Grumpy at Habitat
I went to the Habitat house on Saturday. I was there very early and reconnected water to the site. I then settled in to do some boxing on a path, but a whole heap of things turned me ugly.
- The building committee members changed their mind on how it should go. We had to change what we had done.
- Because of instructions from one of the leaders we had people attempting to bring barrow loads of gravel down through where we were meant to be erecting the boxing.
- I am trying to be just a volunteer on site and yet I had people coming to me looking for work. It was a frustrating time. I felt that the people who were meant to be leading the show were not doing their job. They were doing a nice wee job together, oblivious to what else was happening on site and the leadership others needed.
- Some time early in the afternoon they finished their job and decided to come round to where I was. One wanted to "help" but was just telling me how to do stuff I already knew how to do. I dropped fairly big hints and some direct suggestions to send them off. I mouthed "bugger off" to one, and he took off to the other end of the path to work. But the other, a good friend, started to tell me that what we had done was wrong.
I had had enough. I have been frustrated for years with the way the Habitat builds are run. We tend to go from week to week, making it up as we go. I have often felt that there were already too many people putting their oar in, so in a commitment to the families, had just buried my objections and frustrations and kept attending faithfully and doing whatever was expected of me. At organisational levels at different times I had made suggestions for change but these were usually ignored.
But on Saturday, when this guy looking at a job half done said, "It's not straight!" I saw red. I said something like "F**K ... That's it ...I'm going home!" and began to collect my tools into the van. On my second trip back to get tools, in anger I blurted an old saying my father used to say jokingly to my mum, "Fools and women should not see a job half done!" ... my workmate, a woman was glaring at me in disgust, but at that point I was so angry I couldn't care! All my years of frustration were coming to the surface. I informed my wife I was leaving, then climbed in my van and drove off. I did not spin the tyres or slam the door, in some ways I was still calm about what I was doing. I went home, changed and walked up my mountain. My wife eventually left the job herself, came home and rang me during my walk. It is amazing how fast you walk when you are mad!
I think I have decided I have done enough for Habitat for Humanity and it's time I gave it up. I had an email from one of the leaders involved, I replied with essentially what I have told you, and said, "You guys are on your own now!" Today, with a bit of sadness, I emptied my tool boxes, put away my tools in the drawers and on the shelves in my workshop. After thirteen houses I think its time to stop. It has not been as much fun lately.
What is heresy
On Sunday I talked about Mark 13, where Jesus begins to talk about the future and what has been called the "second coming". (I tend to think of these things as symbols of what is ultimate.) The message seems to me to be that we will always live in times of trial (Plumber's language: "Shit happens") and followers of Jesus in the midst of trials need to "be on their guard" and stay on course.
Now many Christians think that staying on course and not being led astray is the same as "believing the wrong things", getting led off the orthodox path. That's the way some of the commentaries I read interpreted it. But I think it is staying true to the way (the values, the lifestyle, the purposes) of Jesus in the midst of and in spite of tribulations. I am a "heretic" when in the face of trouble I do the less-than-loving deed. I had an example of this recently. In a discussion one earnest Christian was ranting against Muslems. He was saying that we Christians "are too tolerant, we accept them into our country, we give them the right to say what they like and practice their religion, we forgive them, we try to understand them... they will take over our country! Why should we be so nice?" I waited to see the response of the group. One lovely lady responded, "Because that's who we are.... we are not being Christian if we do not do those things." You see, by being militant, closed and intolerant Christians, in my view, we are denying Jesus, and are in practice "heretics", however "orthodox" our theology.
Was I a heretic.. denying Jesus by "spitting the dummy" on Saturday?
This is the question I have been asking. What is the "Jesus response" to all the frustrations I have had with Habitat for Humanity and in the situation on Saturday? And further to that, am I being loving by putting away my tools and moving on? And if I am wrong, how do I lovingly respond or deal with my frustrations? I have tried discussion and committee involvement etc etc. Are there horses for courses, and I am not cut out for Habitat as it is now? ....I think my angry outburst let Jesus down, but leaving was OK. After all he overturned tables in the temple to make his point!
I do wish life was simple!
5 comments:
Habitat problems: In the story about Jesus in the temple, you left a bit out. (I could be wrong; I have only a layman’s memory for these things.) Besides turning over tables, didn’t he get a whip and chase the interlopers out?! :-)
>> One lovely lady responded, "Because that's who we are.... we are not being Christian if we do not do those things." <<
The trouble with this attitude is that the speaker has no idea why she has a peaceful life, sipping tea on a Sunday, and walking the dog through lovely parks.
I don’t wish to seem harsh, and if I met this lady I’ve no doubt I would like her. But for some people to enjoy the lifestyle they have -- to be all-accepting and to relax as newcomers advance -- others have fought. And I don’t mean argue with the nice man two pews back, I mean really fought: blood, sweat, and tears.
