"Old age", anger and sadness.

I am convenor for a community group tasked with using the historic Iona Church in Port Chalmers for the community. This photo shows the first concert we hosted.

A duck I have been getting friendly with and feeding. She came in the house and into the lounge! I informed her she was an outside pet.

Another concert in Iona of NZ folk songs. I wish I was musical! 

Our new children- young point of lay hens settling in to our place.

Anger and sadness.
I have not posted for a while - what can I say, I have been busy. I am prompted to post today because of a very sad event in one of my chaplaincies. I am a workplace support chaplain for about 9 hours a week. I am a chaplain for St John Ambulance in a voluntary capacity. I am chaplain for the local fire fighters, and I am chaplain for a brewery. The task of a chaplain is to visit the sites and touch base with people. If there are those who have an issue they wish to sound off about or to have some help with, you listen in a caring way and sometimes help, or sometimes refer for further counseling. Most often I spend time with people and they talk about their life, and ask about mine. It really is sharing the journey of life with people. It is a real privilege to be involved with folks. 
A couple of months ago I had a phone call from a man who was going through marriage problems, that were the result of mistakes he had made. I met him and spent over an hour listening to him, and I tried to give some advice about directions ahead and assured him of my support. He was seeing a counsellor who suggested that he should not be seeing me as well. That was OK and is a usual stance for counsellors, but I said that along the way I could still be a supportive presence no matter what happened in the marriage. I texted him a few times and chatted briefly whenever I saw him. Things were not going well. I had phone calls and conversations from his work mates who were concerned about him and one afternoon I spent quite some time trying to find out where he was. There were a number of people offering support and his boss was also being helpful. I saw him two weeks ago and had quite a long conversation. He was not happy, the marriage it seemed was all over and he was aggrieved.  He said words to the effect of "I've stuffed it up!" He had said he had at times had "silly thoughts" which I took to mean suicide.  I told him that if he wanted or needed to chat or if he had the "silly thoughts" to phone me and I would come to wherever he was immediately. I was aware that people were in touch with him every day so felt he would be safe. I assured him that even though life is bad now, he will get through it and put together a new life in the future. I gave him a examples of people who had been there and done that. 
Last Wednesday around lunch time I had a phone call from his "team leader" to tell me he had taken his own life and had done so in such a way that his estranged wife would be the person to discover him.
Since then I have been visiting the workplace, listening to confused, grieving, angry coworkers, and of course attended his funeral with them. I myself have been angry. Of course you go through "Was there something else I could have done?" I wondered if I had pushed myself forward and had stuck with him as his counsellor, would I have been more able to help than the counsellor he had? I have felt really sad for his wife and three children and been angry at him for opting out. I have been supported, of course by my wife, but also two of the man's co workers have phoned me to see if I was OK. Also a man from my St John chaplaincy contacted me to ask the same question.  
At the crowded funeral I stood at the back among his fellow workers and went through a raft of emotions. Mostly my anger increased.  I noticed how in such circumstances we minimise death. We say things like "he is on a journey", "he chose a path" "He will be up there still with us in life" and "till we meet again" etc.  "No!" I wanted to scream, "The gutless silly bastard is DEAD! Gone! Of no use to anybody! He threw away his life! He opted out of his responsibilities!" I know that sounds bad, un PC and lacks compassion, but that was the way I, and others felt, and the funeral was such that there was no "pastoral care" in the leading of it. 
The sad thing is that in New Zealand too many young people and men are taking their life. I think there is what Viktor Frankl called, an "existential vacuum" for so many people in today's fast changing society. People suffer a lack of meaning, so they struggle when the going gets tough. 
Today I spent virtually all day working hard physically in the vegetable garden, and that has been a healing release for me.  
"Old Age"
I am pleased that I have worked hard today, stressing my back with digging, and it has functioned painlessly. Two weeks ago I could not have done the work I did today. My back had gone "out" and I was in pain carrying even small loads. At one stage during this period, when it seemed slightly better, I dug the garden. I knew I needed to get it done. It was a tough painful job, trying to dig in such a way as not to strain my back. I was digging away hurting with every shovel full, and I suddenly remembered that I had a smaller shovel. "Maybe that would be easier?" I said to myself. I grabbed my smaller bladed shovel and sure enough the less weight on each shovel full made the task easier. I paused and chuckled to myself.  Years ago I recall visiting a retired man who had moved to a smaller house. Being a keen gardener, he was showing me his new vege garden, which was a small patch of ground. He showed me his new small bladed shovel and told me how pleased he was with it. It made his digging so much easier he had said. I smiled and said that was good, but under my breath arrogantly I was thinking, "What a wimp! He has such a small garden and he needs that!?" He is long dead now and I am older, not quite as old as he was then, but here I am gladly using a small bladed shovel. "Jack, I take those arrogant thoughts back. You were right, I now understand." With age sometimes wisdom comes. I did go back to my bigger shovel today, once I was confident my back could handle it.  

