Dunedin, New Zealand, my city - my people

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Sunday night burblings...



Inclusiveness... and reality.
Exercising my mind and heart tonight is Jesus' inclusiveness. I have preached inclusiveness. I have even been involved in "creative conflict" trying to argue for inclusiveness, the church and Christians being open to those on the fringes of society. Jesus in his day kept breaking down the barriers to people who otherwise would be considered outcasts. This is great theology, Luke's Gospel highlights a Jesus who got into trouble for mixing with the outcasts of society. It is easy to preach sitting in church on Sunday. It is easy to say "amen" to if we stay with our type of people and never actually mix with those on the fringes. I have seen "liberal" ministers who proclaim this inclusiveness, but are scared of, confused and out of their comfort zone when confronted with people on the fringes. I have always been proud of the fact that in all the fifteen years I have run our Friday night drop-in centre I have only ever evicted one person, and that person was a ranting "religious nut". I confess that I have had a self-righteous conceit, quite sure that I am inclusive, open and accepting.

But we have had a problem. We run our Space2B at lunch times. It is geared for people shopping or working locally to call in to have a coffee with their lunch and some conversation. We purposely suggest a donation for coffee to make it different than the drop-in centre. The hassle is that there is a small group of people who come in and bludge a free cup of coffee. They see it as a drop-in centre, especially since another drop-in centre in town lost its funding and had to close. Some of them have very few social graces. They interrupt conversations, they have sometimes dominated conversations and one particular guy (we'll call him "Sam") is kind of sleazy in his comments. Women feel uncomfortable around him. We had one lady, a social work student helping us out, comment that if she was a stranger coming in, she would not come back encountering this guy. Now usually I have taken the side of the "misunderstood" fringe person. But I see this guy as a real threat to the Space2B area. (He has been banned from the city library) The same guy will turn up anywhere there is free food. He came to church because he read in the church newsletter that there was "Soup on Sunday" happening. This last weekend Settlement Resource@Space2B with the local Multi-ethnic Council held a "family night," with a potluck tea; he heard about it and declared it was open to anyone and he was coming. Worse than that on Friday night at the drop-in he was inviting another "sleazy bludger" friend. I told the friend he could not come. (At the drop-in the two of them often stand around making smart digs at people and stirring up trouble.) I was then tackled by our "Sam", he was burbling on at me in his "smooth" sleazy way. I warned him, "Don't push me!". He kept on at me; "Don't push me!" I said again. He kept burbling so I let him have it... "Sam" I said, "do you know that you come across as a sleazy bludger. I see you as a sleazy bludger. People don't like your company!" I was speaking VERY emphatically. He burbled on saying that may be so but there were others... he wasn't as bad as them. I talked for a few minutes more but then my wife spent time with him talking "frankly as a friend" and laid down the law to him, telling him bluntly how people felt about him. He and his mate went down the end of the hall and complained about us to one another and anyone who would listen. ... which were very few because he is not liked. Eventually they left the drop-in.

We were glad they did not come to the family night, but, interestingly enough, he was sitting in Church this morning and there was no free food going. I struggle with this. What would Jesus do? I want to be inclusive, but others have to be protected too? I want to be inclusive, but if his presence stops us helping others, are we doing the right thing? As I say, if I sat at home in my lounge and only mixed with nice people I would not have this problem. I could preach inclusiveness and never have it challenged by real people and real situations. I suspect that love has to be tough love sometimes... but it is not easy to sort out. I hate excluding people... but???
A very helpful encounter...
At Space2B on Wednesday we hosted a guy talking about becoming a NZ citizen. One man who walked in an hour early I recognised as a well known expert in the field of mental health. He taught a couple of sessions when I did a Community and Social Work Certificate course back in 1994. He is often one the media go to on such issues and he has been very influential, even internationally in this area. I am sure he is retired now. I eagerly offered him coffee and told him I recognised him. He was aware of the work we did with our drop-in and complimented us on it. I then asked question after question picking his brain to learn more about coping with and helping our Friday night gang. After a few questions he said jokingly, "I should be charging a consultation fee!" I responded very quickly, "Well you got a free cup of coffee. What more could you want?" It was good he had a sense of humour and we got on well. (I recall that in 1994 he seemed suspicious of this minister studying social work) He was passionate about his topic and said very eloquently, "See the person! Put the mental illness to one side and make a connection with the person! They are people! Remember that!" Maybe that will help me deal with "Sam".

Photos:
  • A small photo of a multi-ethnic gathering enjoying our Space2B facilities. It was so good seeing part of a dream become real. People finding companionship, support and company in a partnership of Church and community. One lady came up to me and said, "Thank you so much for Space2B!
  • Walking up Mount Cargill this afternoon I encountered a strong freezing gale, snow coming at me but still a great feeling of .....one-ness with nature. (It is hard to describe how and why I enjoy the moods of this hill???) One lesson I learned; Do NOT pee into the wind! Enough said.


3 comments:

NRIGirl said...

Hi! I quiet enjoyed reading your article in full. I would really like to know how you deal with "Sam" which would help me and others who read, deal with similar situations.

Pondeinrg over what Jesus would have done in such a case, I guess Jesus would have healed him of his sickness first and then included him. Makes sense?

Would you like to join for some Coffee with Jesus?!

All are welcome - including "Sam"!

God bless your ministries.

~NRIGirl

Dave Brown said...

Hi, I think the acceptance is part of the healing process. It is my belief that many of us need "re-parented".. i.e. experience unconditional parental love perhaps for the first time in our lives. Ultimately by God the Father, but first the "Sams" of this world need to experience love through real people... followers of Jesus are called to be part of this healing work. Perhaps a part of that is loving enough to have the courage to confront, in an overall atmosphere of acceptance. I have seen "Sams" change through years of caring loving relationship.

Anthony said...

At least you have hinted that the "Sam" can change...

Really, is that what we are here for, to be doormats with the word "Welcome" printed across it? Or are we people in our own right with feelings and boundaries?

Rather than the need to experience love, I'd hazard a guess bullies like "Sam" experience a perverse pleasure at having the power to make other people uncomfortable. I will guarantee there are places "Sam" goes where his behaviour is properly modified -- he knows where he can go to get away with certain behaviours, and where he cannot -- and that is all the proof you need that he knows exactly what he is doing.

Anthony