Community and Sunday night stuff

Community

During our holidays we visited the rural township of Apiti in the North Island. We owned a property there and lived there for a while. It was a sad visit. When we lived there the garage was a bustling centre of activity where cars and farm machinery were fixed and people stopped for a chat. Now it sells fuel and looked empty and closed. There was a general store and like country stores of old you could just about buy ANYTHING there if you looked hard enough. It was no longer standing. The church's path was way overgrown, a sure sign that services had stopped. The Post Office was now a house. We called into the pub and interrupted the proprietor's afternoon by getting him to turn his beer systems on to get us a drink. Worst of all in this empty looking ghost township, our old house, along with its garage, and the sheds, goat sheds and hen houses I had established were all pulled down. The guts seemed to have gone out of this town in the 23 years since we left it. 

Another place we stayed at on holiday was Foxton. On the Saturday we went to a market they held in a local business' yard. It was great. There were people selling arts and crafts, old nic-nacs and secondhand books. There was a vege stall, a sausage sizzle and an under canvas coffee bar. But it was the feeling of the place that impressed us. It was alive with a sense of community. People were greeting each other warmly, catching up on kids and there were hugs smiles and laughter all around. There was a couple with a music set up who took turns at singing. They would say "hi" to passers by as they sang, and "thank you" mid-line in a song if you put a coin in their hat. The guy gave announcements over the microphone about bargains at the market. He was announcing the price of a vegetable at the vege store and spontaneously said, "Shit that's cheap!" We stopped at the canvas cafe and the proprietor chatted for a couple of minutes and invited us into his semi-trailer kitchen. He had a fully functioning commercial kitchen in the back of this truck where he baked bread, buns, scones or whatever. But he treated us like friends and showed us around his pride and joy. We came away feeling that Foxton was a place where it would be good to live. It was alive, friendly and buzzing. 

I am convinced that we are doing the world a great favour when ever we create moments of "community", or spaces where "community" happens..... people enjoying each other's company; people meeting people; laughter; friendship and love developing. I am convinced that the church should not just be a community, but should be in our communities facilitating spaces and places where community is experienced. 

Exercise report

Last Sunday ... a run. Tuesday ... a gym session. Wednesday .... a 2hour church walking group. Thursday ... a gym session and later a run. Friday ... a gym session, Saturday ... a walk up "my Mountain." Tonight ... a run. My friend weighed me when I visited the brewery on Thursday and in the last 2 weeks I have lost 2.5 kg. I have got to the stage of enjoying the runs. This old man is really starting to regain a measure of fitness. :-).... I learned this week that eggs are not as harmful for cholesterol levels as thought. We have hens and I LOVE fresh, golden yoked eggs!

Habitat helper

A man from Hawaii is in town and wants to help a Habitat for Humanity project. I have to spend my day off tomorrow working with him installing a gate at the last Habitat house. I learned tonight that a local bank is keen to get involved in a Habitat project and on Tuesday morning I have been asked to go speak to the staff about Habitat for Humanity. It feels like every time I turn the speed dial down a bit on the treadmill of life, someone steps in and turns it up for me! Oh well, you only live once.

(Photo: Our acre and house at Apiti. Milking goats, hens and their houses in the paddock.)

Goodbye my friend

I have just said goodbye to a friend. This friend is from Alaska and turns up every year for a week or two. He is keen on Habitat for Humanity and arrived early in the week asking what he could do. Well I put him to work doing vents in the base of a house. Yesterday he finished that job and he and I spent time together concreting in a big heavy gate post. I enjoy his friendship. He blows in and we just start off where we left the year before. He just had a cup of coffee with me and heads away now on his way back to Alaska and I won't see him till next year, if all goes well. I don't have a heap of friends so I value the friendships I have.

A quotation says;

"Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together."

Another...

"A friend is a person with whom you dare to be yourself."

Good bye Tom... Cya next year.

Two warm fuzzies

Yesterday turned out to be an OK day for me. We had a guy ring the church office to ask how he could make a donation to the church. At lunch time he arrived in overalls. He fished in his pocket and pulled out an old glasses case and opened it. "I have some spare cash lying around and thought you should have it." With that he dropped $100 worth of crumpled notes on my desk. We asked questions about why etc. He said he had read about the Christmas Dinner in the newspaper and must have walked past the church when our drop-in was open. He said, "You do good stuff and I thought I could help." He left saying, "You will be seeing me from time to time." He never gave us his name, where he worked or anything, he just thought we "did good stuff".

I got home sometime after 6p.m. and went to the letter box. There was a card addressed to Rev Dave Brown. Inside the card was a quantity of petrol vouchers. The card read, "To Dave, hope you had a good holiday, thanks for listening!" There was no signature or identifying marks on the card. I have my suspects, I suspect an officer at the fire brigade but there are other possibilities.