Introducing "me".

I was asked to introduce myself and answer questions for a monthly local West Harbour community paper. They have a local personality introduced each month with the same set of questions.

Here was what I sent into them...

Dave grew up in North East Valley, Dunedin, completing a plumbing apprenticeship with A&T Burt Ltd.  Changing careers meant 5 year’s study (4 in Melbourne, Australia) to become a minister in the Associated Churches of Christ. After a ministry in Palmerston North and as a traveling field worker, he returned to the Dunedin Church where he served for 27 years. It was late in 1986 with wife Jean, five children, and goats and hens, he moved into Sawyers Bay and enjoys the rural aspect and the community feel. Experiences such as running a drop-in centre, involvement in Habitat for Humanity, 25 Community Christmas Day dinners, helping to form the Dunedin Night Shelter Trust (still chairman) and other community orientated programs followed. His passion is helping to create inclusive caring communities. In 1994 he added working as a Workplace Chaplain to his ministry and continues to serve Dunedin Fire Fighters, Speights brewery and St John Ambulance. In retirement he helps out at the Port Chalmers United Church. He recently facilitated a public meeting working toward forming an Iona Management Trust, promoting creative community use of the historic Iona Church building.  

Q. If you had a chance which three people alive or dead would you invite for dinner?

A. Jesus of Nazareth. He was known as a glutton so he’d enjoy the meal. William Wilberforce was an eccentric determined politician and Dr Martin Luther King learned from great minds and had courage and hope.

Q. What are your three favourite movies?

A.  ‘Forrest Gump’, ‘Chocolat,’ and ‘Pay it forward.’

Q. What was your first car and if money was no object what car would you buy? A. A 1938 Austin 12. (at rest under Forrester Park now) I’m a van man, so an electric van of some sort. Or failing that a completely restored ‘63 Dodge Ambulance.

Q. If you were to face the guillotine in the morning, what would you choose as your last meal?

A. Lambs fry with bacon, mushrooms, onion and garden fresh parsnip and carrots mashed together, with spud.

Q. Which three countries would you most like to visit?

A. Canada, Brazil and United Kingdom.

Q. When you were at school can you remember what you first wanted to be when you grew up?

A. A Farmer.

Q. What do you think is the most useful invention of all time?

A. I suspect the Internet will be seen as a very important turning point in history.

Q. What is the best book you have read?

A. So many? I have two – Man’s search for meaning by Viktor Frankl and Meeting Jesus again for the first time by Marcus Borg.

Q. If you had a time machine where in the past or future would you go?

A. Late 19^th century NZ.

Q. If you had to spend 1 month on a desert island name three things you would take along?

A. My Swiss army knife, a pen and paper. It would be a quiet place with no interruptions, for reflection and writing.

I add some photos for colour...

Our family about 1981 when we had a 1963 Dodge ambulance towing a 25ft caravan.

Historic Iona Church which we are going to use creatively for community stuff. 

My wife & I are honoured at the Dunedin Night Shelter.

A trip away

We went in my old van. You can see so much more and it goes OK.

Tekapo lake early in the morning.

Stavely - a great we place for lunch 

Some of the family at our evening meal on the Saturday.

Forrest walk

Childrens' imaginations run wild when we saw these "huts".

Part way up on our hill walk.

We pause to add a layer on the ridge - really cold wind.

The track coming down.

