of death and themselves. This self-awareness creates anxiety and religion and a theistic God, a supernatural being, who intervenes or is the explanation behind the mysteries of life was created to cope with this anxiety.  With all of the increased knowledge about life, to the modern thinking person this supernatural being is no longer real or tenable. He goes on to express his understanding of a non-theistic God. He assures us that “God is a presence that I can never define but I could never deny.” He talks about his God experience and goes on to relate this to eternal life.

In his "A new Christianity" book he basically starts out the same way expressing the fact that religion, with its supernatural theistic God, is a refuge for the anxious. That it has lost credibility and we are to move on, grow up to this non-theistic experience of God, or the sacred in life. He points out that as Jesus was fully human, fully alive and loving, his life shows us the nature of this God.  He outlines the basic thrust of the “Ecclesia” of the future.

Marcus Borg takes Christian words (like – God, trinity, heaven, born again, believe, etc.) and with his Biblical scholarship and progressive understanding gives clear, contextual and relevant meanings for these.  I have sometimes loaned or given some of Marcus Borg’s earlier books to people to introduce them to his insights, but often the new concepts and detail of the scholarship has scared the average reader. As I read this I thought that this one may be a better, more accessible introductory book for people… it is readable and not too heavy.  I love his emphasis on moving our interpretation of the faith out of “the heaven-and-hell framework.”

Two disturbing issues….

To retain and redefine or to dump?

I recall having this discussion years ago with a thoughtful elder. He believed words like “Redemption” “Sanctification” “Justification” etc are precious to the Christian faith and ought to be used in worship, but that we needed to educate modern people about them. I argued that they were words from the writer’s cultural experience and we must use different ones today.  If we want people to grasp the nature of the God experience, we are asking too much of them to be educated first. We ought to use familiar words, experiences and concepts to open them up to deeper realities. I found the same frustration with Spong and Borg to some extent. I love their thinking and insights. But when it comes to expressing these things in a worship setting, both seem to be ready to use old language and concepts understood “Poetically”.  Both for instance would retain the use of ancient creeds, though theologically they are far removed from them. But they say, people can use them “poetically” – they express “mystery”. I say we have to make new poetry and express mystery in new ways.  The creeds have too much of a distorting emphasis about what being a follower of Jesus is. Dump them!  Some of the words and concepts Borg explains, I would dump. They carry too much baggage. 

Second issue..

Spong in both of his books essentially wiped the traditional church theistic religion as being an invention by humans to cope with the anxiety of self-consciousness. He suggested that it continues to be a way of controlling people and of keeping them immature. Now I have just finished forty years of leading Churches. I have travelled on my own spiritual journey toward concepts of faith, Jesus, God that are similar to both Borg and Spong, long before I had read both authors. In many ways the road I have travelled has been similar to their journeys.  In my preaching, my worship leadership and teaching I have been pushing the boundaries gently opening up new concepts of God.  Early in my last ministry I recall one of my elders, out of the blue, raising the question at an Elders’ meeting about our concept of God. He preferred a “being, a person in the sky type God” and he had, perceptively, noticed other concepts creeping in. I have been accused of being too “New Age”.  But in reality, from my perspective, I had been far too gentle and not pushing the boundaries enough, just slowly seeking to change the content of people’s understanding. Having said that for forty years I have laboured in Churches where “God” was a theistic interventionist supernatural being “in the sky”.  It was the assumed understanding if I mentioned that word. Spong’s strong dismissal has me asking, “Have I wasted my life?”   I don’t think so. The Church as well as individuals is on a spiritual journey through the centuries. I have been in a transition period. Unfortunately I have not really brought too many people with me toward a progressive understanding of faith.  I also tend to think that Spong overstates his case. People down through the ages have had legitimate God experiences, similar to his, but they have interpreted and expressed it in concepts and understandings related to their time. They have not just invented a “God” to fill the gaps. They have tried to explain their experiences of God in their way with their worldview.  But it has me wondering – maybe I have wasted my time shoring up “the Church” for too long?  I do believe my emphases have enhanced life and love. My actions have set an example of service and compassion with a wider impact than the local congregation.  At all stages I have tried to be honest with myself and caring toward others..  Having said that, I tend to think the Church will never move to the new understandings. The old has too much baggage, people are too attached, so new communities of “followers of Jesus” will have to be formed. 

