Two Rants.."God" and "Ad libbing".

"Try God"
I was driving home from Christchurch the other day. We take a "short cut" through Timaru, one of the towns on the way, which takes us through the suburbs and away from the traffic lights and busyness of the main road. We past this modern looking Church which looked well cared for and it had a big street sign which read, "Try God".
Now there was a time in my ministry career when I could have had that on a Church noticeboard. As I drove past it the other day it grated. Somehow it assumed that the average person has no deep spiritual experiences and that this "religion" was going to put them in touch with "God".  But my view of God is greater than that. The Apostle Paul speaking about God, said to the Athenians that "in Him we live and move and have our being." He was speaking to the people of Athens and was trying to build on their religious experiences, and recognised that they were already "religious". God is not hidden in Church buildings. The sacred is experienced in the midst of life. We have insights into what is right.  We sense a deep call from "somewhere" to help, "it just seems the right thing to do" people say - "I had to do it." These are "spiritual experiences", they are experiences of the sacred, of "God" and most people, religious or non-religious have them. So people like me driving past this Church already experience God. Many have and are "trying God". It is wrong, and in some ways disrespectful, to assume they aren't. I would prefer something like, "Together we deepen our life." or "Join us exploring depth in life." .....Just sayin...
I was talking to a man in one of my chaplaincies the other day. He opened up about personal difficulties he battled with and our conversation was deep and meaningful. He asked me "Why did you became a minister?" and we chatted about religious perspectives. Then he told me of experiences of compassion at work, compassion toward him. He then went on to tell of the "Buzz" that he and others experienced when they helped somebody, or helped each other during difficult times. You see, he had begun to relate his "God Experiences"...  as a workplace chaplain I do not bring God into his workplace.... God is already there and I encounter Him along side, and within the workers there.
"He just ad-libs..."
When my wife and I went for morning tea this morning, as we entered a cafe we bumped into a minister from a different denomination who we both know well. He greeted us and shared some comments but both my wife and I felt that his attitude and comments were patronising, as if he felt he was superior to us. I suspected that he saw himself as a real minister, properly academically trained and that Church of Christ ministers were a lower breed. Now I would stack my training up against his at anytime. Both academically and practically it would be superior. I also have kept up my academic reading. He has been in a congregation where I have spoken, and that could be the problem. I speak without notes, not from behind a pulpit but just standing on the platform with nothing between me and the congregation and I often use simple life stories to illustrate. I suspect he does not see that as a "proper dissertation" and probably would say "Oh he just ad libs." When I do not use notes it does not mean that I do not prepare. I perhaps prepare more than most.  A man who has made a far greater impact than I ever have or will, never used notes when he went into a lecture or sermon. Dr Albert Schweitzer never used notes at the pulpit or lectern. But he wrote in his autobiography, that he wrote his lecture or sermon out at least three times in preparation. It looked like he was just ad libbing, but he was profoundly and deeply prepared. When I speak, (as I did the other day in a secular setting with student volunteers) I have written it out several times. I have mulled over illustrations and sentences, honing them so that they make their point as directly and as concisely as possible. I am not just "ad libbing", I am presenting a carefully worked dissertatioin without notes, because it allows me to connect with the listeners in a better way.  I tell simple life stories that do not make my sermons sound like academic dissertations, because I want to connect with my hearers, sometimes at a different level than just their intellect. I suspect some ministers would look down on them as being a bit too much like children's talks. But I know they communicate! The aforementioned minister sat in one of my services once. The next week he was leading the service and he commented that he was "pleasantly surprised" with my service the week before. .. now that was patronising!  But it was interesting that instead of reading his sermon like he usually does, he decided he would try to be chatty and ad lib.  It was terrible... long, wordy, meandering and all over the place. Not using notes is NOT ad libbing. 

Preachers please, please, please prepare, and prepare well, with your listeners in mind. It is an important job that you do!

A moving weekend...

Today was very blustery, so I completed a cupboard unit I began some months ago.

