Listening is exhausting

I am tired out tonight. I spent 4 hours at my new chaplaincy today. There is a whole bunch of people I do not know, a culture I do not know and work practices and boundaries I have yet to figure out. 

I wander around and when some poor unsuspecting person catches my eye I stop, introduce myself and question. I listen intently, watching for signals that I have overstayed my welcome, or pushed too hard, or touched on subjects that are out of bounds. But I listen and try to remember the details. (I surprised a lady today when I remembered something she had said to me a few weeks ago.) 

I am still going to this chaplaincy in fear and trembling. I found myself even walking more slowly as I approached the building, trying to think of excuses why I could procrastinate.  I am essentially a shy guy so I need to push myself to meet new people like this. I have even been considering telling my boss I am too busy to take it on, it is so difficult for me to put myself "out there" to a new bunch of people. But when I do, I find I enjoy the conversations. There are interesting people willing to share. Each time I go I meet more people and have long conversations with a few more. It should get easier.

I came home tonight, sat in front of the TV to eat dinner and watch the box... pretty soon I was snoring. It is very tiring listening to people.  My fire fighters have me on and say I get paid for "doing nothing... just having cups of tea". It looks like I am doing nothing, sitting listening. It is however, a very busy, active and intense past time. When it is done well it requires authenticity, concentration and skill.  But it is also very rewarding.  I need to remember that part of it when I am almost overcome by my fear of meeting new people. It reminds me of Jesus' words, "When you lose yourself you find yourself. In giving you receive." Even though I am very shy, I find people's experience of life intensely interesting and my life is enriched by each encounter. Jewish theologian and thinker, Martin Buber says something like "God is in the 'I-Thou' encounter". 

The fortunate life of a "professional cricketer!"

I've got mates everywhere.
Yesterday was one of those days I had a sense of worth. First thing in the morning I had to go to the doctor to get a renewal of my pills. I sat in the waiting room and a guy named John came in. He had visited our drop-in a few times and had come to the Christmas dinner. He immediately started talking with me about ... life. He used to milk cows in the Waikato. Then he worked at concrete placement. At one stage he asked how old I was. All this in a big loud voice, the whole waiting room of people sitting silently trying to ignore one another, could hear our conversation. But my contacts with him had been important to him. Another guy, Robin walked in. I had not seen him for some years so I was unsure if it was him. The doctor called me in, saw to me and as I went back into the waiting room I said to this guy, "You're Robin aren't you?" Robin was the dad of the second family we at Habitat for Humanity partnered with in Dunedin. He greeted me warmly and we caught up till the doctor called him away. I came back to my office in town, did some work then wandered up town to a chemist to deliver a prescription. Ken, who used to be a street sweeper said, "Hi Dave!" and we stopped and talked. John another Drop-in character said hi. Summer a little girl who attends drop-in called out enthusiastically to me. (The lady looking after her looked at me suspiciously) A woman I know serving in a coffee bar noticed me and gave me the thumbs up.This is the way my my trip for half a block down the main street went. Back at the church Tim called in and told me about his holiday trip to Mt Cook. At lunch time, Ray a soccer player called, Shona and Cameron greeted me warmly. ... Mike from the most recent Habitat house called in... It was one of those days when all sorts of people just said "hi", greeted me warmly and seemed happy to see me... I felt less alone and more worthwhile.
Professional Cricketer?
I visited the Willowbank fire station as their chaplain and it was PT time, when the fire fighters can exercise. This crew were playing tip and run cricket. They had opened the back doors of the engine bay... the firetruck was parked out front and had set up a wicket. (I think it is good for a crew to do such things, it bonds them, gives them exercise and helps their sense of worth. Far better than blobbing out in front of TV! ) When I arrived I was told I was fielding. So we played "backyard" cricket. We laughed, we ran, jumped and screamed as we chased this stupid little tennis ball ricocheting around the engine bay, wash area and yard. This old 61 year old was allowed to be a 10 year old again, batting with vigor, bowling competitively and dashing around like a mad thing. At one stage off my bowling a guy hit the ball so that it landed on the roof of the building next to the fire station. ("Six and out!" seems to still be the universal ruling... that was what it was when I was a kid) Without thinking I clambered up a fence, on to the roof to retrieve the ball. Clambering across the roof, I thought, "How silly, we have a fire truck laden with ladders!" but ten year olds don't think like that. As I was climbing down (it was easier going up) I thought, "I am getting paid for doing this! Does that make me a professional cricketer?" The little stiffness and soreness of my muscles today remind me that I am not 10, I am 61... but it was fun.
I lead a most fortunate life!

