Like "WOW!" - what a week.

Madness
I have not posted on my blog for over a week, simply because I have been too busy. There have been a few nights when I have been wanting to write, but when I sat to do it I was simply too tired. Here is a catch up.
Saving souls.
My last post was about saving the souls on my slippers. Last Friday night we had a full drop-in centre and I was busy playing table tennis, washing dishes and socialising.  I went down the hall to a pool table and saw a bunch of guys playing pool. Some had mental health problems, others intellectual limitations but they were enjoying pool together with a others watching and enjoying the game. Here was companionship, healthy laughter, sportsmanship, acceptance and just life affirming fun. I play table tennis with guys who love to beat me. I see them come alive at the end of the table, enjoying their skill, appreciating mine and sometimes telling me about their life.  Last Friday night I thought about my tongue in cheek blog post, and was reminded, I am saving souls. I am helping to bring into often troubled lives life enhancing friendship, companionship and happiness. I am saving souls, not in the old religious sense, but facilitating a measure of love, acceptance and wholeness in peoples living.
Sunday lunch
Our foster daughter with intellectual (and physical) handicaps has moved houses. She is in a house with others and they have full time care. They had a potluck lunch for families, so my wife and I, my daughter and son-in-law joined in. Now I would not wish handicaps on anybody. Being involved with people with handicaps can be a gut wrenching, heart aching and hard work journey.  But as we met the families of other residents, brothers and sisters, parents and others, and the carers in the house, somehow working and living with folks who have handicaps brings out the best qualities in humans. There are few pretensions, just open honest enjoyment and appreciation of the simple things of life. I was sitting next to Pania (our 34 year old foster daughter) helping her feed and singing softly too her. A lady nearby assisting her sister grinned knowingly. "Do you have secret songs you sing too? We do that don't we?" as she nudged her sister, "I love it" she said.  However challenging they are, our experiences with Pania continue to enrich our life.
Funeral
Last Monday saw me leading a funeral for a 91 year old Church member. He had been a well known businessman in town and his late wife was my mum's cousin, so I had known him since my childhood days. He taught me how to play table tennis. In the early 1960s when we were young teenagers we complained to my father that "there was nothing to do!" He told us to get off our butts and do something for ourselves. With his encouragement we built table tennis tables and decided to begin a table tennis club down at our Church. This man had been a table tennis champion so my dad asked him to come down for a couple of Saturday nights and teach us to play the game.  The Table Tennis club expanded and became a youth group of around 40 people (at times) - but I am still playing table tennis. I led this funeral and got so much positive feedback. A man who has recently retired and was awarded a Queens honour for his career as a journalist on TV said, "You have a gift. Every time I attend one of your services I am so impressed." I told him I was looking forward to not doing them because it does cost. "Oh I am aware of the personal cost such work involves." and he mentioned his own experiences on TV.  It is interesting. On Sunday prior to my normal Sunday service, and Monday the day of the big funeral, while eating my porridge at breakfast, my hand was shaking as I lifted my spoon to my mouth, spilling milk and porridge back into the plate. I wondered why I get so stressed and what such stress is doing to my body?
Night Shelter Street Appeal
Last week the Night Shelter had its street appeal. We ended up doing rushed preparations because the man who was to run it resigned and left us with the task at a late stage. I needed somebody to ring volunteers and sort out who collected where and my ever patient wife (who knows I hate cold calling) stepped into the breach and put in hours of phone work over the last couple of weeks. So this week has involved delivering and collecting buckets and standing for several hours at a time collecting money off passers by. (as well as trying to fit in my normal work) It is always an interesting experience. I think I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times somebody under 30 put money in. (not counting children sent by parents) Young people just ignored our presence as they walked past.  The most frequent donors by far were women over the age of 50.  Perhaps it means that such generosity will fade out with the next generation? Or perhaps we become more compassionate and generous as we get older? Or is it that we just have more spare money to give as we age? It may just be that young people these days do not carry cash? Having said that some students offered to help collect. It was delightful. We went to gather their buckets and these two girls were sitting in the doorway of this supermarket having a ball. One had the Night Shelter poster and was jostling it to gain attention, the other had the bucket. They were all smiles and laughter and the people seemed to be responding. We have not counted all the money yet, but the results look good. Last night as we collected the buckets we were foot sore and exhausted. While collecting I realised that I know so many people. On one particular two and a half hour stint at a supermarket I had conversations with so many people I knew. I met this woman I used to run with years ago. I had not seen her to talk with for quite a few years. We dropped into easy conversation again. Ministers, ex-firefighters, drop-in centre folks, people from past chaplaincies and others stopped by to have a chat. One encounter was with a stranger. He dug in his pocket to find cash. Out dropped a nail, a screw and a paper clip. I asked if they were from his last job. With a grin he admitted to picking these up off the footpath. "I do that!" I exclaimed. We shared our gathering/hoarding hobby, and how we store our finds, laughing at how our friends and relatives react. When he left he gave me his card.
MRI scan
On Thursday I went for my MRI scan, a check to see if I have prostate cancer, or any cancer "down there". People had warned me about how claustrophobic it would be and of the terrible noise. I found it OK. (perhaps because I was expecting worse) I closed my eyes and nearly fell asleep.  I await the results. What will be will be.... I don't really have time to worry about it.
Will I fight it?

