Coping with "Know alls".

I have suffered an affliction all of my life. It happens because I do not have all the relational skills I should have. It happens because I lack a certain confidence or maybe courage. Sometimes it happens because I am wise.

I keep putting up with "know alls". Some of them are my friends. They come across as if they think they are authorities on all sorts of subjects and can pontificate assertively about them.  On the light side I often say jokingly, to the firefighters that "If I want to know anything I only have to ask a firefighter and they will tell me - whether they know about it or not!" (Don't tell them but often they are very helpful sources of information.)

I recall once I was doing some pipe work at the Church and this Church member came along and started telling me how to do it! - I trained and worked as a plumber - he was a paint salesman! I have also had all sorts of people trying to correct my Theology or tell me what the Bible says. I have spent decades studying the Bible. I appreciate opinions, but I appreciate informed opinions. I am going to build something and there will always be someone ready to tell me how to do it, or how not to do it - and there is only one way according to them. But they are often looking at it as someone with an limitless budget, and that's not me. When we decided to raise money to buy the Night Shelter, there were those who said we could not do it! I have listened quietly to "advice" from all sorts of people, on all sorts of subjects, from people who often like to give such advice without a hint of humility - they know! Often they do not see the full picture of what they are talking about. They are often comparing "apples with oranges", but that does not stop them prattling on and pontificating. They say things with such certainty that if I differed I would either have to call them a liar or stupid! ( I get the same feeling listening to some politicians - e.g. Donald Trump) They state things in such a way that "this is the way it is - and there is no room for debate!" Some times I want to scream- "Do you think I'm stupid!" - but I don't. Maybe I'm chicken. Only occasionally do I break out and contradict or question.

I saw a video on facebook recently with the camera focused on the face of a woman with a deadpan look, listening to some person and nodding and just saying "Mmmm" from time to time. Underneath was the caption, "Me listening to another bullshit artist!" That is often me. I am not skilled enough in being assertive in response so I just say "Mmmm", and fume underneath. 

Sometimes I want to disagree intensely, but I think, "What's the point? This person will never change their mind. They do not have the insight to have an intelligent conversation. They obviously are not willing to think differently. I will be wasting my breath and their time challenging them." Even Jesus said something about "Don't caste your pearls before swine."

Often I do not speak my mind because I learn to "choose my battles". Some things are worth the hassle, but other things are just not worth going on about.

Often I guess it could be that I do not have the courage to challenge the speaker. Sometimes I say things like, "That's an interesting perspective." in such a tone that I communicate that it is, however, not the way I see it, and the subject is dropped. I think too that my job has been to listen in a pastoral way, and people are more likely to mouth off to a "listener", so I am fair game for such people. If I'm with it enough, I will occasionally have the wisdom to ask a question that suggests a different perspective. 

I heard somebody describe another man as somebody "who does not suffer fools lightly. They call a spade a spade." Well I guess that's not me. I seem to be destined to "suffer fools." Just sometimes when the issue is important, or involves a slur on somebody else, I will "not suffer fools", but most often I am the non-assertive listener, and I guess I will be until I die. Just sometimes I wish I wasn't. 

My neighbourhood.

I went for a walk today in my locality. I have been trying to get back into running, but have not managed a run for nearly two weeks, so I thought a brisk 12k walk would loosen me up for a run later in the week. I headed out and ten minutes into my walk encountered a man from one of my chaplaincies walking his dogs. We stopped and talked for about five minutes and I went on. Around the corner came a cyclist on a fancy road bike, all in lycra. "Hello Dave" he said as he braked and turned around and rode back toward me as my mind raced to locate his name in my memory banks. I remembered just as he reminded me. He is the partner of a friend I have not seen for years so once again I stopped and talked. (I have been in Dunedin too long. This happens often. When my wife and I visit a hardware store in town, she jokingly says, "$10 for everybody we meet that you know.") I finally continued my walk, uninterrupted except for a quick talk with another couple halfway around. As I walked I began to really appreciate the simple beauty of the place I live. I live on the outskirts of Dunedin, in Sawyers Bay, which is the suburb next to the port "village" of Port Chalmers, the container and cruise ship port for Dunedin. I simply share some photos I took with my phone as I walked.

