Not a teenager anymore.

"Wanda" won't start.

We arrived home this morning after roll starting "Wanda" (our 1990 Nissan Bluebird) I went to work and came home after 7p.m. I had my tea blobbed out in front of TV, watched another program then decided to check for emails and then go out and checkout Wanda. Head light switched on, Swandri coat, keys, voltage meter and I ventured out into the night in our drive way. I Measured the power in the battery. I found the starter motor and wobbled the leads. I attached jump leads and attempted a start, and did a couple of other tests. It is obviously not a battery problem, but a starter motor or lead connection problem.

When I was young I would think nothing of setting up a lead light and working on a car outside in the winter until midnight. I have taken many starter motors out and cleaned up connections. I have been known to take starter motors apart and clean them up and get them going again. But tonight after I had done my tests I looked at the motor, felt the chill in the air and decided to call it quits. I probably could have at least diagnosed the problem some more and maybe taken the starter motor out to take in to an auto electrician. But tonight I decided that getting cold, getting dirty, bending over at funny angles, lying on concrete and doing all this in the cold dark air was not for me. I shut the bonnet and went inside in the warm again. I must be getting old.... as a young man I would have loved doing that!

A weekend off!

Weekend Celebration

My wife and I traveled to Christchurch this weekend to celebrate my young sister’s sixtieth birthday with my family. It was a good Saturday night when we enjoyed a cabaret with some clever people entertaining us with music appropriate for a sixty year old. We had two of our children there and their partners and they were able to catch up with cousins. On the Sunday we went around to my sister’s place and had lunch with family there. All of my siblings and their wives were there so we caught up on each other with lots of conversation and some memories.

Christchurch

It was interesting being in Christchurch again after my two stints there assisting with earthquake recovery. The place still looks very beaten up. On the Sunday morning I got up and had a run down Blenheim Road, around part of Hagley Park and back home. I started running about 7:50 and on the frosty morning it was so cold that my hands hurt. I was jogging around the park when the sun got high enough to shine through the trees (very picturesque – I wished I had brought my camera) and by the time I was running home it was warm enough to enjoy the day. Two things - I ran along and saw all these big green sewerage tanks strapped together in front of these buildings. As I looked at these I realized it was outside the public hospital! There is so much work poor old Christchurch needs to have done to repair the earthquake damage! (There were at least two aftershocks while we were there.) Secondly as I jogged around one part of the park I was reminded of running around a park in Amsterdam. The scenery was very similar. I got to wondering what Christchurch would be like if it fostered a bike culture like Amsterdam? It is flat. I am sure it would do people good to bike and also clear the air of a lot of pollution. If I was mayor of Christchurch that is what I would be looking into, it would be a great asset.

Sadness

We caught up on lots of people over the weekend. While driving home we were talking about these people, and then went on to talk about the many people in our lives. A number of people we know have faced or are facing the dreaded cancer, with uncertainty about their future. Quite a few among our contacts and extended family have experienced a break up of their marriage or live with a marriage that is not nearly as supportive and life giving as it could be. And finally, a number of people struggle with life because of the on-going unwise choices that they keep making. Our hearts were heavy as we thought about all the struggles, stresses and pain people we knew were facing. We also felt incredibly fortunate and just lucky to have the life we live. Cherish life and look after the people you love.

Out of step again?

I got talking to a minister and he started talking denominational politics and who represented who, how to maintain control of churches, what was right and what was wrong. I had two reactions at first. My first reaction was to say under my breath, “Tell someone who cares!” Such things no longer interest me. I am wrapped up in representing Jesus in the community and I have lost interest in the politics of the denomination. My second reaction was to then feel guilty. I have been the president of our Denomination in NZ. I have been on the Conference Council. I was employed by the hierarchy as a fieldworker for two years. Shouldn’t I as a minister be concerned and involved? But I am so out of step that I can’t be bothered with the issues any more. They seem irrelevant to where I am at in my faith, my ministry and my Christian involvement in the community. But I felt a bit guilty when this minister reported that someone he was talking to complained that “David does not go to conferences any more!”