I received an email on Wednesday in which the national leadership team of our denomination informed me that they are going to put forward a remit for confirmation in September, which includes a "Statement on Marriage and Sexuality". If passed it will not allow me as a minister of this denomination to marry, bless or endorse a gay couple and it gives their interpretation of scripture to back this up. I will not be allowed to make public statements affirming gay relationships. Now we are congregationally governed so I do not think that constitutionally they have the right to dictate such things. Secondly I disagree with their stance. I have already broken their proposed rules by sharing my thoughts on this blog site. I do not know the consequences of disobedience? Maybe I will not be endorsed as a "minister in good standing" and will not be able to marry anybody? Are they going to excommunicate me? They want responses by Tuesday? I groan inwardly. Do I want to buy into a fight with 19 Sundays to go until retirement? But it is a justice issue? It is also a denial of our ethos and history? We are meant to be open to diversity? Watch this space. Whatever I do, I will lose the battle. People in scary times look for authoritarian leadership, they feel safe. In these days when all religions tend to be conservative, they have the numbers to defeat any protest I raise.  But life is not black and white. Such directions are not life enhancing, are not within a spirit of love and compassion. I think God would want us to live in loving life-affirming relationships, and is not as concerned about the gender of our "intimate other" as they make out.  They are the modern day pharisees. I doubt they would recognise Jesus if he could physically came back amongst us, and would possibly crucify him again.  Lord, hasten the day of a broader more life giving, more real faith expression.  I sense the noises of an emerging progressive Christian movement. It is so needed. 

That has been my week. On Tuesday I fly to Wellington which is still reeling from a powerful earthquake, and still experiencing aftershocks. Another busy week awaits.

Bereavement; Gay marriage in NZ; A "penny dropped"; something beautiful & heavy workload.

Bereavement
A couple of years ago as I looked out on the congregation I saw an elderly man (late seventies) who was a new face. I met him briefly after the service as he headed out and he informed me cautiously that he was "Church shopping" and that he had been to a few. He thought it was time to move on from where he was attending and was trying out Churches. He went on his way, with me thinking, "Well he won't be back!" To my surprise a couple of weeks later he came back. He was absent for a couple more weeks (checking out other Churches) then came back again. Ever since he has been there whenever he was able, has at times played the piano for us and been an active part of our congregation. I went to visit him and found a warm, friendly man who I just clicked with. We sat and chatted as if we had known each other for all our lives. He came to help set up a Christmas Day dinner and then assisted at the dinner itself. He came with his crutch but pretty soon it was discarded and he was dashing around like a teenager with a wide grin on his face. He simply loved it. He thought I was headed in the right directions with the things we were doing. This year he has had bad health with surgery and a nine week stay in hospital. He had just started venturing out to Church again. In spite of his health difficulties he was always cheerful, positive, warm and friendly. I felt completely at home with him. I knew him as "Norrie Duff". On Friday morning upon opening the newspaper I discovered that a "David Noris Duff aged 79" had been hit by a car and died later in hospital. (I knew he frequented a cafe next to where the accident happened.) "It must be Norrie?" I said to myself, "It can't be Norrie!" I did not want it to be Norrie, but all the evidence suggested it was.  I did not know his family at all so could not ring to find out, and anyway thought that might be an intrusion. It wasn't untill the evening that I had a call from his son to tell me all that happened. Friday was a long day during which I could not concentrate. I am sad. He was my friend. As I walked into Church on Sunday mornings to lead the service he would give a smile and a nod. He was one of those whose "attending" and very posture during worship drew the sermon out of me. He and I just felt at home with each other. I feel like I have lost a soul mate and I don't have too many of them. On Wednesday I lead his funeral. I think I will struggle to keep composed.

