Last words...?

When I was going through the drawers of my desk I came across an article I wrote some years ago. As I recall it the Bible reading for the day were words of farewell from Paul about his life when he was in prison expecting to be executed. He wrote about how important Jesus was to him. I pondered what I would write if I were in the same situation. Here roughly was the letter I came up with....

Dear family, friends and acquaintances,

I have traveled part of life's journey with you

What a rich variety of people there have been.

• Managers and mental health patients;
• Saintly people of faith and argumentative atheists;
• Emergency service workers and brewery workers;
• Plumbers and preachers;
• Young and old;
• Church people, sports people, teetotalers and drunkards;
• Sinners who thought they were saints;
• Saints who thought they were the worst sinners.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

I have mixed with all sorts and watched how people live.

Often we drift through life like a boat with no motor or rudder, adrift in currents, and winds and waves. We go with any cultural fashion, or whatever values that come along and do not become the person we could become.

I have seen many people make wrong lifestyle choices. Sometimes these have been dramatic choices that sink people into addictions or destructive lifestyles. Others have been just less than constructive choices in the hum drum relationships and values in life. When we consistently do this we are like a ship choosing a dangerous sea passage. A passage with rocks, shallow seas and tough winds. They can get beached or wrecked or just find life forever going from crisis to crisis or feeling empty.

While I have never been all that I could have been, I have been lucky in life in that I was introduced to a focal point and a guiding light which has helped me navigate the journey.

Jesus is that light and focal point.

I share three things that he has done for me.

First - for me he is an expression of that "Great Spirit" which is bigger than all our religious interpretations. Jesus enabled me to be aware of that unseen presence. He described "the presence" as a wild wind, or the energy in a growing seed or plant. In short, Jesus put me in touch with that reality we called "God". We are not alone, he is at work in history, in human society and in and through us. I sense that presence in the movements of history, in the people around me and in me.

Secondly - Jesus has held up for me his great principle of altruistic, unconditional love. I have fallen very short of the ideal but he has held it up as something to aim for. I have tried to give expression to this at various levels of relationships. When I have strayed Jesus' example and teaching have pulled me around again and again. He holds up before me in my relationships this high ideal. I believe it is more powerful than evil. It has given my life meaning, direction and motivation. He has helped me to be more generous, responsible and caring. I am far from all that I could be, but I have lived a better life because of this ideal.

Thirdly - Jesus has reminded me that at the heart of the universe there is a love like that of a loving father... or parent.. forgiving, accepting and affirming. I have experienced life then, knowing all the dignity and worth of being a child of God. This has enabled me in my best moments to see others as brothers and sisters and to have a global understanding of the human family.

Jesus has done these things for me. Even if my living has been a poor advertisement for Jesus, let me in my passing commend him to you. Whatever my life has been it has been better for his presence. Thank you for sharing the journey with me.

I have to go now... David.

In August last year I had an old friend die. Apparently he was aware of what was ahead and he rang his grandchildren and said his goodbyes and final words to them. In the same way he talked to his family around his bed. Then with dignity and courage said he didn't want to go, but had to.. "So I'll just say good night" and drifted into unconsciousness and death. I have wondered what I would say to my kids and friends in that situation. I think I would like something like the above to be part of it. Jesus has made a difference in my life.

Life is a journey...

I began my day looking for a file folder. As I looked I became convinced I needed to do some sorting out of the drawers in my desk in my home study. (It wasn't till quite late in the day that I discovered the file I had lost) It has been a real adventure, often nostalgic, sometimes sad, sometimes joyful as I pulled all sorts of papers out of the drawers.

I discovered a sort of contract I had with the probation service for supporting a man who had issues with alcohol, drugs and violence. We had come to know him through one of our Christmas Dinners and he began to attend our church. He had earlier in life been convicted of murder. I remembered there were a couple of times when I made him angry by challenging his behaviour and I felt a little vulnerable in my office. He was a big guy! My mind went to all the ups and downs of my journey with him. I discovered too a pile of letters I had forgotten I had written, when I budgeted for a couple in town here. Once again all the demands of that task came flooding back. I discovered too my dog eared and dirty looking certificates, diplomas etc from the various stages of my life. Plumbing qualifications - University- Theological and Ministry training - Social work - and various other courses I have been involved in. I found letters and cards relating to the medal I received a few years back. I found letters in which as a disgruntled minister or chaplain I had expressed my opinions and complaints to higher authorities, and even letters of resignation that were not accepted. Old articles I have written or articles I have thought worthy of keeping have emerged, some of them I thought were quite good. It has been an interesting day recalling my Dunedin Journey. (After a conversation in a phone call I made to another centre today I began to wonder if I shouldn't move cities in the next year or so.)