Sad...
On Saturday I found myself depressed with my "catheter and bag" situation. It felt like my active life had come to an end. Here were the changes I had encountered. A week before my wife and I had made love, but now that was impossible and there is a possibility it may never happen again. A week before I could run, ride my bike and play energetic, fast paced table tennis. This weekend I would not be able to run, riding the bike with a catheter is not advised and when I played a gentle game of table tennis, I doubled over in pain from a spasm it brought on. Even lifting tables during the week had brought about blood in my urine. So on Saturday I was feeling down. My active life seemed over, and I felt like I may as well pack up, get fat and old and "wait for God".
Inspired moments...
During the course of my sermon preparation I fed into "You Tube" the name of Viktor Frankl. I got to listen to several clips of interviews or speeches he gave. I first encountered Viktor Frankl when we were asked to read a book of his during my theological training. The book was "Man's Search for Meaning: an introduction to Logotherapy."  It was a revised edition of "From Death-Camp to Existentialism." In the first part of the book he reflects on his experience as a survivor of war time concentration camps. In the second part of the book he spells out the basic concepts of logotherapy. I recall my first read of the book. I simply loved it! I read it all through in one sitting, wandering around my room totally excited by the philosophy, concepts and emphases.  It just rang bells with me! I have often re-read this little book. On Saturday as I listened to Frankl he told of a incidents in a concentration camp when two different people came saying they wanted to commit suicide. Their reason was that they could no longer expect anything out of life. Life seemed hopeless. He asked each to consider the question, "What does life expect of you?" and each person found something further to live for. I got to thinking about that when I was sad on Saturday. Here I am, with a relatively small set back, though a bit of a life changing set back, and feeling like it is time to shut up shop. But Frankl's question has got me going... "What does life expect of me?"  Answer  - to keep living to the fullest I am able!  It was the kick in the pants I needed and by today I feel more positive. A friend, who had been through what I am going through, visited me last Thursday. As we compared notes and talked, he said, "I told my wife - if any body can get through this with a positive frame of mind, it will be Dave! He will show us how it is done!" I realised that people will be looking at me and watching how my understanding of life, and basic directions stand up when the going gets tough! So that's my goal, to still pursue my goals and dreams in the midst of this (relatively little) setback.  I also feel more positive because I think things have settled down physically. There are now no spasms and times of bleeding have stopped.
Tears in Church...
The reading I focused on in the Church service on Sunday was the story of the rich man who came to Jesus asking about eternal life. Jesus told him to sell what he owned and give the money to the poor. I talked about Jesus' principle that in "losing our life, we find it - in giving we receive" a consistent part of the Jesus way. In a reflective part of the service I had my wife read a cute story about generosity from one of the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books. As she read the story I found myself sitting on the platform choking up, and wiping a tear from my eye. Why? It was a moving little story, but I knew it back to front? As I analysed my reaction it was that I had been preaching, and indeed trying to live this truth here for twenty odd years. I have experienced a measure of the truth of Jesus words, but I felt that most of the church people, sitting looking slightly bored, didn't have a clue about the tremendous reality I was seeking to communicate! They had not taken the risks, though they had spent lifetimes as Christians, so were on a "different page". I felt sad and a bit lonely for myself, but also sad for them - they were missing out on the essence of Jesus. But then again I could be reading them incorrectly.
True love...
On Sunday I was again talking to the friend who had been through all the prostate issues. I was grumping that until at least after the operation my sex life will be on hold. He commented that because of his issues his sex life had ended, "But that's good!" he said. "Because then you discover what true love is all about!" I thought that was neat.

Preaching for myself....

Banjo Paterson in his poem "The man from Iron Bark" has a line that I am often reminded of. It is describing some youths that sat along the wall in the barbershop. It says, "Their heads were flat, their eyes were dull, they had no brains at all." I am evil but sometimes this line comes to mind as I look out on my congregation on Sunday morning. It is of course an incorrect description but I sometimes get the feel that they front up every Sunday, with no expectation of wanting to learn or grow. They will, because it is their habit, sit through another church service and hope it is entertaining. I on the other hand, spend hours trying to mould a service into something interesting, something that will speak to this mob at their level, with the expectation that it will motivate them toward personal growth, action and christian discipleship. I get little sleep Saturday nights, I stew and scribble and read and read some more. Sunday morning is as tiring as running a half marathon and I am often disappointed in the music we can have. But at the end of it all I wonder if it is at all worth it? What does it achieve? I get the feeling again that I am out of step with everyone else.

• They look on faith as a comfort, I see it as disturbing and a springboard to action.
• Their expectation of Sunday morning is like a drink station, a resting place as they cope with life, I see it as a launching pad so that we can rocket into life.
• They see the church as the place they meet God, I see God at work in the world and it's there that we catch up with him and find partnership.

I had the privilege recently of catching up with a ministry colleague who I "click" with. We were together for barely an hour, yet it was sooo good. I expressed my Sunday morning hassles. I enjoy chaplaincy, the community work that the church allows me to do and many people stuff connections etc. but the religious stuff on Sunday morning I can do without. I hate it, it seems a waste of time and emotional energy. A side issue to the real "Jesus stuff". "What are we doing on Sunday morning?" I said. "What difference does it make?" She empathised and we joked about our nasty feelings and the fact that we are always compromising so as not to offend "the saints". But then she said something really helpful. She said, "I see Sunday mornings as being for myself. I use it as the time I remind myself of what I am about and what is important to me. If others get anything from it is incidental. I have found that to be the best way to cope with the frustrations of it." I found that helpful. I still need to try to communicate and mould stuff for these people, but it is helpful to see that it is as much me preaching to myself, holding up for myself the ideals I aspire to, whether or not others want to listen and/or latch on.

It's not unlike blogging. :-)