I found God!

A collection of magnets, with unseen currents of energy holding them together.

"A layer of reality."
Lately I have written about a sense of connection with fire fighters when I have visited them. Somehow we have talked easily at depth about life, family, health, values and even death. I have said that as I have come away from my chaplaincies I have felt like something sacred has happened. Somehow in the connection there is something very special.
I get this too with a group of people who gather in Space2B on Wednesdays. We chat about life, values and experiences. There is something special going on.
Sometimes also I have mentioned the feeling I get as I watch people in the Drop-in centre enjoying themselves, sharing with each other and relating to us. Something special is happening.
I have a friend who runs sustainability classes in our church building. She also sees it as her responsibility to clean our drop in centre on a regular basis. We talk from time to time and I have immense respect for her. Her father in Ireland is coming toward the end of his life and she left on Friday  to spend time with her mother, father and family for a few months. I saw her in the street on Wednesday, I leapt out of the car and ran along the street to say goodbye.  I yelled out to her, she turned and held her arms out for an embrace, thrilled to see me. We talked, had one final hug and went on our way smiling, both of us glad to be able to say our farewells. Once again there is a deep connection, born out of shared values, a similar sense of purpose, an openness to one another and a sense of sharing the journey of life.
I have a friend who has gone back to live in Hungary. She calls me "Dad". When she was in Dunedin we grew to have a warm "father-daughter" type relationship. Now she is in Hungary we sometimes message each other through skype, and you can even through the distance still sense a warm connection, a yearning to link, people on the journey of life, open to one another.  I could mention other people with whom I have this sense of connection.
I have a theory. That is that somehow God is the connections, or in the connections. I am fascinated by magnets. It intrigues me that you can have these two inert looking lumps of metal, but if you bring them toward each other you can feel an unseen pull. If you put iron filings onto a sheet of paper on top of them you can see magnetic fields, unseen currents of energy. I think that when human beings are open to one another there is a similar current of life and love, and that somehow the one we call God is in that current, or is indeed the current. I am stewing more on this so I will let you know more thoughts as they come. Thoughts and implications are tumbling through my mind and they tie a whole lot of things together, giving perspective and perception.
The Dalai Lama says....
"All the world’s major religions, with their emphasis on love, compassion, patience, tolerance, and forgiveness can and do promote inner values. But the reality of the world today is that grounding ethics in religion is no longer adequate. This is why I am increasingly convinced that the time has come to find a way of thinking about spirituality and ethics beyond religion altogether."
I find a certain affinity with this. For a long time I have tended to call myself a "follower of Jesus" rather than a Christian. Again and again I find a lack of affinity to what mainstream, and fundamentalist Christianity has to say. It no longer rings bells, though I am deeply hooked on the way of Jesus. I stick with Church ministry at the moment because it provides a base from which to express the way of Jesus, but I often find it an inhibiting and limiting base. Again more exploration needs to be done.
Burning books...
I picked up a commentary the other night, and began reading it in bed. I was gathering together thoughts for the next Sunday's service. As I read it I thought, "This is not where I am at!" While at one stage this study would have fitted into my frame of reference, I no longer considered the writer's emphasis to be in line with the way I now see Jesus. I threw the book into the firewood basket, and the next night happily burned it. I have shelves of books I will probably consign to the firewood basket like that. Spiritual growth is a funny thing, I feel more connected inwardly, though these writers would probably say I am a backslider, or "unfaithful".
In a similar way in gatherings of earnest Christians, I find a sense of isolation. Their language does not ring bells. I am a follower of Jesus like them, but somehow where I am is not as institutionalized or not as "religious".  I can no longer be where they are.
That is my burble, half thoughts, and inner journeying for tonight.

The Spiritual journey...

