Sunday stewing...

Freedom

Since we have started Settlement Resource@Space2B at our church I have met a whole lot of people from around the world. I find it intensely interesting to hear their stories and step into their world. I spent quite a bit of time this week with a man from a country, which he says is very rich. He told me that the price of a whole lot of commodities was a lot cheaper than here in Dunedin, NZ. Materially life was pretty good, but he said, in faltering English, "Nobody can relax!" He told how people were not really allowed freedom of speech and thought. While he loved his country, and it will be difficult for him and his family to forge a new life here, that freedom was worth moving else where, and in a sense risking all for him and his family. We in NZ take for granted the freedoms we have.

Tim's text...

I share with you a text I got from Tim, a guy who comes to our drop-in centre and was part of the street footy team. He has been down at the wharf fishing in the Otago Harbour where salmon are running at the moment. On Saturday morning he sent me this text: 

"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away! I was reeling in a 40 cm salmon this morning when a gigantic sea lion grabbed my fish and ate it b4 mine eyes #*# " I thought it was so funny.

Priorities and hours in the day.

This week I have struggled with priorities and how to fit everything I want to do in. I have had a good week, and spent a lot of time with people, feeling that I have been a support and help to them, while enjoying the sense of connection and learning myself. But because of that I did not get some other things done well. Always there seemed to be options to choose from. Stay here and talk, or do a report for the board meeting? Listen to this new settler, try to find help for him, or go to that funeral to support a member in his grief? Share with the street footy team as they celebrate, or catch up on office work? Stay longer at chaplaincy or play footy with PACT guys? Go to St John or befriend this guy visiting? ... these questions plague me constantly, and then I am being invited to take on yet another chaplaincy??? I have to meet on Tuesday with my boss to discuss that. 

An epiphany... I DO know who I am!

I was driving into the Habitat for Humanity building site early on Saturday morning. (Yes, in spite of my protest etc. of last week... I went back!) It is at least a 20 - 25 minute drive, so as I drive, I think. Seeing some people on a bike ride I became envious.  "Why am I going back?" I asked myself. "I promised never to return, now I am changing my mind. People will think I am weak? Why?" Then I found myself answering my own question... "Because that is who I am. This family needs a house, I can help build a house and I help people, that is who I am! Plain and simple... no piffling argument can stop who I am!" ... I may be seen as weak, as flip flopping, but the epiphany was the realisation that deep down I know who I am... "I am a guy who values helping people. To 'be' for me, is to reach out to people!" 

It is like one of those weighted little toy men with a rounded base. You can push them over but they will bounce back to sit upright... so I can be distracted from my essence by various things (like last week's hissy fit) but I will bounce back. Like a compass can be turned around, but eventually it points north again. I am here in life to support, share with, help, be in solidarity with people... that's who I am. 

Driving through town I got to thinking about ministry. I had a list of things to do before Sunday. Why do I struggle with ministry? How come at 61 I am still wondering what I am going to be when I grow up?  Am I stupid? Immature? Weak minded? But once again I found myself answering. "I know who I am! In my core I am a supporter and helper of people. My problem is not a weakness or identity crisis.  My problem lies in answering the question, how best do I express this inner core? And sometimes 'religion' does not seem to be the best medium to express that." 

I found this a helpful epiphany... My uncertainties and struggles are not with my identity... that is sorted... I am a follower of Jesus, a servant of people etc. But my struggles and uncertainties lie in "how and where best do I express that identity?" 

I finished the week feeling like I am extremely privileged to have spent time with so many interesting people. I have also valued my friendships.

Photos:

Morning tea with friends at the Habitat site as the sky darkens.

Rugged up against the cold, building yet another fence with my friend Jane. This is the fifth Habitat house we have worked on fences together.