Life is short...

Since the death of my friend I have been thinking how very brief life is. We had a 37 year old friendship but it does not seem long ago that we were all young men thinking we were God's gift to the world.... now he's gone.... It seems like it was a blink of an eye.... and what have I achieved in that time? I still feel uncertain about many things and myself. I thought I might "grow up" some day?

I was reminded this morning of this when my wife read a name out of the "deaths" in the paper. There was a man, I am unsure of his age but about my age, who I roomed with when we did our chaplaincy training together in 1993. He was a keen pastor, now dead and gone.

Eeek ... my contemporaries are dying and I still have heaps more I want to do in life. I want to achieve more in my ministry.... try to evolve and experiment with new shapes for church life. I want to go on more tramps. I want to read more, reflect more and do some systematic theologising of my own, to express where I am and what I think is important. I want get back to self-sufficiency as a lifestyle. I want to explore the computer/cyberworld more. I guess I am realising with a bit of sadness, that I will never get to do these. Excuse me... "Bugger!"

Message to younger people... don't drift ... life soon goes.

"Let us bow...."...."If we must."

I have been tidying papers around my desk and came upon the following composition. I recently took my turn at leading a prayer at the beginning of a Dunedin City Council meeting. I hate doing stuff like that. I can imagine what is going through councillors minds... "Bloody tradition! ... This old religious git seizing his opportunity to shove outdated modes of thinking down our throat!" Indeed the way they shuffled to their feet and the way a number came in late reminded me of our reaction as school pupils to the regular "Lord's Prayer" at school assemblies at Otago Boys High School. They seemed about as unenthusiastic. I feel sorry for secular people made to endure religious tradition that they no longer adhere to. Anyway here is my composition for the occasion. I share it not because it is notable but because its my fumbling attempt to reach the secular mind in this secular setting where a traditional prayer is expected.

"Let us bow...

We pause briefly in the busyness of life to remember and recognise that there are values that move us forward that transcend religion, race and culture. These are values that are eternal in nature, a part of the make up of human existence, truths to which we are all ultimately responsible.

One of these is the deep truth that we are all connected.... that essentially all people are brothers and sisters together on this journey of history and life..... In prayer we recognise that we have a responsibility toward one another and for others' well being.

A second essential truth is that we are connected to this planet. That just as the cells of our body each contribute to our personal health and well being, so we are part of this large organism that we call earth...... In prayer we recognise that we have responsibility for its ongoing health and well being.

Lord God, you are in all and through all, you are in our midst and the source of all goodness and love. Thank you for these special people who have a common commitment to our community here in Dunedin. They have a special task in our city and it is good that they take their responsibility seriously. Thank you that you will speak through them as they deliberate, that you will bring wisdom and understanding. May the eternal values be allowed to emerge in their discussions and ultimately be given expression in the life of our city.

I pray in Jesus name.

Amen."

Photo: Dunedin City from the top of Mt Cargill.

"Love is the bull"?

This bit of foot path wisdom is written on the path just by the church car park when I came to work this morning. "if life is a china shop - love is the bull."
What I would love to know is what do they mean by that? What is happening in their life to write it? I guess love sometimes seems like a "bull in a china shop". It can certainly make a mess of things. Just thought I'd share this foot path wisdom. - Any suggestions on what prompted the effort?

The only one in step? ... or maybe I have it wrong?

When I was at secondary school we had School Cadets. We all dressed as little soldiers, (sandpaper suits we called the shorts we wore!) shouldered old bore war .303 rifles and marched around. Of course we had to learn to walk in step... "left right, left right, left right, ...leeeft, ... leeeeft, " etc.  My dad, who was a Regimental Sargent Major during the war grilled us on how we were doing. "Did you march in step?"  "Of course!" we replied, "In fact I was the only one in step! The rest were all wrong!" we responded, just to have him on. 

We just had our Church Annual General Meeting. I feel a bit like that. As people talked about Church and as they got excited about the things they felt were important, I felt like asking, "Am I out of step? or am I the only one in step?"  What people think "church" is for is totally different than what I feel called to do. It is not that they are against me, they did not sack me, they give me a fairly free rein and don't complain. It it is just that I feel like they are not on my wave length! After 20 odd years they still don't get it!  I am still a square peg in a round hole and struggling to fit in. Oh well, they still pay me to do my thing, I should not grumble.

Exercise Report

Woe is me.... I have a sore hamstring again!

Sunday..... a run,

Monday... half a mountain walk.

Tuesday... Gym session and a great 9.5k run ... big buzz.

Wednesday... Church walking group.... and a 5 k run... Hamstring sore.

Thursday & Friday rest day....

Saturday ... struggled around 9.5 k 

Today.... 6.5 k fastish walk... hamstring too sore to run. It took months to come right last time, I hope it has not got that bad again.

War time "love"...

It is ANZAC day here in NZ, a time when we remember those who have served in war.  In line with my last post on love and relationships, I was reminded of an incident that happened a number of years ago. I was driving somewhere with a man who had served overseas. I was asking him about his war service, where he served and when. Out of the blue he came up with this story. I have to say that this guy was one I have admired as a devoted husband and family man, a man of integrity and genuine christian love. He was a church elder and had served both his church and community diligently for many years and when I was talking to him it was about 40 years after the war.

