For "God"...

We had just finished the information night for about 30 volunteers interested in helping at the Night Shelter. We were tidying up and unwinding and my friend told me this cute but profound story. A man was visiting Mother Teresa and looking at the sorts of things she was doing. He was amazed and said, "I would not do this for all the money in the world!" Mother Teresa is reported to have just quietly said, "Neither would I."

My friend is a lovely guy heavely involved in a christian caring agency on a voluntary basis as well as his night shelter work. He told the story, paused briefly and said, "Well Dave, our lives would be much simpler if it wasn't for God." Its true, but they would also be less fulfilling.

Still little children

I loved the above cartoon in the Otago Daily Times this morning. In the previous cartoons the house has been robbed. Calvin leans on Hobbes for support, the mum leans on the dad for support and dad wonders who supports him. Here he is having a sleepless night and comes up with something that is funny, because it rings bells. I think it is true of so many of us. We try to come across as if we know it all, but in fact underneath we are insecure, struggling and often have more questions than answers. We do "Ad-Lib" life.

Well that's me anyway.... I have insights along the way but lots of questions and uncertainties. I see lots of people who I think are just as uncertain, and unsure but because they are adults, or male, or meant to be independent are hiding behind a facade of "certainty", "staunchness" "cynicism" and sometimes even, when we are really uncertain and scared, "anger". (To keep people at a distance) We have this concept that the truly successful person is a Clint Eastwood character, strong, independent and individualistic. It would not hurt us more often to say, "Help me", or "I don't know" or "I am scared" or "What do you think?" or something that connects us in honesty with others in this weird journey called life. I love the Robert Fulgrum sentence that concludes his bit of prose on "All I need to know I learned at Kindergarten". It runs something like this, "It is still true that when you go out into the world you need to hold hands and stick together." The trouble is most of us like to give the impression we don't need anyone else.

I like these photos....

Photos: Tekapo last Saturday afternoon. The same view on Sunday morning. Mount Cook (Aoraki) on Monday morning.

We are all different.

We are all different....

I was at a meeting for a local Habitat for Humanity committee. Participants were all in their late 50's through to late 60's. It turned out that a few of us had all had friends die recently and we were commenting on how that felt. We said that it made us realise that life is so so short. Our time with ones who had gone had seemed to fly... When deaths like these happen, it feels like life seems to fly by at a very fast pace. Especially as you get older, you begin to realise that whatever time you have remaining will be over soon enough.

We were busy planning the next Habitat build and one guy commented with words like ... "It makes you not want to muck around building stupid Habitat houses... you should be out enjoying life." When I heard this I realised how different we all are because my mind worked differently. I tend to think.... "Life is short, I haven't much time left to make a difference... I better get cracking and do some worthwhile stuff... like building Habitat houses." That's why I have been so frustrated, no one else seems to have the same sense of urgency.

Great scenery!

My wife and I have been married forty years! (10th May 1969) We were in a sense sent on a weekend trip to celebrate the fact. We made use of some holiday vouchers the kids gave us for my sixtieth birthday. It started badly... Friday was full of interruptions so we did not get away as early as we wanted. We drove up the road in shocking conditions and nearly ran off the road when the tyres did not want to take a sharp corner. Further up we encountered a major accident which was to block the road for three hours. We were so looking forward to a spa bath in a flash motel in Oamaru. Instead we had to make do with uncomfortable single beds with a toilet down the hall in a pub half way there! Saturday was good though. Our Christchurch son had gathered up our other son and his partner and driven the 200k down to lunch with us in Timaru... it was neat. We carried on to Lake Tekapo, a very picturesque place, especially with autumn colours still around. Next morning it was even more picturesque with a heavy dump of snow. We drove on carefully through the snow to Mount Cook, and pretended we were rich at the hermitage there for the night. Upon hearing it was our fortieth they upgraded us to a flash room with panoramic views on the sixth floor. Today's views of the country side, the snow and the mountains were out of this world! What a great privilege it is to live in such a beautiful country? Back to reality now though.... work tomorrow and the next forty years of married bliss.... or whatever remains.

As I was saying....life is short!

Forty years married? Really? It does not feel it! It feels like only yesterday I was that horny 20 year old bridegroom. Forty years has flown by and the truth is that if I am very fortunate I have only half of that time of living left! What have I done? Better get working!

I can't believe it!

I read in the paper this morning something that makes my blood boil. In Brazil a step father had been sexually abusing a girl since she was 6 yrs old. At the age of 9 the girl fell pregnant as a result of his rape. The doctors said that if the baby went full term both girl and baby will die. An abortion was arranged for the girl. The catholic church excommunicated the mother for allowing her daughter to have an abortion! The same canon law said that the mother's "sin" or "crime" was worse than the step father's. He was not excommunicated! Grrrr!

I have some great catholic friends. I am impressed because often I find that people I work with in the community are catholic folk who have a real passion for justice, compassion and community service. BUT I find this sort of establishment focused, judgemental rigidity so foreign to the way of Jesus! I am not one who would advocate abortion be taken lightly and I do recognise that a choice for abortion should be considered a very serious step..... but really??......I just cannot understand how people in this day and age can come up with such crap! I would happily be excommunicated from a church like that! I cannot see Jesus condemning such an action! I am not even sure Jesus would advocate any sort of excommunication anyway! ...but I love my catholic friends.

"Yeah gidday... how's it going?" ....WOW!

