Consumerism II...

I am going to continue ranting about consumer driven society and our over emphasis on economic growth. I see and experience the reality of human misery on lots of fronts because of this and I ache for people I know and others in real poverty overseas exacerbated because it is true that "our greed causes others' need"..

During a winter Thursday night in our church building a year or so ago, we had a workshop happening in the chapel, a ladies group in the hall, another group in a smaller room and an Alcoholics Anonymous group in the upstairs hall. Umpteen heaters and lights were burning and throughout the night I was up and down to the fuse board at least three times. It was simply overloaded. What I (and others) would argue is that at several levels our western society goals, values and lifestyle is overloading the systems in our world. In this post I want to say that the focus on excess spending, status, and "keeping up with the Jones mentality" overloads, and blows family fuses. I quote a from a man who was a counsellor in the Campbell centre in Christchurch;

"In marriage counselling it has become clear to me that western society is a bad place in which to be married. Work takes the creative, energising hours of each day (and lifetime) and couples are expected to build meaningful, durable, romantic relationships at the fag-end of the day when both are exhausted. The question I put to couples early in counselling is "How much meaningful time do you have together?" The operative word is 'meaningful'. Not just both at home or both in the same room, but meaningful. I meet very few couples who come for counselling who can claim even half an hour per week!"

Unfortunately I would have to agree with that. I had a man come to me to ask for help with his marriage. His wife had left him for another guy she had met in her work. I began to ask questions. They had retired from the military on a reasonable income, but were still relatively young. They had a nice house but wanted more. He had two jobs going, one a night time cleaning money making venture. She had a busy day time job. I asked when they got to see one another... and the answer was really just at breakfast before they rushed out the door. Why? Because they wanted more! They were already better off than most! When I worked out the time they had to relate I simply said, "No wonder she went elsewhere!" Fortunately we were able to help them get back together, but I could report from my experience of couple after couple where a driveness for more money has slowly but surely driven a wedge into their relationship. I led a group once in a rural area about family life and a middle aged couple in the group told us their story. He had developed skills that were wanted by farmers around him. He formed a company that grew and kept growing. He was extremely successful, and she had a wee retail business. But a child's difficulties suddenly made them realise that they had essentially stopped relating. With tears in their eyes they told how they collapsed into bed each night for a few hours sleep, but they had essentially become strangers. They could no longer talk. They dropped everything and went away for a week, to re-evaluate their lifestyle, and came through with different goals. But they earnestly warned the other couples in the group about how easily you can unintentionally ruin family life by misplaced priorities. Busyness in the hunger for more, often means couples' relationship stagnates. Sometimes at some stage they have blown apart, at other times they have continued to exist in a sham of a marriage, both lonely and hurting deeply, but outwardly holding together and looking "successful".

I could report of many wider families who have been blown apart over greed for money. Some perceived unfairness in family dealings or some greed over family possessions. I once went to visit a family where elderly dad had just died and was still "warm" in the bedroom. I went into the lounge and was comforting or listening to his widow tell their story. It was a difficult job, however, because adult children were already arguing loudly about their inheritance in the kitchen!

We overload important relationships, destroying them often because our society's values encourage us to put relationships in second place or as less important than wealth. Our measure of "success" in life is often related to "how much" we own, rather than the wholeness of our being or the health of our relationships.

We even overload our own health and well being. The extensive use of tranquilizers, anxiety related health problems, self-medication on drugs or alcohol and the common feeling that you are trapped in a rat race that you cannot opt out of are indicators that all is not right in the way we live and the goals we follow.

I have seen too much happiness, too much health and too many relationships sacrificed to the god of the dollar. There has to be a more balanced way of living.