Old Dogs....

"The Dad who walks" commented on my last post and quoted a song by Tom T Hall about "Old Dogs and children". I enjoy the song and have been listening to it (and heaps of other Tom T Hall songs) on U Tube... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSMPzYNXyk8 

I guess there were a lot of things about my childhood that have made it difficult for me to trust people. 

My mum did her best but lived under constant stress and I guess, to be honest, I found her less than constant in her love toward me. I was often punished unjustly, and that really hurt. I was often ridiculed or belittled in front of visitors to our home. It may have been in fun, but to a growing insecure kid, it was hard to take.

My dad died just when I was old enough to get to know him. We were just starting to converse and "be friends" and he up and died.

I have had a few deep friendships that have lasted years, but then blown apart.

All these give me a certain cautiousness about relationships. So the song rings bells. 

I have always had a tendency to enjoy my own company. (Mum would declare to a gathered throng that "David was the unsociable one!" - which tended to be a self fulfilling prophecy.) I am pleased to enjoy my own company. There is something important and special about solitude. But I do wish I was more comfortable with friendships. I tend to hold people at bay, believing deep down that they would not like me if they knew me. "Old dogs", the birds in the bush, the goat watching me dig, the car I drive, the bike I peddle are good friends to me. 

We're all different.