Any faithful readers of my blog probably get annoyed with my negativity. Well today there is none of that. I just strolled back from doing my workplace chaplaincy visit to the brewery. As I walked back along town in the sun I was thinking (to mutilate the words of a song) "I'm the luckiest man in the whole.... country!" I went along there and talked to different guys, and came away with a sense of the holy. It happened on Tuesday this week during my visits to St John Ambulance and at the fire stations. I can't tell you what people talked about in specifics, but just the events of their life, their health, their kids,... just "stuff". There were no big counselling issues or problems, but just significant interesting "stuff". After each session of chaplaincy this week I have come away thinking, "Wow! What a privilege to be a part of that!"

There is something precious and indeed sacred in conversation where one person meets another person and is "real" with another. I find it special to go to these places and people actually want to tell me about duck shooting, their projects, their kids etc. I think it is a great privilege to be allowed into their lives. I once said to a friend, "There is something sacred in 'hello' and 'have a good week' can be a heartfelt prayer". Never underestimate the power for support, affirmation and change in the normal conversation. "God" is somehow within the interaction.

Another song says, "I see friends shaking hands saying 'How do you do?', ...they're really saying 'I love you'" I think that is so right! Two friends at the brewery are always giving cheek to one another and they were in full flight this morning... they're really saying..."I love you". I love watching people interact in friendship, it is like watching God move. Once when I was a young minister at Palmerston North an elderly lady came out of the church after the service tut tutting away to herself. I asked her what the trouble was. Quite agitated she said, "Listen to them! Church is just finished and they are all talking! That's a sacred building! Can't they wait till they get outside?" I can't remember what I replied but these days I would want to say, "And that conversation is sacred."

I often hate my job and feel like a square peg in a round hole. But I stick at it because I very often just love my job. To murder yet another song, "People who meet people, are the luckiest people..." and I get paid to do that!

Theology??

I have been thinking about starting another blog. I want to begin to write out my theology and do some heavy thinking. I prefer these posts to be short and light. Yesterday I met a guy who made me think about what "theology" is. He is a very intelligent and thoughtful man who used to come to our drop-in centre some years ago. He is a published author, so quite accomplished in his own right. I bumped into him at a bus stop and chatted briefly before he hopped on his bus. He asked me if I was still doing my thing up at the church. He then asked if they still move ministers on regularly and how that happened. He suggested that I might get invited elsewhere. I told him that my "theology" probably does not make me an attractive option for a lot of churches. "Theology?" he said, "Your theology is that you're a man of action, always have been... that's your theology!"
What is theology?

Two Disappointments and a lesson on stress.

Every week lately seems to have had something extra in it which has meant normal work has had to fit around the extra. This week I hosted an inner-city ministers meeting. I took them up to the drop-in centre area... easy chairs, ready cup of tea etc.  The meeting went well... I was happy with it. I often do not feel at home with these religious people, they seem on a different planet than I.

Exercise disappointment. I walked last Sunday because my hamstring was sore and tight. Monday I split wood for some time and went for a bike ride, Wednesday I had a gym session and a run, running quite freely, Thursday though my hamstring was sore and tight. I ran to get the phone and discovered how sore it was. Friday a gym session... today we started to run but felt tight in the hamstring so apart from a small jog around a track, we walked up a hill. I will not be running a half marathon I had planned at the end of June. I need to rest my hamstring ... it is sooo disappointing! I wanted to run a half-marathon when I was sixty. 

Two training days.....Added into this week were two different training days or professional development days.  Friday saw me catching up with Workplace support chaplains. I enjoyed the catching up but was disappointed with the training. It was not bad, but I would say it was nice and "light" and OK for an adolescent youth camp, but somehow not solid enough for me. For me to give up a day of work results in a whole lot of added pressure on my week. If I give it up I want the time to be really meaty and useful. This day fell short of my expectations... not offensive nor real bad, but just not meaty enough to make me feel it was time well spent.  Saturday I spent on a training day with the peer support team from St John Ambulance and the Fire Service. I was dreading it thinking it would be another wasted day, but I was pleasantly surprised. The people who led it were excellent facilitators and I enjoyed the social interaction. I learned from it and had thoughts I had from my own experiences of dealing with Critical Incident Stress confirmed. I was pleased I went even though it made me tired and put added pressure on. 

Something to think about... The first session was on "stress" ... symptoms, internal and external pressures etc. I listed off so many of the symptoms it was not funny! And I live with them week in week out!  Stress is an imbalance between our challenges or tasks in life and our perceived ability to handle them. The woman leading it said that stress in life was like a cup. If we kept it at half full we can manage it and if new pressure comes on we have room to move. I realised that I live most of my life with the cup almost full. There are a lot of reasons for that. Ministry, 3 chaplaincies, Habitat for Humanity and Night Shelter Trust all make sure my weeks are full. I have a lack of confidence which means that even normal ministry/chaplaincy etc. functions are relatively stressful. I also have different expectations of "church" and so the compromises I make and the "square peg in a round hole" feeling add to stress. I also have high expectations of Habitat for Humanity and am frustrated with colleagues involved there. I had said to my wife at the end of Friday night, "I don't know how long I can keep doing this?!"  and "I am dreading Sunday!" So I have been asking myself, "How do I reduce the stress?" I really don't know what to cut out?

I know that my gym, running, mountain and biking help me cope.

I have a helpful formal supervisor and another informal weekly supervisor in my Sunday running friend.

I have an inner spiritual drive and sense of partnership that empowers and enables. But even given all these things I sense that I am pushing my luck and treading on thin ice. I am reviewing the situation.....  I do need a walk up the mountain though.... maybe tomorrow?