Friendship's ending.

I have had cause to think about the friends I have had and the ending of friendships. As I have said before, I have few close friends, but I have a few ex-close-friends. I have not yet worked out if it is me or not. Maybe when people truly get to know me they decide its time to move on.

I pulled out a book from my library the other day. There is a beautiful inscription in it expressing admiration, friendship and best wishes. This was a gift to me during a close friendship I had that lasted quite a while. I would think that we would still have some similar values. There evolved a deep difference of opinion on something we were involved in and we parted ways. When we see each other we are polite, ask about each other's life and family etc, but that closeness, that relaxed "oneness" has gone. I have another book inscribed by a friend, whose life I was deeply involved in at one time, but now I do not know where he even lives. I have a regularly used pocket knife, a letter opener from Ephesus and other stuff given to me by a much travelled friend. We still relate politely, work together, but the old relaxed ease of relating is gone. The feeling of trust has gone and more often the differences we have emerge. Another "ex". May be it is me? I must be hard to get along with?

Some friendships can be long lasting, but somehow you realise there are different goals in life, different values and the felt need you have to relate regularly doesn't emerge and you eventually lose contact. At other times it may be that both you and they have changed. We all change. The changes mean that you have less in common than you once did and friendship dies. Sometimes you have been deeply hurt by comments or actions and that easy trust and openness you once had goes. You don't want to open yourself to being hurt again, so you naturally back off. Sometimes too it can be that once you get to know the person you realise you are different, and an initial friendship changes to a more distant friendship.

I remember an often married fire fighter receiving his Gold Star award, signifying 25 years of service to the brigade. He was making his speech and he said; "...and I thank my wife".... then he paused and looked around the room.... "all four of them." he said sincerely but with a grin. Even past or "ex" friends contribute to your life and you can be thankful for them.