Scrapbook of thoughts

St Patricks Day gift

A man in one of my chaplaincies today raced off saying he would catch me in a few minutes. I was talking to another man when he re-appeared and handed me a plastic shopping bag saying, "Happy St Patricks Day." Here is a photo of his gift. I love sipping a Guinness.

How to communicate a truth?
"A big group who cant keep up."
I was asked to talk to a Lions group about the Night Shelter Work. I have talked to many groups and have discovered that many people do not understand the plight of the poor in our cities. People my age and older grew up in a very stable society. There were always plenty of jobs. People with mental health issues were often locked in institutions and looked after out of sight. Others who perhaps were "below average" could find manual or manufacturing work. Often in the groups I talk to are middle class and up people who have lived a fairly comfortable sheltered lifestyle. They see any loser as losing because they are lazy. They live in comfortable suburbs and don't realise the numbers of people who are struggling. Life has changed. Mental health sufferers are out on the street, often without the necessary support. The workplace has changed. It has become digital. Manufacturing has moved overseas. There are not the jobs for the less able. More and more people are struggling, and it is hard to communicate this reality to older, comfortably off middle to upperclass people. The illustration I used to this group: "I have often run half marathons. In a half marathon there are elite runners who take off and run great times. The are a group up front. Then there is the middle group of average runners, plodding along happy to finish and enjoy the run. But in every half marathon there are the strugglers. These are people who have not got the stamina for a long run. People who haven't trained sufficiently. People who don't have the ability, try as they might. If they finish it is when the marshalls have started packing up. Many give up running and walk. Many just stop and find a way home. There is always a group who can't keep up. .... (then I pause briefly and look at my audience) I am here to tell you that in the journey of life in our society there is a bigger and bigger group of those who just can't keep up! In our super efficient, digital, fast changing society, there's a growing group of people who cannot keep up." I said this so forcefully that there was absolute silence and I had everybody's attention. I went on to expound on the reasons for this and why we needed the Night Shelter and its work. 
I wished I had said, "You hate seeing things you love badly treated" 
We had a Church meeting on Sunday. We are a small virtually rural congregation with visiting ministers doing the preaching. I think their leadership of the services is below par. We were invited to be honest and open at this gathering so I said some positive things about the Church, but then said essentially that I could not encourage any friend to attend here, because I found that in general the services were "disappointing." "To me" I said, "They lack thought and preparation." A little later in the meeting I commented how I got angry sitting in Church. I tried to tell the truth in love, and I did say encouraging, positive things too but I think there were those who thought I was just a grumpy, judgemental old man who was being nasty about ministry colleagues. Later I wondered how I could have communicated in a better way about why I am at this point. I wished I had said: "Imagine if you were a dog lover. You kept dogs and cared for them intently. You loved dogs and throughout your life did everything in your power to improve the welfare of dogs in your community. Then one day you saw somebody neglecting and mistreating a dog. How would you feel? You would feel sad, angry and want to do anything in your power to make the neglect and mistreatment stop. In my life I have given most of my years to advance the way of Jesus in our community. It has been my passion, my reason for being and absorbed most of my energy. I have lived trying to express in word and deed the way of Jesus, because I think it is so 'right' and life enhancing. Now I sit in a Church where I see this way neglected, distorted and mistreated every Sunday. I cannot help but feel sad, angry and want to do everything in my power to stop this mistreatment of the way of Jesus." 
They are still young.
My wife and I had coffee in a cafe yesterday. There was a group of elderly people at a table close to us. There must have been about a dozen of them, they had joined a few tables together and were a noisy bunch.  One man at the head of the table had a party hat on and it was obviously his birthday that they were out celebrating. There was much lively, noisy conversation and laughter. They had a glint in their eyes, were teasing each other and were full of life, humour and conviviality. I thought, "They are just like teenagers!" Then I realised a truth. Our bodies get old, but at heart we still feel young. Scratch the surface of any elderly person and you find a young person trying to get out. Good on them! You go guys! You rock! 

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light!"