Both gifts are appreciated, running such things as drop-in centres, and life in general gets expensive and such help is welcome. But they are worth a whole lot more than their dollar value. In my job often you wonder what the hell you do? Successes are often hard to see and people are free with criticism and express their opinions on everything. (I sometimes wonder why the church isn't booming, there are people of all ages in my church who as far as they are concerned, seem to know a lot about how to run a church!) These gifts say to me, "Sometimes at any rate you are doing the right thing. " They affirm that sometimes at least, I am "doing good stuff", and that affirmation is worth heaps. If you are one of the donors, thanks a lot.

"Intimate relations"

Related to yesterday's blog about marriage is my annoyance at many Christian understandings of sex and sexuality. I recall when I got married we were gifted a Christian book giving guidance about marriage. If we had followed that our sex life would have been exceedingly boring and we would have given it up in preference for playing snakes and ladders! I was reminded of this book when I was given this quotation from an actual text book not that long ago. This is an actual extract from a sex education school text book for girls, printed in the early '60's in the UK and written by a woman.

"When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be led by your husbands wishes; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had. Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices, be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent."

There was more to it but you get the picture. I would love to know what the writer thought of as "unusual practices"! That is similar to the book given to us. Another quotation by Don Schrader reads; "To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals."

I believe sex and sexuality are among some of the most precious gifts of life to be relished, enjoyed and celebrated. I believe there is a place for sensuality, the erotic and plain sexy fun and imaginative variety .... even when you are an old man like me. (In the film "The Fastest Indian" an older Bert Munro had a girl friend over for a night. Unfortunately at some stage he took some sort of heart turn and an ambulance was called. The neighbours gathered and as the ambulance departed, the girlfriend in a dressing gown was being stared at. She said something like, "What's the matter with you? Old men need loving too!" ... I laughed so hard that my wife dug me in the ribs, hoping that there was no one in the theatre that we knew.) I have been disappointed that very few Christian writers tackle this subject in a positive, free and celebratory way. What prompted this blog was that I got side tracked last night on to various Christian sites that mentioned the subject. What a load of morbid, life limiting, "down-with-sex" advice and perspectives were listed off! If they are true, I'm going to hell. (Happily) I should not be surprised by the lack of free writing, because in all my years of ministry I have often been too afraid to say what I really believe about this. Every time I have spoken on the subject, however, I have received phone calls from people saying in effect "thank you for affirming what I secretly believe." and comments suggesting that they felt liberated by the experience. I think the Christian religion has a lot to answer for by giving sexuality such a bad reputation.

Marriage

I was the celebrant at a wedding on Saturday and have been putting away my notes and posting the paperwork. "...... you have come before God and we your family and friends to make your marriage agreement. Will you love and honour each other as husband and wife for the rest of your lives?"
Quick nervous glance at each other then "We will."
"Now I invite you to join your hands and make your marriage vows."
"I ........ take you ..... to be my lawfully wedded...... in sickness and health, to have and to hold, till death part us." (This couple wanted the traditional vows)
Under my breath the cynical me says.... "Yeah Right!?"

What chances have they? The statistics show 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce! I am aware that of those still in tact many are miserable marriages, sometimes marriages in name only. I am surprised by the number of marriages I encounter where there is little emotional or physical intimacy, and the individuals feel desperately lonely. Often we distract ourselves into endless renovations, busyness of work, booze culture or being besotted by inane hobbies or sporting teams. One Christian writer I read suggested that the marriage vows were OK in an age when we started sexual activity later in life and life span was much shorter. These days he suggested we have 3 phases in life with partners to match.- Early phase when we want to enjoy sex. - Second phase when we want to raise a family. -Third phase when we have more leisure and "grow older". He suggested that the time span is so long it is unrealistic to envisage spending all that time with one partner. A cynical yet realistic woman I passed this by suggested that that was what a man would write. It so happens that older men want to justify swapping "mum" for a younger, prettier, more sexy model.

I want to leave you with three pictures.
(1st Picture) I watched an elderly couple, getting frail walking arm in arm down St. Andrew St. in Dunedin. They stopped by the Op Shop window and looked in. Something caught their eye, they pointed, he put his arm around her and they laughed together. It was obvious that what they had seen had sparked some humorous memory from their journey together. It was probably an "in house" joke. Couples who have journeyed together in friendship gather a whole host of special memories, delightful moments and little jokes. They have a common history that is just so precious in life. Smiling they continued their journey and came to an intersection with cars going in four directions. They hesitated, obviously less confident than younger more agile people. They linked their arms more firmly and looking out for one another, worked their way across the road. I wondered how often in their journey together they had done that. As challenges, sufferings or disappointments had hit them they had metaphorically linked arms more firmly and worked their way through it. Marriages can have passion and romance but they need more than anything, friendship.