Looking back as we were leaving for home on the Monday.

Election
I was going to write a blog about why I voted for Labour, but I think I am over all the political election speculation in NZ. The thing that really disappoints me is that the present Governing party, the National party is spreading lies, misinformation and offering tax bribes to hold onto power and unthinking greedy people are listening. I will be really disappointed if they get back in, as polls suggest they will. The calibre of people they have is in my view very low. The Prime Minister, Bill English, I once thought of as a man of integrity, even though I disagreed with his political views. But under the pressure of a close election he has told lies, evades straight questions and has condoned lies and misinformation. His ministers also tell lies, are aggressive, and put opposing people down in bullying ways. I think they are following successive leaders of the National party, but they are not good role models.  It almost feels like some of the low level practices we saw in the USA election win have crept into politics here. Jacinda Ardern, the Labour leader, on the other hand has been up front, dignified and positive. A leader we can be proud of. Who will win is anybody's guess.  
A Brief Holiday
My wife and I went on a brief holiday recently and I wanted to share some photos of our lovely country. My wife turned 70 in July, so to mark this special event our children planned a family break away in a tourist town of Hanmer. It is North and inland from Christchurch. It has hot thermal pools to soak in, bush walks and mountain scenery. Our daughter and son-in-law from here in Dunedin initiated it. Our son, wife and two grandchildren were coming down from Wellington, while our son, wife and two grandchildren from Christchurch were coming up to join us. It was indeed a lovely family weekend together. Jean and I set out on the Monday before and travelled to Central Otago for two nights. There I have two brothers and so we visited each and caught up on them and their family news. From there we travelled through the picturesque Lindis Pass, past Mount Cook (the highest mountain in NZ) through to Lake Tekapo. There we soaked in heated pools and enjoyed the stunning scenery for my 69th birthday. We moved on to the township of Oxford where Jean and I spent quite a bit of holidaying time during our courting days. Jean's parents used to have a bach, (or crib or small holiday house) there where we spent a few hot lazy summer holidays. Then we ended up in Hamner for the Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, driving the 540k home on Monday. I appreciated again the country we live in. On the Sunday morning we all went on a flat forrest walk, and it was great seeing the grandchildren exploring the sights and sounds of the forrest. In the afternoon, my oldest son suggested that he and I could go for a walk up a hill, "its a relatively easy walk Dad" he assured me. So he, early 40's, and me, 69 years, went up what turned out to be a bit of a mountain. There were steep parts of the track where we were scrambling up rocks. I was puffing, he looked like it was a wander in the bush. The scenery was great, but we could see the weather coming in and heard thunder. We reached a high ridge below the summit and we were in clouds, in a freezing wind and it started snowing. While we had some extra layers we were not equipped for this, so we turned for home trudging down through falling and lying snow. I love that my son wants to walk with me, we both relax better in the bush. It was a week away and I came back to a very busy schedule, but it was a great break, and I do love my family. We did miss the son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren we have in Edinburgh, Scotland though. 

I want real substance in the election debate!

The election is not a game of rugby – it is important! It is not just another reality TV show. People’s lives matter. We have a beautiful country, with potentially great resources. We live in peace with a democratic system of government. But there are some big issues confronting us as a nation.

We have the highest youth suicide rate of all the developed countries in the world. Why? Have we lost hope? Are our values messed up? Don’t we have enough “connection”?

We have more homelessness per capita than any of the other OECD country. – In New Zealand!

In spite of the Prime minister and the Health minister ignoring the problem there is a crisis at Dunedin hospital. (Southern DHB) Senior Doctors are speaking out and patients (like myself) waiting for life saving tests and treatment will tell you this. I am sure other DHB’s have similar issues.

We have a high imprisonment rate, but of those in prison 51% are Maori, 33% European and 12% Pacific Island. Are we failing our indigenous people? It is estimated that 40% of those in prison have mental health issues.

We have serious alcohol and drug abuse problems. Why do we need to be self-medicating so much? One would think this beautiful country would provide sufficient stimulus for life?

The rich/poor gap is widening. The top 1% own 20% of the nation's wealth. The bottom 90% has less than half the nation's wealth. There are many examples of injustice, unfair conditions and inequality of access.