I have enjoyed reading these authors again. I have read so many of their writings that I almost know what they are going to say. But when I read them giving expression to their perspectives, it prompts me to keep journeying and thinking and helps me clarify my half baked ideas. I enjoy interacting with and learning from their superior scholarship. ... in my dreams I would have on my bucket list an hour spent chatting with Marcus Borg, another hour with John Spong and another hour with John Dominic Crossan... oh and throw in Bishop Desmond Tutu as well. ... I would loved to have chatted with Mother Teresa, Albert Schweitzer, Nelson Mandela and Gandhi... that is where books are so good... I can read and interact with these greats.   

Warblings on war and city life. ... "Do not use water, it will spread the fire."

A borrowed picture: Such courage amazes and inspires me.

A misty morning in Edinburgh: A view out our window. Good housing but so dense. Not the way I would like to live.

War
The news of the last couple of weeks has been filled with stories of the Air Malaysia plane shot out of the sky; the unrest in Ukraine; the feeling that Russia is adopting a more aggressive stance toward the rest of the world; the terrible Israeli offensive in Gaza and the devastation there. I am always terrified and saddened by war. As I think about current unrest, and think back into history, you get the feeling that actions in the midst of unrest in the past, sometimes going back centuries have contributed to today's tragedies.  I am probably naive but I have three observations.
"Do not use water..."
When there is a fat or oil fire in a kitchen the advice is "Do Not use water" e.g.
• Do Not Use Water - Pouring water can cause the oil to splash and spread the fire. The vaporizing water can also carry grease particles in it, also spreading the fire.
My firefighters tell me that if you use water, the fire burning in a pot or pan suddenly spreads up the wall and around the kitchen. You end up in a worse situation than you started with. I would like our political leaders to think the same way about the use of military solutions in times of unrest. You may subdue your enemy, but you spread the unrest, the tragedy and killing down through generations. There can be centuries of hate to deal with.  By rushing in with a destructive military response you may be opening up the citizens of your country to centuries of hatred, insecurity and injury. I believe too that in this day and age it impacts on the whole world. I am currently on the other side of the world from my home country. I look to travel home soon but so many people have said, "Is it safe flying anywhere these days?"  When we got our tickets the agent had us flying back through the United States. My reaction was, "Do I want to fly through there? So many people have a grudge against them? Their airports may not be the safest place to be?" 
"Same batch of dough, different ovens...".. understand their "oven"
In a cafe in the Victoria Market in Inverness, Scotland, I saw a plaque that read, "We are all kneaded from the same batch of dough, but cooked in different ovens."  Palestinians and Israelis are from the same batch of dough... we are all brothers and sisters. As one man has said, "From God's point of view every war is a civil war, brother and sister fighting brother and sister."  But they have been baked in different ovens.  They have different world views, experiences, cultures that make them who they are.  I think the beginning of responding to an enemy is to listen to where they are coming from.  "That Palestinian hates me... why? What is it about the Palestinian experience of life that leads him to have this reaction? Is there something we can address in this?" Listen - really listen to the other, the history the culture first. "That terrorist wants to harm us. Why? What is it about his experience of life that leads him to this? How can we address those things?" If I just squash him, his children and their children will still hate us and want to harm us, the hate will spread. 
Love
In the midst of the search for civil rights, the oppression, threats and violence involved, Martin Luther King said, "Love is the only power which can turn enemies into friends." Gandhi said and practiced similar truths. In the midst of the oppression of occupying Roman powers and ruling elites, Jesus said, "Turn the other cheek" which, in context, was quite a rebellious way to combat violence. It was inviting the oppressor to hit, but to hit as an equal!  It is the same with his "Going the extra mile" exhortation.  We need to see that in the long run, for the good of ourselves, our nations and our world, it would be better for us to spend money and time seeking for ways to express love. Military response must only and always be a last resort, it "spreads the fire." even when it looks "successful". When will we ever learn? 
Cities worry me...
We have been living in a modern, but densely populated area of Edinburgh. The houses have very small backyards. Nearby there are blocks of low cost housing estates - housing for the poor. There are some quite high rise buildings. We caught a bus the other day and rode it for an hour and a half through the streets of Edinburgh. I was astounded at the density of the housing, people packed together with not much outside room to move and no real "land of their own". I compare this to the average New Zealand city suburb.  There most people have lawns and gardens to tend, a place to park the car, to work on the car, a place for a vegetable garden if they wish and single story detached housing. I long to be back in that environment.  I ache for our acre of ground in Sawyers Bay. Now I know we in New Zealand are spoilt silly, and that perhaps most of the world's population do not live in such luxury. But I wonder what this dense living does to them? Maori, Aboriginal and many other cultures value intensely their links to the land. It is a deep thing. I feel like many people in cities have lost that link and have lost something important. I find the people around us here in Edinburgh to be dour, and often angry as I encounter them and listen to their conversations on the bus etc. Is this related to how and where they live? I recall once giving a man a dozen eggs from our hens. They were beautiful, big, bright yoked chemical free eggs from free range hens. He refused them. "Proper eggs" came in a carton from the supermarket, they were, as far as he was concerned, "safe". Pale, questionable chemical laden eggs produced in cruel circumstances... good grief... somehow in our city life we lose touch with the processes of nature and we lose something very deeply important and spiritual.  I love my trip, but I long to be back in lush green open NZ. 

