Say it now...

Today was my final Sunday service.  I reused an old sermon that I preached for an ecumenical service earlier in the year adapting it suit the coming new year and the uncertainties involved. I felt it was ideal for the occasion. I prepared well but the occasion nearly got to me, I stumbled over many bits. When I got up to lead the service I discovered a number of people had come along especially for the event.  My brother and his wife from two hundred and twenty Kilometeres away. Past members fronted up. My supervisor had come. People from the Christmas dinner. A number of Drop-in centre people. Friends from the past. All these people were sitting there watching me present my final service. I was trying to remain focused, not on being the star of the show, but rather on leading worship. I must admit to getting a little flustered and to not being as fluent as I usually am. I had many, many positive comments about the service. One man who has come into the life of the Church in the last couple of years said, "I have never heard you preach a bad sermon, but this one topped the lot!" Another man I have known since we were teenagers, comes from time to time with his elderly father, he normally attends an Anglican Church. He came to me and repeated the same sort of thing. "I can sincerely say that I have never heard you preach a bad sermon, they have always been top shelf presentations, and today's was up there too."

It was these sorts of comments from members that got to me. People came up with tears in their eyes and thanked me for what I had done. One elderly man just simply hugged me tightly and struggling to control his emotions gasped out, "Enough said." A past elder who had moved out of town and had to move to a new congregation came and told me how I had looked after them so well during his time. Others expressed an amazing level of love, high regard for my ministry and the directions I had taken the church on. One lady said, "You do what other ministers just talk about. They all talk about reaching out to the community, but you have done it!" I appreciated these positive comments, all the more because I think they were sincere.  I got to thinking though, how during those tough times of ministry when I felt all alone, as if I was beating my head against a wall, I would have so loved to have heard just a few of these words of affirmation and support. At times it has been hard going and I could have done with these messages of love and support then. Why wait until I retire? I would still be retiring, it would not make a difference, but it may have lifted my spirits during the tough times.

Why do we do that? I recall the last time I saw a friend alive earlier in the year. I was with him by his hospital bed and I knew he would soon die. As I rose to go I grasped him by the shoulder, looked straight into his weary eyes and told him he had been and was important to me.  Leading his funeral I said some loving, sincere things about him. But why then? Why, oh why did I not have the courage to say when he was alive and well, "I enjoy your company Don!" "I really love your sense of humour and the friendship we have." It would seem sloppy and sentimental, but it could well be that he needed it back then.  Why do we wait until retirement or funerals to express our appreciations? Any way I feel humbled by the very moving expressions of love and appreciation I have received last week and today. It is funny to think I am now a retired minister. It is good, it feels like taking a heavy pack off at the end of a long tramp. But on the other hand, it feels like a boat that has been cut loose from its moorings and is drifting. What will happen next? What adventures await me now?