I led a church service this morning. I thought I had a good and exciting theme about the Kingdom of God, mustard seeds, yeast, treasure and a pearl. I had a chemistry display showing expansion, special stories read out, the Lord's prayer done in a creative way, attractive power points and special hymns chosen. Things didn't go as planned. The music was not as good as it could have been, technology let me down and there were a couple of distractions during the service. Then there were the people.
When I was a 8 - 10 years old I fancied myself as an artist. I drew careful crayon drawings expressing things that were important to me. My brother, annoyed that I was not playing with him, would find these and rip them up. When I would complain to my mum she would just say, "Well you can just do some more." They completely undervalued what I put into my masterpieces. I felt gutted, empty and hurt. This morning was similar. I had stewed on this theme and done some heart searching of my own. I had tried as imaginatively as I could to share the mystery, hope and excitement of Kingdom living. It was my creation! I was putting myself, my faith, my feelings and experience "out there"! And the people... they seemed completely unmoved. I guess they were entertained by the creativity and sniggered at the gliches but basically seemed unmoved. I felt like that little boy, empty, gutted and hurt. They seemed to undervalue my creation and the things I was talking about. I felt the service had failed and worse, I had let God down and misrepresented the Kingdom. All I wanted to do was walk out the door and get away from there. Of course I was expected to mingle and listen to people's conversation. The scary thing is that I have to sort myself out, renew my confidence, and do it all again next week. Why? How? Maybe tomorrow I will feel better, but just now I have Sunday night blues.
I hope other ministers have days like this too?