Week's end...

This last week has been very busy. When I started work on Tuesday I looked at my diary and thought that I didn't have a show of fitting everything in. Then I checked emails and one more thing (A radio service) was thrust upon me. But I did it. I must admit that not everything was done to the standard I would want, but it was not bad.

Doctors visit...

While I was away my wife had made an appointment with the doctor for me. I like my current doctor, he has a nice way about him. I first met him when my doctor was away and I needed to see a doctor, so they sent me to him. My old doctor seemed to spend most of the time looking at his computer screen. This guy engages with you. I like it too that when he looks at his screen he often turns it and shares the information with me. It is funny, I decided to change doctors, but when I sit in the waiting room of the medical centre and see my old doctor I get to feel so so guilty. I try to hide behind the magazine I am reading..... With this week's appointment I had three issues. I have a knee that plays up and he had sent me for an x-ray. I have a little dark patch on my forehead that gets sore in the sun. I need to keep my blood pressure monitored and I need a prescription every three months. My knee: He showed me the response from the x-ray clinic. It has "mild" degeneration etc etc. "Old age" he summed it up. I asked if anything could be done, and essentially nothing at this stage, I am not crippled enough yet. Great! He told me I could run on my knee, "but don't push yourself!" .... yeah that's what I am doing, hardly any running lately, not enough time and so cold and wet in this last week. The dark patch: Yes the spot on my head looks like a skin cancer. (That "C" word - eek!) He talked about options and we decided that some ointment which will eventually remove it will be the way to go. Then he took my blood pressure. I sat there expecting it to be the highest. Last time it was quite high and he wondered about a higher dose of pills. But he was delighted! It was the lowest it has been in years! He said jokingly, "And I tried my best to raise it with your first two issues!". I don't know why my blood pressure was so low, but I am pleased, I hated the prospect of more pills. Perhaps I am not as stressed these days.

The country is stuffed?

I was talking to a nephew and his wife who now live in Australia. They were visiting Dunedin this weekend. Their comment was, "It sounds like even before the big earthquake the country was had it. Now it's well and truly stuffed." They talked about how they had been talking to people who found it hard to get ahead financially here etc. It was funny how I reacted. Not out loud of course (I do have some manners) but under my breath I was saying, "Go back to Aussie you traitors!" I would want to say that it is a bit superficial to be in a country a few days and start pontificating about it. (Dare I say it; It is a very Australian thing to do!) It probably is true that people are better off financially in Australia. But as a Kiwi I did not like my country being put down. I got to thinking, how do you measure a country anyway? I lived in Australia for four years a long time ago. Back then, while I enjoyed my stay in Aussie, I preferred, and chose to come back to live, raise my family and serve in New Zealand. New Zealand has changed for the worse since those reasonably blissful early 70's days, but I still like New Zealand. I like New Zealand's ethos. It has a strong egalitarian sense to it... though diminished somewhat from what it used to be. It has some very strong values. It has racial issues, but it has from early days been aware of these and tries to deal to them. I am proud of the Treaty of Waitangi with all its faults, it was an advanced attempt toward equality. I like the attempts made to continue to have it as a living and relevant document for on-going partnership with Maori. New Zealand has made some strong stands internationally. It refused to get sucked into the Iraq war. It has stood out against the proliferation of nuclear weapons. It has argued against whaling and is becoming more and more aware of sustainability issues. It still has an unarmed police force. It is still a relatively safe place to live. I enjoy the open spaces, the scenery and the smallness of its cities. I have close friends who are Australians, so I would not want to run down their country, but for me New Zealand is OK. I am here to try to make it better.

I love too much.

I look at people and ache for them! When I was in Christchurch last week I visited a lot of sad homes. They were in sad circumstances even before the earthquake. I came away feeling sad. I see John, a guy who visits our drop-in. He is strung out, paranoid and quite hard to take. I ache for him. I look at many in our drop-in centre and I ache for them as if they were my own kids. When I come away from my chaplaincies I ache for some of the people I talk with. Their values are making their lives less happy. I watch the news on TV or the various shows which show teenagers getting into trouble with the police and I feel sad. I could go on, but you get the picture, I feel other people's pain. My frustration is that I can do little about it. I believe the way of Jesus can help them, but I struggle to communicate it. I wish I had the skill to properly guide people, or the time to befriend people but I can't. I wish I was more talented, able and more confident. Or I wish I had won the $34 million in Lotto this weekend. A man in one of my chaplaincies thinks I am a "left-wing do-gooder who helps those losers". I don't think I am as naive as he thinks I am. When you are involved with people reality hits you time and again. But I sometimes wish I could be a little more callous. I feel for people but don't have the ability, confidence, the influence or the financial clout to make to a real difference... its all a bit frustrating.