Week's end report - Not as young anymore...

Once again I have had a busy week without a true day off. I had a big funeral last Saturday for a woman I had known most of my life and I have been feeling a bit drained, I suspect as a reaction to it. We had the crematorium bit of the service on Monday morning, usually my day off. Other work for the church followed.

Also I have not been sleeping well. I drop off to sleep quickly but wake at about 2:30 for a "pit stop" and just don't get back to sleep until its time to be getting up. My mind, after a bit of sleep wakes up and I start stewing on things; work to do, things I ought to be doing, things I have not done etc. etc.  So I lack sufficient sleep.

We have been finding work around the church for a guy on a community service sentence, and this has added a bit of extra work and responsibility for both my wife and I. He has, however, been a hard worker, which has not been the case when I have done such supervision before. 

On Friday night the Drop-in centre people were like little kids. The police were called to some of our drop-in women having a difference of opinion on the footpath even before we opened. There was another exchange of unpleasantries at the pool table and others putting others down. One man was drunk, happy but disruptive. Another ran out of petrol and money and was asking for help. Not a great night. I was angry at the end of it and suggesting we close the drop-in down for a night or two "to teach them a lesson". I wont do it, but that's how I was feeling.

On Saturday we had a great day at the Habitat for Humanity site. We did ceiling battens and put trusses up. I was fulfilling a pivotal role of leadership, running on pure adrenalin, enjoying myself but lifting heavy weights, clambering around frame work and working hard. My muscles are sore, knee joints aching and arms feel like lead weights. 

Today I lead a service trying to explain essentially two verses of scripture; 

"Why spend money on what does not satisfy? Why spend your wages and still be hungry? Listen to me and do what I say, and you will enjoy the best of food?" ... Isaiah 55: 2

and;

"Do not work for food that spoils; instead, work for food that lasts for eternal life." John 6:27

I wanted to communicate the experience of Jesus when he said; "My meat is to do the will of my Father." But I looked at the congregation and thought "This is beyond their experience. How do I explain the inexplicable? It has to be discovered in life somehow." 

In the service at one stage I had a mental block... a verse I wanted would not come to mind! I knew it but my mind could not find it. I am physically tired and stiff but still restless and stewing. Just maybe at nearly sixty one I am pushing myself a bit much? I still have the same idealism, passions and dreams of a young minister. I still want to "change the world" "make a difference", but sometimes feel my old body letting me down.

The week ahead:

Monday: hopefully some work on a Habitat house that will enable me to cross another job off my "to do" list that I stew on at night. I will have some time off!

Tuesday - Sunday: Normal chaplaincies, Sunday service; Habitat on Saturday; Launch of a new project on Wednesday; Walking Group Wednesday; Church board meeting on Tuesday; Night Shelter Trust meeting Thursday; Prepare and record a radio service some time; Friday run a seminar/debrief for chaplains who have lost chaplaincies; Drop-in centre Friday night; Enough to keep me out of trouble this week. Enough to keep me young. :-)

Photos: A couple of shots of Saturday's Habitat for Humanity fun.

Sunday Burble

A worthwhile week.

I have made it through another week of ministry and chaplaincy. It has been a busy week with lots of jobs to catch up on and some extra responsibilities. It has been made more difficult by my being "emotionally tired" and still grieving. I come to the end of today, however, feeling I have done a worthwhile job of my duties. In all modesty, I thought I presented a great service this morning. As I drove home I thought, "I have still got it! I can still do well at this worship leadership job. That was as good as anything a younger Dave Brown did, perhaps with more wisdom and discernment."  It was a bit controversial so I await any backlash. It is funny how when you have succeeded in sharing your "fire in the belly", and you have done it well, you are motivated to get up and do it again. I am chaffing at the bit to begin designing next week's encounter.

Exercise Report

Last Sunday... smallish run.

Monday.... 26 k bike ride

Tuesday .... 9.5 k run.

Wednesday ... gym session.

Thursday .... gym session and 9.5 k run.

Friday ...... rest day...3 hours of table tennis and pool!

Saturday ..... 6.5 k run

Today .... 5 -6 k run.

Not bad for an old bloke! Still not loping along like I used to, but perhaps my expectations are too high.

Minister's adventure...

This afternoon I went walking up my loved mountain (Mt Cargill, Dunedin) stewing about ministry and where my life is taking me. Maybe, you see, it is time I left church ministry behind? This led me to thinking about past adventures. I will tell you about one. Years ago I had a part time ministry in a smallish town named Levin. We lived in another much smaller country settlement and so each Sunday we would travel quite some distance to church arriving around an hour before the service. In this ministry we were giving support to a separated solo mum we'll name Mary. I was also heavily involved in helping budget for her "on-again-off-again" boyfriend "Harry". He had done heaps of shady deals, and we were negotiating our way out of them with the people he owed money to. He had a bad habit of getting violent, with stab wounds to show for it, and sometimes it was with Mary. He lived next door to her and had fathered her two week old baby. We arrived at church this one morning to find Mary on the phone to the church office. She burst forth with an almost hysterical explanation then handed her phone to a policeman. It seemed Harry had gone over there, got mad, started throwing things around her house, then picked up his baby son, went next door and locked himself in, threatening to harm the child. The police had arrived, but were afraid to do anything, in case Harry harmed baby. Mary had told them that Harry would listen to me. Me!? He never really took much notice of me when he was rational, what would an angry Harry do?

I told the people at the church to rearrange the service so that the sermon came last and I would do the best I could to get back. I remember driving around in the old ambulance we drove at the time, with butterflies in my stomach, taking off my jacket and tie, so as not to intimidate Harry by looking too official. Several police cars were there and the policemen were lined up on the footpath. They talked very abruptly to me, probably wondering what sort of minister I was driving an old ambulance. They seemed happy to pass the buck and just expected me to go in and see if Harry would negotiate! They would be there on the footpath, if something went wrong. "Why me?" I was asking. What if I stuff up and he hurts baby? I approached the locked front door, and gingerly knocked. "Who is it?" Harry yelled, "Go away!" "It's m-m-me", I said, "D-D-Dave Brown." I looked through the lounge window which seemed to be where the voice was coming from, and saw Harry. This big tough, supposedly mean, violent, Maori man, was sitting on the couch with his baby in his arms, rocking backward and forward, with tears rolling down his face. I tapped on the window and asked in as calm a voice as I could muster, "Can I come in Harry? Will you unlock the door for me?" He rose, came to the door, unlocked it and returned to the couch. I sat next to him, trying to look relaxed, and we talked. Eventually he allowed me to call up Mary, and ask her to come next door to get her baby. After many assurances that Harry would not hurt her, she came. We talked and I agreed to meet with them that night and talk over issues of access etc. He gently handed baby back to mum. I drove back to the church, put tie and jacket back on, and calmly walked up to the platform in time to take the sermon for the day, as if it was just a mere part of a ministers life. Later in the afternoon I suddenly felt tired, emotionally exhausted, and thought, "Did I really do that?"

I recall a personnel manager in a later job interview once telling me, "As a minister you would have led a fairly shelter life." ... Yeah right?!