A sign of the times.
On Saturday I was co-celebrant with the father of the bride at a wedding. The father of the bride is a good friend of mine, so I was happy to do it. So I found myself waiting outside under a rustic pergola waiting with the Groom and his groomsmen. The bride and her party came into the grassy area and processed up to the sound of a singer giving a good rendition of "Alleluia". The Bridesmaids arrived first, and the main bridesmaid leaned over to me and whispered, "You have to make an announcement that nobody is to post on social media." "Oh" I said, "I could do that at the end of the ceremony, that will be fine." Her eyes widened, "No... You have to do it now! They do it during the ceremony." "Really?" I said. "Yes" she replied, obviously frustrated at this old fool's lack of understanding of the situation. "I'll do it if you don't want to!" she said in an urgent whisper.  "No, I'll do it now." I responded wondering what the "congregation" would have been thinking about this rushed conference as the bride and her father walked toward me. So I did. I asked the people not to post photos onto social media, then we began the ceremony proper. I had heard, ironically via social media, of the problem before, but had not encountered it in any wedding I had conducted. It was a new experience for this old parson.
Nostalgic fun.
The wedding was held at a spacious scout camping ground where there were various grassy areas. After the ceremony the guests were invited for drinks and games in yet another grassy area. I had a couple of drinks and talked with various guests. At one stage I saw that the little boys were playing cricket, and that the adults who had started with them had stopped. I saw this one boy bowling to his cousin who was batting. There was just one fielder chasing the ball and returning it to the bowler. I knew that that would be frustrating for all involved because the batsman could send the ball in all directions. So I joined in as a fielder. Others came and went, but I spent quite a lot of the time between the ceremony and the wedding meal fielding the ball with these kids. I enjoyed it. I remembered childhood family picnics and the hours of backyard cricket I played as a kid with my brothers, friends and cousins. I recalled games of cricket I played with my boys, wearing a patch on the front lawn and wrecking the hedge chasing the ball. It was simply good to be a kid again playing cricket with kids, helping them enjoy their time together. I heard a psychologist talking on TV and she said something like, "... the two year old in us wants to..." She implied that part of us remains a child. I enjoyed being a kid again playing backyard cricket.
But I'm too old to ...
A man at my St John Chaplaincy has challenged me to join him on the starting line of the Moro half marathon in September. I have done many of them before, but not since 2007. The last race I ran in was a 5k Business House Fun run in 2010. In September I will be 68. I have begun my training, walking regularly, before taking some short runs, and mixing my exercise between running, walking and cycling. I discovered my running shoes were starting to disintegrate, with bits of rubber hitting the ground before others. So I went to buy new running shoes. I went into the sports shoe store and was looking at the running shoes when a grinning young shop assistant asked if he could help. "Yes," I replied, "I want to buy a new pair of running shoes. My ones are falling to pieces." He looked at me as I was twisting a shoe in my hand. He looked me up and down. He was sizing up my age and stage.  "You'll want walking shoes won't you? We have a good selection over here." gesturing away from the running shoe section to another corner of the store. He had aged and graded me and thought I was too old, too fat or too whatever else, to be running. "No" I said, speaking slowly, clearly enunciating the words, "I am going to try to do a half marathon in September. I want running shoes!" "Oh"he replied, and then became quite helpful. To his credit he resisted the temptation to roll his eyes. I maybe too old to run, but I am going to give it a try. It was interesting how he summed me up and assumed my lack of ability. For the record, I jogged ten kilometres on Sunday afternoon, and it felt OK.
But I am guessing at words...
My wife has suggested for some time that I am growing deaf. I think there is a bit of selective hearing there, but she is right. We were watching a David Attenbourgh nature show on TV and he was waxing on about this little bird who made a beautiful sound. The film showed these little birds opening their beaks and making the sound, a sound I could not hear. I checked with my wife. "Did you hear the sound they were making?" "Yes" she said triumphantly, "Can't you hear that? See I told you so!" She made an appointment with the appropriate audiologist. The audiologist lady, who looked to me like a teenager, was asking me questions about why I thought I needed her services. I told her, "In my life I have often encountered grumpy old men who have complained that everybody is mumbling, and that the younger generation does not speak clearly. I have deduced that it was their hearing that was going." "Yeees." the teenager said, obviously wondering where this was going. "Well," I said, "I have become one of those grumpy old men! I need a hearing test." Sure enough when the tests were done and dusted, she advised me that I needed two hearing aids. We are looking into it. 

