Dunedin, New Zealand, my city - my people

Thursday, September 25, 2008

"Don't get so emotional... Dave!"

I facilitated this meeting the other day for some people. It was an intense affair exposing hurts that had to be talked through and we were trying to find a way forward for that group of people in that workplace. During the meeting I challenged some male members to recognise the hurt and in other ways I got fairly passionate about what we were trying to do. (I don't like wasting my time.) As the meeting finished a couple of guys were giving me cheek and said, "Don't get so emotional next time, Dave! You'll end up like a woman!" ... I have been thinking about that. During my adult life I have generally been a shy guy and have only shown emotion around very few people. I have always been sensitive and felt the hurts of myself and others, but most people looking on would see a rational, unemotional, almost aloof person. I guess things in my early life meant that I did not trust myself to people, or to life or at least I tend to be very selective about who I trust. In the last perhaps ten years I suppose, I have increasingly let down my guard a lot more and let myself feel and express emotion. I have cried more. I have written more passionate "angry" letters and emails. I have been more open in conversations and sermons, revealing where I really am at. I have hugged more... (still not much). I have laughed more. I don't mind this getting "emotional".

I have a plate in my mouth holding six teeth. When I am in public I wear it for cosmetic reasons. But I dislike it. I hate running, tramping, talking, swimming or eating with it in. Some how I do not taste life fully with this metal covering over the roof of my mouth! When I get home, out it comes so I can relax and really taste life. Its a bit like that as I have got older. I used to wear a "covering" so that I never really let myself feel stuff. I protected myself from life. Now that I am gradually opening up to emotion I feel like I am truly able to taste life to a much greater extent.

It may make me look stupid, and unstable and "like a woman", but I am getting more out of the experiences of living. I have no doubt that it will at times hurt me deeply, people inevitably hurt one another. But I still think it is worth it. So I say to those guys telling me not to get emotional, "Get stuffed! You should try it!"

No comments: