He will not let me go!

My daughter with her niece, my latest grand daughter. 

My grandson (light blue shorts) with his father look at a digger. Christchurch has many big diggers at work and my grandson (Stanley) loves diggers!

Memorial Arch under repair still.

New Regent Street in Christchurch city... Christchurch is slowly repairing itself after the big earthquake 5 years ago. 

I am turned off Church. I was invited to go to the Anglican Cathedral in the centre of Dunedin (St Paul's) to take part in a service called "Nine Lessons and Nine Carols." I was to read one of the lessons as a representative of the Dunedin Night Shelter Trust. It was a choral service with the cathedral choir singing lots of numbers. There was pomp and ceremony. At the appointed time the verger (dressed in an appropriate gown) came to my seat, she had a silver tipped staff, bowed in my direction and I was escorted to the reading lectern and bowed at again. When the choir finished its number, I read my appointed reading in the translation ascribed with the introduction typed out for me to read. I was then escorted back to my seat, bowed to again as I took my seat. The Bishop was in residence sitting up by the Choir though he did not do anything in the service. Everything was conducted with dispassionate looking decorum. The thing that got to me was that the songs the choir sang, when I could understand them (- though they did provide a brief english summary as a translation.)  the prayers, the carols we sang all had great christological claims about the Christ child that I have come to believe Jesus of Nazareth would reject.  We were in a building that must have cost millions, probably still costs thousands to maintain with all sorts of pomp and ceremony remembering a life reported to have been born in a stable, who mixed with prostitutes and outcastes. - It all seemed incongruous and out of step with the Jesus who "sits on my shoulder" these days.  I hear of millions being spent to rebuild earthquake damaged churches here in Christchurch where I am holidaying. There are millions spent on restoring or earthquake proofing other elaborate Churches. I just feel that Jesus of Nazareth would not approve! I am unhappy attending my local Church, I would not fit in most Churches I am aware of, the language, priorities and dogmatics would not fit me.  There is a part of me which says that in spite of the fact that I have been in Church ministry forty odd years, I should dump Church involvement all together, walk away and don't look back, as so many others have and are doing. "Why not?" I ask.

Somehow "He" will not let me!  The Church is the only place the "Jesus of Nazareth story" is kept alive, grossly distorted though it may be. And I cannot dump Jesus. He still makes sense. I took the two quotes below off facebook. They ring bells for me. Somebody commented on the Leonard Cohen one, "It is up to us to reform our Churches." I guess so. ... He will not let me go!

"A f***ked unit!"

The final steps close to the summit of my mountain.

"Steps to heaven" the first of many on my mountain track.

We are enjoying fresh veges from our garden. This is the smallest plot.

"Hello Mountain my old friend"

"The world is buggered!"
I visited a fire station on Friday and we chatted about life. People gave their reaction to the siege in the cafe in Sydney. They also talked about Taliban atrocities in Pakistan with the attack on a school there. They actually got past chiding me about religion being the cause of all the misery in the world. They were talking with real concern and depth. Then the room went quiet as the 5:30 p.m. news on TV began. Heading the news was a family of eight children stabbed to death in Cairns in Australia. Their angst and shock was evident. "Not another one! The world is getting worse!" "The world is a fucked unit Dave! Do something!" "We need the second coming. If I was God I'd visit and take out all the evil buggers!"  Part of this was said in jest, but it was expressed with a sense of desperation and anger.  All I could do was agree and say, "I'm tryin' to make a difference!" On the news tonight there was a story of a young man (early twenties) killed at a twenty-first birthday party in Auckland. It is getting so that nearly every weekend there is a party fatality in NZ!  Good times had by all! - NOT! There is so much sadness.
Jesus can make a difference.
I am at the stage where I dislike "religion" but the more I think about it, following Jesus is so relevant. Now I loathe the concept that Jesus was all about getting to heaven when you die. Understood as ancient, oriental literature, much of it metaphorical, Jesus teaching and actions were about life now. In the context of the injustices of his day, his teaching challenged the values, the systems and practices of his culture and religion. His values are so relevant to the hurting tragic world we face. I am still a follower of Jesus though I feel more and more distant from the "Church" institution. It just so distorts Jesus! 
I love the people, hate what's happening in ministry.
We attend the local church. We enjoy the people there. They are part of our Port Chalmers/ Sawyers Bay community. I love their straight forward friendliness, their humour and their "no airs and graces" outlook on life. We are served by four retired ministers on a roster who take turns to come out from Dunedin and run services. To be honest they most often do a lousy job! I am finding it really hard work sitting through the services, trying to be encouraging and positive. They seldom hit earth anywhere. They use a bunch of religious cliches and they say them in such a way that you feel they do not even believe them. Their theology is 1950's... it is shocking and blasphemous for today. I led a service last week and could see the congregation become alive and it was not my best. But here we have a Church, the representative of Jesus to this community, but the worship, the main activity of the Church does him a great disservice! Yet the community are like my firefighters. They are screaming out for relevant directions, goals and answers to our "fucked" up world. The ministers come and mumble religious tripe.  I was told today that the roster for next years' ministry has been sorted out by one of the ministers. (The "interim moderator" for the Church) There are two opportunities when they would like to use me. Otherwise I will be attending Church, loving the people, but seething at the ministry we receive and the evil being perpetrated in the name of Jesus. I will sit there with my gifts not being utilized. (Though I do notice the people seem to come to me in a pastoral manner talking personal things.)  I feel passionately that Jesus is still so relevant, but his ministers are making him irrelevant and archaic. I am seriously thinking of trying out other churches though I will feel like I am letting the people down.
But there are good people out there!
In November we on the Dunedin Night Shelter Trust realised that we had only two months of funding left, and that there were no grants coming in for some time. In desperation we told the newspapers and advertised our need. I would estimate that in the last three weeks or so there has been more than $20000 come in. Some big donations,($3000) others small ones.($20 the "widows mite") The people of Dunedin have responded, and responded warmly to our call for help. It has been amazing and some of the messages that have come with the cheques etc. are encouraging. One family tonight deposited over a thousand dollars in our account. "Thank you so much for the service you provide!" was their comment when they emailed us!
I took my grandson and wife down to the fire station the other day. These hard talking, often rough spoken fire fighters were delightful hosts.  