I have been reminded that - LIFE IS A JOURNEY! I guess there is nothing new in that, but as I have reviewed my "treasures" I have discovered that some things I once thought were important, I now don't see as a priority. There are opinions I once had, things I thought worth battling over, I now no longer hold. Articles I have kept because at the time I thought them great, I now feel like my thinking has left them behind. Once at a ministers' refresher I heard a man waffling on eloquently and enthusiastically about "keeping alive your first love" in marriage. (Misquoting a biblical passage) I remember thinking at the time how it is so wrong. That is static living. In marriage my relationship and love for my wife changes, deepens and has different dimensions. It now, after 41 years, makes my love when we married look like "puppy love". The same is true of our spiritual journey. We have to keep growing, broadening, expanding, focusing or we lose touch with life and it becomes an irrelevant part of life for us. A Sunday School faith is no good for adults! While we still may go to church, it no longer is a major formative factor in our living.

Hold on lightly to your opinions.... If life is a journey then we need to be mobile in our attitudes, opinions and knowledge. If we live a mobile lifestyle we need a bus, or tent so that we can easily up sticks and move. I think this is true of our personal/spiritual growth also. We need all of the time to be ready to re-draw our maps of reality! Sometimes we can hold positions that need to be changed, but we have become too dependent on them for who we are, so we cling to them and don't want to change. Keith Miller was a Christian writer of many years ago, but I still remember one of his pictures of "faith". He pictured a trapeze artist swinging on a trapeze. To reach the next one he has to let go of the old one, and the audience holds its breath till he grasps comfortably the new one. But he must take the risk of letting go, so that he can swing further, and make progress. We too need to express our opinions in the conversation of life, but also be listeners and reflectors, holding onto them in such a way that we can let them go when truth and life demands change. We sometimes erroneously think the faithful person is the one who holds definite opinions and doctrines. They, we think, are "the strong ones". But I believe true people of faith journey with God and are all of the time letting go, and leaping forward. ... journeying with God they are willing to change.

I was talking to an ex-member of our church recently. One of the reasons he left us was because he did not agree with some of my stances back then. We met by chance and he immediately launched into conversation in which he was questioning what I suspect he knew were my opinions. Indirectly he seemed to be expressing questions about my journey. But as I listened I suddenly thought to myself that it was not me he was trying to convince, it was himself! As I listened to his demeanor and tone of voice, I began to suspect his reading and reflections had led him to question his dogma, but he was scared of the questions. In front of me he was busy repeating arguments to convince himself that he could stay secure in his present faith. The thought hit me, "You are scared to move!" and just my presence had raised the questions his "soul" was beginning to ask. This was why he had so quickly raised the topic. I listened as a friend, I did not try to change him, but I hope for his sake he will change when he is ready.

In my spiritual journey I now believe little institutional dogma. Much that once seemed important no longer registers with me. What I do "believe" (It seems the wrong term for my relationship to the sacred) runs much more deeply in my life and provides me with "life", focus and meaning in a powerful way.

Sunday night again...

Good hearted clapping..

All our songs in our Church services are on power points. My daughter usually prepares these prior to Sunday morning and it usually all goes smoothly. I announce the song and look around and it is up on the screen. This morning I announced a song and looked around and found a different song on the screen. (The hassle was that the opening words were similar) I urgently stared at my daughter operating the computer as the organ cranked into the introduction, and eventually she clicked onto the mistake. I paused everything and my daughter desperately went in search among the computer's "brain" for the right song. She tried inserting it and in her haste hadn't managed to do it right. She came up with a different solution. All this time the organist, bless his heart, played the tune quietly, and the congregation watched her desperate searches through the "hymns" file on the big screen. She found it and screened it. I was thinking that this older congregation would be sitting there scoffing at this new technology and thinking ill of our preparation. I was so wrong. When my daughter finally (and it wasn't a long pause really... it just seemed long.) got the right hymn up on the screen the congregation burst into spontaneous good humoured applause in appreciation of her efforts. It was all OK and even helped the warmth of the service. I can be so wrong in my reading of what people think.

Goodbye Jeff... I am an old softy!