Careys Bay next to the Port.

Looking toward the mouth of Otago Harbour.

Historic Iona Church, part of "our" presbyterian Parish. It is in the process of being restored.

Port Chalmers Logo - Koputai is the Maori name for the locality. 

A murky Otago harbour looking toward Dunedin.

A fishing ship on its way from Dunedin Wharfs to the open sea.

Nearly at my house - I love the semi rural outlook. The days are short, so it is beginning to get dark - and it was raining!

I love New Zealand as a place to live. I enjoy Dunedin, and the Port Chalmers/Sawyers Bay community. I am indeed a fortunate man.

A gift to treasure.

Jean and I and our daughter and son-in-law received an invitation to the Night Shelter for morning tea on Friday. It came through my daughter and she said it was "just a thank you thing." So we went, and when we arrived there were a couple of other volunteers there and two of the staff. One of the staff is a down to earth "been-there-done-that" Maori woman named Matekino. She has been a great asset to the Night shelter and has been with us for about 18 months - 2 years. There was a table full of food to eat and warm cups of tea and coffee. I was wondering what prompted this, when Matekino spoke up and said she had something to give "Mr & Mrs B, David and Jean". She left the room and came in with two Maori cloaks or Kakahu. In Maori tradition the Kakahu was a sign of Chieftainship and was a significant honour or acknowledgement that was given to "special" people. Matekino had made these two Kakahu using as their base two donated blankets. She placed these over our shoulders and said they were a gift of appreciation for our acceptance of her into the work of the night shelter and our role in that work. I was lost for words. She is an over night supervisor for us and a community worker helping clients find accommodation and access the help they need. She is sort of shy and bashful, but wanted to express her regard in this special way. I think the job at the Night Shelter is one she loves and a significant step for her. She is good at it and says the Night shelter is her "whare" or home, "where she can offer hospitality".  I am not sure when or where I will wear it, but I treasure it and her loving gesture. It was a special time.  

Encouraging happenings.

I realise lately that I lead a pretty interesting, encouraging and fortunate life. I thought I would share some events with you.
Students raise funds - At the beginning of the University year I had a lecturer approach me through the volunteer coordinator at the University to see if his management class could partner with the Night Shelter. The idea was that his class would be split into groups and each group had to fund raise for the Night Shelter. They would be given marks for their work, with the group raising the most getting the most marks. I had to go along and speak to them and they made further contact with me if they wanted to ask questions. Recently they had their final tutorial of the class and I was invited along to speak and receive the proceeds. I will let the photo speak for itself.

It is quite a pleasant duty to be there and receive this generous donation from these bright young people.
Local's enjoy the space. We attend the local Presbyterian Church at Sawyers Bay/Port Chalmers. While at first we found it hard to fit in, we have been progressively becoming more involved. We felt we were needed there and could help the Church in its life. My wife and I are now on its Parish Council and I lead two services each month. We have been taking a lead role in getting the Church to relate more purposefully with the people of the local community and serve needs there. The Church is right next to the play centre and to the school, with school families using the Church car park regularly. My wife has begun a Tuesday afternoon coffee time when parents and others can come in at the end of school, catch up with each other and have a hot drink together. The numbers enjoying the hospitality of the Church supper room are slowly, but surely increasing. Secondly we recently started an intergenerational family night time in the Church hall. I have been repairing a pool table, a foosball table and we bought a table tennis table. We had our first night a couple of Friday nights ago, after letterbox dropping every house in Sawyers Bay. We opened up and waited. About five to ten minutes after opening we had a whole influx of Children and parents. We had nearly thirty through on the first night! It was a happy noisy time, which we have named Rumpus Room @Emmanuel. It was a good feel to be making new friends.  We look forward to building this service up. 