My world at the moment..

The ancient gate once in the city wall surrounding Southampton.

The party city of Brighton.

Our friend Isaac up in the Shard in London.

Tower Bridge in the background ... near where we had lunch. 

"The Shard" in London... tallest building in Europe.

The ancient picturesque village of Biddenden.

Troubled
As I noted last post I get very anguished about the troubled world we live in. I still get anguished about the innocent children being killed in Gaza. It seems that Israel is trying to make this offensive as murderous as they can. I still feel for people in Libya, Syria, Sudan, Iraq etc. I cannot imagine how it would feel to live in the midst of ongoing war and unrest. (What a silly word - people are being blown apart and it is called "Unrest"... "unrest" is my sleepless night... what is happening is tragedy! )  However I need to think positively.
Peacemakers
I hear stories of Jewish people having the courage to protest against what their government is doing. I heard a story the other day of a Moslem man in Iraq, defending the rights of Christians to worship and losing his life for it. I hear of people breaking down walls of conflict reaching out to the needy on the other side. There are relief workers passionate about offering care in the face of danger and hardships. In the midst of the sadness there is human love and compassion for others... Love will win. Just down the road where we are in Glasgow there are representatives of a multitude of nations, with different cultures, religions and resources playing sport together in a great spirit of friendship. This is of course the Commonwealth games. So in the midst of darkness there is light. In the midst of hate there is love, truly the most powerful force in the universe.
Nice people
We went down to the South of England and l thought I'd list off the people we valued.

