Why do we do it?

Today I faced my fears, stopped procrastinating and started renovating the bathroom.

Why do we keep on doing that which is stupid?
One of the many people I got involved with and attempted to help years ago, was a big bloke who because of some shady dealing had got himself in financial trouble. He also had a tendency to mix with the wrong people and lose his cool with his girl friend. (About once a month??) He was often remorseful about all three tendencies and promised not to do them again. Unfortunately the good intentions would last a while and then he would slip back to his old ways, even though he knew it would only complicate his life.  He is not alone! I am like that too. We are in good company because even Saint Paul said, "I don't do the good I want to; instead, I do the evil I do not want to."  My mum used to say, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."  I started thinking about this subject a while back while I was watching people out of a cafe window. A drop-in friend went past and he was smoking. I know that he has attempted time and again to give up smoking. Another alcoholic friend went past, and I saw boy racers (young and old) screaming past at unhealthy speeds. I know intelligent people who again and again cause problems in their life by drinking to much. I know I have to watch my weight, but often I go to the fridge, or the 24 hour shop and get yet another snack. It could be killing me? I hate my pot gut? Why do I do it? I know others who stuff up relationships by doing the same sort of thing time and again. I used to be a regular gym freak. I enjoy exercise and I know it is good for me. But twice in my life I have joined a gym with great intentions, but after a few weeks, I continue to make "donations" till the contract runs out and fail to actually go! Why? I frequent second hand shops and there are often near new exercise machines there. Their owners once had good intentions. Why are we like this? 


In my own life and in my work in the community I often ask myself, why do we keep doing the things we know are bad for us and fail to do that which would be good? I don't have full answers, but as I reflect on my experience and my own life, here's some reasons that I wonder about.
Not much else in life...
On Sunday I caught up on news of a man I have known for some years.   His life has deteriorated to the extent that now he is obese, bedridden and needing help with everything. I was talking to a man who visits him and helps him (he's a saint) and he was telling me that even the medical people have given up hope. One apparently said, "His quality of life now is so bad that we should let him have or do whatever he wants!" In other words, if he wants greasy chips, or to smoke or drink, give it to him because he has few enough pleasures in life anyway! I feel sorry for this wasted life. I think though that  a similar thing can cause us to do the bad or not do the good. Many of the people I have talked with who would love to give up smoking or drinking to excess don't have much in life. They feel like the only pleasure they have is cigarettes, or a night getting blotto.... or porn... or driving fast.. or eating too much or... whatever! We insert that which brings some pleasure into otherwise bland lives, even though we know it is not good for us. Is that a cause of this malady?
Sometimes it is stress... we have too much in our life.
Here I admit my own frailty. When I am stressed I eat. It is comfort food. Sometimes when I am stressed with a whole heap of things to do, I'll go to my study at home to work, but unsure of where to start, I'll get hooked on solitaire. ... like a zombie I'll waste a whole night playing solitaire! I know that driving fast brings expensive petrol bills, harms my cars and can even be dangerous, but sometimes when I'm stressed I'll lose myself in driving, working out my anger and frustration in my car. (I do enjoy driving!) I have been known even just to take a car ride at the end of the day for no reason in the country, racing over the motorway fuming about life. I think that maybe stress causes us to keep doing unhealthy things?
Sometimes it is how we feel about ourselves...
I have had people say to me words like, "Why care? It does not matter if I live or die! Nobody would miss me! I am a nobody!" We may not express it in words, but sometimes we are disappointed with ourselves, we wish we "performed" better and have a low view of who we are. Our motivation to do things like exercise, or to stop smoking, or to improve ourselves just isn't there. We, consciously or unconsciously feel we are not worth the effort. Sometimes it is our own perception of ourselves. Sometimes it is brought about by a lack of affirmation, appreciation or love by those about us. In my experience feelings of uncertainty as we go through various stages in life can bring on this lack of self esteem. We feel that we are not worth the effort. I suspect that our low sense of self-worth can cause us not to do the good, or to keep doing that which is not good for us - am I right? 
Deep connection helps..
I am not an expert so I really do not know why. We can get too simplistic and the reasons can be much more complex. These are just my reflections. In my own up and down battles with such things, I am thankful for being in touch with the Jesus story. Whatever else it does, it  connects me to the "way" that reminds me that I am important and that my life is valuable. In Jesus too, I sense a call, a challenge to be a co-creator with the love at the heart of the universe - deep purpose for life. I also sense an understanding "presence" or "current of life" with and within me. While I, like many of us will continue to struggle with such things, I have found these to be a source of grunt to help dig me out of ruts I keep getting into.