In summary... This old parson encountered a problem of modern social media; enjoyed being a child again; was insulted when a young salesman assumed he was to old to run; and faces the evidence that the problems of old age are indeed happening.

A strange book.

I went on a tramp. My dad would have monitored this intake to the city's water supply in the late 1940's

My family lived out in this area when I was born.

The setting sun on my recent evening walk.

My walk was colourful that evening.

A strange book
I am reading a book.  The stories are claimed to be true stories and they are old but interesting. In some ways the behavior of the heroes in the book is totally disgusting. I will give you an example. This hero's group have decided that they will take over new territory.   So they invade an area populated by another group. Their leader tells them to destroy it and claim the livestock, harvests and vineyards as their own. So away the army went, had success and returned. The leader asked them about the results. They had killed all the men, but had left the women and the children alive. The leader was angry. "Go kill the women and the children," he said, "except the young women who have not slept with a man (the virgins) these you may claim as your own." This hero has been revered down through the ages. His adventures have been turned into a film. He actually would today be put on trial for shocking war crimes and remembered with a reputation as bad as Hitler in today's world. There are other stories with other heroes who do other horrifying stuff.  It is an interesting book full of such stories.
The book? The Bible! The hero of the story? Moses! I hear people claiming the Koran is full of hatred and violence, but have they read the Christian scriptures? As a retired parson, years ago at Theological college we were introduced to the main thrust of these stories. In the set Sunday readings I have read selected parts of these stories and associated commentaries. Over the years I have read all of the New Testament, many parts over again and again. I have mainly led services from the New Testament or Gospel readings, and have often felt uncomfortable about some of the Old Testament readings being read in Church. I have enjoyed many readings from some of the prophets of the Old Testament.  Some of the Psalms, ring bells for me, but others seem to be small minded, tribal and selfish in nature. I have decided in my retired dotage that I will read the Bible from cover to cover, so I am plodding my way through it. I am nearly finished Deuteronomy and I have found the characters of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Moses to be terrible megalomaniacs. Their "god" seems a vengeful, blood thirsty nasty piece of work. There are those who like to say, "I believe the Bible is the Word of God from cover to cover." Have they ever really read the book? If they do believe in this God, and revere these people as heroes and models of "goodness", then that is very scary in itself.  I can see in these writings a gradual growth in the understanding of what is right and wrong.  That is instructive in that it mirrors the process of "spiritual growth" we all as individuals go through. But to see these as sacred scripture, giving a correct description of God and sacred "truth" is inconceivable. 
Cecil Rhodes of South African history has been revered. There are statues honouring him in different places and of course, the Rhodes scholarship. Nowadays there are some moves to take down the statues and stop honouring him, because he actually had some terrible imperialistic ideas. Of course we are viewing these concepts from our very politically correct age. Maybe these "heroes of scripture" should be revisited too? 
Anyway wish me luck with my reading.    

"Taking care of ourselves."

Cloud and setting sun during an evening walk. 

The setting sun on the Otago Harbour during the same walk. 

Last Sunday afternoon's bike ride. After 16k I stopped for a drink and turned for home again. 

I love fresh vegetables out of the garden. 

My workshop where I "take care of myself."

Recently I received an invitation to a special "Commencement day" for Workplace Support chaplains. The theme for the professional development day is to be "Taking Care of ourselves". I groaned inwardly, because this seems to be a frequent theme for chaplains' gatherings. I decided that I would reply that I would be going to the day, but I also wanted to share a different perspective on the theme. My boss, thankfully, is an understanding person. I share with you what I wrote, a bit tongue in cheek.

I wrote....

"Yes I will be there. I am a bit cynical about the "Taking care of yourself" topic... It seems to be a frequent mantra at meetings....  It almost becomes a stress in itself.

There is truth in the theme but I have some questions about it taken too simply .... Just some one liners to think about ... ...

.... If Jesus was busy "taking care of himself" he would not have got crucified.

..... I encounter (in our drop-in centre, on the street, at the night shelter and sometimes in chaplaincy) heaps of messed up lives, in a mess because parents, teachers, ministers, social workers, friends were busy "taking care of themselves" ... watching their boundaries etc etc.

