|On my bucket list - drive a big truck- these are BIG!|
It was during the drive home that the consequences of what happened hit me. What would happen if that happened while I was standing in front of the congregation leading a church service? Imagine if I was talking to one of the managers in one of my chaplaincies? Then what about if it happened while I was leading a wedding? - or worse still, leading a funeral? By the time I got home I felt like ringing the powers that be in the church and chaplaincy and telling them that I would not be starting work! I could take sick leave until the operation - I thought! My confidence was really shattered. It was a good thing that I am still on holiday and did not have to lead a service today. Since then I have calmed down. It has nearly been four months and I have done heaps of services, a couple of funerals, two weddings, been running, walking, tramping, working hard physically and have been out and about doing my thing amongst people and nothing like that has happened before. There probably are checks I could do to lessen the chances of it happening again. I will cope, but I was really struck by the way it hit my personal confidence. I know that even when things are going well, I am aware that I am "different." All the time I am conscious wondering if my "pee bag" is obvious. So it does lessen my confidence when I am out and about. This event though knocked it big time ... for a while.
Then I heard of a colleague who has been diagnosed with prostate cancer and needs a fairly urgent operation.... as far as I know I don't have that. I read on the net of a man who had been wearing this contraption for thirty years! I am not badly off really! I am just used to thinking of myself as bullet proof. Currently I am wearing this constant reminder that I am not.
|There was quite a number of these working. They really work hard up this hill.|
|The hole in the ground in this gold mine is massive. This is just a small segment of it|
|We think it is an old lodge for skiers. There is an early ski field on the mountains behind.|