Toward the end of the evening when things had quietened down.

Brief break away-  My wife kept telling me we needed a break out of town, so on the Saturday morning after our Rumpus Room night we drove the two and a half - three hour drive to New Zealand's southern most city, Invercargill. We booked into an "executive suite" (with a spa) at a Motel and in time went out for dinner at an Irish pub, "Waxy O'Shea's" We came back to the Motel and enjoyed the Sky Sports on offer, watching the visiting Lion's Rugby team (UK) playing a local team. The next morning came the main reason for traveling south.  First we went around to a special Hardware store which we had visited a few years ago. It has old motorbikes (the original Bert Munro Fastest Indian) some old and interesting machines and tools and various classic cars on display. Apart from that the store stocks the most interesting array of hardware and tools. I wandered around in man-heaven, soaking in the sights. From there we went to the Transport Museum. On display were countless cars, vintage and classic, trucks of all sorts and farm machinery. There were other displays as well. So we wandered around in petrol-head-heaven for a couple of hours before retracing our journey home. It was an enjoyable break.

The Brewery where I am chaplain once had this with a tanker delivering beer to inner-city pubs.

We once owned an Ambulance of this model.

Roast lamb meal and a guinness at an Irish pub before the rugby started.

St John enrollment ceremony- On Monday night I went to an enrollment ceremony for St John Cadets. The Order of St John have cadet groups, and apparently it is the fastest growing youth movement in the country. I am proud to be their chaplain because they teach good core values and service to the community. Several cadets were being enrolled from various locations, and I as their chaplain had to receive the flag at the beginning of proceedings, and start the night with a prayer. I found the night an encouragement, especially when I was able to catch up on a mum and daughter (now an 18 year old) both involved in the St John Cadets in leadership positions, who I knew well. We had worked with them years ago in building their Habitat for Humanity home. It was delightful to chat with them in this different setting. I admire the Order of St John and its ethos and am pleased to be a volunteer chaplain for them.
Community Leadership Panel- Several weeks ago I got an email from a woman from the Otago Medical Students Association. They have been running sessions on Community Leadership for Medical students, and were planning a panel discussion with some people who had done leadership in the community. She asked if I would be part of this panel. Initially I replied, "Are you sure you have the right guy? I just muddle along." Anyway she had supplied me with questions to begin the discussion and last Tuesday night I went along to join two other panel members in front of about 30 - 40 students. The two others were the local Dunedin North Member of Parliament, David Clark, and Rachel, a lady heading up an interesting community hub project. The first question asked what experiences we had of community leadership? This was embarrassing, because I was by far the oldest. When I told my wife the question, she said, "Good Grief! Where do you start? You have been doing stuff since you were a teenager!" I recall my father in 1963 telling us boys, "Stop complaining about there being no youth group in the Church. Get off your butts and start one if you really want one." I did not bore the listeners in going back that far, but mentioned just some of the projects we had been involved in over the last thirty years. (Christmas dinners, Drop-in centre, Habitat for humanity and the Night Shelter. etc.) The second question was what is your motivation? I suggested mine came from my spirituality as a follower of Jesus, and how as such, I recognised the essential unity of humankind. I talked about the gap between rich and poor and much of what I had initiated was an attempt to in some way lessen the gap. I found the night encouraging meeting this group of caring motivated young people seeking to learn more about serving their community. But as I prepared for the questions I began to really appreciate the journey of life I have been on. It has brought untold experiences, I have met lots of lovely people, I have grown immensely as a person, and each of the projects has been fulfilling. Often it has been bloody hard work with tough passages, but looking back, I have few regrets, and we are still doing it.

I am the old bloke in the middle.

