A mother was there with two of her children. Mum must be thirty-ish. She has three children, to different dads, but the youngest has been taken off her, and the other two girls are essentially brought up by their grandmother. At one stage, with some encouragement from my wife, mum was helping the youngest child (7yrs) to make a Mothers' day card, I guessed for grandmother. I had just sat down to watch TV and chat with another man. Suddenly the little exuberant 7 year old stood in front of me and demanded to know how to spell "Mother". Perhaps a fair enough question for a 7 year old, but I discovered that thirty-something, mum had sent the child over. It was she who could not spell "mother". ..... Now that is sad!
The man I was talking to as I watched TV has been deaf all his life. It is only recently that he has got hearing aids and he can hear now, to some degree, and converse more freely. He is in his forties now, and when sober, really quite a likable man. He was upset. He had a girlfriend/partner who stabbed him. It was the second time it had happened, and was quite a vicious stab in the abdomen. She is now in prison in Christchurch and over the last months he has spent quite a bit of money visiting her. He is sure she is a reformed person now and looks forward to moving back in with her after her return. On Friday night he was broken hearted. He did not have the $100 necessary for the travel to Christchurch and it was her birthday on Monday. He was quite anguished about it, but we decided that he could write a letter to her that she would appreciate and put it in a birthday card. Damned if I would move back with a woman who had stabbed me twice! I hope it pans out OK. In this blog I cannot pass on the way this man talks. Deaf all his life he pronounces the words quite differently, and accompanies the words with very animated actions. Lately each time he arrives he makes a bee line for me to tell me the latest drama in his life.... if he is sober. He is quite aggressive with a few in.
Another man I have known for many years and I admire him. He has had mental health issues and drug issues well in the past I think, but mostly is quite rational. He built his own house with lots of arguments with the local council and tends to be a bit of a rebel and paranoid. You get the sense he sees the "authorities" as enemies, who sometimes conspire against free souls like him. For some time now he has told us about his battle with bed bugs. He has them throughout his house and has spent money trying to clear them out. On Friday night I just had to ask how he was and he broke down in tears. He had enough! The beasties had beaten him. He said emphatically... "If I get bitten tonight I will blow my head off! I am talking suicide!" This mature, normally rational man was at the end of his tether. I talked about options. He was desperate for support. I lined up a bed in the night shelter, got his land line and mobile number and said I would ring him in the morning. When I got home I googled "bedbugs" and studied the results. I did a crash course on the nasty little insects. I rang him in the morning, he had not stayed in the night shelter, but had slept well without any more bites and was in a far better "head space". We talked more about options and he appreciated the support. I promised I would "be there" if needed.
Another man spent the night playing pool. All seemed happy, but once again when someone did something wrong he got upset. He is notorious for this sort of behaviour. He threatened, and insulted and pouted. The "wrongdoer" apologised but our man is emotionally stunted, and still huffed and puffed. The alleged wrong doer had more wisdom. He said, "Look we're all adults here, aren't we?" When he was still rebuffed he moved off to the other side of the room. As I looked at the man who was still really a child, still muttering and pouting, I felt sad again.
A simple woman came up to me wanting to talk "privately". I knew that this was to ask for money. She was living with a man who had cancer. He was very ill, really had just drunk too much, drugged to much and smoked too much in his life and it had all caught up on him. Now she had to care for him, showering him, cooking etc. and she was struggling. She was pathetic in fluttering her eyelids, getting up close, hoping for money. But it was so sad. Both of them needed proper care and support, but really it is just not there for them.
These are just a sample of these sort of people. I ache for them. What has happened in their past to get them here? Some of that is ghastly stuff. How do they fit into our fast-living community? Is there support for them? How best can they be supported?
I look at these folk, I actually think I love them and I ache for them.
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