I got to thinking about Jesus and his reaction to internal political arguments among his band of disciples. He basically said that sort of thinking was “of the world” and not “Kingdom thinking”. I am not sure Jesus would have wanted the imperialistic structures that are formed in his name! I think he too would lose interest in such internal politics. I decided that my view off Jesus was very different than much Church thinking… but to quote another religious rebel, “Here I stand, I can do no other!” (I just got an email; the hierarchy of my denomination wants to meet with me… oh well?!)

Wanda broken!

I have enjoyed driving our 1990 Nissan Bluebird. She travels so well on the open road and is so comfortable. … but I noticed that when starting the starting motor did not buzz as well as it ought to have. We got to Timaru on the way home and took a leisurely stroll through the shops. When we arrived back at Wanda she would not start even with jumper leads. A nice young man pushed us and we drove to our favourite motel in Oamaru. We unloaded our luggage and parked Wanda on a hill for a roll start tomorrow morning to go the final leg home. We’ll have to get her fixed when we get home. Tonight we will relax in the luxury of this expensive motel and pretend we are rich. Overall, so far, it has been a nice weekend off! Back to the real world tomorrow.

Photos: The music at the cabaret... ABBA and Tina Turner imitation.... good fun.

Two brothers.

When I was driving through town today I honked my horn and waved out at a man I know. He grinned and waved enthusiastically back at me. While I was running tonight I got to reflecting on this man. He is one of two brothers I know. They are both in their sixties. One is very religious, the other does not attend church, except when he was a child the family attended a very conservative church. On the surface one would think that I would have more in common with the religious brother. But I feel more drawn to the non-religious one.

Whenever I meet the religious one he immediately wants to talk "religion" and "Church". He shares what's going on at his Church. (often in a boasting type of way) He tells me his latest religious hobby horses. He pontificates on what churches should be doing etc. etc. When I meet the non-religious one he says "Hi, how the hell are you?" and he listens to the response. We talk about our health, our weekend, our attempts or lack of attempts to stay fit, our plans for exercise and anything else that happens in our lives. His conversation is often dotted with "light" swear words, and there is often gentle teasing and laughter.

My question: Which is the more "spiritual" conversation? The religious one, where we talk religion? Or the one where two people actually "connect" as people and are genuinely interested in each other? I know I feel warmed and valued in conversations with the non-religious brother. I often feel the religious brother is more on guard, competitive and trying to evaluate where I fall on the theological spectrum. (I think it is sad that religion often seems to distort otherwise nice people. They feel they have to be 'religious' and therefore are not open to themselves or others.) True spirituality should do the opposite!

Often when I talk to religious people about my community orientated activities they will ask, "Do you get a chance to talk religion to them?" or some such question. It really annoys me. I am deeply privileged to connect with people, to laugh, listen and love. To me that is truly "spiritual". Sometimes faith issues do come up, but they don't have to for the conversation to be deeply spiritual.

Just thought I'd share that... it is along the theme of my last post.

Photo: Conversations in Space2B.

The week I met God!

I have survived another very full and busy week of ministry and workplace chaplaincy. One of the aspects of life I have found powerful is the human interactions and I'll tell you about some of them.

* On Tuesday I was visiting a chaplaincy and not long before I was to leave the lunch room, one of the bosses came in. He sat down opposite me and we talked about his life and recent changes. We are both in our sixties so we shared health stories and our experiences with doctors and various ailments. He then took the opportunity to catch me up on all the people in the job who were off sick, had ailments or were on light duties. We speculated about what retirement would mean for each of us. We had known each other for 17 years, and it was good to spend the time together.

* On another day I visited another place and talked with a number of people, and was pleased with the warmth of the reception I got. I was talking to one guy catching up on his work and his life when I felt this dig in my ribs. A fire crew was visiting the site and these guys could not walk past me without giving me cheek.