• In Southampton an Indian local just passing saw us looking at a map and offered to help... in Brighton a schoolboy and later a student did the same thing. In London a young man gave us great directions to our lodgings.
• We have a friend in London, Isaac, and he gave us the whole weekend of his time to guide us around places of interest, which he insisted on paying for. He took us to Wimbledon, a restaurant meal, the Shard, Madame Tussaud and Hever Castle. 
• Isaac took us for an evening meal at his friends' place who opened their hearts and home to us. We enjoyed a relaxed evening chatting.
• We caught the train to Headcorn and were on the bus asking questions of the impatient bus driver about how to get to Biddenden.  An elderly chinese lady nearby came up and said, "If you wait here in a few minutes the hospital bus will come and you can ride that for free." It was amazing how cooperative the bus driver became then. The lady just winked at us.
• We visited the village of Biddenden where my wife's maternal ancestors came from. The lady in the Church, the proprietor of the guest house, the inn keeper all were so warm, friendly and helpful to us. A man rang up whose mother had the same surname as my wife's great grandmother. The woman from the Church had got hold of him.  He and his wife met us conducted us around places of family interest, then took us to see a castle, then took us home for afternoon tea. It was all so relaxing and friendly, as if we had known them for years. 

So we enjoy ourselves and have met some nice people.
Getting old
On the Monday we went to Biddenden, I had a sore throat. By the time we got back to Edinburgh (bus, train, two tube rides, train, bus and walk) I had a full fledged cold/ flu thing going. (I'll spare you the symptoms) It really knocked me and while I kept going a little bit, I eventually realised I had to stop and rest. I used to be able to shake off a cold easily, but this one has left me weak. I am virtually over it now, but it is a bugger getting old, I can't hack the pace like I used to..
On our flights from New Zealand the seats were so close together that I had to sit with knees splayed. Since then my "good knee" has been playing up and "goes out" every now and then causing untold pain. It hinders my walking and of course walking is what we are doing a lot of. I repeat ... it is a bugger getting old. When I retire I want to do a lot of tramping... will this prevent that?
Reading..
During my cold I settled into two "theological" books we had purchased in Edinburgh, one by Marcus Borg and one by John Spong. I enjoyed both but they disturb me and set my mind thinking. Next post I'll tell you about them. Just over four more weeks in the UK. It was strange coming back to Edinburgh and it feeling like we were coming home. We are enjoying worshipping at St Augustine United Church and feel at home there. ... but I long for New Zealand quarter acre house sections, single story dwellings, gardens, bush and emptiness. I long for useful projects to do, responsibilities to pick up again and routine. 