A dead mum - On Thursday last week I was in town between appointments and needed somewhere to eat my cut lunch. I took my lunch out to a suburban fire station where I knew there was a crew whose company I really enjoyed. I walked in and told them I was there for lunch, and we sat, ate and chatted. I was just washing my cup preparing to leave when the officer received a phone call. It was his wife, she was at the hospice where she was sitting with family around her dying mum. The first I knew of it was when the officer, who had departed the room to talk in private with her, re-entered and looking at me said, "What exquisite timing, I've got the Reverend here!" In due course I was asked to become involved. She died that afternoon, but had left instructions that there was to be no fuss, and no funeral. So on Friday I found myself at the funeral Director's in a room around the open casket of this lady with her four children. I asked about their mum. The told me about her tough life, her faithfulness, her devotion to being there for them throughout their life and her personality. There were sobs but also laughter. We then went into a brief ceremony. They had chosen some things to read and I led them through a final committal. Again I felt encouraged. I felt the extreme privilege of being let into this family's life and history, and sharing in this personal way in this intimate moment with them. But I also found encouragement in the effectiveness of the Workplace Chaplaincy model. They had no Church connections, but they looked on me as their "Reverend". Some years ago I had been through a tough time of bereavement with this family, and knew the officer well. I was so pleased that in a very natural way they could turn to me again and receive my support, and I could travel this journey with them also.

That is part of my never dull, interesting and fulfilling life over the last week or so. I am so so very fortunate.

Does it matter if some stories are "fake News"?

On facebook a friend reproduced this post about leadership as follows,

From The Inside Out, Azania Pekepo

Like This Page · 24 May · Edited · 

What is a true leader??

This is a pack of wolves. The three in front are old and sick, they walk in the front to set the pace for the rest of the group so that they don't get left behind.
The next five are the strongest and the best, they are there to protect the front if there is an attack.
The pack in the middle are always protected from attack with the strongest both sides of them.
The next five behind the middle pack, are also among the strongest and the best, they are tasked to protect the back side if there is an attack.
The last one, that is the LEADER. He ensures that no one is left behind. He keeps the pack unified and on the same path. He is always ready to run in any direction to protect and serve as a "bodyguard" to the entire pack.
Just incase you were wondering what it really means to be a leader... it's not about being out front and for all to see.
It means taking care of your whole team.

Hope you all had a good day x

-------------------------------------------------------

Then of course there were the comments. One person said, "You know it is fake news eh. Makes a nice story though."

Another person wrote, "Fake news or not it demonstrates a leadership model that is so hard to find and one that is worth considering and practicing."

In other words, it did not matter if the story is historically true about wolves behaviour, its point is true and worth listening to. That makes sense doesn't it? 

Now I want to apply the same rules to stories in the Bible, many, perhaps most of which can be taken as parable or metaphor. We'll stick to the New Testament. Was there a virgin birth? Did Jesus make wine out of water? Did he calm the storm, multiply the loaves and fishes, heal all those people in a miraculous way, come back to life after death etc etc. Today in Church we read the ascension story from Acts. It reads, ".. as they were watching, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight. While he was going and they were gazing up toward heaven, suddenly two men in white robes stood by them, etc." Now did that happen? Should we get into an argument about whether, and how it happened historically?

I believe for many of these stories in the gospels and Acts (and other books in the Bible) we must say, "Fake news or not, this story demonstrates a deeper truth that is worth considering." 

The late New Testament scholar Marcus Borg suggested this approach. Dominic Crossan suggested that many of the gospel stories and the gospels themselves are parables about the great parable teller, Jesus. This frees us to listen to their deeper meanings and not get bogged down and distracted by historicity questions.

Anyway that is about where I am at, and I could not help thinking of this when my friend posted this story about the wolves and leadership.

What a great model for the Church in our times.

At one of my chaplaincies there is a delightful woman in her forties. I call her the "girl racer of the forklift", because she is so skilled at driving a forklift, stacking pallets, loading a truck and organising the area she looks after. She used to play women's rugby football, then coached it and has always been a devoted member of her club. She recently became president of the rugby club, I think the first woman president of a Dunedin rugby football club. Usually these clubs are the domain of men, and women are just the "helpers". 

