Wednesday was a "people day"
On Wednesday morning I walked with the Church walking group. They are so slow! I kept company with this one guy I introduced to the group, who ear bashes me all the time. It was a tough morning. At lunch time at "Space2b" I shared with people from various countries, we ate Indian food and chatted. I spent a good part of the afternoon chatting with some Indian people. It expanded my horizons, they were delightful company, but I had heaps of other stuff I should have been doing!
Soccer is still good.
I went to soccer on Thursday. We are sending a team away to a Street Footy Festival in two weeks time. I watched the team on Thursday morning. There are some real characters in it, they will give it their best shot. They have trouble with controlling the ball though and could do with passing it more often, but maybe their competition won't be any better. I enjoy playing with them, and they seem to enjoy my involvement. Some of them are now playing softball on Saturdays and they come to me and say, "Why aren't you there?" I never thought I'd be playing weekly soccer at 61 years of age!
In the "facilitator Groove"
On Friday I led a Professional Development Day for the Workplace Support chaplains for Otago and Southland. I led it on "Diversity". I put a tremendous amount of thought into the subject for the last few months, just stewing every now and then on what direction to take. On the day I got there later than I had hoped, (too many interruptions) and I did not use all the multi-media technology I had hoped to use because I had too much material for the time, but I was good! I loved the exercise of slowly leading people on a journey of thought and discovery, with a mixture of thinking, discussion and different sorts of worship activity. I love bouncing ideas around with people, sharing experiences and thoughts and especially loved the positive feedback. I would probably do things a bit differently next time, you learn as you go. I really enjoy this sort of work. It is right where I am with the gifts I have. If I could find a job doing just that I'd be in heaven. I found it intriguing that a couple of people came up to me during the day and suggested I should write a book. I realised that with the training I have received, on-going reading and thinking, the variety of experiences and the years of involvement with people, I have gathered quite a bit of knowledge, discernment and wisdom. That's not being big headed, its just that my journey has taught me heaps. It was good on Friday to be able to share some of that and design a program to help people expand their thinking. I'll await the official evaluation forms though... but I think I did OK.
Nice to be needed
Twice in the last two weeks guys from my chaplaincy have called at the church just wanting to tell me what they are going through. They did not want solutions, help or advice, they just wanted me to know what they were facing. It was like they considered me their friend and I should know. I felt honoured. There have been some similar conversations on chaplaincy sites also. It is so nice to be seen as an important presence in their lives. May be I make a difference just by being there?
Drop-in Centre
On the surface it looked like just a normal drop-in centre night. There was one little tiff where he owed him some money and they were bitching at each other. But it was the quiet friendly conversations that made me feel it was worth it. Two examples are ... Two guys I support in the soccer team talked in a warm friendly way. A Maori mental health patient I have known for years told me how he was, and how life was going for him, like we were old friends. Others made sure they said thanks as they went out the door and said goodbye. I finished the night feeling like the personal connections were important and that again, my presence in their life was doing something vital for them. By Friday night I was exhausted, but in a funny way, satisfied.
Foreman again...
To all intents and purposes I was foreman on the Habitat site again. It is so frustrating. You wander around desperately trying to answer questions and guide people, but also trying to do your own project. You get interrupted again and again, and you feel responsible for how much gets done for the day. I resigned from the Board and committees, it seems like they just assume I will carry on. I think I am good at it. I make people feel at ease. I meet people where they are at and help them achieve things they thought they couldn't do. But I worked under pressure essentially eight hours at Habitat on Saturday and I lost sleep on Friday night thinking of stuff for the morning. I was absolutely exhausted and because of that I feel I short changed the congregation on Sunday. I had a careless, "that will have to do" attitude toward today's worship service, which I usually do not have. If I did not feel so responsible for the family, and want desperately to get them into the house before Christmas, I would officially hand in my container and house keys, and take a Saturday or two off so they get the message that they should not rely on me. I repeat... I am NOT a carpenter! But I think I would have been a good one. :-)
Conclusion...
I started the week feeling depressed. I end the week still with a down sort of feeling, but knowing that in the midst of life I am making a difference. I find that with my depressions. If I hang in there and keep being involved with people, I begin to see light at the end of the tunnel. Its like you are sinking in quick sand and you don't know where the bottom is. If you keep going doing what you think you ought to do, you begin to feel some solid ground under your feet. You're still in mud, but you know that it won't take you further down. Jesus was right, "If you lose your life, you find it!" But its not all that easy all the time.
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