(An aside... when I first started as chaplain to the fire brigade I visited a station where cricket was being played. The ball, a hard one this time was struck firmly and I crouched confident I could catch the guy out. It went through my grasping hands and hit me on the testicles... as I rolled in agony there was of course much hilarity. I was leaving after visiting another fire station a few days later when the officer winked at me. "Watch out for flying cricket balls won't you?" The story had obviously gone around the grape vine very quickly.)

European travel plans?

We have a son who is having a Polish wedding ceremony in Poland in July. We have said that we will get there. We look forward to meeting her family. This week we are in the process of booking our tickets to Europe. It will probably be the only time we will get there in our life. We hope to spend a few weeks there so we are wondering what would be a good use of our time? We do not have a lot of excess money to spend, but want to use what we have wisely.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Are there things a progressive Christian minister should see in Europe or the UK? Are there Christian ventures worth visiting. What is truly worth visiting? Are there some nice country walks to explore? Any suggestions would be welcome?

Just thought there may be more knowledgeable people out there. We have never been to Europe.

Sunday's worblings

You never know...

Running church services at this time of the year is hard anyway, so many regulars are away. I was so frustrated before church this morning. We have one guy who looks after the sound desk in the church and for some reason it always plays up when he's on it. I play a DVD and the sound's too soft. There is feedback when people are reading. I want a meditative song to come on at a certain time and there's delays. It's not always his fault, but I get frustrated. Also I have told you before that I do not enjoy organ music and for most of the songs we had today I would have preferred other music other than the organ, but that is all that's available. In the last few minutes before church I expressed my frustration to my daughter. "You put a lot of thought into putting together a service but it is not supported by other parts of the church! Why on earth do I try so hard? What's the use? What difference does it make anyway?"  Just before I walked forward to the platform a guy I know came into church. I greeted him and immediately he started to tell me of his adult son who had attempted suicide yesterday. (I had conducted the son's wedding about a year ago) I walked to the platform and surveyed the congregation. I saw someone who had recently had important surgery; another who had been battling cancer; a visitor couple who had lost two sons to cancer; and I could go on with other situations and circumstances. The theme of the service was "faith". "Good grief!" I thought, "What can I say that will support these people?" 

After the service I made a beeline to the guy and asked more about his son. We were interrupted by a tourist who wanted music for three of the songs we used, she had been so helped by the service. She wanted to take a photo of me and her! I talked with a group of visitors who were so pleased they came,"It was good to be with you, such a good service!" My daughter came to me, she had been talking to the guy whose son had attempted suicide. He was glad he came, "He said it was just what he needed to hear!" she reported. "See," she said, "You never know! It was worth it! You made a difference." (I'll remind her of that when she's screaming at me in frustration.) It is a weird, scary and awesome responsibility, but also a privilege. I'll give it a go again next week.

Old is not useless!

