Just a little news...

Edinburgh Photos

We got some photos from our son in Edinburgh. It was really nice to get them. We Syped the other day and he was down at a local park with his three children talking to us on his phone. The children were riding their bikes around the park and would say "hi" as they passed. Daniel is Maori/ Samoan and he is married to a Polish girl. The children are gorgeous, and also nice kids. Sadly we will not get to see them in person before I die. Scotland's infection rate with Covid 19 at the moment is the highest in Europe which worries us. We love them to bits. 

Lazy Dave

We head away during the week to receive more immunotherapy treatment in Christchurch. There are challenges at the moment. Some of my glands are not functioning as they ought and it is impacting on how I feel. Yesterday our daughter and son-in-law were out. They brought us some furniture and took some away. Normally I am in boots and all lifting, moving and doing physical work. This time I did assist, but had the feeling I was more in the way than useful. I find that I run out of energy and will take a rest and fall asleep so quickly. I find too that when I have been "working" as in preparing the weekly newsletter I send out for the Church folk during lockdown, it is much harder to focus. I am not the normally energetic person I used to be, and it is frustrating. 

Pain

When I heard I had cancer I thought of all the cancer patients I have known and found that at some stage most have had to battle pain levels. I have been reasonably fortunate but I am discovering that pain is increasing. Lying in bed I get pain in my side and shoulder. I can't get comfortable in bed. Today sitting in a beautiful lazy boy chair, the pain in my back made it hard going. I have been prescribed pain pills but they are not really doing the job. I am not getting a decent night's sleep so one of the topics of discussion when I see my oncologist later in the week will be "pain relief". It is really hard to describe "Pain". The pain you may hardly notice when you are out and about chopping firewood, can be excruciating when you are trying to get to sleep at night. 

Still learning.

I have been online this afternoon checking out some great TED talks on grief, death and dying. It has been helpful, though sometimes a bit gut wrenching. Three phrases which I appreciated. "Realise that Shit happens" "What medical care will help you live the way you want to?" "Living is more than staying alive".

I am also rereading a book I have read so many times before. "Man's Search for Meaning: an introduction to logotherapy." by Viktor E. Frankl. He is at the moment speaking of "finding meaning in suffering". I am not sure they are the right words for the type of book it is, but I am enjoying it yet again. (He describes his horrendous experiences in death camp concentration camps during WWII.) 

Birthdays

July

In late July it was my wife's birthday. What on earth do you get your wife of 52 years when it comes to celebrating the last birthday you will celebrate with her? I suspect by July next year I will have died of the cancer "we" are battling. What present can you purchase? As I have faced cancer and been in the process of writing and reflecting on my life, I have realised even more that without her I would have been nothing. When we got engaged I was a shy, uncertain teenager. I had thoughts and insights. I had some skills but none that stood out. I was a plumbing apprentice, probably fatefully doing some work with asbestos. She was a student teacher/teacher. Her input has enabled me to develop and be and do the sorts of things nobody would have predicted back then. What lasting gift could I buy? 

I went looking. She is riddled with arthritis now but you would not know it. She just keeps going. She will take on a project and see it through. She will take up a cause or support one of my causes and argue, question and stand up to the strongest of people against her. She will not back off if she believes in something. With her by my side in life I have been empowered to do stuff. I tried to think of some gift that expressed my appreciation of who she is and has been to me in my life? Some gift that would remind her when I am gone of her impact on my life and my deep appreciation and love. Her "strength and determination" amazes and empowers me. I had an inspiration. The Maori fishhook symbol means exactly that! I had given my son one when he left for overseas because he had turned his life around and I was proud of him. So I thought some ornament that depicted that would be good. On several occasions I went looking. There were some available but somehow they looked like cheap stuff, you would buy in a souvenir shop. They were glass or mock greenstone. I decided that I should make one so I purchased some little presents and promised more. In recent times I set about trying to make one. I found an old weathered piece of macrocapa wood I had shoved away years ago under one of my benches. I liked the colour. Then I began to carve something. It was not as good as I had hoped. I was trying to dash out to the workshop and work on it without her seeing it or knowing about it. I did some poker work on it with the words "Strength" and "Determination", but my poker work machine is a cheap toy and it did not work out well.   The wood dried out and split when I planed it. Everything went wrong. I varnished it and realised I should have oiled it instead. The varnish was old, the wrong colour and in the drying process dust stuck to the varnish. I made a base for it and carved two more words - Kia Kaha - which in Maori means "stay strong" - words made famous by the Maori Battalion in World War II. I made an inscription. I "finished" it. It looked rough, certainly cheap, amateurish and I nearly scrapped it to begin again. "She may never get it!" I thought. So I decided to give it to her saying "I mean well". So I put it in a box, sheepishly gave it to her over a month late, apologising for its rough appearance. She looked at it, we hugged and wept, holding each other tight. I think it was good gift! She took it into the lounge and set it up so all could see it. 