.... On the other had I see lives saved, changed, renewed etc. when people are willing to go out of their comfort zone, or the second mile for others. 

... There are charities, sports clubs, life enhancing community groups and churches struggling to do all that they should be doing because too many in the community are focussed on "taking care of them selves" and don't want to get too involved.

... We miss out on lots of stuff if we are too busy "taking care of ourselves".

e,g. In ministry on Friday evenings I would finish chaplaincy at 6 p.m. totally exhausted having worked 9 hours already. I would feel like going home and wish I could (if I was "taking care of myself" I would)... but at 6:30 I had to open the doors for the drop-in centre.  When I headed home some time after 10 p.m. I would be more exhausted but glowing... Just the feeling of fulfillment from giving myself in relationships etc.

or... I have in the last couple of months taken funerals that were vaguely related to chaplaincy. I had no need to take them. .. I was not currently chaplain for the people - I could have turned them down ... but I accepted them, (grudgingly) was super stressed out about them because they were difficult... But ...  when I conducted them, linked with the people, said things in a way that made sense for the people, saw their appreciation and them soaking up ministry I felt fulfilled, glowing, on top of the world. If I was "taking care of myself" I would have refused to do them, walked away from them and failed to know that deep sense of being.

I could give other examples... Often when we force ourselves beyond our comfort zones that's when real living takes place.

...... Do we truly believe Jesus' words "If you lose your life you will find it."?

...... Jesus was tired when he sat down at the well. The disciples went off to buy food. He was exhausted and thirsty but still engaged the woman in caring ministry. When the disciples returned with food he said, "I have meat that you know not of." He had been "fed" as he gave himself in ministry.

Sorry .... just a different perspective for your eyes only .... Don't worry the old man might soon be out of your hair! :-)

I'll be there with bells on. :-)

Dave Brown."

She replied with understanding and patience, but reminded me that as a workplace they have a responsibility to make sure we chaplains are looking after ourselves. 

Life speeds by ..... but includes so much.

A really old typewriter ... many assignments,  Gestetner stencils and letters have been typed on this 

The snappy "modern" portable we bought about 1980.

Tools for art work on Gestetner stencils.

A film strip/slide projector ... so "modern" at the time. 

Feeling young still. 
I was driving in the city and a van turned in front of me. It was sign-written on its panels inviting people to explore building apprenticeships.  While driving I read the invitation and excitedly said to myself, "I'd love to do that! ... maybe I could?" Then I remembered, I'm 67 years old, and 67 year olds do not do apprenticeships. Polytech's and universities are advertising courses at this time of the year and I read enviously. "I'd love to try that!" On Saturday I absentmindedly browsed the "situations vacant" pages of the newspaper. I saw jobs that I thought I could do... my heart still thinks its young. (I was reminded this afternoon of the "University of the third age," that maybe I could attend?) 
I am constantly surprised at how old I am. It doesn't seem long ago that I was a teenager! When did I get old? Where did all those years go? What have I done in that time? I still feel like I want to adventure and try new things? 
Archeology in my cupboard. 
I have been trying to tidy up my office. Two big boxes of waste paper have been burnt. Some other stacks of paper have gone into the recycling bin. A big box of books is ready to go to a local charity book sale. Then my attention turned to the cupboard in my room. This cupboard has been the place I push stuff I can no longer store elsewhere. It has been a nostalgic journey. 
Changes in technology mapped... As I cleaned things out to see all that was in the cupboard I discovered interesting changes in technology over the years of my career. When I started doing youth work in Church as a teenager, I remember editing a youth paper and printing it on a "Gestetner". For about half of my career we still used "Gestetners" to print newsletters, hymn sheets and studies.  The more recent ones were electrified and you didn't have to turn the handle. You typed up a stencil and on that could do drawings with a "stylus".  I found in my cupboard styluses and guides that enabled me to enhance documents with art work and lettering. Now of course we use computers and printers.  I found two old typewriters. One so old it may be of interest to a museum. I bought it for $5 when I was in college in Australia in the early '70's and used it to type up my assignments. Another is a little portable one we had when we lived in a caravan as Church "Fieldworkers".  I could type up documents for studies, letters to churches and reports. But then technology moved on. I discovered in my cupboard a big 5 inch floppy disc that our first office computer used. Of course there was also the smaller discs which have given way to Cd's, and now memory sticks.  I found too a slide projector I purchased in the early 1970's. It has an adapter on it that enabled me to show film strips. I have a case of hymn slides and slides of the life of Jesus I inherited from an elderly man in my congregation.  But then I found two boxes of old overhead projector transparencies, some old videos, and then an old laptop on which I first explored power-points.  Time has seemed to speed by, but in my time there has been dramatic change.
Memories of life and a journey in Church ministry.  I unearthed a box that had been labelled "crayons". In that box there were two boxes of crayons which my parents had bought me as birthday and Christmas presents when I was attending a Saturday morning art-class as a boy! I have dabbled with them on a few occasions since. I found too a partly knitted jersey I started to knit soon after we were married. Forty six years ago my bride taught me to knit and I was going to knit myself a warm work jersey. It has never been completed.  I found in the depths of my cupboard documents that brought memories flooding into my mind. There were photocopies of two letters my father wrote to my mother while he was overseas during World War II.  Photocopies of their marriage license and birth certificates. There were newspaper articles about some of the things I have done.  There were articles about ministry movements and the fieldworker journeys. A newspaper photo of me leading a prayer with a line up of city firefighters at the time of 9/11.  There were photos of Habitat for Humanity ventures. The invitation and instructions I received to an ecumenical service with the Pope when he last visited NZ. Photos of trips, holidays, camps, conferences and friends. There were three boxes which held the notes from the many weddings and funerals I have led over the years. Another box held university course notes, while another articles and magazines I had contributed to. There were the official letters related to the "Member of the New Zealand Order of Merit" medal I received. Along with that newspaper articles, cards and letters from well wishers at the time. In there too there were "get well" cards I received when I was in hospital, but also farewell cards and letters I got when I retired.  I did not go slowly through all this stuff. I just packed the stuff I wanted to keep in accessible containers and replaced it in an ordered way back in the cupboard.