I have had my old Australian college buddy Jeff and his wife Ruth, staying with us since before Christmas. They shared in our Christmas Day dinner. We went on an adventure to Milford Sound together. I walked on my mountain with him. We saw in the New Year together and he and I walked the dog last night. Today we said our farewells in the church car park after church. I was going to a picnic with my wife's relatives so I had changed and purposely put on a jumper that belonged to Ian, the third member of the college trio who died in 2009. Jeff had been wearing a jacket which was Ian's and so we stood together in the car park for a photo, very much aware of our loss of a friend. (In a way Ian was "there" with us) Then we said our goodbyes. We hugged, two grown men and I choked up!? Jeff didn't help it by saying, "We don't know when we'll see each other again, if ever!" It has been good having them. Jeff and I slip into an easy companionship like we have never been apart. But I didn't expect to be that emotional when saying goodbye? As I have thought about it I guess it is because I have few close friends. I have lots of friends I enjoy, but few close ones. That I think is a combination of me not trusting myself to people and also me not taking the time to establish friendships. Anyway, it has been nice having him around.

Other friends..

In Church this morning there were another couple. She is a minister and in her training worked with me for six months. We got on so well, theologising for hours about life and ministry. Her husband too has been working in School chaplaincy, but they have been in the North Island. It seems every time I encounter them we all slide easily into conversation and feel an affinity with each other in the ministry journey. Today was no exception. We shared hugs, had a brief conversation but fell into real sharing quickly. I won't see them again for a while and there is always a feeling of "I wish we could spend more time together!" But life does not work out like that. It is nice to know that they are "out there" on a similar journey with similar values and passions.

Photos:

Top and bottom one: Jeff and I in Ian's jumpers.

Middle: Jeff outside the Chinese Gardens in Dunedin.

A New Years day epiphany....

My last post said what I wish for you when I say "Happy New Year". In summary I wrote that I wish for you...

• few times when you will have sadnesses and anxiety in your life.
• a good measure of health and quality of life.
• Friendships and warmth in relationships.
• Depth in your life to anchor it.
• Significance, meaning and fulfillment in your living.
• Intimacy .. a close supportive friendship.

This is my wish for my close friends and family but also for others who I may not know.

Overnight it hit me as I reflected on my living that this encompasses my unconscious "mission statement" as I live and relate. This is what I seek to help facilitate in Church ministry, in my Drop-in centre, in chaplaincies and in my relationships. If I stopped to think about it I may add some other dimensions about our relationships to "life" and the world of nature, but essentially this sums up the goals of my life and ministry. I want to be doing things and relating in such a way that I help bring about these things in people's lives, whether they be close friends and family or more distant links. My goal in 2011 then is to keep trying to facilitate these in lives I can influence.

A penny dropped as I fell asleep somewhere near 1 a.m. this morning. Have a good New Years Day.

Happy New year!

Happy New Year?... my wish for your 2011 path.

I have been visiting chaplaincy sites today and chatting with ambulance and fire service staff who were quite surprised to see me coming around "the traps". People have been wishing me a "Happy New Year" and I have been reciprocating with "have a good New Year!" or something similar. But what do we mean by that?

- Sometimes we mean that we hope the person has a good New Year's evening. That they will have a good party or a special time of friendship or some thing like that. That is good... some of the most meaningful times I have had with my wife and family have been on New Years eve. Something like 42 years ago before we were engaged we were at a youth camp by a beach in Christchurch and she and I went down to the beach just after midnight and sat in the sand. I cannot remember the heart of the conversation but when it was over we knew that somehow we would be linked for life. So "Happy New Year" can mean have a good or significant time as you see in the New Year.

- But often our wish is that the person will have a good year in the year ahead. When we say "Happy New Year" we are wishing them all the best for their life for the next 12 months. We may well ask "What do you mean by that?" Well I wish you, dear reader, "A Happy New Year", and I will spell out what I mean by that.

Shit Happens - I am realistic enough to know that in 2011 there will be events in your life that will be challenging, that may bring you sadness, that may bring you anxiety. It is dreaming to think that you will have 12 months of bliss. Every life has sad moments and crap in it. I wish for you that the sad, difficult moments will be few.

Health... Again, I know that this does not always happen, but I wish that you will have sufficient health and mobility to feel that you can live with a reasonable quality of life. I know that there are no guarantees, but I wish for you a good measure of health.

Friendships and warmth of relationship... My wish is that as you live and work in your families, your communities or your workplaces that you have warmth, humour and support in your circle of friends and acquaintances. It is sad and soul destroying when people feel alone in this world or when the groups they have to be a part of are groups with dissension, tension and lack of mutual support in them.