September

Just yesterday it was my birthday.  (It is always near or next to Father's day in NZ so I have always got gifts that include both celebrations) We are in a Covid Lockdown situation in New Zealand. There has been a recent outbreak of the delta version of Covid. In spite of criticism from overseas leaders (I suspect jealous ones) and some business leaders, our Prime Minister and leaders decided to "go early and go hard" as soon as one community case was found. (It came in from Australia) So we have been in lockdown and it looks like once again she and her health advisors will be successful. (Where in other countries numbers are going ballistic) So how do you celebrate your last birthday? I am so appreciating the sights and sounds of spring. On my birthday we decided to "go out for lunch". Of course you can't. No restaurant is allowed to operate. But in our local Port Chalmers township a restaurant is offering "click and collect" options, and they do lovely Pizzas. Jean rang them and we collected a lovely pizza, drove around to a bay on the harbour, and sat in the sun enjoying the scenery and talking. In the evening Jean cooked a roast dinner and our daughter and son-in-law came out (They are in our extended "bubble") with more goodies and we talked, ate and drank. I have had phone calls from family.  (We have been given vouchers for travel and accommodation by our children as birthday presents.) I decided that spending time with special people, in nice places was the greatest gift of love at this stage of my life.

Things out of kilter...

 "Lockdown Link" up back in production.

Last year when we were in Lockdown I undertook to send out a "newsletter" to the congregation each week with some thoughts, some news from people, photos and on line worship links. There are just a few who are not on email. So this last weekend we put out the second one for this Lockdown. We printed three off and delivered them to those not on email, with a couple of bran muffins. We put them in letterboxes. I have been astounded with how welcome they are. I have received notes of gratitude and others have sent news in. We dropped one off to an elderly lady along with a couple of muffins. Breaking the rules Jean talked at a distance at the door. When we got home she rang with real gratitude. You would think we had given her the moon. It was nice to be appreciated.

Father's Day in NZ

Today is Father's day in New Zealand. I received messages or calls from all our children except a foster daughter with severe handicaps. In her accommodation they are very careful not to let anybody from outside into the house nor anyone inside out of it. So we have not seen her for a week or two and I am hoping that soon I'll see her smile. I went up to the cemetery and visited my Parents memorial up there, taking some plum blossom. 

Hormones out of kilter

The Immunotherapy has mucked up some of my glands, so I am not receiving the right hormones.  My thyroid is knocked out and they are trying to get the right level of replacement pill. My adrenaline gland is malfunctioning and they are trying to get it OK.  I have a little bit of pain, I suspect more is further down the track. I have been getting very tired. I'll be out doing stuff, feel exhausted and come in, lie down, and to my surprise discover I have slept an hour. I feel weaker and not full of energy. I think they are getting it sorted, but I do not like it. On one hand I am amazed at the working of the human body. There's a pituitary gland in your head, about the size of a pea somebody says. If that malfunctions you know about it. I had a head scan the other day. After we had been talking about the results my cheeky oncologist signed off with, "And Oh Dave, you'll be please to know there is a brain present! Chuckle, chuckle!" What an amazing machine we live in. The various glands "take readings" and respond appropriately in the normal course of events.

It's crying time again...

I discover I cry at the drop of a hat. We have been offered counselling through the cancer care unit at the hospital at one stage, but I do not think I need it? I think there are times when it is appropriate to cry.  While waiting to tune into an online service I was flicking through favourite You tube hymns for my funeral music. I want tunes that express who I am, my values etc. I played a few and sat and wept. I watch the paralympics and weep at their fitness, guts and courage. I see the blossom of my last spring and feel both the joy and the sadness. I probably have not always wept when I should have in my life, but I think at this stage it is OK and healthy to have a weep or two. There is a lot going on in the world that is a bit disturbing. Afghanistan. Covid. Lockdown.  A terror attack in New Zealand! There's also isolation from people I would love to chat with because of the lockdown. I am fortunate though, I have had some beautiful phone calls from fire fighters and friends. 

Apart from that, all is good. My 73rd birthday tomorrow. Probably my last, but that is a lot longer than many in the world.

When we were kids, dad had a two cylinder Bradford van as his Plumbers van.

These are little native Kowhai trees from seeds I collected. I am hoping they will grow big enough for me to plant before I die.

A plum tree in our backyard in full blossom. Native Wood Pigeons (Kereru) love to perch amongst the blossom and eat the buds.

My dad at about age 47/48 and a young friend. Dad died at 49 years of age. The little girl died a couple of years ago. I conducted her wedding many years ago, and sadly also conducted her funeral. She was only in her early 50's when she died of cancer. Life is not always fair.