When I begin my preparation for each Sunday's service I read and print out the set Bible readings often on a Monday evening. ) Then on the Tuesday, usually as I have a morning cup of coffee, I listen to a couple of podcast discussions I have discovered via Textweek. I often find that some comment or perspective sparks my own thinking on the readings. They are very helpful for starting the creative process. But while I am listening sometimes I find my eyes glazing over and I switch off. Why? These are scholars in their field? Somehow what they are saying doesn't gel.
"Show previous page" button...
I also read various other commentators and writers which the site has links to. Once again I find that for most of them I begin to read then fairly quickly hover over the "show previous page" button and click on that to search for other more "real" resources. Sometimes I begin to think I must be very heathen or heretical because I find so few who gel or ring bells with my understanding of Jesus, faith or spirituality. I do this with traditional commentaries I have in the form of books also. (except I shut the page and return the book to the shelf - sometimes I have been known to throw it in the fire)
Religious meetings and priorities...
I faithfully attend meetings of ministers to be ecumenical and supportive of others, and to receive a sense of collegiality. We go around the group and share what is going on in our churches, programs and other things of interest. So often I find myself feeling out of step. The things that excite them are not the things that excite me. It feels like we live in different worlds. I get promotional information about religious conferences and pastors gatherings that are designed to inform, equip and inspire me. I look through the workshop topics and the keynote speaker emphases and I file the leaflets into the WB file. (waste basket) They are not where I am at.
Preachers' libraries....
My childhood minister died a month or so back and his daughter invited me to look through his study and take what books I like. The study was like hallowed ground and I felt like I was on a pilgrimage. I looked through his precious books and could hear his preaching, conversation and sense his favourite topics. But from a room full of stacked shelves I only chose a few books and some of those because they were historical books about our denominational history I rescued for sentimental/nostalgic reasons. I look through the books I have collected in my library, and at least half will soon be firewood! I know of other Christians who would lap up the books. Why not me?
Why is it that I being a Church minister find myself out of step with so much "Christian stuff" that others lap up?
"That's why?!" I gained an insight into the reasons as I walked with my "running friend" last Sunday. (For ten years we have run and recently walked together for an hour on most Sunday afternoons) Her career is in education. Recently she went on a brief OE and finished by attending a work related conference in Bangkok. There she had to make a presentation and I asked her how it went. She said it went OK but then commented on the fact that it was very different presenting in an international setting. She works in New Zealand in the field of Education, but, she said that when you are talking in an international setting you realise that the context in which your listeners are working, teaching and exploring can be very different than you are used to and that you assume as you present. That helped me clarify why I am out of step and it opens up a big subject. Just as my friend had caught a glimpse of a wider experiences in the field of education, my journey has led me to see "spiritual things" from a wider perspective and catch a glimpse of a broader spirituality.
From where I sit...