"It has been a constructive journey with a lot of variety and a great amount achieved." was the sentence that ran through my mind as I closed the door on my now tidy cupboard. Time has flown, but there has been a lot of living packed into those years. ... And there's more to come!  

A quick glance at 2015 highlights.

I went for a New Years Day reflective walk up “my” Mount Cargill this afternoon. In my mind I reflected on 2015 and its highlights for me. Here are some….

Highlights of 2015

*      Harvesting more vegetables from our vegetable garden. We are slowly developing it more in retirement.

*   Building a woodshed and keeping myself in firewood with free pallets from a store in town.

*    Helping people through tough times by leading funerals for people linked to all my chaplaincies. It is strange to call them highlights, but I feel really useful and fulfilled doing this sort of stuff.

*      Visiting son Phillip and wife and two children on Waiheke Island. Going for a walks with him and helping with a project.

*     Doing some work with our other son Simon on the fences of their new house in Christchurch. I find it a lot of fun working with my boys on handyman projects, though they tease me heaps about my skills or lack of skills.

*     The Workplace Support Chaplains’ retreat with Major Campbell Roberts leading.  He is a Salvation Army officer who has a high standing and credibility as a commentator on social/political issues in NZ. It was an encouragement to be with him and hear his passion for what he called the “sinned against” in our society.

*      Spending a night sleeping out with around 200 students and others in the Octagon in the centre of town.  We raised money and awareness for the night shelter cause. Working with these adventurous young people was life giving.  We also involved City councillors and politicians. The city began to “own” the project then.

*     Leading an Order of St John Church Parade in a funeral home chapel.  It was my idea to do this instead of fronting up to somebody else’s service. It was a risky break from tradition, but it went well. I like St John as an organisation and am proud to be a voluntary chaplain with them.

*     The Dunedin Night Shelter Trust purchased its buildings. It has been an eleven-year dream. We have been raising money for at least three years. We have firmly established the service in the city into the future.

*      Speaking at an awards gathering for volunteer students. I felt I had something significant to say and enjoyed the interaction. I was impressed by the students receiving awards and the stuff they had done.

*      A quick visit to friends in Adelaide, Australia. We both got ill during the time there and things did not go to plan, but it was still good to catch up with these long time friends.