Proud of my country legalising Gay Marriage.

Gay Marriage legal in New Zealand
The other night amidst very emotional scenes the New Zealand Parliament passed the Marriage (definition of Marriage) Amendment Bill which legalised Gay Marriage in NZ. Here you will find a clever speech and here the feeling and aftermath in the Parliamentary chamber. I have not preached directly about this matter except to allude to the principles of equality and inclusiveness whenever I could. ("Let the hearer hear what I am saying" - type of approach) In private conversation, through blog post and other opportunities I have expressed my support. I once wrote a letter to the editor of the local newspaper but it was not printed. (They did print stupid illogical anti-gay opinions) It is to me a victory for love! It is a victory for equality, for responsibility and commitment.  The thing that hit me this morning is that in public worship I would love to have given thanks for this victory. I would love to have thanked God for the liberal, loving spirit that has driven this legislation. I would loved to have thanked God that we live in such a country and expressed pride in the achievement of our little country. But I could not. I had been warned that it would be divisive, and indeed it would have been. I felt deeply sad and even less at home because of that. It reinforced for me my decision to retire at the end of the year. I do not really belong in this denomination.
A penny dropped
I do not know what congregation, if any, I will attend when I retire. I long for a group of progressive thinkers who I could journey with. I would love to be part of a group of friends who encourage each other in an active progressive thinking Christian way. I have had thoughts that maybe when I retire I could start such a group but nothing jelled. I had a friend from the Night Shelter Trust phone me on Thursday and ask me about my day in hospital. I told him about the book I read by Karen Armstrong and that she was the instigator behind the "Charter for Compassion". He had never heard of it so I explained what it was. When I hung up I had an epiphany. "What about a group which was centred on the Charter for Compassion?" It would then be inclusive of those who did not necessarily go along with "Christian things". It would keep before us the need for compassionate action and stop such a group becoming a group of navel gazers or anti-established-church gossipers. The idea simply rang bells with me. It has a heap of potential. Will I have the energy to do it? Wait and see - watch this space.

 Workload
When I went back to work after my surgery I intended to take life easier. It does not happen and it feels out of control.  I have an incredibly busy week ahead. Here are some things I have to do.

• I have to do Norrie's funeral - at least 8 hours extra work.
• I have to prepare and record a radio church service.
• I have to write up, collate and print the Annual Report for the Church Annual General Meeting. The secretary used to do this, but we do not have one these days. 
• I have to do 8 hours of chaplaincy work.
• I have my usual Sunday service preparation to do.
• I have to arrange to have meetings some people for the Night Shelter.
• And of course there are some usual weekly responsibilities I have to fulfill.

I will not be able to have a day off tomorrow, nor will ANZAC day on Thursday be a holiday for me. Wish me luck.

Thinking out loud about gay marriage

I received an email today urging me to “save marriage” and sign a petition against the bill going before parliament seeking the right for gay people to marry. The email assumed that since I was a Christian minister I would happily sign it and help “save marriage”. I sat at my desk reading the information, which was very brief and irrational. It just confuses me. How can giving two people the right to make a public commitment to a long term, responsible and intimate relationship be a danger to marriage?