Sometimes when I am listening to the podcasts, which originate in USA, I find myself saying, "That may be true for the religious scene in America, but it is not true here in Dunedin, NZ. Our issues are different." There can be a cultural divide between the writer's/speaker's issues and priorities and mine. But it runs deeper than that. I think that much Christian writing and thinking is "in-house" stuff. The priorities are to draw and keep people within a subculture called "the Church". My ministers at their meetings are wrapped up with ecclesiastical/ liturgical issues. But I spend much of my ministry time in secular settings. (An illustration; I overheard a couple of clergy discussing who their ecclesiastical establishments would allow them to marry in the Church - I take weddings in a brewery, on a beach, in a pub! oh and sometimes in church.) The conferences I am invited to are about geeing up the Church to be a better, bigger religious subculture, and getting more people in and shaped to fit that mould. For me the boundaries between secular and sacred are blurred, (maybe non-existant) who is "in" and who is "out" is a non-issue and my goal is to see the Church as a means to an end, a tool for service, not an end in itself. The religious books are discussing esoteric religious subjects which would be great for a religious version of the "Trivia" game, but meaningless for real life. Most Church life, it seems to me, draws people into a sub-culture that makes them feel safe. It sets boundaries, interprets life and gives some sort of meaning in an in-house way. It often is a religious escapism from true engagement with life. The commentaries, podcasts and discussions often interpret scripture from this in-house perspective and are shaped to support the ecclesiastical sub-culture. But I often feel like it would mean diddly-squat down at the "mess" (lunch room) at the fire station! "What the 'f' you talkin' about?" they would say. What the hell do liturgical cliche phrases mean to the seventy people who came to our drop-in on Friday night? I gave one family some financial help to drive to Christchurch to attend their daughter's parole hearing and visit her baby son which she delivered in prison. Another man with few teeth was off to the Night Shelter, he was out of options, had no hope of a job and has constant back pain. Another lives with voices in his head in spite of the fact that he has been declared "healed" by a number of charismatic pastors. My worker at the brewery who describes life as a "shit sandwich - you are born and you die, and the stuff in-between is just shit" needs more than cliches. Preachers glibly say "God protects, guides and sustains" but what does that mean to the starving family in Zimbabwe, or the Syrian population struggling for justice and being killed for their hopes or the guys just made redundant from Delta in Dunedin! The commentaries interpret in an exclusive, sub-culture endorsing way such words as Jesus' words as reported in John's Gospel; "I am the way, the truth and the life." But I struggle to accept the truth of that exclusive interpretation when I put it beside the life of Mahatma Gandhi, some of the other truly beautiful people of other religions or even some beautiful firefighters with a wholesome, compassionate and wide perspective on life who cannot accept the sub-culture. "God" or the "Sacred" is "bigger" than this in-house thinking. I cannot accept the interpretation that says in effect "that heaven waits for only those who congregate!" and that millions of humans are blind and dead to the sacred in their midst - because they haven't been to Church. Other ministers sense a call to a particular Church or a Church related ministry, I feel a call to a city.
What I am saying is that so much Christian thinking is in-house, exclusive, other worldly and that is not where I am at. For it to ring bells with me it has to ...
"Show previous page" button...
I also read various other commentators and writers which the site has links to. Once again I find that for most of them I begin to read then fairly quickly hover over the "show previous page" button and click on that to search for other more "real" resources. Sometimes I begin to think I must be very heathen or heretical because I find so few who gel or ring bells with my understanding of Jesus, faith or spirituality. I do this with traditional commentaries I have in the form of books also. (except I shut the page and return the book to the shelf - sometimes I have been known to throw it in the fire)
Religious meetings and priorities...
I faithfully attend meetings of ministers to be ecumenical and supportive of others, and to receive a sense of collegiality. We go around the group and share what is going on in our churches, programs and other things of interest. So often I find myself feeling out of step. The things that excite them are not the things that excite me. It feels like we live in different worlds. I get promotional information about religious conferences and pastors gatherings that are designed to inform, equip and inspire me. I look through the workshop topics and the keynote speaker emphases and I file the leaflets into the WB file. (waste basket) They are not where I am at.
Preachers' libraries....
My childhood minister died a month or so back and his daughter invited me to look through his study and take what books I like. The study was like hallowed ground and I felt like I was on a pilgrimage. I looked through his precious books and could hear his preaching, conversation and sense his favourite topics. But from a room full of stacked shelves I only chose a few books and some of those because they were historical books about our denominational history I rescued for sentimental/nostalgic reasons. I look through the books I have collected in my library, and at least half will soon be firewood! I know of other Christians who would lap up the books. Why not me?
Why is it that I being a Church minister find myself out of step with so much "Christian stuff" that others lap up?
