Phew.... week over!

Alone in the house..
When you have been married forty two years it does not happen often. I remember staying with a recently widowed lady years ago. She had a funny relationship with her late husband. They were often heard yelling at each other. You would think they hated each other, but strangely enough as we sat watching TV one night she poured out her heart. She hated being alone. She said that if something happened on TV she used to turn to Bill and they would laugh together or talk about the program. If something happened when she fed the chooks she would tell him about it (often yelling I suspect) Now she said she really missed these small bits of conversation. She said she found herself still turning to Bill's chair and go to say something and realise again he was not there. Currently I am enjoying my freedom, I have country and western music blasting on the stereo, a beer beside me and the TV off. Already though I miss that extra person. I met a friend of my son's this afternoon. I forgot his name and wanted to ask my wife but she's not here. I bumped into someone at the supermarket, but I had nobody to tell about it when I got home. My wife has driven to Christchurch to support my son who is going through a tough time. She hopes also to catch up on her brother who is not doing too well, and maybe my sister whose husband is battling cancer. Does anyone know how to cook porridge? I'll find out tomorrow morning no doubt. I'll let you know how it turns out.
A funny week...
I have a stress test questionaire. It asks you what has happened to you over the last months and estimates the kind of stress you are under. It's main point is that stress acumulates, it can be a whole heap of little things that slowly build up. Here are some things I have encountered during the week. A minister rang me early on Tuesday morning and asked if I could take his turn doing a radio service this week. I agreed to but it put extra pressure me. I have heard about a number sad illnesses. My brother-in-law has a bad prognosis. I am in my final two weeks of being chaplain at St John Ambulance and I am sad about that.  The fire fighters are on strike and a bit grumpy and some jobs are to be disestablished there. I put a lot of effort into Sunday mornings and wonder if it is all worth it. I never got to do all the chaplaincy hours that I should have and was disappointed with what I didn't get done. On Friday everything caught up on me a bit. I was in the office and heading out to have morning tea with a man. I rushed into the toilet and as I was pulling my pants down my phone pouch leapt off my belt and went splash into the toilet. I fished it out and found it still worked. ...I eventually pulled it to bits and dried it on a heater.  The day did not improve much. It seemed to be filled with sad conversations. At about 2p.m. I was photocopying stuff when the machine said it was out of toner. I tried filling it with toner but it didn't work. I tried all sorts of things, wasting valuable time and was getting so frustrated that I let fly with my boot at it. At that stage I thought it best to get out of the office and go round the fire stations. (I texted my daughter who got the service agent to come and sort it out) At the fire stations I got some disappointing news about a firefighter and also learned that I need to go to a rural fire station this week to run a debrief after a very tragic event. It was all too much, I had had enough!  I felt alone and undervalued. Accumulated stress had hit me. I just wanted to go home and even drove nearly home, but turned around and came back to do my duty at the drop-in centre. At first I hid at the sink doing dishes and mixing drink. But I gradually emerged and shared with the people. I played games of table tennis, I joked and talked and ran a guy home. As I forgot my own woes and gave myself to others my depression eased and I went home tired, but at peace.  This week will be better.