I could list more.  My point is that it is time to stop playing power games, or just fiddling with the deck chairs. We need politicians with compassion and a desire to address these people-issues. We need parties who do not just pander to our selfishness, but address the long-term deeper issues confronting us. We, the average citizen, need to be responsibly involved in the election process. Vote, and think deeply and with a wider perspective about the commonwealth of all. 

In saying this I do not think the full solutions to these problems can come from governments. I think we need to be thinking deeply about our lifestyle, culture and values. In discarding the old we have lost depth and meaning. But we are weeks away from an election and things need to change. We need leaders with depth, integrity and compassion. Vote responsibly and intelligently please. I love this country of ours. 

Variation, theme for the day.

The donated ambulance in the Octagon (Centre of the city) ready to be dedicated and unwrapped.

As I drove home tonight reflecting on my day, I could not help but think of the variety.
Here was my day's activities; I began by checking emails related to the night shelter and responding to them. During that time I received a Skype video call from my son in Edinburgh. It was great chatting for a short time, interrupted by a phone call about local church matters. 
I then went into town, where my first visit was to the brewery where I am their workplace chaplain. I was received warmly and I wandered about talking with various workers. One guy asked if I had been in contact with a man who had been dismissed from the brewery several months before. He said, "We'll phone him and put him on speaker phone." So we did. The two of us caught up with him and chatted warmly then we all moved on. At another part of the brewery some asked how they could help out at the night shelter during a community work day? After well over an hour there I came away feeling like I had enjoyed warm and significant conversations. 
But I could not bask in the feeling, because I rushed to the Ambulance station to have lunch. I had to change some of my clothing. I was to be involved in dedicating a donated ambulance in the centre of town, so I had to look like a chaplain dressed for a formal occasion. On the side of the road, off came the high vis jacket, my jumper and the steel capped boots and on went flash black shoes, a tie, and a St John chaplain's jacket. I had a quick lunch with paramedics catching up on their busy morning, then walked to the Octagon in the centre of town where an Ambulance was placed all wrapped up with a ribbon on display. Local, regional and national St John dignitaries gathered.  The local police chief and fire chief turned up and of course there were important people from the bank which was making the donation and other members of St John, operational and administration staff. I chatted with the fire chief, the St John dignitaries and an unemployed friend who used to come to our drop-in centre. Then the ceremony happened and I had to put on a clerical stole and lead appropriate prayers. The flash new state of the art ambulance was unwrapped, people had coffee and chatted before going our different ways. I chatted with some of the city's vulnerable people, the street people of our city who recognised me, and were keen to catch up. The local Member of Parliament had attended and shook my hand warmly. As he was leaving he stopped and talked enthusiastically about changes in leadership of his party and the election campaign. I went on my way chatting warmly with the fire chief as we walked down the street together.  I drove home to prepare for the next part of my day. As I travelled I thought of the mixture of people I had shared with and Rudyard Kipling's poem, "If". The last verse begins:
 "If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, 
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch. 
If Neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you. 
If all men count with you, but none too much."
I felt thankful for the variety. 
Once home I prepared to lead a Night Shelter Trust meeting that night, printing off papers and doing some thinking of the issues we would talk about. My wife was doing her rostered afternoon voluntary stint as a St John "Friend of the Emergency Department" at the hospital, so I prepared vegetables and a casserole for the evening meal. She would come home while I was at the Night Shelter meeting. 
I then returned to town to lead the Night Shelter meeting, which covered reports about past progress, and plans for the future. 

Driving home in the dark to a warm house and a meal which I had helped prepare, I reflected on the rich variety of my day.
There was the variety of tasks. 
* Catching up on brewery workers and having significant conversations there in high vis jackets, among kegs, computers, machines and forklifts.
* Talking with Ambulance staff and leading in a dedication ceremony in the centre of the city, dressed in clerical garb suitable for a St John Order chaplain.
* Preparing food in the kitchen and planning a meeting.
* Talking Night Shelter business, finance and future plans with a Trust Board as I chaired a meeting.