Depth in your life... As a ship in a storm is safest when it has power and direction or when it has a good anchorage, I wish that whatever you encounter in 2011, you will have a sense of inner strength. That you will feel connected to "depth" so that you have an inner power to cope with and work through the crap that may come your way.

Significance... Linked to this is that I wish that you feel a sense of significance, purpose and direction in your life. Victor Frankl and others discovered in the horrors of concentration camps, people who kept alive a sense of meaning and significance could face all sorts of horrors and even death with dignity. My wish for you is that you feel that you are doing something significant with your life or that your life is meaningful and fulfilling.

Intimacy... My wish for you is that you will have "intimacy" in your life. Now I do not mean that you will be making love. (though that is OK too!) What I wish for you is that you will have at least one relationship in which you can relax, be yourself and be as completely open as you are able, knowing that person will accept you, support you, forgive you and affirm you as a person.

If you have these things 2011 will be deeply meaningful and significant for you.

In this Bible reading Paul has a great prayer for you for 2011.

And also a song that helps perspective.

Great break...

My visiting Aussie friends shouted us a night on the "Wanderer" on Milford Sound. On Monday morning we travelled to TeAnau and stayed a night there. The next day we went on to Milford, boarded our boat and spent the evening and night on Milford Sound, taking in the scenery. We had an excursion in the boat's tender, to get up close and personal with some waterfalls and local vegetation. On Wednesday morning we visited a display that took us 10 metres under the sea in Milford Sound to see Black Coral (Which is actually white till it dies) and various fish. We then travelled as far as Cromwell to relax for a night, and back to Dunedin and work today.

Friends to relax with..

It has been good in that after all the stress of ministry, the Christmas dinner and a busy weekend I could switch off and relax. It is good to have friends you can relax with and not have to watch your "P's and Q's". I have felt at ease as we have chatted, able to chat if I want to, or just stay quiet if I preferred that.

The scenery is out of this world!

We were very lucky. People have often said that they have travelled to Milford Sound and been engulfed in mist. Others have said that to enjoy Milford Sound you have to have sufficient rainfall to make the waterfalls come alive and then clear days to enjoy the scenery. We had just that. Driving there on Monday and Tuesday morning it rained. We encountered rivers with fantastic roaring waters! We ate our lunch at Milford and then stepped out into sunny clear skies. The waterfalls were spectacular! At the same time we could see clearly the mountain peaks. It was ideal conditions to experience Milford. The boat (and the ship's tender when we were on that) took us right under and into the sprays of the waterfalls. I looked for a photo that would capture our experience, but there could never be! You just have to be there! To hear the sounds, see the movement, experience the high cliffs and the spray was a real "spiritual" experience. We are so fortunate to live in this country.

Two observations...

First... when I was in Milford ten years ago and spent a night on a boat I was intrigued by the dolphins swimming alongside the boat. It seemed that wherever we went they escorted us. I actually got to swim with the dolphins. This time however, there were none! Where have all the dolphins gone? It was the same time of year? I hope there is nothing sinister in their absence, but I never saw one dolphin.

Second... we stopped off and viewed the Mirror Lakes, another amazing spot. As I wandered up the board walk through the bush I got to thinking about the last week. I thought of all the people I knew who lived in NZ who rushed overseas to see various sights and sounds without ever thinking of the tremendous experiences available to them on their back door step. But I also could not help thinking about all the people at our Christmas Day dinner, just a few days earlier. I realised that so few of them would ever get to enjoy the sights and sounds I had enjoyed. Even just the Fiordland bush, without the expensive boat ride, would be an impossible dream for them.

I am extremely fortunate. I loved the experiences of the last few days.

Photos:

• Early morning coming back into the Fiord having had an excursion out to sea.
• Our ship anchored in the spot where we spent the evening... not a bad view to go to bed with and to wake up to?
• I love these tree ferns. West Coast/Fiordland ones are exquisite.
• Beautiful NZ bush.
• A roaring river we discovered on the way to Milford.

Christmas dinner number 22 all over.

At our Church we facilitate a community Christmas Day dinner for poor or lonely people. We have done it for 22 consecutive years. The first year we had 37 guests and a few "helpers". This year I reckon there may have been in excess of 260, may be 270 people there all told. It was very exhausting some how this year, VERY full on and busy, and my weekend was made worse by having a Sunday service to prepare and present on Boxing day. But I have made it and all the feedback suggests that people, helpers and guests, were very happy with their experience. Here are some Christmas dinner stories...