On Boxing day I went into the Silver Peaks with my son for a bit of a day tramp. I wear an old back pack (see the photo) that I have had for years. As I tightened the waist belt the stitching gave way and the strap broke. I carried on but it led to a discussion with my son as he inspected the pack while walking behind me. "Isn't it time to get a new one?" he said. "It's well past it's used-by date! Look the stitching is breaking all over it!" As we walked and talked I worked out that I had bought the pack just after he was born. We were living in Australia and I was going to be study leader at a youth camp where they were going "bush walking" for a night. (the Australian term for a tramp) I purchased it at a K-mart store for $12.  (which sounds cheap - it was the cheapest I could find - but was a lot of money for a married theological student in 1974) It and I had been on many a walk, and I tend to use it as a travel bag when I am going on trips away from home. I find it good to get off the plane and be able to sling it on my shoulder. I had sewed it up a few times. I like it, it is comfortable on my back, it has convenient pockets and as I walk it gives of a comforting squeak with each step. I objected to my son's "Get a new one" opinion and have since spent time with needle and nylon thread sewing it up once again. I guess as I sewed I got to talking silently to the pack. (I talk silently because they might lock me up otherwise!) I told the pack "Just because we are old does not mean we are useless! Given a bit of care we can still do stuff. Sometimes just when we are getting the hang of what life is all about we are dumped! Considered past our used by date! But we'll show them! You and I will still go on walks for a long time yet!" It is true, sometimes people see grey hair and write you off! "Bugger them!" I say. My old pack agrees with me.

Two good books...

While in Christchurch I purchased three books. One was about building houses in NZ. It will be good when I am expected to know something on the Habitat site. But two others I came across are great little books. They are picture books, like children's books, easily read, but meant for adults. They talk about "depression".  "I had a black dog". (His name was depression) and "Living with a black dog" (How to take care of someone with depression while looking after yourself) I read the first in the bookstore and identified so much with it. The second also rang bells. I kept saying, "That's so true!". Some of you will know that I have a "black dog" who makes his presence felt from time to time. As I read the first I felt acknowledged, less alone and understood. "Someone else has the same struggles!" I thought. They are by Matthew and Ainsley Johnstone. I commend them to you if you or a loved one have a black dog.

"But she's gorgeous?"

I am just back from a chaplaincy. I have been intrigued by people's responses to Tiger Wood's infidelity. It has often come up in conversations in the workplaces I visit. Frankly I am tired of still seeing it in the news items. The media milk it for everything its worth. Perhaps the most common comment I have heard from people, most often men, is, "Why would he stray? His wife is gorgeous? Have you seen her?" I wish to explore the implications behind that comment.

I do not want to excuse Tiger in any way. It's not for me to judge, but at the very least he was using the wrong body part to make his decisions with! Twelve extra marital liaisons is pushing his luck, it was bound to be exposed at some time. It's just greedy and a bit stupid. I could understand a friendship going too far or something like that, but twelve is silly.

But I want to know why people think having a gorgeous beautiful wife would stop a man from straying? Apart from her looks, we have no idea what she was like as a person or in a relationship? Since when does "being beautiful" equate with "being a nice person to live with"? Since when does "being gorgeous" equate with "being a good lover"? She could be useless in bed and even though she is gorgeous, she could look at him with loathing, so much so that any other girl showing interest, becomes attractive.

Now I must confess that my experience with women is VERY limited. I have only slept with and married the one woman, so my comments are not very empirically based. I have, however, had cause to listen to a lot of people talk about their marriages. In my anecdotal experience marrying a gorgeous person does not guarantee compatibility, satisfaction in bed or any particular advantage. There are gorgeous and "plain" women who make great life-partners and there are gorgeous and "plain" women who will always fail at their long term relationships. We are fooled by advertisers, biology and our own twisted thinking into thinking that beauty guarantees happiness. Let me tell you of an example from very early on in my life. There was this couple I knew, she was gorgeous. She also was fun to be around, often joking and the life of the party. Often too sexual innuendo was part of the conversation. I am sure that many men would look at her husband and think, "He's got the perfect wife. She gorgeous, fun and interested in sex!" He got to talk to me once about their relationship. He was hurt, disappointed and in some ways he had lost his confidence as a man. It turned out that apart from early in their marriage when she wanted to "make babies", this bombshell was virtually never interested in sexual activity. When it did happen it was grudgingly "given" and perfunctory. Now if he was to be unfaithful to her, most people would ask, "But why? She's gorgeous?" But the reality of the relationship was different.

