"faith" .. what is it for me?

It isn't...

In my last post I talked of "faith". But what do I mean? Let me waffle on this subject, again thinking out loud! Sometimes, because I am a minister, people assume that implies that I "believe" certain things. These can be miracles, some weird prophecy they think is in the Bible, that creation happened just as it is in the Bible etc. etc. Or sometimes they assume that I "believe" homosexuality is wrong, that it's Ok to run down Muslims, that lawbreakers should be severely punished etc. It is assumed that being a person of "faith" involves holding to certain "beliefs" or "moral positions" (usually what you don't do) as in intellectual ascent to abstract statements. I do not like using the words "beliefs", "believe" or "believer" to describe what my "faith" is or how it impacts my life. When I am at a church service where they recite one of the creeds I refuse to recite it. Apart from the questionable abstract concepts and the total lack of the word "love", (describing a God of love???) it just is not who I am as a follower of Jesus.

What it is...or my attempt to describe how I experience "faith".

"Faith" to me is much more of a dynamic experience. Rather than believing certain dogma in my mind, it is more relational, more like falling in love, and being again and again confirmed in that love. When we fall in love there is something deep inside us which is attracted to something deep inside the other person. There is what we sometimes describe as, "chemistry", a responding to each other. It has a rational side to it in that we seek to ensure we really do know the other if we are going to build on that love and deepen it, but it is some deep inner "recognition" that seems to come from outside of ourselves. We then want to merge with that person and become an "us" and in a sense we allow ourselves to be "possessed" by the other. There evolves an intimacy and partnership so that person is just "there" with us and in us as we travel through life even though we may be separated by distance. Now, I may be balmy, but that virtually word for word describes my ongoing experience of "faith".

As a young boy as I heard stories and teachings of Jesus there was something "in me" that "rang bells" and I was simply smitten because he "made sense". That "smitten experience" has kept me attempting to walk with him, even though I stray regularly. That has never stopped happening and "he" is just "there". Sometimes I hear a bit of his teaching (e.g. The Good Samaritan parable or a simple saying like, "Those who live by the sword die by the sword") and the truth in it "possesses" me, and its implications and relevance explode in my mind. His teachings are demanding and seem idealistic, but as such I cannot help but be drawn to them. But it is not a matter of worked out "intellectual ascent" or "belief" but rather an experience of "deep" calling to "deep". There is an inner authority that is hard to describe, but harder to deny. (I often think that people's arguing about religion or Church services or "hypocrites in Church" etc is people desperately trying hard to block this inner voice calling them.) Very often too it is not words that smite me but experiences. I recall visiting a lady who was dying in hospital. I was scared shitless! What if I get it wrong? What if I say something stupid? But I had traveled with that lady for a year or two and I wanted to be with her. I sat beside her bed and tried to be "with her" mostly in silence, just holding her hand. I came out of that hospital thinking "now that was real!". This giving yourself to another is LIFE! It is "truth"! Like "wow.. nothing can top that deep closeness"... I recall coming home and seeing TV adverts about fashions, smelling nice and gadgets and thinking "what absolute meaningless crap!" That is "faith" to me, being possessed by truth and experiencing it. I have seen it happen to people volunteering for Christmas Day dinner. I encourage them to respect the people, enjoy the people and give themselves to people. I go up to thank them and they say, "No! ....THANK YOU! That was great! That was the best Christmas Day I have ever had!" One lady who openly said she didn't like religion, walked passed me once delivering meals to her table saying, "Wow! This is unconditional love in action! I LOVE it!" They have experienced TRUTH. I have seen it on Habitat sites, people carried away by the experience of giving in the way Jesus gave. "Faith" for me is this being smitten by ultimate reality again and again. It can be in closeness with another. It can be being forgiven by another. It can be deep anger at some stupid evil statement or injustice. It can be in a sentence you read that makes you go, "Yeah!" It often is in love shared, grace received and an experience of life at depth. Maturing faith is that deep sense of journeying with the sacred and with others, people around me and those who have gone before. Now, and you will know this if you have read earlier posts, this is not always ecstatic experiences of truth, and blissful joy. Sometimes it involves deep, difficult and seemingly silly choices. I struggle with the frustrations of ministry in an old established church. But try as I might, I am smitten by a deep "call" to keep trying to work out a relevant expression of the Jesus way. These experiences of being smitten are to me what "faith" is.

"Faith - living in the currents of God"

One time when our families were young my brother and I and our families were picnicking beside the fast flowing Clutha River. The kids were paddling in the shallows but we two went looking for more adventure. Both of us loved swimming and could swim reasonably well so we were confident in our own ability. We went away upstream and found an outcrop of land that went out into the river. We jumped in and rode the rapids, racing down the river through all sorts of twists and turns, bumping over rocks yelling at the top of our lungs when we could. (I recall racing past our families with our wives looking suitably shocked at our immature behaviour) When we were able to swim out of the current we did so and then walked back up the bank to repeat the performance. That is my experience of faith. It is being swept along by the currents of God, (that flow of life that was there before me, and will continue after me) but that will take me on a journey with all sorts of twists and turns and is the ultimate ride of a lifetime. There is a deep sense of being "in the current" but it is nothing like intoning...

(imagine a solemn nasal voice) "I believe in God, the Father almighty,

creator of heaven and earth.

I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord... etc etc."

It is more like....

"Wow! Wahoo Whoa! Watch out! Oh no! Let me out! Oh yes! .. gulp! gurgle... splash.. Wow!"

Faith is jumping into the currents of God and letting them take you wherever they will!