"That's why?!" I gained an insight into the reasons as I walked with my "running friend" last Sunday. (For ten years we have run and recently walked together for an hour on most Sunday afternoons) Her career is in education. Recently she went on a brief OE and finished by attending a work related conference in Bangkok. There she had to make a presentation and I asked her how it went. She said it went OK but then commented on the fact that it was very different presenting in an international setting. She works in New Zealand in the field of Education, but, she said that when you are talking in an international setting you realise that the context in which your listeners are working, teaching and exploring can be very different than you are used to and that you assume as you present. That helped me clarify why I am out of step and it opens up a big subject. Just as my friend had caught a glimpse of a wider experiences in the field of education, my journey has led me to see "spiritual things" from a wider perspective and catch a glimpse of a broader spirituality.
From where I sit...
Sometimes when I am listening to the podcasts, which originate in USA, I find myself saying, "That may be true for the religious scene in America, but it is not true here in Dunedin, NZ. Our issues are different." There can be a cultural divide between the writer's/speaker's issues and priorities and mine. But it runs deeper than that. I think that much Christian writing and thinking is "in-house" stuff. The priorities are to draw and keep people within a subculture called "the Church". My ministers at their meetings are wrapped up with ecclesiastical/ liturgical issues. But I spend much of my ministry time in secular settings. (An illustration; I overheard a couple of clergy discussing who their ecclesiastical establishments would allow them to marry in the Church - I take weddings in a brewery, on a beach, in a pub! oh and sometimes in church.) The conferences I am invited to are about geeing up the Church to be a better, bigger religious subculture, and getting more people in and shaped to fit that mould. For me the boundaries between secular and sacred are blurred, (maybe non-existant) who is "in" and who is "out" is a non-issue and my goal is to see the Church as a means to an end, a tool for service, not an end in itself. The religious books are discussing esoteric religious subjects which would be great for a religious version of the "Trivia" game, but meaningless for real life. Most Church life, it seems to me, draws people into a sub-culture that makes them feel safe. It sets boundaries, interprets life and gives some sort of meaning in an in-house way. It often is a religious escapism from true engagement with life. The commentaries, podcasts and discussions often interpret scripture from this in-house perspective and are shaped to support the ecclesiastical sub-culture. But I often feel like it would mean diddly-squat down at the "mess" (lunch room) at the fire station! "What the 'f' you talkin' about?" they would say. What the hell do liturgical cliche phrases mean to the seventy people who came to our drop-in on Friday night? I gave one family some financial help to drive to Christchurch to attend their daughter's parole hearing and visit her baby son which she delivered in prison. Another man with few teeth was off to the Night Shelter, he was out of options, had no hope of a job and has constant back pain. Another lives with voices in his head in spite of the fact that he has been declared "healed" by a number of charismatic pastors. My worker at the brewery who describes life as a "shit sandwich - you are born and you die, and the stuff in-between is just shit" needs more than cliches. Preachers glibly say "God protects, guides and sustains" but what does that mean to the starving family in Zimbabwe, or the Syrian population struggling for justice and being killed for their hopes or the guys just made redundant from Delta in Dunedin! The commentaries interpret in an exclusive, sub-culture endorsing way such words as Jesus' words as reported in John's Gospel; "I am the way, the truth and the life." But I struggle to accept the truth of that exclusive interpretation when I put it beside the life of Mahatma Gandhi, some of the other truly beautiful people of other religions or even some beautiful firefighters with a wholesome, compassionate and wide perspective on life who cannot accept the sub-culture. "God" or the "Sacred" is "bigger" than this in-house thinking. I cannot accept the interpretation that says in effect "that heaven waits for only those who congregate!" and that millions of humans are blind and dead to the sacred in their midst - because they haven't been to Church. Other ministers sense a call to a particular Church or a Church related ministry, I feel a call to a city.
What I am saying is that so much Christian thinking is in-house, exclusive, other worldly and that is not where I am at. For it to ring bells with me it has to ...
- ring true with real life and the real experiences of people.
- makes sense with the breadth of human experience in this global village that we live in.
- thrust us out into the world to live more fully, better attuned to the needs of others, more compassionate and with a greater willingness to make a difference in the world here and now.
To most Christian thinking and activity, I want to scream, "Take your blinkers off, your God is too small, and your fences too high."
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