Sunday samples...

Why me?

I talked with a lady on the second last day of her life early in the week. Dying of cancer in her 50's she asked me this question "Why me?" As she asked it I selfishly thought "Yes exactly, why me? Why am I in this awkward predicament, talking to a woman I don't know in this circumstance." I told her there was no answer to that question. Of course I have heard fundamentalist Christians pontificating about God calling people home etc. etc. I have heard all sorts of philosophical and theological dissertations on the presence of evil and pain in a good God's world. But there are no real satisfactory answers, there wasn't when my dad died in his 40's and there was none for this lady.

Still doing it.

I am answering the phone and making plans for our community Christmas day dinner. In Church this morning we had a young man who said that on Tuesday he would be 22years old. It dawned on me that when we were planning our first Christmas Day dinner he was born! I would have been the young age of 40. I would never have believed then that I would still be doing it 22 years later! And it is still fun! I would be reluctant to go back to having "normal" Christmas days.

Pleasure?

What is pleasure? I was driving a man home from our Friday night drop-in centre. It was our last night for the year, we will resume mid February. (We have been doing the drop-in for 15 years) He was grumbling. "What am I going to do on Friday nights?" he growled. "Give me the key and I'll go up and play pool by myself! The Drop-in is the only pleasure I get. TV is useless!" Of course I felt guilty, but what is "pleasure".

• I had a great 10k run tonight, not fast but my friend and I stuck at it and I am still buzzing. She has an Iphone and a fancy GPS system that tells us how far and how fast. It was tough because of the wind, but it was "pleasurable".
• I talked to a man recently who runs/tramps in the NZ hills. I was so jealous. He told me he makes time to do it and other things have to fit around that in his life. He described walking the hills as true "re-creation". He described it as "spiritual"- that he was being recreated inside while he traveled. I have similar experiences. My modest walks up "my" mount Cargill is like that... "pleasurable". When I get to tramp, just like that.
• I talked to another man who is battling a bit of a physical set back, he is a year off retirement, and he said of his life, "There's not much to look forward to for the rest of my life!" I did not know what to say to him, he could see little "pleasure" ahead.
• Then there is the physical/intimate/play pleasure of making love, still pleasurable even at my age.
• I had a man get two rulers out of his desk. He lined them up end on end and asked me how old I was. He adjusted the length to count off eighty years, then pointed to where I was now on the scale. "See you have not got long to go! You better make sure you pack all the pleasure you can into the remaining time! Life is for living!"
• I have people telling me to lighten my work load and lead a more balanced life. "You need to have 'pleasure' as well as work in your life!" they say. I must admit I was at a cafe in the country for lunch today and two trampers came in, obviously they had been tramping in the Silver Peaks hills. I glared at them green with envy.
• But... I sweat over a funeral service for a family this week and presented it yesterday, a Saturday when I would normally have some more relaxed time. As I stepped past the bereaved brother he gave me the most grateful "Thank you". Later he said, "I was proud of you." (I am his workplace chaplain) Other relatives shared their appreciation. His team leader shook my hand and said, "Good job" and a friend of the deceased came up squeezed my hand strongly and said, "Thank you so much! You did that so well." The whole art of crafting and presenting a funeral to suit a particular family is stressful, time consuming, but also incredibly "pleasurable" and fulfilling. It is work, but also it "feeds me and fills me up" in a very deep way.
• To reach out to others in chaplaincy is challenging, but also "pleasurable". To listen to people and see and feel the world through their eyes is "work", but "pleasurable." Even to be there as people share their conundrums and pain with me, gives me a deep sense of pleasure and privilege to be allowed to identify so closely with another, though I may ache for their predicament.
• I facilitate groups from time to time. Years ago when I was a Fieldworker I did a lot of this. I sometimes lead chaplains' professional development sessions. I do the odd Critical Incident debriefing group session. It is incredibly full-on work. You are switched on; keeping an eye on everyone in the room; listening intently with ears and mind; your mind going flat tack in dialogue, thinking on your feet the best way to word things; heaps of crafting and preparation sometimes; - all very hard work but... such a deep buzz. So pleasurable to do it well and to see people drawn out and becoming alive before you.
• To take a biblical passage, open up to the deeper truths within the writing, then craft a service experience that communicates those truths is "pleasurable". Stressful, frustrating and challenging, but deeply creative and pleasurable, like a painter completing a painting.
• To dig the garden, see vegetables grow and look at your plate filled with food you have produced is deeply pleasurable.
• To build something useful, to fix a car or repair a plumbing problem is "pleasurable".

I could go on... What on earth constitutes "pleasure"? One point is (though I am not sure I have a clear point only musings) that people who charge me with being a workaholic and imply I have no pleasure in my life miss the point of who I am. I looked at a TV program of people on holiday lying in the sun doing nothing... I tried that once .. for 15 minutes... not pleasurable for me! People say I must learn to just "be". I am just being when I am crafting a sermon, listening to a person, reaching out to someone. It is in moments like that that I feel most highly alive and most fully "being". This is who I am and what I am and it brings me pleasure... I am being.

Anyway, all that to ask the question and muse on it, "What is pleasure?"

Photos: Pleasurable moments;

- Legs sore, body aching completing a half-marathon.

- Me on or near "Pulpit Rock" in the Silver Peaks.

- An illustration of debriefing process used in a training session.

- Working hard building a Habitat house.

- Conducting a wedding.