Be honest now... should you be a minister David?
I recall many years ago attending an ecumenical church service. I was there on the platform as one of the line up of inner-city ministers. (Probably the only one without a robe) I think I may have been reading the scriptures in the service or something like that. Anyway as part of the service we were asked to stand and repeat the Apostles Creed, fortunately printed in the order of service. I began the creed but trailed off. "I really don't believe all this!" I said to myself.  This creed in this service was meant to express the unity of the faith we churches held together, but I was standing on the platform as a minister and leader and could not honestly repeat the creed. (I am glad the Churches of Christ have a slogan "No creed but Christ!") As I stood there I began to wonder if I should be a Church minister after all, if the creed was the accepted formulation of the faith.  As I took my seat I looked at the creed and began to wonder if Jesus would say it. I don't think he would! As I read the creed, I really don't think he would see these "beliefs" as all that important to walking with God. The creed says nothing about "Love." It says nothing about the "Kingdom of God" and God's purposes. It seemed to me that the things the creed featured would just not be a priority to Jesus...on that basis I figured I could stay in ministry. This experience highlights two things on the "spiritual journey." One is that we need to be honest with ourselves. (Though to be in any church will always involve mature compromise)  The second thing is "perspective." It is easy to get carried away with relatively unimportant side issues. Jesus' way provides us with a way we can check out if the things we are concerned about and wrapped up in are really important.
Honesty
It is interesting that many of the books that highlight progressive thinking in the area of religion, feature honesty in the title or in the general thrust of the book.  Albert Schweitzer's "The Quest of the historical Jesus" was an early attempt to be honest about the scriptures. "Honest to God" by John A T Robinson was one of the first books of this genre.  "Honest to Jesus" is a book by Jesus seminar scholar Robert Funk. Bishop John Spong has a book called "Here I stand" which details his journey from a fundamentalist faith toward progressive Christianity. As he tells the story of the journey he shows how his honesty led him to make adjustments to his understanding of God, the faith, the scriptures and the Church. Marcus Borg has three similar books ("Meeting Jesus again for the first time",  "The God we never knew" and "Reading the Bible Again for the first time" ) each of which outlines how the various aspects of traditional faith had stopped making sense to him. When he approached the Bible with a different perspective, then he honestly could own his faith again. It is important that we face our uncertainties, particularly if they are important, and work our way through them so that whatever faith we end up with we can "own" and give ourselves to. Someone has said that at any point "we can offer what we know of ourselves to what we know of God in what we know of life, but these three things are always changing." Our faith is a journey and if we are honest with ourselves, it will change and evolve. Sometimes we are lazy and cling to a Sunday School faith, but become essentially secular in our actions and lifestyle because it really does not ring bells for us in real life. When we front up to the Church subculture or other things religious, it is OK, but in the real world it has stopped resourcing our living. I urge you, for your own sake in the Christian journey, to be honest with yourself.
Perspective and priority
I had a man corner me a couple of times. He was sure that there were codes and all sorts of arithmetical secrets in the Bible. He had charts and codes and all sorts of writings. I lost interest, because it just did not seem that it would be a priority that Jesus would have. Another man knew in detail the dimensions and ins and outs of the Tabernacle and wanted to run bible study groups to explore such things. Others try to work out prophecy (interpreting it badly) and dates for the second coming. Each felt he was being spiritual, religious and doing God's will. But when I look at Jesus, it would seem to me to be religious hocus pocus. Jesus told the parable of the sheep and the goats and a priority for him was caring for others in various ways. He answered the question about "what must I do to gain eternal life" in part by telling the story of the "Good Samaritan." For him loving action was the important spiritual response. The Apostle Paul in the "Love chapter" said we can be and do and know all sorts of religious things, but if we have not love, we are nothing. As I grow spiritually, may these priorities keep me thinking about and tackling the important issues. May I not get side tracked into theological gymnastics that are just an escape from loving action. There is a type of "knowing" that only happens in action. Faith that sidelines loving action is not consistent with the way of Jesus.

I am a heretic if the creed is a measuring stick. Why, then am I still a church minister? I am first and foremost a follower of Jesus. The Church, with all it's distortions, is the place where the story of Jesus is still kept alive and, hopefully, modeled.  I am a minister in an attempt to get others to share in Jesus' actions and love. I am a minister because the Church can be a base for loving deeds in the community. If the Church belief system does not fit that then heaven help us, the church would really be irrelevant.

Photo: An old man on a journey.

"I can't do it!" and "Want to grow spiritually? Become an atheist!" ???