So... the world seems fucked up, but there are heaps of ordinary loving people out there doing their best to spread the love! I remain JC's Helper joining them in trying to make a difference.

Thinking out loud. .. again.

If the Church disappeared…

Most people could not really care if the Church stopped existing.  Many would in fact be pleased, because they see religion as the source of many evils. I am not impressed with much Church life, and often think it deserves to die. I am sure western societies would continue without the Church. But something is going wrong for people in our communities.  They need help!  I would be concerned if the church was lost or ignored because there are many indications that people still need the Church as “the keeper of the way of Jesus.”

Here are some indicators…

I encountered one man at a chaplaincy and asked after his welfare. “Life is a shit sandwich Dave,” he replied. “You’re born, you die and everything in between is just shit!”  We went on to talk about his experiences that prompted the comment. But for many people I believe they experience lives like this. There is not much that is good in their existence and they do anything to get at least some jollies.  Reflect a moment on these items. A father involved in addictions, steals a donation box out of a store and flees leaving his children in the store. (duh!) A well-known restaurateur dies drunk in his swimming pool.  When we go to a wedding these days, as the couple say their vows we wonder, “Yeah right? For how long?”  I have heard conversations on the buses (the Scots speak loudly) and I am astounded at the attitudes, the cattiness, the threats and the sick level of interaction. Because the Brazil team got soundly beaten at the football world cup, Brazilians tipped over cars, burned buses and vandalised.  Many people seem to live for the superficial distraction and meaning that following sport brings.  We are living near Government housing estates and there are some sad looking families coming out of there. Life looks miserable for them. Even though we know it kills, I am surprised at how many people in Scotland are smokers. It is deeply sad that they do not value their life more.  Binge drinking and alcohol and drug abuse seem to be a real problem in Western cultures.

Anger - We were on a bus in Inverness and a man climbed on demanding that the bus driver to do something for him. He expressed so much unprovoked anger and left still yelling abuse.  Again at Inverness a few times we encountered a man standing talking aggressively with others. It was like he was looking for a fight. He is not alone. In my hometown some intoxicated 15 & 16-year-old girls beat up and kicked some 19-year-old girls in the street. In another city security camera footage showed four 15 & 16 year olds mercilessly beating up a liquor storeowner for a few beers. In a New Zealand rural area some people shot 195 sheep for no reason one weekend. The next weekend they shot 20 others.  People seem to live on the verge of destructive anger.   

Sexual distortion - Rolf Harris, entertainer and star of children’s programs and one of my favourite entertainers in days gone by, has been exposed for his sexual abuse of under age girls and women.  But he is not alone amongst well-known people.  A Catholic bishop in Australia is involved in sexual abuse claims and I know that some leaders in other denominations are not innocent of abuse either. The secondary school girls around here wear school blouses, with ties and skirts to school, but they are arranged in such a way that they look like a stripper done up as a fantasy schoolgirl for a men’s bachelor party! We live in a sexualised society.  Sexual violence and things like date rape are frequent.  In spite of women’s lib and our PC world, men still treat women as sex objects in destructive ways.

Missing out..

