Midweek stuff

Shock...

At our Space2B at church today we had a couple come in who are regular attenders at our Friday night drop-in centre. We chatted about all sorts of things then the man leaned over and said, "Do you remember .........., he used to come to drop-in centre." With a little bit of assistance by way of a description I vaguely remembered the individual in question. "Well we got a phone call from him and he is in prison charged with murder!" ...... It turns out that he is one of the three guys arrested for the bludgeoning death at Warrington Beach that I mentioned in my last post. I listened to their shock and dilemma because this man had been quite close to them as a family. I struggled with my own feelings. I felt guilty that we had a chance to influence this guy, and maybe prevent a death, but did not do a good enough job! I wondered if there was something we ought to be doing for him now, even though it was a while ago that he attended and he did not share much when he was there. I felt shocked that I knew someone who, it is alleged, could do this and that they had been in our drop-in. Are we safe in what we are doing? I had a whole mixture of feelings about it. Was what we were doing worthwhile? Of course I had dealt with people who had murdered before. One man I spent a lot of time with was a double murderer! Sometimes I pushed his buttons and he would get quite intimidating with me, but fortunately I always managed the situation. But this sent me thinking, questioning and pondering. It was the same sort of questioning that I found myself doing when one of our guys took his own life.

My conclusion hit me sometime later. We may have failed this guy, and not been able to show him different ways of living. But there are two things to remember....

• At least we were in touch with a guys in this sort of circle. Many churches would have absolutely nothing to do with such people. We may not have been able to bring changes we would want, but at least we were not "fiddling while Rome burned". ... we were in the thick of the battle amongst people who needed our love in a big way.
• Secondly, we really do not know the full extent of the positive influence we have. I become all too aware of where we have been unable to help. One suicides. One murders. (It is alleged) They are in-your-face, up there and obvious. But perhaps someone never committed suicide because I played endless games of pool with them? Perhaps because we served them coffee and food and a listening ear, someone else had the hope and strength to carry on? Perhaps because they knew they were going to a place of welcome on Friday night they could cope with life better? Perhaps because someone else saw a different way of life in what we had to offer they walked away from a potential murder scene? Just being open as a place of safety with no alcohol could have meant that a number of people were not in more dangerous settings. Maybe we have saved a number of deaths we would never know about? The thing is we just don't know. If they fail we hear about it. But if they manage to plod on not causing harm to themselves or others, we have no way of knowing that we have contributed to that "normality". All we can do is keep loving as best we can.

Talking, listening is my job.

It has been a frustrating week in some ways. I feel like I have not got much done. Virtually all Tuesday afternoon, from 12 - 6 p.m. was spent talking and listening in the chaplaincy situation. At the ambulance station and around the fire stations I listened and talked. Much of it was just every day conversation, but peppered with some bits of significant reflection and "in-depth stuff". Today I began the day thinking I was going to get heaps done. But on Wednesdays our Space2B is open from 11a.m. to 3 p.m. I spent all of that time talking, listening relating. Even after we shut up shop some talk continued. I raced back to my office thinking I have wasted a big part of my day! Space2B was just about full of people. There were Chinese, a Hungarian, Indian, one from the UK, an Australian, visitors from Singapore, Kiwis and others. There was good chatter about life. Groups dotted around the area in circles chatting away madly. At about 3:30 p.m. I went back to my office and by 6:30 we had a meal with a few people in Space2B. It was a small group because people were away or otherwise engaged. A Hungarian, two Indians and three kiwis. We sat and chatted about all sorts of things, things we had been doing, cultural differences, food and just sharing "life" until nearly 9 p.m.

As I drove home I was thinking of all the "work" I did not get done in the first two days of the week. But then the penny dropped... I had been working! My job is relating. If I am sharing the love of God, I need to be in relationship, talking and listening. All the chatter in Space2B was holy stuff going on. People were loving and being loved. Our hours of sitting around the meal table was sacred sharing, people meeting people! As I drove I became a bit like God in the story of creation looking on his day's work; "God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good." ... well I looked back on what I thought as "wasted time" talking with people, and I saw it and I began to think " no .... indeed, it was very good!" It is the "stuff of life!" I think God would look on what was happening and smile! (That's very anthropomorphic, but you get my point.)