A Rant

Some positive pics before my rant.

My gorgeous Christchurch grandson Theo at 9 months. 

Lovely shrub in a local garden - on a recent walk. 

A great isolated log cabin retreat where I conducted a wedding last Saturday.

Real Low lifes!
Many in NZ are infuriated with a group of young men who have been named "Roast Busters". These young men get underage girls drunk, have sex with them and then boast about it and shame them on social media. They say, "You want this too. This is your best fantasy. We're doing everything you ever dreamed of doing but didn't  ..."  People are angry also because the police knew about the boasting but did not take any action.  Political commentator, Chris Trotter wrote an article about it asking the question, "How has New Zealand raised such sons?" In the article he says, "Do New Zealand's fathers teach their sons that before anybody is male or female; black or white; gay or straight; beautiful or ugly, they are first and always a human being?" He is angry and says that "The Roast Busters revelations make it very clear that our secondary schools' sex education syllabus is in need of urgent revision." I want to make a few angry observations of my own.
First these guys are despicable, especially since they prey on under age girls. But such abuse of women is widespread. In the late 1960's I was a plumbing apprentice on a big building site. We had working with us a bunch of Australian plumbers imported for the job, and of course there were a number of single kiwi's on site also.  I was then shocked because after nearly every weekend young men would boast about their sexual exploits and most often it involved getting a woman drunk enough to have sex with her. They laughed about their date mumbling in a drunken stupor while they "performed."  Since then I have encountered the same sort of actions and attitudes again and again involving people at all "levels" of society. There are people amongst professionals, teenagers, trades people and intellectuals who play this sort of game. I have come across threats by males to expose the women involved, from people much older than these teenagers reported in the media. Now I admit in the sexual field I am not one to have "notches on my belt" so people might say that I am "old fashioned" or out of date with the new freedoms. But this is not freedom it is abuse! It is rape in my book and about as low as you can go! 
Second I cannot understand it! I cannot understand how anybody can get any joy out of it? I have the same trouble understanding using a prostitute? How can I get joy out of having somebody have sex with me because she is paid to? How can anybody find any sense of manhood or self esteem when you have to get a woman drunk in order for her to have sex with you? I cannot imagine the indignity and emptiness it must be like for the man having sex with a woman in a stupor?  How can you feel like a "man" of some worth when you are doing such things? For goodness sake, go and have a wank (masturbate) if you need to "get off" that badly!  That is all you are doing, except you're using somebody else's body instead of your hand..without true consent... and that is low. You do yourself and the woman untold harm by such behaviour! Your view of yourself, humanity and women must be pretty low and twisted!  The real joys of truly "making love" is the affirmation that comes from the other through intentional physical touch and intimacy - she (he) wants to express her love toward you!  It is also found in the experience of giving physical joy and affirmation to the other.  It is the complete opposite of "getting it off".  The "Roast Busters" and people like them are lower than animals! They miss the whole point and joy of human sexuality! 
Thirdly it is a much bigger issue than sex education! We in the modern west have often looked down on civilisations where human life is cheap. We have looked at societies in history and said of them that "human life did not mean much then." Well this is the issue here. We do not value what it means to be a human being! We treat ourselves and others with little dignity. Once in New Zealand (about forty years ago) there were only about a maximum of five murders in a year, and when they happened they shocked the nation. Now they happen regularly and we get used to hearing about them. Once in New Zealand our police were very safe unarmed. Now they fear for their lives, and our police are often beaten. Our streets are often places of drunken violence on Friday and Saturday nights. Just recently there have been reports of elderly people beaten in their homes.   It is not just a matter of a distorted view of women or sexuality. It is a symptom of a low view of, or value put on human life, our own and others'.   We have no deep sense of meaning and dignity so our actions toward others are low and cheap. Somehow we are not instilling in people a high view of what it means to be human. We are not just animals following instincts. 
Finally it is also often as a result of another symptom of a dysfunctional view of life - the abuse of alcohol.  Again and again people feel that to have a good time they need to get "pissed."  On TV I saw this program about binge drinking and the reporter asked a group of young women why they were "preloading" - getting in a lot of drinks at home before they head out to the night clubs. Their answer was so that when they get to the night clubs they "could be more uninhibited, and let their hair down."  They said that they felt unable to mix confidently unless they had a few drinks on board. It is a sad reflection on our society.  (This is true, perhaps even more so, of men too.)  It is a bit sad that we have to self-medicate to enable us to have the confidence to mix and have a good time. We travelled back from our son's place on Waiheke Island recently by ferry and then by plane. On both modes of transport we sat by two different pairs of young men who happened to be conversing about parties they had attended recently, and whose conversation we could not help but overhear.  The first pair on the ferry were young professionals I would estimate to be in their thirties. The pair on the plane were 21 year olds, one a chef the other a university student. They told how they had drunk until they vomited! One said he had ended up comatose. A good time had by all - yeah right?   I have a wine or two or a couple of beers, but why do we need to get intoxicated to have a good time? We have got it wrong and it is like an epidemic causing untold harm in our communities.  The expectation is that a party needs untold supplies of alcohol to be a success, but that can be so dangerous for the vulnerable.

That's my rant. We are justifiably angry at the "Roast Busters". They are "low lifes" but they are, in my view, a symptom of deeper issues facing us in our society.