I could go on. But watch the news on TV, the Internet or in the newspapers and there is something deeply wrong with people. They are sad, angry, bad, unhinged and leading miserable crisis riddled existences. I am not judging these people, I just feel sad because of their troubled mixed up experience of life.  While there are many people living beautiful lives, without the need for “religion”, there seems a need in many others’ lives for an anchoring point, breadth or depth. We need “spiritual depth” some how and need it badly.  I read in a museum here in Scotland how, in times past when the cities were bogged down in drunkenness, prostitution, greed and miserable living, Church preachers have saved the day, reversed the trends and changed society.  The Church potentially has something to offer today too, but it has been so distorted, wrapped up in old ways and in other baggage, that it is largely ignored.

Jesus’ message to me…

I am so grateful for the difference that Jesus has made in my life. That sounds like a fanatical religious evangelistic exaggeration. I simply say though that my knowledge of Jesus’ way has profoundly impacted my life for good. I am not a saint, but I would be so much more of a mess without his influence. Here in summary is how I read Jesus “speaking” to me.
“You are important!

Everybody is important!

You are brothers and sisters.

You are so important that I invite you

to a lifestyle

where you

so live that you

devote your personality,

your gifts and abilities,

to enhancing the lives of those about you

- your family

- your community

- your nation

- your world.

When you do that

you will discover transformation

in your life and world.

Your personality will grow,

your gifts and abilities will be extended

your life will be full of adventure and significance.

You will sense a partnership with

the sacred, the significant and the ultimate,

and when you die

your life will continue

to impact the world

for good. …

because love never dies.”

I look at the people around me and I so wish that more people could have that simple profound direction, ongoing transformation and sense of significance that I have been lucky to experience.

Bishop Spong’s writes…

I have used these words before but he puts the essence of the above very concisely. He quotes the words of Jesus given in John’s gospel Chapter 10 verse 10. “I have come that they might have life, life in all its fullness” (or “Abundant life”)

Bishop John Spong says that Jesus calls us to;

“Live fully,

love wastefully,

be all that you can be,

and dedicate yourself

to building a world

in which everyone

has the opportunity

to do the same.”

I long for people to know that message deep in their living. While for me most current church life sucks, I would love to be part of a community of people who model that in the way they live and share that in love with others.

Another theologian Hans Kung writes,

“By following Jesus Christ,

the human being in the world of today

can truly humanly love, act, suffer, and die,

in happiness and unhappiness,

life and death,

sustained by God and helpful to others.” 

A great book.... a confidence booster.

"Jesus" by Marcus Borg
I just completed a great book, so I HAVE to blog about it. The book is simply called "Jesus" with the subtitle of "Uncovering the Life, Teachings, and relevance of a Religious Revolutionary." written by the Jesus scholar, Marcus Borg.  I have read most of Borg's books so there was not a lot that was completely new to me. But the beauty of this book is that it is so thorough and draws everything together.  It renewed for me a great feel for Jesus and sense of partnership with him. It helped to feed my passion for the things he loved and lived for. 
Different paradigms...
Borg points out the differences between "an earlier Christian paradigm" and "an emerging Christian paradigm" as being the major divisions in the Christian Church. He then goes on to paint a picture of Jesus from the "emerging Christian Paradigm" point of view with its historical-metaphorical approach to the Bible. His understanding of the biblical passages makes sense and rings bells for me. He summarises his sketch of Jesus as;
" ...the pre-Easter Jesus was a Jewish mystic, healer, wisdom teacher, and prophet of the kingdom of God; he proclaimed the immediacy of access to God and the Kingdom of God; he challenged the domination system, was executed by the authorities, and then vindicated by God. Easter is the beginning of the post-Easter Jesus. In the decades after Easter his followers spoke of Jesus and his significance with the most exalted language they knew: Son of God, Messiah, Lord, Light of the World, Bread of Life, and so forth. This language is the community's testimony to him." (page 303)
Profound yet simple...
I was talking with a man who had given up on Church but still read books on faith. His comment was that while he was liberal himself, "so many of the liberal authors do not leave you with much".  I find Marcus Borg has a real sense of mystery, respect and awe for the sacred. He leaves you with a sense of awe for Jesus and the God he knew. This mystic experience and openness is an important part of Christianity for him.  I love that having worked your way through 300 odd pages of Biblical scholarship and intense exploration, in the epilogue he has three paragraphs headed by very simple truths.  "What Would Jesus Do?" - "Jesus Loves Me - This I Know" and "For God So Loved the World". He passes on a colleague's mother's summary of the faith,
"We are in good hands; therefore, let us take care of one another."
Every searching thinking person should read it.
As you can guess I enjoyed the book. It was a confidence booster for me, because over the years the position that Borg holds, through my own stumbling thoughts, reading and preaching, I had come to.  If you are honest, pastoral ministry and involvement with people can force you again and again to re-examine the faith you grew up with.  But the normal paradigm has often made me feel like a heretic. Hymns, prayers, liturgies, expectations, religious cliches, most religious books all seemed oppressive to me, bouncing from a different place. "Am I so far out of line?" I would ask myself. As I read this book I felt like it was a letter from a companion on the same journey. He is thinking what I think, except he can present it so well and back it up with extensive scholarly exploration. I would love to see people who train ministers take this book as a text for a year's exploration, discussion and debate. Even if they disagree with it, they will have covered many issues and learned heaps about Jesus' life. (The trouble with many religious training schemes is that they train ministers to be religious and to successfully fulfill a role, but do not necessarily have them grapple with Jesus, who is meant to be central to Christianity.) I would love to facilitate a course on this book with theological students and reflect on its implications for ministry in the church. I would love to facilitate a group of interested explorers and explore Borg's sketch of Jesus! But I am retired.... what do I do with this renewed passion? 
Jesus - the man I can't let go.
When I was a boy aged 9 - 10 years, my attraction to Jesus began. I devoured comics of the gospel stories and knew them by heart. The gospel readings in Church I listened to carefully, and even the sermons, perhaps only partially understood, attracted me to Jesus. He "made sense" to me. A month or two ago I met a man in the street who I knew as a teenager. We talked often at youth group camps. Our ways parted, he did academic studies, got into different philosophies and spiritualities and lived in different parts of the country. He has attended church a few times in my ministry, and had followed my career and knew my reputation. When we met in the street we talked about my impending retirement. He said to me, "I remember at a youth camp when we were teenagers seeing you reading a book about the life of Jesus. You have gone on to follow that line. You present him so well in your preaching, but more than that you have led a ministry living out his lifestyle. Well done."  I was quite moved by that comment, he is a thoughtful man of few words. I remember the cover of that book I read so long ago. I was surprised that he could recall my reading it.  Fifty years after that first book, Jesus still attracts me, drives me and motivates me, and this latest book about the life of Jesus has stoked the fire again.
Marcus Borg... well done! You did this old man good.