There was a variety of people. Family in Edinburgh. Brewery workers. Paramedics. Dignitaries. bankers. Fire Chief, a Member of Parliament and caring responsible Night Shelter Trustees, as well as friendly vulnerable street people. 

I am indeed privileged, - but maybe a tad busy.

Sleeping out in a frost.

Me on a park bench prior to 2014 sleep-out. This was in the local paper.

Four years ago when we as the Dunedin Night Shelter Trust were trying to raise money to buy our buildings, my friend and I, along with a local politician and another man, slept out in the Octagon, the park-like centre of Dunedin city. It was reported in the paper and raised our profile. 
The next year the Student volunteer centre at the University got in touch and suggested that we have another winter sleep-out involving students. We slept out in the Octagon again and through various fundraising schemes, the nearly 200 students raised $12,000 toward our purchase price. But more than that it launched the last few months of our campaign and raised the city's awareness of the need. We were able to complete the purchase in October of that year. So a student sleep-out in the Octagon in winter (July) has become something of a tradition and I have been privileged to join in them. Last Friday was this year's version. There were smaller numbers, about 70 students, and I shared with them for the night. It reached zero degrees centigrade, probably below that at the grass level, where we were attempting to sleep.  They begin at 7p.m. on the Friday evening with speeches, then had various musicians and entertainers with Zumba and breakfast at around 6 a.m. on Saturday, finishing at 7 a.m.
I unfortunately had responsibilities in the local Church early in the evening.  I had joined some students late afternoon to help them set up the Octagon, then helped look after a family fun night at our Church, (I played pool, foosball, twister etc. with kids in the church hall.) returning to the students about 8 p.m. My daughter who is treasurer of the Night Shelter Trust deputised for me with the opening speech. 
I had expected a friend and a local Member of Parliament to join me for the night, but both came and gave me legitimate reasons why they had to be looking after family instead. So here I was, a lone old guy (68 years old) among 70 students enjoying sleeping out on a freezing night in the centre of the city. I LOVED it all over again. 
I saw these young people caring for the cause that so dominates my life, but they had fun doing it. They made cardboard dwellings where they could sleep. These were judged and the winning team announced. The music talent was of a high standard.  Some "fire dancers" came and entertained, then opened it up to others to join in the activity. This went on for a long time, well past midnight. One particular bar in the Octagon had extremely loud music playing which we could easily hear, so there were a heap of students having a spontaneous dance party, doing some sort of line dancing, singing and laughing in the cold night air.  In our city the students often have a reputation for bad behaviour and drinking too much. This was an alcohol free event, it was freezing, but they were still obviously really enjoying being together. 

Me with the Student volunteer co-ordinator and members of the Uni-crew planning team a week ago.

One incident stood out. There was an asian dwarf girl who needed a wheel chair to go any distance, but who could walk short distances.  She and her carer joined in the fire dancing, laughing and grinning from ear to ear as they attempted the tricks. I was sitting in a deck chair dressed for the cold, just keeping an eye on everything. A man who had been walking through the Octagon sat beside me. He had been drinking and had slurred speech, but was friendly as we chatted a bit while we watched the fire dancers. It turned out that he used to do fire tricks, and for a while he went over and joined in, chatting with the leaders. He came back beside me. The little dwarf girl was attempting the fire dancing nearby and had taken off her jacket, hanging it on a traffic cone. She saw that he could be cold, and came over with her little jacket and offered it to my companion for warmth. He declined, but I was really impressed by this gesture. Here she was a woman with major challenges of her own to face, but still open to the needs of an unknown drunk guy sitting on the sideline.

People gathering for music.

Fire dancers entertained us.

The noisy bar continued to pound out music until 3 a.m. It was getting colder and I found it hard to get comfortable for sleeping. (I had forgotten to bring gloves) I snuck away to my van which was parked just a few metres away. It was not much warmer, but I managed about an hour's sleep. At 6 a.m. Zumba started and a group joined us to cook pancakes for breakfast. My daughter and son-in-law appeared, and we joined a few of the leaders in pulling down the cardboard dwellings and loading the cardboard into a student van and my van, then going off to appropriate skips to get rid of it. The clean-up had begun. We were finished by about 7:50 a.m. and I rushed off to the Farmers Market. There I stood for nearly four hours with a bucket collecting for the Night Shelter. Just after midday I headed home. I had got up at 6:30 a.m. on Friday morning for a radio interview, and from there until midday Saturday, I had only one hour of disturbed, cold, uncomfortable sleep, and had done a lot of work. Driving the 10k home I began to feel sleepy. At one stage I momentarily lost consciousness, but managed to wake up before the van wandered off the road. At home I made a cup of tea and sandwiches and crawled into bed for the rest of the afternoon.