A troubled world

I have always been taken with the picture of Jesus crying over Jerusalem.  Luke has two stories of him looking over the city and weeping.  In one he pictures himself as a mother hen longing to gather the people under her wings. In another he says, "would that you would know the ways of peace." I am not like Jesus but I find myself with a lump in my throat over people in this world.
Ukraine and Gaza 
The situation in Ukraine has been highlighted again with the shooting down of the Malaysian Airliner. It is really sad this ongoing conflict in an area which cannot financially afford the destruction of war. My guess is that it will go on for a long time yet with many lives destroyed or deeply disrupted.
The situation between Israel and the Palestinians in the Gaza Strip is shocking. The local paper in the UK had photos of boys playing football in the sand. The next photo was of the same boys running for their life, and the caption said "a few seconds later they were dead," blown to pieces by an Israeli rocket. Places where the UN are sheltering families have been attacked. It seems merciless murder in the extreme. 
Moslems and the West
I have been both annoyed and reassured by the fact that in so many places I and my bags have been scanned. At Edinburgh Airport, visiting the "Shard" in London, at Madame Tussauds. Again and again I have been reminded of the possibility of terrorist attacks. At railway stations there are warnings about unattended luggage, there are no rubbish bins because "a bomb could be placed there". When we drove  past a mosque the other day, my social worker friend told of unrest and intimidation in the area surrounding the mosque. There are always reminders of the tension between the West and Moslem nations.
New Zealand sadnesses
Unable to watch New Zealand news reports I have devoured reports on the internet. A teenage boy is killed, he is unlicensed, affected by alcohol and driving on the wrong side of the road. In this one accident, with injuries to others, three families have had life shaken. Stupid, heartbreaking and tragic.  With a growing gap between rich and poor, the main politicians leading up to an election are playing juvenile political games, seemingly uncaring that so many are dumped on the scrap heap of life. There continue to be domestic abuse cases, murders and tragic stupid deaths. 
Of course there are more troubled spots and tragedies that I could go on about but I ache with sadness over the troubled world we live in. On Tuesday we spent time with a very distant relative of my wife in Biddenden, an area where one branch of her family came from. We were talking over the history of the area where at one time french prisoners of war had been kept, and badly treated. Later german POW's were kept around here and he remembered them as a boy. We got talking about wars, past and present and how it never seems to stop. "We in Britain have fought just about everybody at one stage or another!" he said.  Shaking his head he went on, "Life has enough challenges to face without having wars as well. Why can't people live and let live?"  Lately I have been really feeling the sadness of the troubled world we live in and wondering "why?"   
Made Real to me..
Yesterday was my wife's birthday so we went shopping in Edinburgh.  Jean went into a charity store to rummage through the clothing, while I "people watched" outside. All of a sudden I was aware that I was surrounded by men and women in muslim attire. I looked and next to the shop there was a lane leading to a mosque. Obviously some gathering had finished and the crowd was slowly dispersing. Some were wearing tee shirts protesting the Gaza situation. But there were lots of them, well over a hundred men went passed me. I must admit to feeling intimidated, they looked somehow serious and angry. (mind you many Scots look that way too?) I stood there trying not to stare as they kept going past talking in some foreign tongue. A number of women came out in a full or partial burka. As they thinned out I noticed a group of young guys stopped in front of a cafe, and they were looking at me.  They were talking among themselves and looking at me. "Perhaps they are wondering why I am loitering here?" I wondered to myself.  I felt uncomfortable and longed for my wife to stop her exploring.   I felt intimidated enough to move on down the road a bit and hang around there waiting for my wife, rather than be "in their face".  Just a small illustration of the distrust we feel toward each other, even though I claim to be an open minded, tolerant, non-racist guy. We do live in a troubled world. "Would that we would know the ways of peace." 

Post number 1002!... Verbal Diarrhea?

It all started 22nd July 2008

I just noticed that my last post was the 1001st post I had done since I began blogging in 2008. (Actually it is number 1002 because I once did a post the Chairman of the Church board found offensive so I deleted it to make him happy. He felt that I should not have written about some things that went on in a board meeting.) One thousand times I have burbled! I have shared my journey with its ups and downs. Sometimes they have been serious reflections, sometimes cathartic blasts and sometimes just me. I am sure I post too often... but it has become a sort of journal. Now that I have retired from Church ministry it is an outlet for some of my reflections on life and ongoing reading where as such reflections may have been saved for sermons.  I am sure I have said things I ought not to have said. I am sure some things I have written should not have gone on line for all and any to see.

On line nothing is secret

As we have been touring we have been booking accommodation and travel on line. It is a convenient way to do things. We have used a couple of different agencies to book accommodation.   But one thing troubles me. We get follow up emails from the people through whom we book asking us to rate the accommodation we have just used. I use only one of my email addresses to book the accommodation. I have a second email address which was my work one which I seldom use for anything these days. But when we get these emails about rating our accommodation they come to both addresses! How did they know I had the other one? What IT wizardry happened that enabled them to know my other email address?  The other thing I have been aware of for some time. I will search for accommodation in say "Southampton" and then I'll start getting emails advertising "Hotels in Southampton" from various sources. This morning I searched for the prices of garden sheds in Edinburgh via Google. I then went on to check out New Zealand news on the Yahoo site. Sure enough advertisements started to appear for Garden sheds. I recall once when I was sending and receiving emails relating to a funeral I was planning, then advertisements related to funerals started appearing. e.g. florists, monumental masons.etc.  Nothing is secret on the internet!

Anyway that is blog post number 1002. I have some other stuff about wars, downed planes, politicians and apologies bubbling away in my mind so I may yet post again soon. I am actually a shy guy but sometimes in this medium I get verbal diarrhea! Sorry...