* I walk between the church and a couple of my chaplaincies and am always intrigued by the number of people that I meet and talk with on the journey. Every time I make the trip I end up talking to some body. The other day I came across a man who used to come to our drop-in centre. He is a man I respect who is a published poet and writer. I crossed the road and realised he was crossing just down from me. We stopped and talked. I love how whenever we meet we slide into significant and thoughtful stuff quickly and comfortably. He had recently had a friend suicide and we talked about that.

* On Friday night I had a great night of warmth, acceptance and friendship at the drop-in centre. Even though it is a very long day, I felt it was a very special night, and after 16 years of running the drop-in centre I still feel it is well worth doing.

* On Saturday night we had a "family night" linked to Space2B. We have these evenings, with a "pot luck" meal, when particularly new immigrants come with their ethnic food to share. Before we eat we go around the room and share where we have come from. Here is the list; New Zealand, Australia, United Kingdom, Israel, Philippines, Iraq, Malaysia, India, Pakistan... that's all that I can remember. All I know is that it was a great experience wandering around eating the great variety of foods talking to the great variety of people. You had a sense of diversity, variety and difference, but ironically a much deeper sense of essential unity, of being brothers and sisters on the journey of life together. I felt quite privileged.

Many years ago I read a book by J A T Robinson called "Honest to God". Many considered it heretical then (written in 1963) and I guess many would still think that way. I have been looking through it again since my experiences reminded me of truths expounded in that book. I remembered that he mentions in the book that God is found in relationships. That where Jesus speaks of "wherever two or three are gathered ... there I am in their midst" points to this experience. (somewhere in the book) It is a long time since I read the book but that has stuck with me all these years. I pulled the book out of my bookshelves (yes I do sometimes find the book I want!) and thumbed through it. He points out that God is not so much the "God up there" but more "a depth at the centre of life". I share some quotes;

But for the Bible 'the deep things of God' cannot be plumbed, the transcendence of God cannot be understood, simply by searching the depths of the individual soul. God, since he is Love, is encountered in his fullness only 'between man and man'. (That sexist language was OK in 1963)

God, the unconditional, is to be found only in, with and under the conditioned relationships of this life: for he is their depth and ultimate significance.

Whether one has 'known' God is tested by one question only, 'How deeply have you loved?' - for 'He who does not love does not know God; for God is love'.

That is enough to make my point. I believe that God is a reality wherever people meet each other with openness, a sense of fraternity and love. It is my experience that somehow the transcendence of God can be experienced as people meet with people. It is also my experience that in the meeting and sharing together personal growth can happen and wholeness is discovered. That is why I run a drop-in centre, Space2B, sit and chat in chaplaincies and meet people on a regular basis. While I am basically a shy guy who likes his own company, again and again if I forget myself, get out of my comfort zone a bit and reach out to others with an open spirit, I experience "the sacred" in the midst of ordinary life amongst ordinary people who I come to love.

This week I met God.... again and again! And for that I am deeply grateful.

Photos:

* My copy of "Honest to God" by Bishop John Robinson. Unfortunately Bishop Robinson died at a relatively young age.

* The "Phantom" book given to me by one of my blog readers. I include this photo just to make my friend in Australia jealous. He is a "Ghost who walks" fan.

Worship?

Most of today I spent at a professional development day. We received training in conflict resolution. I went rather reluctantly because I have had a very busy week and could really not afford the time. I rushed to the office this morning, did a couple of emails and rushed out to the training venue. Straight after I went out to the fire stations then, after checking phone messages and emails directly into our Friday night drop-in centre. I have dried heaps of dishes, served food and spent time playing pool, conversing and joking. It was a good night. I listened to a number of people, there was a feeling of warmth and acceptance and lots of friendship shared. We packed up at 9:30 and piled all the rubbish and stuff in the cars. I went up to a woman, the town drunk, a lady I never the less quite like, and asked her if she wanted a lift home. She very respectfully and politely declined my offer, and her friend thanked me so respectfully for offering. ... As I walked to my car I had a warm fuzzy feeling. I was tired out, but somehow it felt like I had been to a really special worship service... it felt like God had been present in what we were doing. Love was present, so I guess he was.