He had married just before going away to war, like many did. He was a devout evangelical christian. One of the countries he served in was Italy. He said wistfully, "I could have lived in Italy." Then, uncalled for and surprisingly, he told me his story. He was stationed in a village in Italy for sometime and had got to know an Italian family. They invited him there for meals regularly and he enjoyed their company. I do not know all the historical circumstances as to why he seemed to be in the one place for a while. It turned out that he and a daughter in the family "clicked" and after the family meals she would take him on bike rides around the countryside and tell him about her country and region and its history. He said, "I don't know why, we had a different language, I was only temporarily in her country and I had a wife at home, but we just seemed to 'click' and get on so well."  He said that if he never had a wife at home he would have gladly stayed there with her. He emphasised that they never did anything untoward, they just had a friendship, they knew that was all they could have. ......but with glazed eyes and a choke in his voice forty years after, he said, "I often wondered what happened to her. It was so hard saying good bye." I found his wife to be judgemental and abrasive, and I wondered silently, if he would have been better off staying in Italy.

That is the mysterious power of this weird thing called love. Forty years after, and in spite of a successful marriage and family life, he was still aching over lost war time love. 

We want to find love...

I keep track on the numbers of people who check out my blog site on MyBlogLog .Com. The most popular posts that originate from Google searches are two with similar themes in their heading. One is entitled "When a man looks at a woman with lust" and the other "I love her but she doesn't know it..." (The second one is NOT about "eros" love so I imagine a number of people are disappointed because it is not what they think it is.) I find it interesting though not surprising that these headings prompt so much interest. I think it points to longings we all have. That whole area of our lives, sexuality and love relationships fascinates us and yet worries us.

First I think we long for the "right" partner. We have this illusion of there being someone who is exactly right for us and there being blissful "ever afters". Sometimes we are still searching, but never find someone who fits the bill. At other times we are asking about the relationship we have, "Is this as good as it gets?" I love reading the comments in the paper by people who are celebrating 60 years marriage, and often wonder what the highs and lows have been like. It would be interesting to take each partner aside individually and ask them about the history of their relationship. Then there are the arranged marriages in various cultures that seem to work out fine.

Secondly I think we are troubled by this whole area of life because it seems to be one area that has a scary power over us. We are troubled by the various feelings that we have. There seems to be a power in the erotic! When a really "hot" woman (don't ask me to define that!) walks down the street I find it interesting to watch the people watching her. Men just about bump into power poles because they are staring so much. It is interesting watching men who are walking with their wives, looking but not looking. ... and their wives checking to see if husband has noticed. Some woman visibly sneer, and look in disgust. But more than just the erotic, there seems to be a power in the sexuality, the mystery and the irrationality of relationships. Sometimes we are incredibly attracted to another when the brain is telling us it is absolutely stupid. At other times people are so deeply hurt when as my blog heading says, "I love her but she doesn't know it." Some find it impossible to get that person out of their minds. The power in these attractions seem enormous. Break ups in love relationships cause a deep hurt and untold anguish, even when we know it is "for the best" and continuing would be no good for either. They have incredible power to hurt us and knock our confidence. This whole area of life is both scary, fascinating and mysterious because logic seems to get blown away by uncontrollable feelings. Some of us, because of the scary nature of all this, try to avoid getting involved at all. It is easier to build an armour and stay aloof.

I have no wisdom or insight to share, I am just intrigued by the mystery and yet appeal of it all. Why is it that these two blog post headings continue to hold so much interest?

Resurrection?

I am of course preparing services from Gospel readings portraying the resurrection. I have long ago come to the conclusion that I am an agnostic as to what happened at the resurrection. I have decided that it would not endanger my faith if someone could prove that the resurrection encounters were a "spiritual realisation/experience" that the disciples had. I kind of suspect that it was the realisation that the life that was expressed in Jesus' ministry etc. was not finished at death, but a movement, a life force that would continue and even be set free after Jesus' death. I believe that maybe they were spiritual "penny dropping" "aha!" experiences in which they became aware that the life Jesus involved them in was bigger than him, himself, but part of the movement of the sacred in this world, and as such could not die, but just build upon the death of Jesus. So, while I would say I believe in the resurrection, my faith is not dependent on a "bodily resurrection" nor an empty grave. I would perhaps say that I believe in what the resurrection stories stand for.

But I had a strange thought that would rock my faith if I happened to believe in the necessity of a bodily resurrection. I was reminded of it last night where on a TV program the explorer came across a deer that had been dead two days, and discussed the decay that had taken place, even though it was lying in snowy cold conditions. In the resurrection stories Jesus' body still has the wounds left by the nails and spear. Now if we are to consider a resuscitated body, why still have the wounds? Surely they could have been dealt to? Jesus died and straight away his body would go into decay mode. Brain cells would die. The muscle tissue would begin the decay process. Rigormortis would have set in for a while. ... he was beaten before death so these wounds would increase decay. Now the process of bringing a two day old body back to life would be enormous, greater things would have to be done than healing spear and nail holes. Brain cells would have to be reconstituted, blood reconstituted, decayed tissue renewed etc etc. Why not in the process of all that healing and renewing, disappear the spear wounds and nail holes?... it would be a breeze compared to the former "miracles"? And yet this body can pass through walls too?

It all suggests to me that the passages are not meant to be taken literally and that the nail and spear wounds are still there for a literary purpose. The stories smack more of mythology and that we should be looking for the "more than literal" truth in the stories, rather than trying to suss out the exact nature of the "body". I believe they are truth full stories, truth filled stories, but am agnostic as to whether they are historically accurate. Just an open questioning thought?