"I can't do it any more!"
This week has been full on. I have had a couple of 1 a.m. mornings trying to get things done. I have spent a lot of time relating with people, in chaplaincies, in Space2B and in other places. It is interesting that just sometimes you get the feeling enough is enough. On Saturday I spent the morning working on the News Letter and church service preparation. Then I wanted to go and visit an elderly lady I had hoped to visit on Friday, as well as catch up on a man in hospital. I showered and changed into presentable clothing, then hopped in the car and drove to her house. I went to the door and rang the bell several times but nobody answered. Frustrated, I left there and drove toward the hospital. I found that I was going to have to park some distance away, but really felt tired and not full of energy. Very quickly I decided just to return home. As I drove home I thought about it, and discovered that my major hinderance was not physical, but my emotional or inner well-being. I had just had enough of "putting myself out there." I did not want to face another bunch of people. If I went to the hospital he may have had all sorts of people visiting. I would have to meet and mingle with new people, and to be honest I did not have the inner reserves to do that. I drove home, took my books and computer to bed, had a nap then worked on the Sunday service. This morning as I did some photo-copying and the final power points in the office before Church I had a similar sense of dread. The photo copier was not doing as it should, and I found myself at one stage bent over the machine saying, "I can't keep doing this! I can't keep doing this!"  I straightened up, calmed down and problem solved my way through the photo copy issues. Then I finished the power points and went through every aspect of the service with those involved with computer and sound system. Then I "took a moment" and sat alone gathering the strength to go out and do it again. Feed back suggests that I did well and the service flowed, made sense and drew people together in an encouraging way.  I will enjoy my day off tomorrow though. I hope my week ahead is lighter, though I do have my final visit to St John Ambulance as a Workplace Chaplain.
Become an atheist!
I  often wish people would become an atheist for a while.  Now that sounds strange coming from a church minister. As I look back on my own life I have had to become an "atheist" in relation to some of the concepts of God I have worshipped. As I think about my spiritual journey my concept of God has changed. I have had to discard old concepts before I can move on to new ones. But for God to continue to be "real" in my living, I have had to make these transitions.
For example; I have discarded the God who is like a puppeteer in the sky controlling when people die, when storms or earthquakes happen. I had to discard stories of faith that had been told to me in my childhood to get rid of that God that my mind could no longer sustain. For example "God made the sea calm at Dunkirk."  But that sort of God raises questions, conflicts and contradictions that I could no longer ignore. I had to discard him and rethink "God" for him to be real. Another concept of God I have discarded is the God who would consign whole populations of people to a place named "hell" because they did not hold the correct beliefs or fulfill the right religious rites. My mind and heart can no longer believe that. For me to move on with God, I have had to discard that God, i.e. become an atheist in relation to that and once again rethink "God."
Now sometimes we are scared to let go of these old concepts of God. It is too scary. We will bury or repress our unease and questions, sometimes in religious activity and cliches. We hang on tenaciously to old concepts, even though deep down we are not trusting them. They feel more comfortable! The new is unchartered territory. We may become unpopular with religious people. It is like a trapeze artist. He has to let go of one bar, so that he can reach out to grab the new one swinging in his direction.  Will he be brave enough to let go? Will he have enough faith to reach out for the new? Or will he hold on grimly to the bar he has and just keep swinging where he is? This is, for me, the nature of the spiritual journey.

The ever upward journey of faith

Why do I feel so different?
With two years to go until retirement, I have been throwing questions around in my mind. Will I continue in ministry after retirement? I am feeling the weight of being "up front" and "out there" now, will I want to continue when I don't really have to? The other question is that my ministry and the "church" that is evolving is very different than the conventional church. Who would they get to replace me? Who could fit in? Will it all be lost? The third question is where would I go to Church? I would find it very difficult to find a church that comes near to expressing my understanding of the faith. I think I would be deeply frustrated if I went to any. Of course there are "liberal-minded" ministers, but there are few who are engaged with the community as we are.  I don't fancy just sitting around discussing theory.  I guess I will have to wait and see. There's a fourth question... why am I so "different"? Am I right in my thinking? Am I "off the wall"? ... but I cannot be anywhere else at the moment.