I was reflecting the
other day on something I need to bear in mind more often than I do. Because of my prostate/plumbing
problems, I need to carry a little bit of “apparatus” with me during the day.
It is a fine tube or catheter and three to four times a day I am to use it so
that I can completely empty my bladder. It is no big deal, it is much better
than wearing a permanent catheter and in all other respects life for me is
normal. But this gadget has to be
washed in warm water and so I need to have a hand basin with hot running water.
I also need to carry a tube of KY jelly, so, as you can imagine, it is better
if I have a reasonable measure of privacy. That is easy at home, but at the church or in public toilets
it is not always possible. Sometimes in a public toilet, the washing is a rushed furtive
activity with an ear open hoping nobody is going to walk in. In these places life can be awkward.
Because of this when I am away from home and using public toilets, I often
choose to use the one labelled “disabled” because it provides a private hand
basin. The thing that can be embarrassing is that when you leave or enter the cubicle
or toilet labelled “Disabled,” you sometimes see accusing looks from people who
think you have no disability. I once heard one lady say to another, “He doesn’t
have a wheelchair?” Another time
when I came out of the disabled toilet a person waiting to use another cubicle
commented, “That’s a bit cheeky!” as I went past. I sometimes want to yell, “Well I do have a disability it is
just that you cannot see it!”
My reflection is this.
Often in relating with people they will say or do things that we see as
inappropriate. We can be critical of their actions or words from our
perspective. But, just maybe we do
not see the “disability” or the things that they have to, or have had to cope
with in life? We might well
understand or be more tolerant if we could see the “unseen” hassles that
contribute to the way they behave.
I share two examples
brought to mind by a recent incident.
In a chaplaincy a group conversation turned to the condition called
asperges. We talked about it for a
while then one man told how his son was diagnosed as “asperges”. He told about
all the traits and challenges of the condition, particularly relating it to his
son’s schooling. As I drove home that night I got time to reflect further on
this incident.
First I did not know
that this man had to cope with a son with those issues. I was impressed with
the things he was doing to support his son and knew that the whole situation
must place a lot of extra pressure on him and his wife. It may contribute to
the reason he reacts the way he does in certain circumstances? He certainly has quite an extra burden
to carry in life and maybe, I thought to myself, he needs my listening ear more
often?
Secondly as he talked
of the condition and how it impacts on his son’s behaviour I thought of another
man we have dealings with through the Church. This man annoys us intensely. He
often has inappropriate behaviour, says inappropriate things and seems to have
an annoying attitude. But it
struck me that the symptoms described in the conversation about the son fit
exactly. It is quite possible this man is an undiagnosed “asperges”
sufferer? That does not excuse all
that he does, but it may explain why it seems so difficult to communicate with
him on the issues.
No comments:
Post a Comment