I was talking to her recently and she was telling me that the Rugby Club has in recent years opened its doors to other codes. There was a nearby association football club (soccer) which did not have facilities or a training ground. The rugby club opened its facilities and grounds up to this club. The soccer club joined the rugby club. Then a Netball team likewise did not have facilities so they too became one with the Rugby Club. They are all part of the one organisation though they play and train for their different codes. At the end of the season there is a prize giving night. All three groups join together and celebrate the season, with each group giving out their prizes as part of a combined celebration. 

In times past rugby union players looked down on soccer players as wimps, playing a "namby pamby" game. Soccer players scoffed at rugby players claiming they were "all braun and no brains". A women's and girls netball team would not be seen as important. But here the old battle lines of gender, age and code are crossed, and they support each other, share facilities and celebrate together in the name of sport. 

What a great model for the Church. In my last Church I tried to get our central city located Church building to be home for all sorts of life enhancing groups. It worked to a degree. At one stage we had monthly multi-ethnic "family" nights celebrating the cultures, music and foods of different nations. We hosted people working on and teaching about sustainability, climate change and the environment, encouraging their work and in a sense sponsoring their events. Many of these folk were atheists, but we connected with their passion, and they found a home in our wider community.  In earlier years too, we had Sunday night ventures where once a month we "Celebrated the Community." We enjoyed choirs, drama groups, musicians, authors and others who would come together in a cabaret style setting to express their talents. I think, however, that this wider vision of "Church" was something many of the traditional Church folk found hard to cotton onto. It was not fully supported. I saw these wider groups as somehow part of our wider "family" or "Church Community" but the more traditional Church members saw them as just community groups getting cheap use of our facilities. The Church people did not support our multi-cultural family nights as much as they could have. In some ways they missed out on the breadth of God's world. If God is "in all and through all" and if we believe that "in him we live and move and have our being" then Churches should be open to celebrating "life" in all its richness. Anyway as my "Fork lift driving rugby club president" told me about her club and their activities, I could not help thinking what a great model. They join together to celebrate "Sport" not just one code. The Church could/should join with others to celebrate "Life" not just be a religious club of a certain denomination.

Passing the peace or arranging a coffee date?

We attend a little local Church with the number of people attending on a good day being only in the 20's. Apart from the Sundays that I lead, we have visiting ministers. One of them tends to lead quite a formal service, in this very small friendly congregation. He dresses in robes and follows very set and religious sounding prayers. Always near the beginning of the service he invites us to share in "Passing the peace" where we are to shake the hand of people in the congregation, and say the words, "May the Peace of Christ be with you." Sometimes he has a difficult job getting order back in the service as this group of people greet each other very warmly, with very little formality. One Sunday he could be seen up the front surveying the noisy rabble looking most uncomfortable, and when he finally got silence returned, he commented that he thought he should bring a bell to signal "time up". Last Sunday he invited us to pass the peace, and a lady across the aisle wrapped her arms around my wife in an enthusiastic hug, to which my wife responded warmly. The woman then moved on to me. "I'm not giving you a hug, it wouldn't be proper!" she joked. I feigned disappointment, as we grasped each others hands and said, "Great to see you!". As I moved about the melee that ensued, I noticed not all were saying the right words, some were catching up on stuff, there were "high fives" with the children and general warmth, smiles and laughter. I over heard a conversation my wife had. The woman she was greeting said, "We'll have to go for coffee again. When can you make it?" and it carried on. When we got home I joked with my wife. "You were not supposed to be arranging a coffee date! This is worship. You were meant to be passing the peace?"  "I think God would prefer us to sort out a coffee break." my wife responded. I think she may be right.  Love shared is God shared, and what better way to share love and life than having a coffee break.
We have been told we are "not viable" as a congregation. We are just a small group of mostly elderly people but the love and friendship between the group makes us more than viable. The regular gathering is worthwhile, healthy and life giving, even if we don't obey directions.