I like the diagram my daughter affirmed on facebook. It is true. The real biblical perspective on sexuality and marriage is not as straightforward as it is often assumed. There are a lot of ancient cultural influences, and we cannot willy nilly choose some and not others. Here, briefly, is my perspective on homosexuality/lesbian relationships.

The “nature-nurture” question

I have read so many different articles, essays and the occasional book on this subject. I have known a number of gay people, most of whom were in stable, life enhancing relationships. There are writings that tell us “gayness” is a natural state and that the people do not choose to be gay. Then there are articles and testimonies from “ex-gay” people who claim to have been “cured”.  Of course there are the religious people who say that even if it is a “natural state” such people should stay “chaste” and not express their sexuality. The “act” is the “sin”, not “being gay.” Other articles claim that “gayness” happens because of environmental issues, family dynamics, abuse or some other events in their life. It is assumed by “righteous” people then, that the right counselling, praying or attitudes could set them straight.

I read this one essay that to me had a ring of truth about.  I cannot remember the author or where I found it, but it seemed to me to be true to life. This claimed that we are all, by our birth, somewhere on a continuum between definitely hetero through to definitely gay. Those born gay will be gay, and those who are definite hetero will be hetero. It is not a choice you make. There are those who are somewhere in the middle of the continuum, (perhaps they could be bi?) and for them some environmental factors could lead them to be either gay or hetero. For most in this situation, because our culture favours hetero, they will become hetero.  Others, because of life events could become gay. It seems to me that the gays who claim to be “cured” probably fall into this midstream category. So I see the confusion of articles and essays about the “nature-nurture” question of “gayness” to stem from this sort of reality. I do not think any choose to be gay, it just is the way they are. I cannot conceive of a person choosing to be gay, even in our more liberal and open society, it would bring so many extra challenges into life.  I have concluded that “nature”, ( in some cases, with the added influence of “nurture”) made gay people who they are.

God and Gays

I do not think the God of love would deny a gay person his/her expression of love through sexual intimacy. Love between people is love and to me the expression of that through sexual intimacy and play enhances, affirms and builds the bond between two people. This is true of hetero relationships, but also true of gay partnerships. I do not believe that it is wrong for people to express their love in this way. If you like, I think “God smiles” wherever life-enhancing love is expressed. Now if I am a definite heterosexual I may struggle to accept or find commonality with the lovemaking of a gay couple.  It may even repulse me. This inability to put oneself in another’s situation, I believe, causes much of the anti-gay feeling and reaction. Love though, is love and is good, full stop! Intimacy at its highest, from intimacy of minds and hearts through to the same intimacy expressed in sexual play also is life enhancing and good. This, as I see it applies to hetero couples and gays. (Promiscuity, for both gays and heterosexuals, is to my mind, not life enhancing, nor person affirming.) I have come to believe that our physical intimacy should be representative of and express whatever personal intimacy we have. When the two align, I believe it is “of love” and fits in God’s purposes for wholesome, and fulfilling living and relating.  This is true whether we are gay or hetero.

Marriage

We have tended to define marriage as between male and female. It is also linked to the rearing of a family. But isn’t it delightful when two eighty year olds find love and commit to marriage? We do not refuse to marry them, even though no family can result.  At it’s heart marriage is a committed responsible intimate relationship between two people who love one another and choose to keep that love alive. It is a public commitment to be responsible, caring toward each other, and to nurture the health of that relationship. A good marriage is one of the greatest experiences in life, you always have that one person you are “at home with” and who is there for you. It is a deeply affirming anchor point in life. The act of becoming married enhances that relationship and can be an ongoing living motivational springboard, which keeps the relationship healthy, bonded, and deepening. I do not believe it is right to deny that sort of relationship, that sort of public commitment to a gay partnership! It can only help gay couples to better express the reality of their life together and what they mean to one another. From my perspective, marriage is defined by the commitment to responsible relationship. Allowing gay’s to marry does nothing to destroy this! In fact it gives the opportunity for others to express its reality in their partnership and their lives.

I will not be signing the petition nor will I be passing the email on.