I raise this because I think we have some values that could lead us to hurt and trouble. I am sure that famous men like Tiger, or film stars often go for gorgeous women, because they are like a fine peice of clothing, they add value to their public image. In the successful choice of a life partner, or in building a sustainable relationship, in spite of what the advertisers for various beauty enhancing products suggest, physical beauty is not a big factor. There are deeper things to attend to, to value and to look out for in a relationship. Remember the old "Lemon tree" song, it could be true. "Lemon tree very pretty, and the lemon flower is sweet, but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat." This is not to rail against beautiful women or people. It is just a warning to say that there is an inner beauty to appreciate that is more important.

I must say in closing, that I have no idea what Tiger Wood's wife is like. She could be a very nice person. I am just saying, her beauty does not guarantee that. It is an incorrect assumption that is often made. It's other implication is also dangerous. That is that we "ordinary" or "plain" people are somehow inferior because we do not look "beautiful". I am intrigued that the reactions to Tiger's infidelity seem to make this mistake.

People and stories from the past.

On Sunday afternoon we drove the four and half hours to Christchurch to spend time with our two boys there and their partners. They were unable to come for Christmas this year so we wanted to catch up with them. Our daughter and husband were also visiting Christchurch. We had pizza on Sunday night with some; we all had a picnic and spent the afternoon together on Monday; this morning we had morning tea with our youngest. We drove home this afternoon. (Tuesday .... it is a long way to go for such a short time but people and relationships are worth it.)

At our picnic my kids, now adults, started telling stories about our family life. For example; Jean used to make a walnut loaf (vegetarian meat loaf thingy) that the kids hated. They used to drown it in tomato sauce to eat it. They told of various hairy experiences we had as a family and some weird things I got up to. (which I won't repeat) They also shared stories about their teachers and some of the local kids and their antics. As I drove home I got to thinking about the stories and my own past. I drive around Dunedin and keep on seeing the homes of people, now dead, who have been in my life. In North East Valley... May and Harry Smith up Watts Road. Brown and Brooks old building on the main street, the firm that Dad had with his brother. (Its up for rent at the moment) Mrs Michaud's old home where she and Alec lived. It was once my Grandmother's house. Betty Galland's house in Mechanic street. As young adults we once painted and wallpapered it to raise funds for some church project. ... and I could go on. As I remembered while I drove I recalled many of the  people and experiences we had in our childhood. This afternoon we drove through Hampden and I recalled a family holiday there with relatives visiting. We drove through Waikouaiti and I actually secretly saluted the farm house on the hill where George and Bessie used to have us kids for holidays and I learned so much about life.  All of us are our own person, but we have within us the good and bad experiences of the past. I am thankful that though we were poor, I did have so many essentially good people who were influences on me in my childhood. I would differ with them as I grew up, and remember getting frustrated with some of them. But essentially their impact was wholesome, caring and resulted in happy memories and stories. I am indebted to so many people. Thanks for the memories, but thanks for the positive shaping... I hope I in my turn, leave good memories when I am just a memory.

Bucket list sermon.

I have resisted the temptation to put sermons on my blog, preferring lighter reflections on life. I am going to share tomorrow's sermon outline because it is, in a sense, “me” sharing why I am a “JC’s helper”. Here, I think, is what I would say if I had only one sermon left to preach.

The reading set for the day comes from John’s gospel, (John 1:1 – 18) which is often called the “Prologue to John”. The author of John has had time to think and allow his thinking to evolve, so within this passage and his gospel are a lot of developed theology and evolved understandings. John uses religious terminology and mythical concepts of the cultures of his day to express his experience of Jesus. I could show you my theological and exegetical expertise by exploring these, but rather I want get behind these and explore what John is saying about his experience of Jesus. I find myself saying a loud “amen” to that, though his metaphysical musings these days may not ring bells.