(2nd Picture).... a hospital room she, in her 70's is unconscious and dying of cancer. He is gently rubbing her head and telling me of their life together. He told of how they met; the war years; the different houses they lived in; his and her bouts of depression; her encounters with cancer; the arrival of their children; the arts and crafts she did; his career and the activities of their children. As I came away I felt like I had been on sacred ground. Here was the beauty of marriage and the friendship it can provide. Here were two imperfect people, with struggles and difficulties, but because they were "together" they had been able to lead, creative, stable and responsible lives, raising two creative responsible children, overcoming big hurdles by their friendship.

(3rd picture) ... a man married for many years came to me. He told me how he had discovered in a relationship outside of his marriage a warmth and friendship better than he had at home. It was a "clicking" of two personalities and the surprised discovery of acceptance and warmth, even though at this stage they had not "been naughty". What should he do? Should he follow his feelings and enjoy this new relationship? Or should he deny himself this potential happiness and stick faithfully to his marriage vows? With tears in his eyes we talked through the issues. I ached for him in his dilemma. (He chose courageously at that point to give his marriage another go.... because of their common history. But his wife took some convincing that anything was lacking in their relationship.) To build friendship in marriage takes effort, openness, understanding and often discipline.

"..... with the authority vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss."
Amidst the applause and whistles of family and friends I said again under my breath... "May God help you!"
(Photo: My sister signs the register at her wedding a few weeks ago.)

Gratitude

Life seems dull. It has rained for FOUR days here in Dunedin. I walked in the rain on Saturday night. My friend and I got soaked jogging in the rain on Sunday, and the rain has limited my activities on this my day off. I could not do outside stuff so I fiddled with the computer and listened to a U tube talk by Matthew Fox. He talked about thankfulness or gratitude. He said that greed and addictions were the opposite of thankfulness. That when we feel that we have an empty bucket we crave more of "whatever"... money, booze etc etc.  He suggested that emptiness in our soul meant we crave more and implied that thankfulness and gratitude were the antidote. So I thought I would gather thoughts about what I am thankful for today.

• Friends to walk and run with in the rain.
• Ability to run an OK wedding service and a Church service over the weekend.
• Warmth of greetings as I shared at the wedding.
• A day off!
• A cup of tea in bed, while reading the morning paper.
• A friend calling for morning tea.
• In house jokes and common history with my wife.
• A warm house and plenty of wood to light the fire.
• Health enough to walk and run over the weekend.
• The computer, broadband and internet so that I could listen to speakers like Marcus Borg, Matthew Fox and even old country music songs.
• Fritters for lunch and chilli sauce.
• Apple jelly made from copious supplies of our own apples.

That will do. I'll add a few photos to brighten your day. To fix your addictions and greed take a dose of gratitude. That old hymn goes... "Count your blessings."

Photos top to bottom.... thankfulness for the world of nature.

1. Flowers on the slopes of Mt Ruapehu
2. Flowers beside the track at Table Top, a way above Otaki Forks.
3. One of our old apple trees, this year laden with apples (More apple jelly- Have you ever had apple jelly with ice cream? Out of this world!)
4. Red hot pokers out our kitchen window.

Sunday burble....

Hours of work

For interest I have been keeping a tote of the hours I have worked... From Tuesday morning to Sunday lunch time it came to 60 hours for the week. There were times when I wondered if I would cope or get things done on time but I did! I don't think I made a muck up of anything. My first two weeks back at work have been around 60 hours. I wonder if it will improve?

Exercise report

I am still trying to exercise regularly. Here is last weeks report. I ran last Saturday and Sunday. I ran on Tuesday and Wednesday. I went to the gym on Thursday morning. I walked quickly for three and a quarter hours at the relay for life. I am going to run soon. (In the rain!) When I ran on Wednesday I had times when I felt good. I hope I am starting to get fit again. 

People are good

Workplace support (Chaplaincy) entered a team in the Relay for life. This is a fundraiser for the Cancer Society. Walkers walk around a track for 24 hours with each team carrying a banner and having to have one person on the track all of the time. The teams are sponsored and money raised given to the cancer society who support those suffering cancer. It has rained non-stop in Dunedin since Friday! They shortened the relay to a 12 hour stint. It was damp and cool but there were still hundreds of people, rugged up in all sorts of attires, laughing, chatting and enjoying the event, happy to raise money for the cause. After my Saturday wedding I joined them and always find myself encouraged by the atmosphere of such events. There may be all sorts of bad news about humanity, but there is a lot of good. I fell into step next to a woman I know, she is the daughter of a man I had in chaplaincy. We had chatted for a few minutes and she was asking about Christmas Dinner and offering to work at our next Christmas Dinner, wanting to do stuff for people. It was a buzz being among such people.