False Alarm..

For quite a few years Marlow St. Pies have been cooking the 25 legs of mutton in their big ovens. Traditionally too the fire fighters have gone out to pick it up and deliver it to the dinner. We went out there on Friday with the legs all bagged and in trays and while there got talking to a worker. He told us this story of a previous Christmas. He said he was at home carving the meat for Christmas dinner expecting friends to arrive. They arrived and informed him that there was a fire at his workplace and that there were three fire trucks in attendance, so it must be a big fire! He had drunk a few beers so he hopped on his push bike and peddled furiously down the road, thinking all the time that his workplace could be gutted and he would lose his job. He got there to find not a fire, but a group of firemen bringing roasts of mutton out to a utility vehicle to deliver to our Christmas dinner.

"A few mates around for lunch"

Early Christmas morning I called in at the fire station to arrange for when and how they could help us. The guys jokingly said, "How are you going to spend Christmas Dave?" "Nothing special." I replied, "I have just got a few mates coming around for lunch. Should be good." I was joking in a sense, but that I hope is the atmosphere we exude as we host our guests for lunch.

"The best Christmas gift ever."

We began our Christmas dinner and Kerry a man I have known for a while, called me over and said, "You have given me the best Christmas present ever!" "How come?" I asked. "My brother is here today. It is many, many years since we had Christmas together, and many years since we spent time together... it's the best Christmas gift ever!"

"They cant understand me!"

We divide people up into tables and have hosts at each table looking after the people and getting the meals for them. We had a group of four Chinese people come and the lady to act as a host came to me and said, "This is useless! They cant understand me!" I paused desperately searching my brain for a solution. Then the penny dropped. We have recently had delightfulChinese university student join our congregation and she had come along to help at Christmas dinner. Her name is Ding. I raced over, called her name and beckoned her to me. I took her over to the table and she greeted them warmly in Chinese. They beamed all over and the group sunk into delightful chatter and all through the dinner I could hear laughter from their table. When I handed around the Christmas gifts I came to the table and said "Merry Christmas." Ding interpreted and then with her bright eyes and delightful smile suggested I should learn the Chinese way to say "Merry Christmas". She said it a couple of times, I repeated it a few times till Ding gave me the thumbs up, and the folk laughed, nodded and smiled.

Firefighter helpers...

Two crews of fire fighters came on the day to help us serve the meal. They were great just fitting in and sharing the workload, taking initiative with a lot of smiles and laughter. I also appreciated other retired fire fighters joining in the team of helpers.

Budding performer...

We had a lady, Linda Munro, come who played the piano and sang throughout the time. At the meal was a Maori family and one little girl went over to the piano and spent most of her time sharing with Linda, watching her play the piano and singing.

Thanks...

The helpers we had were delightful. They worked very hard. But still they came to me afterward, often hugging me and thanking me for the opportunity they had of being there. One lady said, "Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of it, can I do it again next year?" If you poor reader, were one of our helpers I want to say, "Thank you so much for the work you put in. We worked you hard, I hope you enjoyed it." I am also deeply indebted to my wife, daughter and son-in-law, who worked tirelessly to make the meal a success. At one stage I looked at them and others, red faced, sweating and working their tails off, and felt very humble that so many people supported my directions for community engagement.

"Thank you for what you did for us."

This story does not relate to the Christmas dinner but happened at the Christmas dinner. A week or so ago I led a funeral for the sister of "Coon". He is an Ambulance officer and I am his chaplain. Apart from straight after the funeral I had not managed to touch base with him. As the busy part of the Christmas Dinner got under way I suddenly saw Coon easing his way through the crowded room heading in my direction. He was on duty that day. He came up to me and simply engulfed me in a hug, "Thank you so much for what you did for us. Have a great Christmas! - I have got to go now, we just got a call... but thanks so much." That was all he said, but it was so genuine and warm that it took my breathe away.

Conclusion...

My job can be very exhausting, but at times I would not trade it for anything else!

Photos:

# View of the dinner with our singer/pianist and the beautiful little Maori girl.

# Part of the eating crowd in the Church building. (My camera setting got bumped and they ended up black and white photos.)

# My friend Jeff. On Sunday afternoons I normally run with an Australian friend who lives in Dunedin. She is visiting family in Australia. Jeff, an Australian visiting me for Christmas, trained at theological college with me in the 1970s and we have remained good friends since. I exercised with him by taking him up my mountain.