 I walked up Mount Cargill and surveyed the city of Dunedin, thinking of the year ahead. I could see the heads of Otago harbour, pan past the communities on both sides of the harbour, the inner-city area through to the hill suburbs and beyond. It was evening and you could imagine households slowing down for the night. It is a very pretty city, looking very peaceful and calm. In the newspaper, however, I had read of a sexual assault in Mornington, a chainsaw attack in Caversham and alcohol fueled disturbances in town. From my experiences as an inner-city minister (Drop-in centre work etc.) a workplace chaplain to people in emergency services and my pastoral contacts in the community and chaplaincy, I am aware that all is not well for many people and households in the “pretty city”. That day I had an alcohol addicted young man yelling at me demanding that I give him money. (My heart ached for him because he will end up living a wasted life and I warned him of that) I know that many marriages within the city are a mere shadow of what marriage should be, with hurting people desperate for intimacy they don’t know how to achieve. I know of lives limping from crisis to crisis, hungering for acceptance, love, and meaning. I am aware my perspective could be warped by the sad tales I am constantly exposed to, and that there is much to celebrate, but I feel the hurt in this one city I am “called” to minister in. When my mind wandered nationally and internationally, I began to despair. An economic system that is fragile. There are big barriers building between cultures, religions and perspectives. I see the symptoms of incredible poverty of both the material and the “inner-being” kind.  That’s why I want to pass on this sermon outline about what John said of Jesus. I do this not in an imperialistic prosylatising exclusive way, (for Jesus’ “way” is found in many places) but just because I ache for people and think Jesus has something to offer them.

 

Light

“In him appeared life and this life was the light of humankind” …. “That was the true light which shines upon everyone…” Verse 4 &  9 J.B.Phillips paraphrase.

 

John had mixed with Jesus in life and after his death continued to follow “the way”. He drew up all sorts of perhaps culturally dated theological expressions of the impact of Jesus on his life, but essentially his commendation to us is “he brought life-giving light into my life”. That’s my testimony to my readers. Jesus brings into my life “light” that illumines and is life giving. I have a bare patch on my lawn that is slowly decreasing. It is bare because a deceased car was parked there hiding the light from the grass. Now the car is gone, light is hitting the ground, and life and grass is returning. Jesus does this for me. His teachings, principles and the life-style he promotes, (though revolutionary, challenging to common wisdom and often incredibly highly idealistic) bring into my life insight, healing perspectives and constructive attitudes I would otherwise not reach for. He is for me life-giving light. While I am far short of his ideals, my life is enriched because of the light he gives. I looked at this young man yelling at me wanting a hand out, hooked on whatever buzz liquor gives, and wished he could know the intoxication of “the way”. I listen to grumbling spouses, cynical middle aged men and young people chasing the latest fad. Part of me sometimes inwardly groans, “Get a life!” but I ache for them and wish they could know the deep fulfillment of “the way”. I am not wanting “bums on pews”, nor a bigger bunch of religious fanatics, (the Lord knows we have enough of them) but the experience of more whole living by people I love and ache for. From my experience, I agree with John, Jesus is “life-giving light”!

 I can be a better person!

“Yet wherever people did accept him he gave them the power to become children of God.” Verse 12 J B Phillips paraphrase.

