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| These fungi push their way through the pine needles on my mountain. |
I have been stewing on something the last couple of weeks. I think there is one attitude that really opens up, expands and extends life.
We often think that the tough nut, who knows what he wants, what he believes and is rock solid in that is the one who has it all together. But in my experience I find that this sort of person is often the most fearful person. He/she wants life to run along certain lines and can cope with it only if it does. They push their views, outlooks and beliefs because they are simply fearful of life that is different. They often do not like to grow and change, because that would take them out of their comfort zone. Such people become the fundamentalists and red necks of their society. They are like the preacher who had written in the margin of his notes, "Argument weak here, shout louder!" No, I think the real people who have it "together" are not the people full of certainties, but those willing to see they have room to grow, change and have uncertainties. They are the people whose life becomes more and more full of new understandings, experiences and insights. They are the people who are useful, fit in with others and who make the best of life. They are the ones who, though they grow older, stay young in their hearts. They are the people whose circle of concern, interest and experience keeps expanding. They are the ones who truly taste and chew on life. Let me illustrate by a negative and then a positive example.
Negative example...
I was recently asked to go to an employees work "appraisal". It was going to be tough on him so the firm wanted to make sure he had support. I sat there with this man, "Fred" while the HR manager and this man's manager sat on the other side of the table and shared their thoughts. They wanted to point out how his work was not coming up to scratch and I believe, genuinely wanted to work with him to help him improve. I felt sorry for his manager who as gently as he could outlined "Fred's" faults. "Fred" however, seemed to almost interrupt and come back defensively. The manager did not want to argue with him, but was forced to be quite blunt in pointing out faults, but "Fred" still did not seem to be taking it on board. I interrupted once and pointed out to Fred that these guys really wanted to work with him and that it was important that he listen to them. At one point I sensed the HR manager change his attitude and begin to wind up the meeting. They were going to have further meetings, but I fear that "Fred" might have lost his job by now. If that was the case, it would not be because his work was not up to scratch. They were prepared to work on that. It would be because of his attitude. They could not work with him, if he kept refusing to accept the guidance and help offered. I could see this man losing his job simply because he lacked the humility to say, "Maybe I need to listen, learn and change?" He could miss out on an opportunity to grow because he lacked this special life-giving attitude - humility, willingness to change and encompass the new.
Positive...
I have recently become the chairman of the Dunedin Night Shelter Trust. We had a meeting last week and were dreaming about our future. Kevin, the immediate past president, shared a warning about the direction we were talking about. Kevin has had years of working on committees for charities, and is even involved at an international level. He is very wise in these matters and can speak with the authority of experience. We listened to Kevin's point of view and took it on board, even if it made us a little frustrated. Then the youngest one amongst us, John, spoke up. He is the youngest, but also has only been on the committee a couple of months. I appreciated the way he raised his objection to Kevin's words of warning. He put it in the form of a question. "But don't you think.... if we... isn't that right?" It was well done. Not rubbishing Kevin or his ideas, but just adding a perspective and a question. I sat there as chairman thinking, "Now I have two opposing views on the table, what happens now?" Kevin quietly asked John a clarifying question.. "What you're saying is....?" Then Kevin said, "No you are right. I hadn't thought of that. You are absolutely correct!" Both John and Kevin exhibited humility, wisdom and maturity. Kevin from his years of experience, could have pounded the table and held true to his ideas. But no, he had the grace to really listen to John's question, add to his own knowledge and perspective and change his mind. John had the wisdom and humility not to come on strong and tell Kevin, "You are wrong!". He just with humility and grace, asked a question, which helped Kevin to see the picture differently. Both, because they were humble in attitude, were useful members of the committee. Both added to the depth, knowledge and dynamic of the whole Trust. I have been on other groups where people with "certainties and holding on to certainties" have NOT listened to others, have shut down discussion and silence opposition. In so doing they have made their group dysfunctional, have discouraged other members and stopped real change and growth.
Jesus said, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." The Apostle Paul suggests, "Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, ..." and "Honour all people" and ".. do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; never be conceited..." In Ephesians there is a summary statement about various relationships which says, "Submit yourselves to one another ..." That means really "be open to the other person's needs, perspectives and position." It is a stance of humility. The Desiderata has these words...
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
I believe an attitude of humility enables you to receive more out of life, it makes you able to fit in with others and share your contribution, is an essential ingredient in what we call "wisdom" and it keeps us young in mind and spirit.
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