Real enemies can come with flags flying and guns blazing, but they can also come slithering... quiet and cunning.
The lady in question is deeply involved in her community helping alleviate the difficulties people have... not really "sipping tea on a Sunday afternoon" nor "arguing with the nice man two pews back." She is "in there" at some personal cost trying to make a difference. One writer, and I will find a poem, said essentially if you want peace in the world, you have to work at creating a creative and positive peace in the community, and in the world community. Peace is not just ceasing war,(by victory or threats of violence) but creating an positive ethos of justice, understanding and harmony. This is an extremely difficult process. People like this lady may not be fighting, like really fighting, but in a sense they are. By being prepared to bear the burdens of injustice and inequality they create a more peaceful world.
I used to be very militaristic, loving ANZAC day etc etc. I still have my Dad's medals and devoured books on the WW2. Now I tend to see the real solution as different.... just as hard, probably harder, but different.
I value people's sacrifice and commitment in war, but tend often to see it as ultimately misguided. Martin Luther King said, "The only power that truly changes enemies into friends is love." He and the like of Ghandi lived that truth.
I see the likes of Bush's response to terrorism as not producing a safer world, rather because of that response the world is a less safe place with more walls, increased distrust, more poverty and more anarchy. If the money spent on the war effort had been spent on dealing to injustice and inequality, this would be a safer world. In the long run nobody truly wins in war, human life ultimately is cheapened. History has a way of biting us in the bum, and down the years wars and fighting come back and bite us. Zimbabwe, Ireland, the middle East, Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq, the Maori wars etc etc. have all bitten back eventually.
War is often a lazy response. Like my outburst at Habitat. Rather than sitting down and talking out the issues, I let fly some abuse, and threw my toys out of the cot. Life is easier for me, but I have made life more painful for others. I, in a sense chose the lazy less disciplined option. Often from hindsight, wars have been that. We, the human race seldom tries the truly disciplined long term, positive peace approach.
The lady in question is deeply involved in her community helping alleviate the difficulties people have... not really "sipping tea on a Sunday afternoon" nor "arguing with the nice man two pews back." She is "in there" at some personal cost trying to make a difference. One writer, and I will find a poem, said essentially if you want peace in the world, you have to work at creating a creative and positive peace in the community, and in the world community. Peace is not just ceasing war,(by victory or threats of violence) but creating an positive ethos of justice, understanding and harmony. This is an extremely difficult process. People like this lady may not be fighting, like really fighting, but in a sense they are. By being prepared to bear the burdens of injustice and inequality they create a more peaceful world.
I used to be very militaristic, loving ANZAC day etc etc. I still have my Dad's medals and devoured books on the WW2. Now I tend to see the real solution as different.... just as hard, probably harder, but different.
I value people's sacrifice and commitment in war, but tend often to see it as ultimately misguided. Martin Luther King said, "The only power that truly changes enemies into friends is love." He and the like of Ghandi lived that truth.
I see the likes of Bush's response to terrorism as not producing a safer world, rather because of that response the world is a less safe place with more walls, increased distrust, more poverty and more anarchy. If the money spent on the war effort had been spent on dealing to injustice and inequality, this would be a safer world. In the long run nobody truly wins in war, human life ultimately is cheapened. History has a way of biting us in the bum, and down the years wars and fighting come back and bite us. Zimbabwe, Ireland, the middle East, Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq, the Maori wars etc etc. have all bitten back eventually.
War is often a lazy response. Like my outburst at Habitat. Rather than sitting down and talking out the issues, I let fly some abuse, and threw my toys out of the cot. Life is easier for me, but I have made life more painful for others. I, in a sense chose the lazy less disciplined option. Often from hindsight, wars have been that. We, the human race seldom tries the truly disciplined long term, positive peace approach.
Great food for thought. Cheers, Dave.
I think you are being very hard on yourself.
I wasn't really referring to war, necessarily, but boundaries. The people criticising your building work crossed a boundary of yours, and your instincts told you it was wrong. In fact, it was so wrong, you are angry. People from the Muslim religion who come to live here from other countries are crossing a boundary as perceived by that man you mentioned, especially as he feels they are somehow supplanting his own culture. I guess it’s the sweet, charitable rolling-over in the face of every crossing of boundaries, as a Christian sentiment, that I object to. If we were all like that – and to continue your examples of war – we would all be saintly and Japanese. Ghandi was of a time and place, and although he is very often conjured up for all sorts of situations, he doesn’t always translate well for me. Capitulating to bullies seemed like the right thing to do then, politically, but it is not always right, and occasionally it is time to fight to protect something.
I think there is a way between "rolling over" and "fighting". Maybe something called "respectful confrontation" ??? Anyway it reminds me of the song, "Coward of the County"... sorry I'm a bit of a C & W fan. :-)
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