 In this verse and the verse to follow, and in the gospel itself, using various phrases familiar to the people he was writing to (“Life eternal” “born from above” “resurrection” “life abundant” etc) John passes on his experience that when he lived his life in partnership with Jesus he, somehow became a better person. Again that is my daily experience. I am a human being with all sorts of failings. I can be racist, sexist and destructive. I can be filled with lust, tempted to stray, incredibly and destructively angry, motivated by revenge and blinded by apathy. I can be self-centred, full of my own self-importance, selfishly longing for affirmation, acknowledgement and reward. I can be stunted by self- doubt, fearful of rejection, and incredibly self-obsessed. Like most of us, (I hope) I struggle to be a better nobler person every day. But my experience is that living with an awareness of Jesus and his way, empowers me to be a better person. On Sunday afternoons I usually go for a run/walk or some exercise. There are few Sundays I miss out on this. Last Sunday it came to the normal time for my exercise and I just blobbed out. Why? Well you see my normal running partner is in Perth. Going out there on my own after a busy Christmas was not attractive. Having a partner to be answerable to would have motivated me. I have found the same with my gym membership. When I was taking people with me, or meeting mates there, I was motivated. Alone it is so difficult to make the time. Jesus motivates me to be a better person in the same way. Of course I am tempted, selfish and react to people with destructive attitudes, but inside my “running partner”, Jesus, challenges me and calls me to higher living. There is one other thing about Jesus, that I find an incredible inner resource. I sense in Jesus’ the searching of a whole line of people looking for a better way. Abraham seeking more whole living for the communities he encountered; Moses wanting his people to be free; Isaiah, Amos and other prophets longing for a fair deal for the poor; Socrates, Plato and heaps of philosophers looking for basic guidelines; John the Baptist looking for integrity of religion; Francis of Assisi connecting with creation and the poor; William Wilberforce challenging the slave traders; Martin Luther King; Albert Schweitzer; Gandhi; Nelson Mandela; Trade Union founders; Desmond Tutu; and there are heaps of known and unknown searchers after truth, justice and harmony. In Jesus I sense the same inner-motivation of these people, each seeking to express in their time in their way (though often like me with feet of clay) a spirit of life and love. So as I live I experience an incredibly motivating sense of partnership in life and history with Jesus and all these people who have gone before or who are part of the same searching now. This is dynamic inner motivation to be a better person. I am given power to be better than I would other-wise be.

Deeper mysteries clarified.

“So the word of God became a human being and lived among us. We saw his splendour… full of grace and truth.” Verse 14 J B Phillips paraphrase.

 It was John’s contention that in Jesus we could see the mind of God, and that was full of grace and love.  I agree, but find this incredibly hard to communicate, because the word “God” is a mystery to most of us and often misunderstood. “God” for me is not “a being” watching us “from a distance”. (Sorry Bette Middler) He is a layer of reality, a presence or a current of life and love that is within life. Watching “Border Patrol” on TV there is one activity that reminds me of what John says about Jesus and God. There is discovered in some parcel or luggage a mysterious substance. What is it? They take a sample and put it in a solution or gadget, and by a change of colour of some liquid or a reading on a dial, it shows that within the substance there are levels of some drug. The gadget or liquid expose or reveal the nature of an ingredient that is otherwise unseen. That’s what John is saying about the life of Jesus. His life and way brings to the fore the nature of the unseen life or current of God within the lives we lead. Jesus’ life indicates for me two things. We live in the presence of a spirit who loves us unconditionally and desires for all of us fullness of life in every way. (From the starving orphan in the Sudan, to the spiritually starving rich film star in Hollywood) This “Spirit” or “movement” is expressing “him/her-self” in history and in lives, connections, relationships, movements and communities about us, seeking to bring LIFE. Secondly Jesus exposes or reveals what is ultimately important in life. He cuts through the crap of materialism, consumerism, power-seeking, status, imperialism, misguided patriotism etc. and simply shows that what is important is people, and the quality of the relationships and connections between people. Are they respectful, constructive, life-giving, life enhancing, harmony inducing, liberating. Etc.? So for me Jesus clarifies the atmosphere, deeper purposes and eternal values that are a part of the existence we share together. He reveals, exposes and gives “flesh” to the mystery we name “God”.

 Summary....

Jesus brings life giving light to my life, he empowers me to be a better person and clarifies the deeper meanings and movements of life. I wish the many hurting people I encounter could find this experience in their living. I wish the leaders of the nations could know these directions. I wish the rich people trading spouses and trying to find satisfaction in ways they never will, could know this. I wish I trusted it more in my lifestyle.

Revelations 3:20... John has a vision of Jesus saying this... "Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me." All I can say is I have a better life because of Jesus.

Photos:

(1) Me in my pulpit. Francis of Assisi said something like, "Preach the gospel always in season and out of season. If you have to ... use words."

(2) Jesus is for me light for the pathway of life.