*     One day of working with Chaplains from Workplace Support & staff from CORE Education on projects at the Night Shelter.  It was a rainy day, but it was great to see people coming alive by working for a great cause together. It was like a Habitat for Humanity day.

*     Two new grandchildren arriving in the last weeks of 2015, a grandson in Edinburgh and a granddaughter in Christchurch.  A new generation is expanding.

*   Spending Christmas with all our NZ based family in Christchurch.  We chatted, we played with the children, we went sight seeing and we ate together. It was great to see the family relating and sharing. I enjoyed several walks with my son Phillip. We have a similar love of walking in the bush or countryside.

I wonder what 2016 will hold for me? 
What adventures will I have? What challenges will I face? Some things I know.

*     I need to find a Church home I am happy to support. There is an important meeting next month in the local church. They want to look at “where they are going”. My continued involvement will depend on the sorts of things they decide.

*      We are going back to Edinburgh some time in the middle of the year to catch up on family there.

*      The Night Shelter Trust is evolving… we want to offer more social work assistance for our clients. Putting these things in place will be challenging.

I hope and pray for…

*      A closing of the gap between rich and poor in our country and internationally. The violence in our streets and also the unsettled international situation, I think has its source in people feeling disempowered and unable to have a fair slice of the pie.

*      More employment or purposeful living options for people currently unemployed. We have a growing number of people unable to be employed and finding a certain emptiness in life. If we cannot employ them we need to find ways they can fit into our society in a meaningful way. They and society in general suffer when they have no place.

*      A dedication and energy to explore non-violent ways to resolve international conflicts and deal to terrorism.

*      An openness so that we become more global citizens, recognising our links to all of humanity.

*      Seriousness in the way we work to slow climate change.  We need too a dedication to find more sustainable ways to live happily.

 Dreams are free. Bring on 2016.

He will not let me go!

My daughter with her niece, my latest grand daughter. 

My grandson (light blue shorts) with his father look at a digger. Christchurch has many big diggers at work and my grandson (Stanley) loves diggers!

Memorial Arch under repair still.

New Regent Street in Christchurch city... Christchurch is slowly repairing itself after the big earthquake 5 years ago. 

I am turned off Church. I was invited to go to the Anglican Cathedral in the centre of Dunedin (St Paul's) to take part in a service called "Nine Lessons and Nine Carols." I was to read one of the lessons as a representative of the Dunedin Night Shelter Trust. It was a choral service with the cathedral choir singing lots of numbers. There was pomp and ceremony. At the appointed time the verger (dressed in an appropriate gown) came to my seat, she had a silver tipped staff, bowed in my direction and I was escorted to the reading lectern and bowed at again. When the choir finished its number, I read my appointed reading in the translation ascribed with the introduction typed out for me to read. I was then escorted back to my seat, bowed to again as I took my seat. The Bishop was in residence sitting up by the Choir though he did not do anything in the service. Everything was conducted with dispassionate looking decorum. The thing that got to me was that the songs the choir sang, when I could understand them (- though they did provide a brief english summary as a translation.)  the prayers, the carols we sang all had great christological claims about the Christ child that I have come to believe Jesus of Nazareth would reject.  We were in a building that must have cost millions, probably still costs thousands to maintain with all sorts of pomp and ceremony remembering a life reported to have been born in a stable, who mixed with prostitutes and outcastes. - It all seemed incongruous and out of step with the Jesus who "sits on my shoulder" these days.  I hear of millions being spent to rebuild earthquake damaged churches here in Christchurch where I am holidaying. There are millions spent on restoring or earthquake proofing other elaborate Churches. I just feel that Jesus of Nazareth would not approve! I am unhappy attending my local Church, I would not fit in most Churches I am aware of, the language, priorities and dogmatics would not fit me.  There is a part of me which says that in spite of the fact that I have been in Church ministry forty odd years, I should dump Church involvement all together, walk away and don't look back, as so many others have and are doing. "Why not?" I ask.

Somehow "He" will not let me!  The Church is the only place the "Jesus of Nazareth story" is kept alive, grossly distorted though it may be. And I cannot dump Jesus. He still makes sense. I took the two quotes below off facebook. They ring bells for me. Somebody commented on the Leonard Cohen one, "It is up to us to reform our Churches." I guess so. ... He will not let me go!