Avoidance

Years ago we had a new chief at the fire station. After a while I heard rumours that he was going to sack the chaplain. After avoiding the issue for some time, I kept hearing the rumours, so I decided I had to find out for sure. I went up to him and simply said, "I hear rumours that you are going to sack me. What's the story?" He replied that yes he had thought of it, but had faced such a strong reaction that he quickly had backed off the idea. Then he told me that in the town he had come from when the chaplain went visiting the fire fighters would all vacate the lounge and head to bedrooms. One station would ring the next and warn them that the chaplain was on his way and they would hop in the truck and decide to go somewhere else. They avoided the chaplain. I walked past a guy who was once in one of my chaplaincies, I had helped him through a couple of issues, but as he past me it was obvious that he didn't want to greet me, averting his eyes elsewhere and avoiding eye contact. Yesterday as I wandered around a chaplaincy a guy just about had conniptions trying to avoid eye contact or any connection with me, hiding behind his computer screen, because I am a chaplain. I wonder what has gone on or is going on in his life? I didn't think I was intimidating? Sometimes when I log on to Skype within a few seconds I see one or two of my friends log off... I get the hint they are avoiding me. I avoid people too. I have to admit that I will leave the most awkward or inhospitable parts of a chaplaincy to the last minute so that when I run out of time I can say, "Well I could not come there because I ran out of time." There is an angry disturbed religious man around town, the only person I have kicked out of my drop-in centre. When I see him coming down the street I cross the road. But we avoid other things also. I took a funeral for a woman who died of cancer the other day. Talking to family members they thought she avoided going to the doctor for too long. I have been known to do that, and others I know are doing that. I avoid conflict in the church by not challenging issues I see. By so doing I am not being the leader I ought to be. My supervisor gets frustrated with me because I avoid dealing with weaknesses I have, yet they keep emerging. We often avoid problems in relationships until they are too late. So often I find myself confronted with couples and I think, "They should have been looking into this years ago! It is too late now!" We often avoid thinking about the deep things of life. I got in the middle of an argument the other day. One man ended up almost yelling, "Religious people are brainwashed. There is no heaven or hell. No God. It's all shit and it causes wars" I wasn't really the one he was arguing with, I was sitting between them. I think he was taking the opportunity to let me know where he stood. (I already knew that anyway) I just said, "I agree that distorted religion is implicated in wars but for me following Jesus is not about getting to heaven when I die. It is more about not wasting your life now." Almost in a higher pitched voice he just repeated his former argument. I think I touched a nerve and he wanted to avoid thinking about it, so I changed the subject with humour. As a minister I am called in from time to time by families who have no religious thoughts but who have a member dying, and they think a minister can make things better, more comfortable by saying something "spiritual" a prayer or something. They have avoided the deeper things of life all their life, and struggle when life forces the issue.

The other thing I avoid is Christmas shopping. I have been known to go down the road at 8:45p.m. on Christmas Eve and buy my wife's present. We humans are so skilled at avoiding. I guess in biblical mythology it started in the Garden of Eden.