Tucked up to sleep out in freezing temperatures to raise awareness about homelessness.

Zumba at 6 a.m. The dwarf asian girl tried Zumba in her wheelchair. Toward the left edge of the group.

It is nearly breakfast. 

The edge of the Farmers Market where I was collecting.

I felt really privileged to be part of such a wholesome event. There is much about the world to bring a sense of despair, but these young people lifted this old man's spirits with their compassion, energy and shear enjoyment of life. Well done to Otago University Uni-Crew.

Coping with "Know alls".

I have suffered an affliction all of my life. It happens because I do not have all the relational skills I should have. It happens because I lack a certain confidence or maybe courage. Sometimes it happens because I am wise.

I keep putting up with "know alls". Some of them are my friends. They come across as if they think they are authorities on all sorts of subjects and can pontificate assertively about them.  On the light side I often say jokingly, to the firefighters that "If I want to know anything I only have to ask a firefighter and they will tell me - whether they know about it or not!" (Don't tell them but often they are very helpful sources of information.)

I recall once I was doing some pipe work at the Church and this Church member came along and started telling me how to do it! - I trained and worked as a plumber - he was a paint salesman! I have also had all sorts of people trying to correct my Theology or tell me what the Bible says. I have spent decades studying the Bible. I appreciate opinions, but I appreciate informed opinions. I am going to build something and there will always be someone ready to tell me how to do it, or how not to do it - and there is only one way according to them. But they are often looking at it as someone with an limitless budget, and that's not me. When we decided to raise money to buy the Night Shelter, there were those who said we could not do it! I have listened quietly to "advice" from all sorts of people, on all sorts of subjects, from people who often like to give such advice without a hint of humility - they know! Often they do not see the full picture of what they are talking about. They are often comparing "apples with oranges", but that does not stop them prattling on and pontificating. They say things with such certainty that if I differed I would either have to call them a liar or stupid! ( I get the same feeling listening to some politicians - e.g. Donald Trump) They state things in such a way that "this is the way it is - and there is no room for debate!" Some times I want to scream- "Do you think I'm stupid!" - but I don't. Maybe I'm chicken. Only occasionally do I break out and contradict or question.

I saw a video on facebook recently with the camera focused on the face of a woman with a deadpan look, listening to some person and nodding and just saying "Mmmm" from time to time. Underneath was the caption, "Me listening to another bullshit artist!" That is often me. I am not skilled enough in being assertive in response so I just say "Mmmm", and fume underneath. 

Sometimes I want to disagree intensely, but I think, "What's the point? This person will never change their mind. They do not have the insight to have an intelligent conversation. They obviously are not willing to think differently. I will be wasting my breath and their time challenging them." Even Jesus said something about "Don't caste your pearls before swine."

Often I do not speak my mind because I learn to "choose my battles". Some things are worth the hassle, but other things are just not worth going on about.

Often I guess it could be that I do not have the courage to challenge the speaker. Sometimes I say things like, "That's an interesting perspective." in such a tone that I communicate that it is, however, not the way I see it, and the subject is dropped. I think too that my job has been to listen in a pastoral way, and people are more likely to mouth off to a "listener", so I am fair game for such people. If I'm with it enough, I will occasionally have the wisdom to ask a question that suggests a different perspective. 

I heard somebody describe another man as somebody "who does not suffer fools lightly. They call a spade a spade." Well I guess that's not me. I seem to be destined to "suffer fools." Just sometimes when the issue is important, or involves a slur on somebody else, I will "not suffer fools", but most often I am the non-assertive listener, and I guess I will be until I die. Just sometimes I wish I wasn't.