And a friend who I have only met through this blog site, dropped a big Phantom comic book at the church for me. It will be my much appreciated bed time reading... it is so compelling and winds back the clock to my boyhood. Love the Ghost who walks.... thanks! And the women he rescues are also gorgeous! :-)

Weeping inside...

A man read my blog recently. I bumped into him in the street and he said something like, "I read your blog! - Gee you are a grumpy old bugger!". Well, John, today too I am a bit sad. I had to do my "statistics" for chaplaincy and I hate them, but even they faded into insignificance as I have had to think about other people's misery or sadness. A man who has a mental health problem turned up at our Space2B without his shoes. (It was a cold day in Dunedin) He has a problem finding a place to stay at nights, and he is a problem when he stays anywhere. I got to thinking also of friends and family going through tough times, and I wish I could snap my fingers and make things better, but most often I feel helpless to help in any way. I had to deliver some bad news to someone today and I felt their pain. I had to move someone out of an abusive situation, and I felt sad for what this woman was going through. Some of these people I like and I am close to and I ache deeply for them. Some of these people I do not necessarily "like" nor do I know them very well, but they are "brothers and sisters" in life's journey and it pains me to see them suffering or living stifled lives. So tonight I have been sitting blobbed out in front of TV comedy shows with a heavy heart.

Jesus in Luke 19:41 "came closer to the city, and when he saw it, he wept over it, saying, 'If you only knew today what is needed for peace!' " The leaders of this city were soon going to have him killed, but he had a heavy heart for these people. Tonight I weep inside for people I know.

Sometimes people seem to suggest that you have to be positive, smiling and "happy" all the time. I see these super positive people with gooey glib sayings on face book. I guess that's nice, but I happen to think it is OK to weep at times. It can be the beginning for renewed efforts to make life better for some people in some way some where, even if you can't change the whole world. Someone said (I think it was M Scott Peck) that facing up to depression or sadness takes courage, because when you do you are prepared to be "real", to be dissatisfied with the way things are and you can turn that into motivation to bring about change and growth that is needed. Being happy all the time can mean you are blocking out some real need for change to happen.

Today I have had cause to feel a heavy heart, not for me, but for others I am aware of. It helps me to know that sometimes Jesus too had a heavy heart.

A couple of quotes:

"I am only one, but I am one.

I cannot do everything,

but I can do something;

and because I cannot do everything,

I will not refuse to do something that I can do." .... Helen Keller (Blind and deaf!)

and...

God grant me

serenity

to accept the things I cannot change

courage

to change the things I can,

and wisdom

to know the difference.

I have been sitting here going over the things I have to do tomorrow. EEEK! there are not enough hours! Oh well, another prayer... I have this one by my bed.

"Lord, help me to remember

that there is nothing that is going to happen today (tomorrow)

that you and I, together

cannot handle."

Quotes that appeal...

Failure to wonder at yourself.

"People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, the huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and yet they pass by themselves without wondering. .... St Augustine.

Happiness...

"Happiness is inward and not outward;

and so it does not depend on what we have,

but on what we are." .... Henry van Dyke.

Goals...

"One should not pursue goals that are easily achieved.

One must develop the instinct for what one can just barely achieve

through one's greatest efforts.'

(Oh dear ... in my experience this one is hard to calculate.)

Of value...

"Try not to become a person of success,

but rather try to become a person of value."

A successful man?

That man is a success;

• Who has lived well, laughed often and loved much;
• who has gained the respect of intelligent people and the love of children;
• who has filled his niche and accomplished dreams;
• who leaves the world a better place than he found it;
• who has never lacked appreciation of beauty and failed to express it;
• who has looked for the best in others and gave the best he had.

- R L Shep.