"The baby out with the bath water..."

I have read Cathleen Falsani's book, "The God Factor" in which she interviews 32 public figures about their spirituality. I recently read a similar one by an Australian journalist. I found them both interesting and exciting. There were so many times when I found myself saying, "Yeah! Great! Amen to that!" and that was often in response to people who would not be seen dead in a church. In both books there was criticism, hurt and sometimes anger expressed toward the Church and/or Christianity. Many had "outgrown" the religion of their youth. I mix with fire fighters, ambulance personnel and other workers who share similar positions. To them, organised religion has had its day at best, or is a destructive, judgemental and limiting force at worse.

I understand these reactions and in some way identify with them. I had a friend who used to say of so much church activity that it was "Spiritual masturbation." I have sat in church services, in conferences, ministers' association meetings and various church meetings and thought of these words and similar. I have often had the urge, but never the courage, to say "we're wanking" or through gestures demonstrate my frustration and repulsion at the distortion of the way of Jesus that goes on. I tend to absent myself from places where I feel such things more intensely. I struggle with the church! I often hate the whole format and sound of Church services that I run! I am a square peg in a round hole! I long for the church to be a servant movement for good in the community. I long for a church ethos in which people can relax and be true to themselves. I find, (and I know others even more so) that I have to deny myself, my personality, my soul somehow to fit into the structures of the church. I feel more at home sitting around the mess at the fire station than I do talking to the saints at morning tea at church. Some how people are being more "real" in the mess.... blunt...often vulgar... but human! Yet it ought to be the other way around? The gospel ("Good news") should be a relaxant!? It is meant to produce freedom? That's how the early disciples experienced it? It was "grace"? But so often, I and many in these books and people I mix with experience the opposite. It often seems to produce uptight, robotic, sexless, life denying people.

BUT....I can't throw it out! There is a lot of "dirty bath water" in the church that deserves to go down the drain! I suspect most of what the church has become is a distortion of the way of Jesus. But the Church keeps the face of Jesus before the world. Who else does? I cannot help but think that if I left the way of Jesus behind and moved on, I would somehow be "throwing the baby out with the bathwater." I still find Jesus and his spirit opens the door to those things which are sacred and eternal in life. I still find that the call of Jesus on my life makes me more fully human, a better person with a more complete life. He still "expands" me "stretches me" and brings depth to my existence. I feel a certain sadness that so many lovely people that I feel an affinity with (perhaps more than I do with most religious people) seemed to have left behind or discarded something so valuable and precious as Jesus. I do not blame them, I blame the distortion that they have had to endure. I ache for radical reform and change to a more true "Jesus centred spirituality".